my near gay experience
I know this is my first lj post in like 4 months. I don't even think anyone reads my lj anymore. I admit, that I have mostly forsaken lj for myspace. I know, i'm a horrible person. You may take comfort though that I do not post any journal, or "blog" as they say these days, entries on myspace, I only use it to keep in contact with friends. So technically, i'm not cheating on lj. That said, here is the "near gay experience".
So I was at the post office at 2am. Why was I at the post office then? Well, I prefer to use the automated machine whenever possible. That way I can avoid the masses and the, overcompensated underskilled and artificially propped up by the government in this market economy, postal workers during the day. So I used the APC (Automatic Postal Center I believe) to send out some NES games that I am selling on half.com. I am finally getting rid of my collection by the way. I was keeping them only for sentimentality since I have like 900 NES games on a Dreamcast emulator. But I digress, the reason specifically that I was at the P.O. at that time was that just prior to that I had to make a beer run to 7-11 to get a 6 pack of Molson Ice. Yeah, its a shitty beer, but they don't offer much decent beer, so I settled. Anyhow, after I left 7-11 I mailed the packages at the Royal Oak post office downtown, since I live only a couple of blocks away. This is where the story gets interesting. By now you're probably furious that you had to read through all this nonsence just to get to this part. Well, if you were smart, you would have simply read the topic sentence for this paragraph (remember that from high school?), determined that it contained nothing but boring drivel, and moved on to the next paragraph.
For those of you that did start at this paragraph, congratulations. Moving on. So as I left the post office, this white grand prix pulled through the post office side street and out onto Washington right ahead of me. After about a block of driving on Washington, I turned left unto 4th street where I live. The grand prix inexplicably (at least then it was inexplicable) stopped in its tracks in the middle of the intersection of 4th and Washington. At that point, and this is an interesting side note, a dodge neon pulled up behind me out of nowhere and proceeded to ride my ass (figuratively of course). A block later I stopped for the light at lafayette and 4th. As I did so, the neon pulled around me and proceeded to drive through the light at Lafayette on 4th, while the light was red and while driving on the wrong side of the road. At the time, I wasn't sure what he was so anxious to get away from (there was a young guy around my age or younger at the wheel of the neon). So, the light turned green and I drove through on 4th one more block past West where I parked on the street outside my apartment building which is on 4th, between West and Laurel.
This is where it really gets good. For those of you that read the first two paragraphs, i'm sorry to have subjected you to such a ridiculous lead-in to what is really a very short story, but you partially have yourselves to blame. Anyway, as I got out of my car I heard a whistle! I looked around and there was the grand prix (remember that car?) driving past me on 4th. The grand prix stopped at the intersection of 4th and Laurel and turned around as I walked toward the door to my apartment building. I then heard the driver of the grand prix say "hey buddy". He had turned around and was stopped in the street right outside my building. He was a Chaldean guy probably in his mid 20's. I said "what do you want" as I stopped with my 6 pack of Molson Ice in hand and turned toward the guy in the grand prix. I walked toward the car out of curiosity, not wanting to miss out on another strange middle of the night occurence (see previous lj posts), and the grand prix driver said to me "I don't mean any disrespect." Then I said, "ok, what do you want?" He then said "I mess around." And I said, "I don't know what that means." He said, "I look for guys to mess around with." I then said, "well good luck, but i'm not your guy" and he drove off. So I was propositioned by a weirdo who was driving around trolling for guys in the middle of the night. How strange huh? Hasn't he heard of the internet? From what I have heard, there are plenty of hook-up sites out there, whether you are gay or straight, or gay and not officially out yet. He could have just used one of those.
So I think that perhaps the guy in the neon was previously looked at the wrong way by the guy in the grand prix and he wasn't taking any chances. Some people will do anything to avoid a "near gay" encounter, even if it means blowing through a red light while driving on the wrong side of the road, thus committing at least two separate traffic violations at once.
I think the moral of the story is, if you are gay, great, I salute you. Those of you that know me probably know, I love "the gays". My point is though, that driving around at night propositioning random guys probably isn't your best bet. In addition, you're not doing wonders for the reputation of the gay community as well, which I think you would owe some allegiance to. The second moral (can a story have two morals?) is that if you're not gay, don't become terrified if you're mistakenly propositioned. It's not an affront to your manhood. You don't need to violate several laws at once in your hurry to get out of the situation. Just smile to yourself and bask in the knowledge that both sexes find you attractive. If anything, your self esteem should receive a boost.
