where do i start?!?!?!?
first of all my mother is a fucking disgusting pig. she makes me want to go into the bathroom and shove my finger down my throat til i vomit up everything...ugh
its really disgusting. bleh...
ok so yea didnt i say that song would make me cry? well today, it finally happened.
ughhhh...fustrations are just getting me really bad today. i cant deal with bullshit. if you are going to be short with me, expect me to be a bitch to you...no hard feelings tho, because today was one of the worst days ever.
So yea...last night they told me that they switched my shift from 2 pm to 9 am, and i basically had no choice. so i woke my ass up at 7:20 this morning, ironed my shirt, dug in my closet for nice shoes and walked to the bus stop and took the fucking bus to work.
point one-the bus was actually on time today.
I got off the bus at the gas station and bought a red bull.fucking 2.25!!!! i honestly dont think i could have gotten through most of today with out it...
anyway, today was a visit...district and regional. and thats big...so i had to be in full dress code, a big smile on my face and fucking work my ass off. I dont think hardly any of you know what goes in to making out store look as good as it does. And the stress these kinds of visits cause. I was soooo fucking personable all day long. So i was supposed to take my lunch at 12...but i didnt because they were supposed to be coming by any minute...2:20 rolls around and they tell me to go on my break. I told them no that i would wait til the visit was done. and then they told me that they wouldnt be coming...so i was a little upset.
for the following reasons:
1. i had to wake up at 9 for no fucking reason
2. i missed my chance to go to alien ant farm with Tyler
3. they didnt come and we all worked really hard for no reason...
ok so, get this...#3, null and void.
as i'm on my lunch, guess who comes by the store?!?!?!?
yea you guessed right...the district and regional managers. So everyone esle in the fucking store got all this fucking credit...some people who just got there and didnt do jack shit...and me? nope. none at all. after everything i did today.
i opened my 4 gap cards...the only one to open all four. I got a woman to buy a pair of pants that she didnt even want. i folded down a lot of the denim section. i did go backs. i dealt with pissy customers. i put up decals and window posters. i did EVERY FUCKING THING my managers asked of me.
for what?!?!?! nothing
so i find this out after i get back from lunch. My managers are all talking about how well it went and bla bla bla...and then one of them comes up to me and says, why didnt u introduce yourself to Rhonda*that the regional*?
and i'm all "BECAUSE YOU SENT ME ON MY LUNCH YOU FUCKERS!!!"
and hes all oh...well hahahaha
ugh and then he walks away...
and just my luck...The scientist comes on. So i told my friend Liz to tell me soemthing funny before i started to cry...
and she proceeded to tell me about how she was dumb in front of the regional manager...and that just made me more pissed. why???
because they sent HER on MY lunch!
ugh
so then...yup
the tears come. and they just kept right on flowing. non-stop. and my friends think its boy troubles. but it wasnt. and one of my managers saw me cry and gave me a hug. i liked that. hes my favorite. and my friend Armiss gave me a hug and brought me kleenex and kept telling me to smile and that if it were boy troubles, hed hunt that mean boy down...he didnt exactally say that, but yea....
i just couldnt stop crying.
anyway, later on i felt the need to call my friend Tim. Hes moving to san francisco next semester for school. we just started to get close again. why the fuck is this happening to me? am i destin to be lonley? are all my friends going to leave me?
first Steve, now Tim...
ugh but anyway i called Tim to say hi and that i didnt forget about him, that i've just been busy with work...and guess where he was? San Francisco. I wanted to cry again...but i held it back.
and then the 3eb song came on...cant get away. and that song makes me all depressed too. it reminds me of san francisco and of Wilson and how i "cant get away" from him...and how Tim is moving there and how i should be there too but i'm not. and i got all weepy again.
and then my dad picked me up and the only thing in my head was the scientist and san francisco and tim and wilson and Chris and how bad i just wanted to get this all out.
ugh.
I'm always going to have feelings wit Wilson and Tim. I think its bad, but its not. Its not that i dont love Chris completly, i do. Its just that these 2 people impacted my life so deeply at the time they came in to my life and i just dont want to let go. I think Tim sees my effort to be his friend and hes more pure with me now.
i like that. i like pure friendships. we are at that comfort level again, but this time its all new and uncharted. we can talk about anything and everything. Its good talk too because at times we are at two totally different ends of the spectrum that its just insightful and very thought provoking. i like it...
now i'm reading that book...perks...and the more i read it, the more i connect with "Charlie". And the more i start to think about "Catcher" and how i'm a lot like Holden...and then i start to think more...
this is bad that i'm connecting with these two people...and thats a bit scarie. I'll have to finish the book before i can really be more insightful about this, but so far, it doensnt look too good.
i dont know what else to say...i'm tired. my brain is fried. i just saw a spider in the tub and it reminded me of this one time when i was going pee and i got up and there was a little spider crawling around in the bowl and i freaked out. and how that more people are afriad of spiders than of death...
and then i remembered i was supposed to call one of my best friends because we had a moment today and cried together and how much i miss her and need her right now.... :( ok so i guess i'm gunna call her...
its really disgusting. bleh...
ok so yea didnt i say that song would make me cry? well today, it finally happened.
ughhhh...fustrations are just getting me really bad today. i cant deal with bullshit. if you are going to be short with me, expect me to be a bitch to you...no hard feelings tho, because today was one of the worst days ever.
