(no subject)
I've been in a funk lately which I am beginning to think is caused by simple under-nourishment. It could be SAD, which I'm never even sure I suffer from because winter always coincides with SUPER HIGH STRESS TIME. For once I actually don't feel over-stressed. Since I dropped video (which I did, by the way,) I feel like I actually have the right amount on my plate, for probably the first time in like ten years. I keep myself busy, but (usually) feel like I have the time I need to get everything done, and a little to spare.
But I feel really blah. And sure, it could be the weather. Things have pretty much turned to crap in the last week or two. Or it could be food. Which is what I keep thinking about when I can't focus on my homework because I'm too hungry. Not that that's what I'm doing right now, la la laaa.
I wrote out this long thing about my new dietary restrictions and why they suck so much, and then I realized it was really boring, so here's a recap:
1. I am no longer eating nightshades because they aggravate my arthritis. That means potatoes, tomatoes and peppers, as well as eggplants and some other things I don't actually care about.
2. Those three things are really difficult to avoid in store-bought and restaurant foods.
3. Those three things are really difficult to avoid in cooking.
4. Our source of raw milk AND our source of eggs both dried up recently, restricting my diet even more since I am extremely reluctant to buy either of those things from commercial producers, organic or not.
5. I've been eating an obscene amount of meat, due to lack of time and options, and that really bothers me.
6. I've been eating a lot less in general. A lot less.
7. I, therefore, feel like shit.
If you've known me more than a few years you'll know I have a history of letting my failure to adequately nourish myself interfere with my health and relationships and commitments and life, so this new trend is not only exhausting, it's disappointing and scary and embarrassing and carries all the baggage of almost a decade of this bullshit. It fucks me up.
I never feel more a failure than when I'm struggling with food.
But I feel really blah. And sure, it could be the weather. Things have pretty much turned to crap in the last week or two. Or it could be food. Which is what I keep thinking about when I can't focus on my homework because I'm too hungry. Not that that's what I'm doing right now, la la laaa.
I wrote out this long thing about my new dietary restrictions and why they suck so much, and then I realized it was really boring, so here's a recap:
1. I am no longer eating nightshades because they aggravate my arthritis. That means potatoes, tomatoes and peppers, as well as eggplants and some other things I don't actually care about.
2. Those three things are really difficult to avoid in store-bought and restaurant foods.
3. Those three things are really difficult to avoid in cooking.
4. Our source of raw milk AND our source of eggs both dried up recently, restricting my diet even more since I am extremely reluctant to buy either of those things from commercial producers, organic or not.
5. I've been eating an obscene amount of meat, due to lack of time and options, and that really bothers me.
6. I've been eating a lot less in general. A lot less.
7. I, therefore, feel like shit.
If you've known me more than a few years you'll know I have a history of letting my failure to adequately nourish myself interfere with my health and relationships and commitments and life, so this new trend is not only exhausting, it's disappointing and scary and embarrassing and carries all the baggage of almost a decade of this bullshit. It fucks me up.
I never feel more a failure than when I'm struggling with food.