(no subject)
There was a time during the run up to the last production, Midsummer, when I was spending more time with Zach than with Damian, even if you counted the hours Damian and I spent sleeping next to each other. Not just on some days, but every day, including weekends. We would be in class together or at rehearsal or in the shop or at production meetings or building something or painting something or cleaning something. Together. All the time.
At some point in there, after a night when we had been painting until one or two and then met again at seven AM to do chalk publicity, he said something like "theatre is the only thing I can do for sixteen hours a day and still want to get up in the morning and keep doing it."
I keep coming back to that. I think that sentiment is one of the reasons I feel so attached to Zach -- besides the 500 hours we've spent working side-by-side over time, and besides the massive, crushing tower of professional respect I have for him. He's the only one at LCSC (besides Nancy, I guess,) who understands what it means to me. I don't have another major, I don't have another plan. This is it for me. I can't skip a production because, you know, I'm really busy this semester or I wanted to take a break or it's not a show I'm interested in. There are no breaks for me, this is what I do.
So I realized as I was crawling out of bed at ten o'clock tonight to go help Jonelle and Zach block their Irene Ryan scene, that I wasn't doing it because I like them, (I do,) and I wasn't doing it because I feel obligated, (I don't.) I was doing it because that's what makes me happy. At bedtime on a weeknight, given the options of cuddling in bed and watching a movie with Damian or spending an hour giving blocking notes in the theatre... well, I'll put my pants back on for that.
And yeah, I do realize how lucky I am. I realize that every day. Even when things are going shitty and I'm so stressed out I can't think straight, I get up every morning and keep going and it's not because I have to.
It's because I want to.
At some point in there, after a night when we had been painting until one or two and then met again at seven AM to do chalk publicity, he said something like "theatre is the only thing I can do for sixteen hours a day and still want to get up in the morning and keep doing it."
I keep coming back to that. I think that sentiment is one of the reasons I feel so attached to Zach -- besides the 500 hours we've spent working side-by-side over time, and besides the massive, crushing tower of professional respect I have for him. He's the only one at LCSC (besides Nancy, I guess,) who understands what it means to me. I don't have another major, I don't have another plan. This is it for me. I can't skip a production because, you know, I'm really busy this semester or I wanted to take a break or it's not a show I'm interested in. There are no breaks for me, this is what I do.
So I realized as I was crawling out of bed at ten o'clock tonight to go help Jonelle and Zach block their Irene Ryan scene, that I wasn't doing it because I like them, (I do,) and I wasn't doing it because I feel obligated, (I don't.) I was doing it because that's what makes me happy. At bedtime on a weeknight, given the options of cuddling in bed and watching a movie with Damian or spending an hour giving blocking notes in the theatre... well, I'll put my pants back on for that.
And yeah, I do realize how lucky I am. I realize that every day. Even when things are going shitty and I'm so stressed out I can't think straight, I get up every morning and keep going and it's not because I have to.
It's because I want to.