So yea...last night they told me that they switched my shift from 2 pm to 9 am, and i basically had no choice. so i woke my ass up at 7:20 this morning, ironed my shirt, dug in my closet for nice shoes and walked to the bus stop and took the fucking bus to work.
point one-the bus was actually on time today.
I got off the bus at the gas station and bought a red bull.fucking 2.25!!!! i honestly dont think i could have gotten through most of today with out it...
anyway, today was a visit...district and regional. and thats big...so i had to be in full dress code, a big smile on my face and fucking work my ass off. I dont think hardly any of you know what goes in to making out store look as good as it does. And the stress these kinds of visits cause. I was soooo fucking personable all day long. So i was supposed to take my lunch at 12...but i didnt because they were supposed to be coming by any minute...2:20 rolls around and they tell me to go on my break. I told them no that i would wait til the visit was done. and then they told me that they wouldnt be coming...so i was a little upset.
for the following reasons:
1. i had to wake up at 9 for no fucking reason
2. i missed my chance to go to alien ant farm with Tyler
3. they didnt come and we all worked really hard for no reason...
ok so, get this...#3, null and void.
as i'm on my lunch, guess who comes by the store?!?!?!?
yea you guessed right...the district and regional managers. So everyone esle in the fucking store got all this fucking credit...some people who just got there and didnt do jack shit...and me? nope. none at all. after everything i did today.
i opened my 4 gap cards...the only one to open all four. I got a woman to buy a pair of pants that she didnt even want. i folded down a lot of the denim section. i did go backs. i dealt with pissy customers. i put up decals and window posters. i did EVERY FUCKING THING my managers asked of me.
for what?!?!?! nothing
so i find this out after i get back from lunch. My managers are all talking about how well it went and bla bla bla...and then one of them comes up to me and says, why didnt u introduce yourself to Rhonda*that the regional*?
and i'm all "BECAUSE YOU SENT ME ON MY LUNCH YOU FUCKERS!!!"
and hes all oh...well hahahaha
ugh and then he walks away...
and just my luck...The scientist comes on. So i told my friend Liz to tell me soemthing funny before i started to cry...
and she proceeded to tell me about how she was dumb in front of the regional manager...and that just made me more pissed. why???
because they sent HER on MY lunch!
ugh
so then...yup
the tears come. and they just kept right on flowing. non-stop. and my friends think its boy troubles. but it wasnt. and one of my managers saw me cry and gave me a hug. i liked that. hes my favorite. and my friend Armiss gave me a hug and brought me kleenex and kept telling me to smile and that if it were boy troubles, hed hunt that mean boy down...he didnt exactally say that, but yea....
i just couldnt stop crying.
anyway, later on i felt the need to call my friend Tim. Hes moving to san francisco next semester for school. we just started to get close again. why the fuck is this happening to me? am i destin to be lonley? are all my friends going to leave me?
first Steve, now Tim...
ugh but anyway i called Tim to say hi and that i didnt forget about him, that i've just been busy with work...and guess where he was? San Francisco. I wanted to cry again...but i held it back.
and then the 3eb song came on...cant get away. and that song makes me all depressed too. it reminds me of san francisco and of Wilson and how i "cant get away" from him...and how Tim is moving there and how i should be there too but i'm not. and i got all weepy again.
and then my dad picked me up and the only thing in my head was the scientist and san francisco and tim and wilson and Chris and how bad i just wanted to get this all out.
ugh.
I'm always going to have feelings wit Wilson and Tim. I think its bad, but its not. Its not that i dont love Chris completly, i do. Its just that these 2 people impacted my life so deeply at the time they came in to my life and i just dont want to let go. I think Tim sees my effort to be his friend and hes more pure with me now.
i like that. i like pure friendships. we are at that comfort level again, but this time its all new and uncharted. we can talk about anything and everything. Its good talk too because at times we are at two totally different ends of the spectrum that its just insightful and very thought provoking. i like it...
now i'm reading that book...perks...and the more i read it, the more i connect with "Charlie". And the more i start to think about "Catcher" and how i'm a lot like Holden...and then i start to think more...
this is bad that i'm connecting with these two people...and thats a bit scarie. I'll have to finish the book before i can really be more insightful about this, but so far, it doensnt look too good.
i dont know what else to say...i'm tired. my brain is fried. i just saw a spider in the tub and it reminded me of this one time when i was going pee and i got up and there was a little spider crawling around in the bowl and i freaked out. and how that more people are afriad of spiders than of death...
and then i remembered i was supposed to call one of my best friends because we had a moment today and cried together and how much i miss her and need her right now.... :( ok so i guess i'm gunna call her...