random rant from a guy via facebook message
So a guy writes this to me via facebook message and I don't for the life of me know why he did, but I'm pretty grossed out. I'm wondering what everyone here thinks.
Here's his message:
hah, if you could see my situation right now you would call me a complete patriarchal pig, and yet I'm confused and miserable and trying to at least keep 100% honest so that at least no one can call me a LYING dick. I think women are almost in a sweet spot right now where culture is over compensating for men taking all the power and giving all the blame before, and right now women have a lot of the perks without the responsibility. For example, it's perfectly acceptable for a woman to ask a man out, but the man is still expected to and then suffer rejections gracefully while a man turning down a woman is an ass. It's perfectly acceptable for either to pay, but chivalry and the normal situation where the guy asked means the guy pays. A woman can be clear about limiting a relationship emotionally but still having sex, and the guy is supposed to be considered lucky. But if a guy is clear about not wanting to get emotionally involved but still wanting sex than he's a sexist pig.
Women get sold pink-vagina cream, men get sold Viagra. Women get Cosmo, men get Maxim. About the only thing where women come out behind, and it's a big one, is rape. But because of the sheer mechanics involved it will always be that way, and while prevailing culture USED to be "she must have wanted it because x reason" (and I know that excuse is still used to occasional unfortunate effect) the new situation is that women can now have consensual sex and change their mind later and more effectively press charges than they ever could before.
There are still chauvinistic attitudes in place. I'm not trying to say by any of this that women have it *GOOD*. I just get extremely frustrated with the idea that men have things just the way they like it... I dwell all day on how shitty and unfair my situation is and then see someone saying how it can't possibly be that bad just because I have a penis... and it get's me going. Sorry!
Here's my reply:
I don't disagree that it sucks that men are supposed to consider themselves lucky if a woman just wants no strings attached sex and that it doesn't occur to anyone that the man might be emotionally involved. I also don't think that a guy is necessarily an ass just because he makes it clear that he doesn't want to get emotionally involved with a sexual partner. All that said...
"For example, it's perfectly acceptable for a woman to ask a man out, but the man is still expected to and then suffer rejections gracefully while a man turning down a woman is an ass. "
No, I got called out when I got into my more self-absorbed moods when I was crying over my ex. I've also been asked to pull myself together even when it hadn't even been a month since it happened. I've dealt with a lack of sympathy over a guy and got told, "Yeah, well this other girl's grieving because HER GRANDPA DIED, don't tell me you're grieving over this guy who dumped you." I've also counseled guys who get upset over girls who dumped or rejected them. Rejection sucks. It's normal for guys to get upset over that. There's a difference between being upset about a rejection and acting like an ass about it. My guy friends refrained from the latter, but God knows I was sympathetic to them feeling the former.
Hey, if anecdotes count as evidence...
The protocol for paying on a date is that whoever DID the asking pays. Which mythical woman is this who asks you out and tells you to pay? Even when a guy asks me out and pays, I offer to buy dessert and/or coffee to keep things equitable. Or, if it's a case where I'm unemployed and the guy has a steady stream of income, he pays, but I'm sensitive to the fact that he pays and I limit what I order.
What the hell is pink vagina cream? You mean like douches and shit? Scented tampons and pads? That's BAD for the vagina.
"women can now have consensual sex and change their mind later and more effectively press charges than they ever could before." Oh hell no. HELL. NO. You did not just go there. Consent isn't withdrawn retroactively. More likely, a woman wasn't in fact consenting but was just out of sorts and drunk and incoherent so couldn't bring herself to say no intelligibly but she DID kinda just lie there and not respond even if she didn't resist. Then she sobers up and thinks, "Shit, I didn't consent to that. How dare he take advantage of me like that? And what exactly went down?" Or it's withdrawn in the middle of the act: "No wait, actually that hurts, so stop." And then to defend himself, the guy says, "Hey, she said yes to me. How dare she call me a rapist." While glossing over the fact that midway through she said to stop.
