the day before; suchen; drabble
WORD COUNT: 970
PAIRING: suchen
RATING: PG
SYNPOSIS: joonmyun turns, back against the sink, and closes his eyes. lips press to his and he can’t help but press back, unable to hide the bright smile as he does, a hand sliding up to twist in those dark black locks he adores.
NOTES: written in lapslock. implied character death. written with no sleep @____@ sory
every day is a struggle, despite the bright and welcoming smile on his face each morning at work. he dons his long, crisp white jacket, and faces each patient pleasantly, clipboard in hand and soft brunette hair in curly wisps, just like jongdae liked it. he wore the same dark blue tie every day. with one look, you couldn’t see the war raging inside. every day is harder than the last and yet joonmyun doesn’t let anyone see.
the nurses whisper about him when he sits alone in the lounge. he eats the same thing every day - sticky, slightly under-cooked rice, two eggs, a slice of chicken, and a bag of shrimp straws. he always washes it down with a small can of coffee. sometimes he smiles to himself, sometimes he frowns, but what they whisper about the most is the conversations he has with no one, muttered words lost and inaudible beneath his breath.
nobody ever bothers him at lunch.
after joonmyun’s last patient, he leans back in his chair, sets his clipboard aside, and watches the clock. at exactly 9:05, he pushes back, stands, and purposely leaves his cellphone on the desk. five minutes later, he returns for it, and walks down the west wing. he takes the elevator, making sure to accidentally hit the third floor before managing to hit the parking deck button. he rides in silence all the way up and right back down.
once he’s in his car, tie loosened, he turns on the radio, cycles through three stations, and turns it right back off, opting to pull away in silence. it takes him exactly 20 minutes to get home. once he’s in the garage, he stares quietly at the inner garage door, knuckles white on the steering wheel. another night begins.
climbing from the car, joonmyun shuts the garage door and heads inside, stepping from his shiny shoes and loosening his tie even more.
"i’m home~," he calls happily, a warm smile on his face.
"are you really? i couldn’t tell," says a snarky voice.
joonmyun laughs at exactly 9:45 and heads towards the kitchen, not bothering to turn the lights on. “today was long," he bemoans to the empty room.
"oh? how should i fix that then?" the voice purrs.
joonymun chuckles a bit, the tips of his ears red. “it doesn’t need fixing," he shakes his head, moving to the sink to wash his hands, rolling up the sleeves of his button up. warm arms snake around his waist, the heat of a thin chest flat against his back. he closes his eyes as the water runs over his hands, head leaning back. he wants to stand like this forever.
"joonmyun…you shouldn’t have…" comes a soft whisper, a breathy laugh lacing the words.
"why not, jongdae?" joonmyun asks with an equally quiet voice, opening his eyes as the warmth pulls away. looking back down at his hands, he turns the water off and dries them idly on a dish towel.
"are you sure…? you aren’t just teasing me right?" jongdae laughs like he can’t believe the other. joonmyun rolls his eyes, ears even redder.
"why would i tease you over this…? of course i’m sure," joonmyun scolds in a stern voice, though it’s gentle and full of affection. jongdae’s laughter is loud and clear. “don’t laugh at me!"
"but you’re so cute when you get all red!" the younger man teases, and joonmyun pulls away from the pinch to his cheek, swatting at the air with the towel.
"just say yes already!"
"hmmm, let me think about it. can i get you an answer next week?"
"kim jongdae!"
"dr. kim joonmyun~."
"aish," joonmyun laughs, voice charming and yet painfully nervous. jongdae’s smile is tender.
"you know the answer’s yes, stupid," he murmurs. joonmyun turns, back against the sink, and closes his eyes. lips press to his and he can’t help but press back, unable to hide the bright smile as he does, a hand sliding up to twist in those dark black locks he adores.
his hand grasps empty air. joonmyun opens his eyes, stomach sinking. he hates this part.
"asking me to marry you on christmas eve…jeez, you’re lame," jongdae continues, snickering a bit.
