doing something different for a change =)
Dear Journal,
Why does someone so close to you have to leave? Without even saying good-bye? Without walking by you at school just to say "hey"? I don't understand. He is my best friend, my everything. I love him so much. We would always wrestle. He would always win. We were in the same 4th grade class. I thought he was a dork, but I still talked to him. He was really nice, and he still is. We went to Florida together over the summer of 2004. We rode all the rollercoasters together at Islands of Adventure. I use to go to his house over the summer just to swim in his pool. I babysit for his little brother and sister. We use to talk on the phone late at night on school nights. I met his family in Florida. He would always give me pointers on how to get guys. I would always call him crying, and he would listen to me with open ears. I met him in 3rd grade. While in Florida, I was checking out a guy in the pool, and i said "MAANN that guys is hooootttt" his mom checked him out and said "No, I don't approve of him because you are going to be my daughter-in-law one day" I never imagine myself marrying him. We were swimming in his pool one time, and it was thundering and lightening. We ran inside and i put on his clothes and took a nap in his bed. I've never opened myself up so much to a guy that I have with him. I use to tell him things I never told my girlfriends. He came over to my house and woke me up almost everyday during Spring Break last year. On his 17th birthday, I spent the entire day with him. I would always watch him fix his car. I liked it. He was he reason i turned into a car freak. My girlfriends even realize that, =). I drove his car once. But that was only to back it up about 10 feet. I helped him out with his relationship problems. I LOVE his mom. We use to go fishing everyday during Sprink Break 2004. I told him I loved him. He's the only guy I say that to. I spent the night at his house on News Years. We watched Napolean Dynamite, and fell asleep. We swam in the lake in the Florida, and we kept freaking ourselves out over the snakes in the water. I laughed a lot. I was upset over something, and walked away from him. I sat at the end of the dock, crying. He came over to me, put his arm around me, and told me how much he cares about me. I'm never afriad to tell him anything. Even if I knew I was going to feel stupid. I tell him I hate him, that's only because he has hurt me. If we were ever bored, we would call each other and go to each others house and be bored together. I like to go to his house just to play with his little brother and sister. We never got in fights. He hated when I took pictures of him. My cat loves him. We use to hang out every weekend. He sent me a text message on Thanksgiving that said "ur supposed to be here". I called him when i got it, and he said "your part of the family, you should be here" He means everything to me. I have never thought about liking him. That thought scares me, and freaks me out. I never look at him in that kind of way. He makes me feel home. And when I write this, it sounds like I like him. . . but I don't. I wrote this entry just for you, to prove to you how i feel about him. I don't have anywhere else to post my emotions but here. . . I want him to know everything. I want him to know 9 years of friendship can never be erased. I feel like I lost him. Have I? Please tell me. . . why?
Sincerly yours
. . . . and to my girls. . . "just to see you smile, i'd do anything that you wanted me to.."