Why are you sending me a message about this? Yes, it does sound bitter and steeped in male privilege.
Here's his message:
hah, if you could see my situation right now you would call me a complete patriarchal pig, and yet I'm confused and miserable and trying to at least keep 100% honest so that at least no one can call me a LYING dick. I think women are almost in a sweet spot right now where culture is over compensating for men taking all the power and giving all the blame before, and right now women have a lot of the perks without the responsibility. For example, it's perfectly acceptable for a woman to ask a man out, but the man is still expected to and then suffer rejections gracefully while a man turning down a woman is an ass. It's perfectly acceptable for either to pay, but chivalry and the normal situation where the guy asked means the guy pays. A woman can be clear about limiting a relationship emotionally but still having sex, and the guy is supposed to be considered lucky. But if a guy is clear about not wanting to get emotionally involved but still wanting sex than he's a sexist pig.
Women get sold pink-vagina cream, men get sold Viagra. Women get Cosmo, men get Maxim. About the only thing where women come out behind, and it's a big one, is rape. But because of the sheer mechanics involved it will always be that way, and while prevailing culture USED to be "she must have wanted it because x reason" (and I know that excuse is still used to occasional unfortunate effect) the new situation is that women can now have consensual sex and change their mind later and more effectively press charges than they ever could before.
There are still chauvinistic attitudes in place. I'm not trying to say by any of this that women have it *GOOD*. I just get extremely frustrated with the idea that men have things just the way they like it... I dwell all day on how shitty and unfair my situation is and then see someone saying how it can't possibly be that bad just because I have a penis... and it get's me going. Sorry!
Here's my reply:
I don't disagree that it sucks that men are supposed to consider themselves lucky if a woman just wants no strings attached sex and that it doesn't occur to anyone that the man might be emotionally involved. I also don't think that a guy is necessarily an ass just because he makes it clear that he doesn't want to get emotionally involved with a sexual partner. All that said...
"For example, it's perfectly acceptable for a woman to ask a man out, but the man is still expected to and then suffer rejections gracefully while a man turning down a woman is an ass. "
No, I got called out when I got into my more self-absorbed moods when I was crying over my ex. I've also been asked to pull myself together even when it hadn't even been a month since it happened. I've dealt with a lack of sympathy over a guy and got told, "Yeah, well this other girl's grieving because HER GRANDPA DIED, don't tell me you're grieving over this guy who dumped you." I've also counseled guys who get upset over girls who dumped or rejected them. Rejection sucks. It's normal for guys to get upset over that. There's a difference between being upset about a rejection and acting like an ass about it. My guy friends refrained from the latter, but God knows I was sympathetic to them feeling the former.
Hey, if anecdotes count as evidence...
The protocol for paying on a date is that whoever DID the asking pays. Which mythical woman is this who asks you out and tells you to pay? Even when a guy asks me out and pays, I offer to buy dessert and/or coffee to keep things equitable. Or, if it's a case where I'm unemployed and the guy has a steady stream of income, he pays, but I'm sensitive to the fact that he pays and I limit what I order.
What the hell is pink vagina cream? You mean like douches and shit? Scented tampons and pads? That's BAD for the vagina.
"women can now have consensual sex and change their mind later and more effectively press charges than they ever could before." Oh hell no. HELL. NO. You did not just go there. Consent isn't withdrawn retroactively. More likely, a woman wasn't in fact consenting but was just out of sorts and drunk and incoherent so couldn't bring herself to say no intelligibly but she DID kinda just lie there and not respond even if she didn't resist. Then she sobers up and thinks, "Shit, I didn't consent to that. How dare he take advantage of me like that? And what exactly went down?" Or it's withdrawn in the middle of the act: "No wait, actually that hurts, so stop." And then to defend himself, the guy says, "Hey, she said yes to me. How dare she call me a rapist." While glossing over the fact that midway through she said to stop.
Why are you sending me a message about this? Yes, it does sound bitter and steeped in male privilege.