Well thats all for now. Those of you that really miss me can check out my myspace page. My username on there is "Andy G". You can probably search by my real name as well.
Good luck, and goodnight.
So I was at the post office at 2am. Why was I at the post office then? Well, I prefer to use the automated machine whenever possible. That way I can avoid the masses and the, overcompensated underskilled and artificially propped up by the government in this market economy, postal workers during the day. So I used the APC (Automatic Postal Center I believe) to send out some NES games that I am selling on half.com. I am finally getting rid of my collection by the way. I was keeping them only for sentimentality since I have like 900 NES games on a Dreamcast emulator. But I digress, the reason specifically that I was at the P.O. at that time was that just prior to that I had to make a beer run to 7-11 to get a 6 pack of Molson Ice. Yeah, its a shitty beer, but they don't offer much decent beer, so I settled. Anyhow, after I left 7-11 I mailed the packages at the Royal Oak post office downtown, since I live only a couple of blocks away. This is where the story gets interesting. By now you're probably furious that you had to read through all this nonsence just to get to this part. Well, if you were smart, you would have simply read the topic sentence for this paragraph (remember that from high school?), determined that it contained nothing but boring drivel, and moved on to the next paragraph.
For those of you that did start at this paragraph, congratulations. Moving on. So as I left the post office, this white grand prix pulled through the post office side street and out onto Washington right ahead of me. After about a block of driving on Washington, I turned left unto 4th street where I live. The grand prix inexplicably (at least then it was inexplicable) stopped in its tracks in the middle of the intersection of 4th and Washington. At that point, and this is an interesting side note, a dodge neon pulled up behind me out of nowhere and proceeded to ride my ass (figuratively of course). A block later I stopped for the light at lafayette and 4th. As I did so, the neon pulled around me and proceeded to drive through the light at Lafayette on 4th, while the light was red and while driving on the wrong side of the road. At the time, I wasn't sure what he was so anxious to get away from (there was a young guy around my age or younger at the wheel of the neon). So, the light turned green and I drove through on 4th one more block past West where I parked on the street outside my apartment building which is on 4th, between West and Laurel.
This is where it really gets good. For those of you that read the first two paragraphs, i'm sorry to have subjected you to such a ridiculous lead-in to what is really a very short story, but you partially have yourselves to blame. Anyway, as I got out of my car I heard a whistle! I looked around and there was the grand prix (remember that car?) driving past me on 4th. The grand prix stopped at the intersection of 4th and Laurel and turned around as I walked toward the door to my apartment building. I then heard the driver of the grand prix say "hey buddy". He had turned around and was stopped in the street right outside my building. He was a Chaldean guy probably in his mid 20's. I said "what do you want" as I stopped with my 6 pack of Molson Ice in hand and turned toward the guy in the grand prix. I walked toward the car out of curiosity, not wanting to miss out on another strange middle of the night occurence (see previous lj posts), and the grand prix driver said to me "I don't mean any disrespect." Then I said, "ok, what do you want?" He then said "I mess around." And I said, "I don't know what that means." He said, "I look for guys to mess around with." I then said, "well good luck, but i'm not your guy" and he drove off. So I was propositioned by a weirdo who was driving around trolling for guys in the middle of the night. How strange huh? Hasn't he heard of the internet? From what I have heard, there are plenty of hook-up sites out there, whether you are gay or straight, or gay and not officially out yet. He could have just used one of those.
So I think that perhaps the guy in the neon was previously looked at the wrong way by the guy in the grand prix and he wasn't taking any chances. Some people will do anything to avoid a "near gay" encounter, even if it means blowing through a red light while driving on the wrong side of the road, thus committing at least two separate traffic violations at once.
I think the moral of the story is, if you are gay, great, I salute you. Those of you that know me probably know, I love "the gays". My point is though, that driving around at night propositioning random guys probably isn't your best bet. In addition, you're not doing wonders for the reputation of the gay community as well, which I think you would owe some allegiance to. The second moral (can a story have two morals?) is that if you're not gay, don't become terrified if you're mistakenly propositioned. It's not an affront to your manhood. You don't need to violate several laws at once in your hurry to get out of the situation. Just smile to yourself and bask in the knowledge that both sexes find you attractive. If anything, your self esteem should receive a boost.
Well thats all for now. Those of you that really miss me can check out my myspace page. My username on there is "Andy G". You can probably search by my real name as well.
Good luck, and goodnight.