Same old, same old?
As with most of my journals I start with a few entries and try to make it a daily thing, but soon I start skipping days, or even weeks.
It's been a month and a half now since my first entry and I must say not much has changed. A lot of inconveniences in the physical department. Keeping me from being able to do a lot of things I'd want to, writing being one of them.
As I am typing this now my writing hand and arm are aching. Even so, I did muster enough energy to do my exercises today. I even asked my partner to go for a walk with me after dinner. And at least I did a little cleaning in the kitchen and cooked dinner. Which was delicious by the way. (we've been members of Hello Fresh since the beginning of this year and we're big fans. The added picture to this post is the meal of which I speak)
But it's been a hard weekend. With pain and fatigue keeping me from doing a lot of things. Even small things around the house. It's been making me feel quite useless and replaceable. And very sombre.
My partner has been trying to cheer me up and keep me motivated, and I know that's hard for him too. And that makes me feel like a burden to him sometimes. I am sure he doesn't feel that way himself. But that's what we do right? Fill in the thoughts of others to make ourselves feel inadequate.
Anyway, I do think that's why I haven't been writing as well. Because I feel I don't have anything interesting to say. I mean, with what, 8 billion people? I'm sure there is not much that hasn't been said already. So what could I possibly have to contribute?
Something new, for me at least, has occurred though; I have made appointments with two girls (well, women actually) to visit them. Something I would normally procrastinate for so long the contact would slowly die out.
One is a former colleague that I have been in contact with only by text since she left the job a couple of years ago. And we've been trying to set a date to meet but it just never got that far.
When I was planning my last visit to work I texted her too to let her know I was in the neighbourhood. I never thought she'd reply as she had lost her phone a while back and I thought she had lost my number with it. But she texted me back and we started up a conversation again.
A lot had happened in the meanwhile. And we had both moved in the years after she had left the job. So we always used to keep up with how we were settling in our new homes.
So, we actually set a date and I am visiting her in her new home. I surprised myself with that, as I normally keep people at a distance, making new friends is not my strong suit. Well, it's not that people don't like me or anything, or that I don't like them. It's more like, it kinda scares me to open up to new people. What if we don't have anything to tell each other? Or what if they think I'm a total bore? Again; it's all in my head. But I quite surprised myself that I am getting out of my comfort zone twice in the the next two weeks.
This week I am visiting a new friend whom I met riding. (Motorcycle) It was on one of the rides for a mutual acquaintance who had passed away suddenly and horribly.
She was very chatty and open that ride and one of the few people who just started talking to me (and everyone else). The other riders, as it was a pretty serious occasion mostly kept to themselves and their own. But as I rode alone it was very nice to meet someone so open and connecting.
So I hung around with her a little bit and she ended up shaking my hand and introducing herself as we set out to ride back. Since then we have been keeping in contact through text as well.
And we saw each other again at the beginning of this month on the memorial ride. It was an emotional day. We rode with a small group this time, which made it a lot more personal and easier to talk to people as we had met several occasions already. We rode back in an even smaller group and it was so much fun. It had been nice connecting with them all like that.
She had just moved and had been updating me on her new house and how her decorating had been going. So I made the same appointment with her for this week. To visit her for a cup of coffee at her new house.
I am nervous about both meetings, but also am looking forward to them. I haven't made new friends like that for a long time. And I am hoping I will get some nice friendships out of this.
And if not, well, then at least I have gotten out of the house and in a new environment for a change.
Apparently visiting new places and going out of your comfort zone keeps your mind active and happy, it reduces anxiety/ stress as you learn to make new connections on your brain. Or so I've read.
So fingers crossed!
🐦⬛