"i thought it’d be romantic!" joonmyun protests, though his lips never move. with a shaky breath, he sets the dish towel on the counter.
"romantic? are you a girl? have you been hiding something from me all this time?" jongdae presses, relentlessly teasing.
joonmyun slowly makes his way to the living room.
"i’m pretty sure you would have realized i’m a girl by now…" he mumbles weakly, though the tone is amused.
joonmyun stares solemly at the television.
"would i? i dunno, my eyes are usually closed," jongdae mentions boredly.
"because i’m so good?"
"if that’s what you want to think…"
"kim jongdae!!"
loud laughter fills the room, jongdae’s eyes sparkling as he grins deviously at joonmyun from the middle of the living room.
"the fact that you’re filming this…i have to make it an awful memory somehow~," he teases, lips forming each syllable with precision. joonmyun reaches out, fingers ghosting those bow shaped lips.
"it could never be awful with you…" he murmurs.
"ew…cheesy," jongdae chuckles.
"oh hush," joonmyun sniffs, speaking along in time to the video.
"yeah, yeah…i love you, stupid," jongdae murmurs, eyes alit.
joonmyun pauses the video right there. the screen is filled with that image. jongdae’s eyes filled with complete adoration and love and excitement. this is how he wants to remember. this is what he sees when he closes his eyes. he doesn’t see the ghostly pallor of his skin or the dark circles under his eyes. he doesn’t see the way his bangs plaster to his forehead or the gaunt precision of his cheeks. he doesn’t see the ivs and the machinery. he doesn’t see the stark contrast of bright red blood from nosebleed after nosebleed.
he sees jongdae in love.
joonmyun turns the television off. the room is painfully dark and silent.
"i love you too," he mumbles.
---
x. heavily influenced by nell's song obvs hence the title
x. uhm sobs this sucks sorry
x. i haven't slept x____x
x. still have writer's block..
x. does this even make sense...
x. please feel free to offer constructive crit and feedback! it helps me grow as a writer!
PAIRING: suchen
RATING: PG
SYNPOSIS: joonmyun turns, back against the sink, and closes his eyes. lips press to his and he can’t help but press back, unable to hide the bright smile as he does, a hand sliding up to twist in those dark black locks he adores.
NOTES: written in lapslock. implied character death. written with no sleep @____@ sory
every day is a struggle, despite the bright and welcoming smile on his face each morning at work. he dons his long, crisp white jacket, and faces each patient pleasantly, clipboard in hand and soft brunette hair in curly wisps, just like jongdae liked it. he wore the same dark blue tie every day. with one look, you couldn’t see the war raging inside. every day is harder than the last and yet joonmyun doesn’t let anyone see.
the nurses whisper about him when he sits alone in the lounge. he eats the same thing every day - sticky, slightly under-cooked rice, two eggs, a slice of chicken, and a bag of shrimp straws. he always washes it down with a small can of coffee. sometimes he smiles to himself, sometimes he frowns, but what they whisper about the most is the conversations he has with no one, muttered words lost and inaudible beneath his breath.
nobody ever bothers him at lunch.
after joonmyun’s last patient, he leans back in his chair, sets his clipboard aside, and watches the clock. at exactly 9:05, he pushes back, stands, and purposely leaves his cellphone on the desk. five minutes later, he returns for it, and walks down the west wing. he takes the elevator, making sure to accidentally hit the third floor before managing to hit the parking deck button. he rides in silence all the way up and right back down.
once he’s in his car, tie loosened, he turns on the radio, cycles through three stations, and turns it right back off, opting to pull away in silence. it takes him exactly 20 minutes to get home. once he’s in the garage, he stares quietly at the inner garage door, knuckles white on the steering wheel. another night begins.
climbing from the car, joonmyun shuts the garage door and heads inside, stepping from his shiny shoes and loosening his tie even more.
"i’m home~," he calls happily, a warm smile on his face.
