Heart 2 Heart - Facebook Official
Warning: I have never reviewed anything so godawful in all my time here. Consider yourself warned.
What the Hell Am I Watching?
Facebook Official is the debut music video of Heart 2 Heart, a new American 5-guy boy band. They're the brainchild of Lance Bass, who even makes a cameo at the beginning of their music video.
Why the Hell Am I Watching This?
They are supposed to be strongly influenced by Korean boy bands, of which Lance Bass and, from what I can gather, some or all of the members of the group are fans. Check out this interview of Chad Future (the group's leader) interviewing some big names in Kpop, such as Beast, G.na, and Mblaq. Point at him and laugh every time he says "daebak!" to them.
Why the Hell Am I Still Watching This?
I have seen this music video exactly 3 times. The first time was curiosity. My reaction was horror and shock. The second time was just the other day, when oulan and I remembered its horrible existence and went back to check if it really was as bad as we were remembering. It was. The third time was just now, before writing this, so I could have the horror fresh in my mind for all you fine folks. I will never watch it again.
There are really 2 possibilities here. The first is that Lance Bass made an earnest attempt at recreating Kpop in an American way and failed SO SO VERY HARD. The second is that this is a parody boyband much like 2ge+her from way back in the day, in which case it's... still awful. Any sufficiently advanced satire is indistinguishable from reality, as they say.
So the video opens with the five guys in white outfits in a brightly lit white room, immediately calling to mind Teen Top's video for their song Supa Luv. The guys are all hair gel and makeup, but not in that way that Kpoppers do it and look good, or in that way that Kpoppers do it and look weird, but in that "Holy fuck what in the shit?!" kind of way. BOOM! We get hit with Lance Bass freaking everyone out for three seconds with what I interpret to be his imitation of Blue Steel from Zoolander. Cut to five dudes still freaking me out with their looks, now in "street clothes" on a basketball court. Three girls are watching all this in a bedroom via their Macbook Air and freak out for the entire video as they are serenaded by Chad (he announces his name pretty immediately) and his boys.
The brown looking kid seems to have eyeball tourettes and "wink"s at us every time he is on the screen. The blonde one who shows off too much of his abs (yeah, I never thought I would find myself thinking someone showed off too much of their abs either) lets us know he is on FB "checking the pics of [our] butt." The other two have nothing notable about them except their freakish faces. Which are freakish.
The "dance break" is the greatest thing known to man. I never knew five guys could fill up so much time while doing so little, and doing it out of sync.
To set up the song for you: Chad tells us in the beginning, before the singing has even started, that he wants to "make this official" in "the realest way [he knows]." Let's all recall the name of the song for a second. The realest way Chad knows... is to make it Facebook Official. The chorus tells us the guys want to leave "a heart on your page, heart heart on your page." Also that we apparently met "last week when we're playing flip cup."
I WANT TO BE JOKING AND MAKING ALL THIS UP BUT I'M NOT. THIS ALL REALLY HAPPENED.
Side note: I think Chad and that blonde one have some potential to be attractive young men. If they never do anything like this ever again.
What the Hell Am I Watching?
Facebook Official is the debut music video of Heart 2 Heart, a new American 5-guy boy band. They're the brainchild of Lance Bass, who even makes a cameo at the beginning of their music video.
Why the Hell Am I Watching This?
They are supposed to be strongly influenced by Korean boy bands, of which Lance Bass and, from what I can gather, some or all of the members of the group are fans. Check out this interview of Chad Future (the group's leader) interviewing some big names in Kpop, such as Beast, G.na, and Mblaq. Point at him and laugh every time he says "daebak!" to them.
Why the Hell Am I Still Watching This?
I have seen this music video exactly 3 times. The first time was curiosity. My reaction was horror and shock. The second time was just the other day, when oulan and I remembered its horrible existence and went back to check if it really was as bad as we were remembering. It was. The third time was just now, before writing this, so I could have the horror fresh in my mind for all you fine folks. I will never watch it again.
There are really 2 possibilities here. The first is that Lance Bass made an earnest attempt at recreating Kpop in an American way and failed SO SO VERY HARD. The second is that this is a parody boyband much like 2ge+her from way back in the day, in which case it's... still awful. Any sufficiently advanced satire is indistinguishable from reality, as they say.
So the video opens with the five guys in white outfits in a brightly lit white room, immediately calling to mind Teen Top's video for their song Supa Luv. The guys are all hair gel and makeup, but not in that way that Kpoppers do it and look good, or in that way that Kpoppers do it and look weird, but in that "Holy fuck what in the shit?!" kind of way. BOOM! We get hit with Lance Bass freaking everyone out for three seconds with what I interpret to be his imitation of Blue Steel from Zoolander. Cut to five dudes still freaking me out with their looks, now in "street clothes" on a basketball court. Three girls are watching all this in a bedroom via their Macbook Air and freak out for the entire video as they are serenaded by Chad (he announces his name pretty immediately) and his boys.
The brown looking kid seems to have eyeball tourettes and "wink"s at us every time he is on the screen. The blonde one who shows off too much of his abs (yeah, I never thought I would find myself thinking someone showed off too much of their abs either) lets us know he is on FB "checking the pics of [our] butt." The other two have nothing notable about them except their freakish faces. Which are freakish.
The "dance break" is the greatest thing known to man. I never knew five guys could fill up so much time while doing so little, and doing it out of sync.
To set up the song for you: Chad tells us in the beginning, before the singing has even started, that he wants to "make this official" in "the realest way [he knows]." Let's all recall the name of the song for a second. The realest way Chad knows... is to make it Facebook Official. The chorus tells us the guys want to leave "a heart on your page, heart heart on your page." Also that we apparently met "last week when we're playing flip cup."
I WANT TO BE JOKING AND MAKING ALL THIS UP BUT I'M NOT. THIS ALL REALLY HAPPENED.
Side note: I think Chad and that blonde one have some potential to be attractive young men. If they never do anything like this ever again.