(no subject)
So, I've put off updating, because apparently I sound stressed out, thus stress everyone else out. Honestly, I just don't have the energy for everyone elses stress, so I thought I'd just leave posting for when I had something good to say. But honestly, it just left me off of posting. Sorry, there ARE positive things, but they are sandwiched between complaints.
Dialysis... kinda sucks. Everyone keeps on asking me if I feel any different. I don't. I still feel sick. But my mom said someone who had a father who just started it said it took at least a month before he started to feel better, before that he felt like shit. Which is fine. I had no false impressions that dialysis was going to magically make me feel great. What bothers me is, I think the way everyone else keeps asking me if I feel better yet... they did. I knew it was gonna suck. It will get better, but I knew it wouldn't be fun. I think a lot of people, including the doctors thought a lot of my health issues was just due to kidney failure, and I'd start to feel better as soon as I started to clean out all the toxins. I feel like crap. I'm okay with feeling like crap... I mean, I don't enjoy it, but I'm content to rest and get better. I feel like everyone else wants the whole thing to hurry the fuck up though. I know they just don't like seeing me sick... but the outside worrying is not helpful.
Also, I've been in a lot of pain. The fistula has caused problems, so they put a central line in my neck. Which they promptly didn't use because they also fixed the fistula while they put it in. But then I coughed during dialysis the other day, and the pressure caused some sort of blow... and they used it. It's all very confusing to me. All I know is dialysis wears me out. Tired enough to not be able to read or concentrate through it, but not always tired enough to sleep... which sucks. My arm and back hurt a LOT. I've been on a round the clock dose of dilauded. Every four hours. It isn't really helping. I want to ask for more, but I also don't want to be strung out.
There are also insurance issues, that I don't even want to think about. Being alive is essentially going to mean a lifetime of being in debt. Even with medicare. I have to get some other coverage.
And then there's the five hours three times a week that are now no longer mine. Ah well.
BUT, my husband is coming with pizza tonight. I'm excited for pizza.
Dialysis... kinda sucks. Everyone keeps on asking me if I feel any different. I don't. I still feel sick. But my mom said someone who had a father who just started it said it took at least a month before he started to feel better, before that he felt like shit. Which is fine. I had no false impressions that dialysis was going to magically make me feel great. What bothers me is, I think the way everyone else keeps asking me if I feel better yet... they did. I knew it was gonna suck. It will get better, but I knew it wouldn't be fun. I think a lot of people, including the doctors thought a lot of my health issues was just due to kidney failure, and I'd start to feel better as soon as I started to clean out all the toxins. I feel like crap. I'm okay with feeling like crap... I mean, I don't enjoy it, but I'm content to rest and get better. I feel like everyone else wants the whole thing to hurry the fuck up though. I know they just don't like seeing me sick... but the outside worrying is not helpful.
Also, I've been in a lot of pain. The fistula has caused problems, so they put a central line in my neck. Which they promptly didn't use because they also fixed the fistula while they put it in. But then I coughed during dialysis the other day, and the pressure caused some sort of blow... and they used it. It's all very confusing to me. All I know is dialysis wears me out. Tired enough to not be able to read or concentrate through it, but not always tired enough to sleep... which sucks. My arm and back hurt a LOT. I've been on a round the clock dose of dilauded. Every four hours. It isn't really helping. I want to ask for more, but I also don't want to be strung out.
There are also insurance issues, that I don't even want to think about. Being alive is essentially going to mean a lifetime of being in debt. Even with medicare. I have to get some other coverage.
And then there's the five hours three times a week that are now no longer mine. Ah well.
BUT, my husband is coming with pizza tonight. I'm excited for pizza.