"are you really? i couldn’t tell," says a snarky voice.
joonmyun laughs at exactly 9:45 and heads towards the kitchen, not bothering to turn the lights on. “today was long," he bemoans to the empty room.
"oh? how should i fix that then?" the voice purrs.
joonymun chuckles a bit, the tips of his ears red. “it doesn’t need fixing," he shakes his head, moving to the sink to wash his hands, rolling up the sleeves of his button up. warm arms snake around his waist, the heat of a thin chest flat against his back. he closes his eyes as the water runs over his hands, head leaning back. he wants to stand like this forever.
"joonmyun…you shouldn’t have…" comes a soft whisper, a breathy laugh lacing the words.
"why not, jongdae?" joonmyun asks with an equally quiet voice, opening his eyes as the warmth pulls away. looking back down at his hands, he turns the water off and dries them idly on a dish towel.
"are you sure…? you aren’t just teasing me right?" jongdae laughs like he can’t believe the other. joonmyun rolls his eyes, ears even redder.
"why would i tease you over this…? of course i’m sure," joonmyun scolds in a stern voice, though it’s gentle and full of affection. jongdae’s laughter is loud and clear. “don’t laugh at me!"
"but you’re so cute when you get all red!" the younger man teases, and joonmyun pulls away from the pinch to his cheek, swatting at the air with the towel.
"just say yes already!"
"hmmm, let me think about it. can i get you an answer next week?"
"kim jongdae!"
"dr. kim joonmyun~."
"aish," joonmyun laughs, voice charming and yet painfully nervous. jongdae’s smile is tender.
"you know the answer’s yes, stupid," he murmurs. joonmyun turns, back against the sink, and closes his eyes. lips press to his and he can’t help but press back, unable to hide the bright smile as he does, a hand sliding up to twist in those dark black locks he adores.
his hand grasps empty air. joonmyun opens his eyes, stomach sinking. he hates this part.
"asking me to marry you on christmas eve…jeez, you’re lame," jongdae continues, snickering a bit.
"i thought it’d be romantic!" joonmyun protests, though his lips never move. with a shaky breath, he sets the dish towel on the counter.
"romantic? are you a girl? have you been hiding something from me all this time?" jongdae presses, relentlessly teasing.
joonmyun slowly makes his way to the living room.
"i’m pretty sure you would have realized i’m a girl by now…" he mumbles weakly, though the tone is amused.
joonmyun stares solemly at the television.
"would i? i dunno, my eyes are usually closed," jongdae mentions boredly.
"because i’m so good?"
"if that’s what you want to think…"
"kim jongdae!!"
loud laughter fills the room, jongdae’s eyes sparkling as he grins deviously at joonmyun from the middle of the living room.
"the fact that you’re filming this…i have to make it an awful memory somehow~," he teases, lips forming each syllable with precision. joonmyun reaches out, fingers ghosting those bow shaped lips.
"it could never be awful with you…" he murmurs.
"ew…cheesy," jongdae chuckles.
"oh hush," joonmyun sniffs, speaking along in time to the video.
"yeah, yeah…i love you, stupid," jongdae murmurs, eyes alit.
joonmyun pauses the video right there. the screen is filled with that image. jongdae’s eyes filled with complete adoration and love and excitement. this is how he wants to remember. this is what he sees when he closes his eyes. he doesn’t see the ghostly pallor of his skin or the dark circles under his eyes. he doesn’t see the way his bangs plaster to his forehead or the gaunt precision of his cheeks. he doesn’t see the ivs and the machinery. he doesn’t see the stark contrast of bright red blood from nosebleed after nosebleed.
he sees jongdae in love.
joonmyun turns the television off. the room is painfully dark and silent.
"i love you too," he mumbles.
---
x. heavily influenced by nell's song obvs hence the title
x. uhm sobs this sucks sorry
x. i haven't slept x____x
x. still have writer's block..
x. does this even make sense...
x. please feel free to offer constructive crit and feedback! it helps me grow as a writer!