FF: Welcoming Joanna Hasham
Title: Welcoming Joanna Hasham
Summary: Happiness can come out of tragedgy. When one world ends another begins. Warning: this story contains character death.
TV Show: Blue Heelers
Characters: Joanna Parish, PJ Hasham, Tom Croyden, Chris
Warnings: This story has a major character death, and lots of angst and new life.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, and made nothing from them
Jo looked around her home. It looked so warm and inviting and yet to her it still felt empty. She sighed as she sank back into the lounge and absently rubbed her swollen stomach.
She knew why it seemed so empty, it was the same reason that everything seemed hollow and pale to her.
PJ.
Since she had run from Mt. Thomas seven months ago she had felt the emptiness that was left where PJ used to be.
She had a new home, new friends, and a new job. But still she felt as if she were just marking time, doing what she had to to get through each day. And each day she felt a little more of her fade away. She would have loved to head back to Mt. Thomas, to her friends, to her family, her job, her life. But she knew that if she did the pain of being around PJ and not being able to be with him would be more than she could live with.
He had broken her heart when he was trying to talk that girl down from the balcony. He didn’t know that she had been there, and she had never given him a chance to explain to her. She had left. Left the scene, left her home with PJ, and later that same night after talking with the Boss, she had left Mt. Thomas for good.
She reached up and wiped a tear from her cheek as the memories flooded through her again.
The light was fading outside, as another day ended and the night started to settle in. She reached for another piece of paper to write another letter to her baby. She didn’t know why she had been so driven to start writing these letters, but about a week after she had found out that she was pregnant she had felt herself being pushed to do so, and that same day she had gone into town and spent an afternoon looking around the shops, spending time buying not only stuff for her baby, but the perfect writing paper and a nice pen to write with. She hadn’t known what she was going to write, but she had found herself writing a letter every day, telling her baby about the love that she still felt for the baby’s father, about the good times that they had shared, about her own life, and her hope for her child’s future. The one thing that she never found herself writing about was her own future, and that was something that surprise her and Julie, her neighbour and closest friend.
Julie had been there when she was moving in, and had ended up helping Jo with the move and unpacking. They had quickly become friends, though it had only been after Jo had found out that she was pregnant that she told her new friend what had brought her here in the first place. Much to Jo’s surprise Julie hadn’t judged her or told her that she should go back to Mt. Thomas and confront her past and let them know that she was pregnant. Instead Julie had hugged her and let her cry and had then told her that she would be there for her whenever she needed a friend or someone to lean on.
That had been months ago.
Jo was now the size of a small house, and counting down the days until her baby was due. Julie had moved in with her a month ago so that she could be there, she worried about Jo and didn’t want to leave her friend alone when ever she could help it. Having spent her working life as a nurse, she knew how hard some women had it during pregnancy, and she knew Jo well enough now to know that she wouldn’t bother asking for help, no matter how much she needed it. Jo finished off her letter, she had found herself finishing off her stories about working at Mt. Thomas, the memories had brought a smile to her face as she remembered all the good times, and how close they had all been. She also wrote about how they had tried to find her, and how PJ was still trying to find her. She wrote about how she felt about that, and how she had followed their search through some of her sources. She finished off by saying that she loved her baby and would always love PJ and the rest of her family at Mt. Thomas, that’s the way that she felt about those that she had worked with. They were her family. But as with some families she thought that it was better if they didn’t live together. She sealed the letter with a kiss and lovingly placed it with the others that she had written.
Julie had arrived home from work while she had been busy and had made dinner for them both. They had eaten in the lounge room and watched All Saints while they ate. They laughed at some of the antics and groaned at some of the personal problems that “Terri” and “Jack” were having. After a while Jo had become tired and Julie had suggested that she head to bed.
At first Jo had protested, saying that she wanted to watch TV some more. But when she felt herself yawning she grinned sheepishly and agreed that maybe it was time for her to head to bed. Julie had helped Jo up and watched her friend go. She felt that there was something different about Jo tonight, she seemed to be totally at peace for the first time since she had known her. Maybe it was just a nesting instinct, she had seen it in other mothers before they gave birth, they would become serene and content, others would go on a mad cleaning spree. While others still would decide that they wanted to go away. She made a note to check up on Jo a couple of times during the night, just to be sure she was all right.
Jo had had no trouble falling asleep when she went to bed, she had felt like a weight had been lifted, she wasn’t sure why. The feeling had settled over her when she had finished her letter. She felt that she had finished, and that she was now ready for something. What she wasn’t sure. But something.
Jo was woken by a pain that lanced through her middle. It had been a sharp pain that seemed to spread throughout her body. She tried curling up to relieve some of the pain, but it didn’t help. Then it passed, and she collapsed back on her bed. She gently rubbed her hands over her stomach. She felt the baby kick her, it still felt funny to feel the baby’s foot kicking her up around her ribs, but she knew that it meant that her baby would be here soon. Of that she was glad, this last part of her pregnancy had been hard on her. She had found herself wishing that PJ was there with her, to hold her, or rub her back to ease the pain, or help her up when she needed to move, to just be there for her. She was uncomfortable most of the time, and needed to go to the toilet almost constantly. In short she felt huge and wanted her baby out of her already.
She found herself drifting back to sleep again when she felt the pain lance through her again. This time she rubbed her stomach, trying to soothe her baby, and trying to time how long the pain lasted. She had had some pains over the past couple of days, nothing her doctor hadn’t warned her she might have, but they hadn’t been this bad before She wondered if maybe it was time. As this round of pain eased off she took a deep breath and then released it.
She’d almost convinced herself that she was wrong when she felt her waters break, soaking her bed and making it uncomfortable. She pulled back her doona and struggled to sit up and looked at the clock by her bed.
She heard herself groan. Why couldn’t babies decide to arrive at a decent time. It was 3.14 in the morning. She looked up as she heard her door open.
“Are you all right Jo?”
Jo shook her head and turned on her bedside lamp. “I think we need to go to the hospital.”
Julie came over to her friend and looked her over. She noted that the bed was wet, and Jo looked a little flushed.
“OK lets get you changed and get going.”
Jo nodded and was grateful for the help. It only took them ten minutes to get out to the car. Julie helped her into the passenger seat and jumped into the drivers seat of Jo’s car and then started backing out of the drive way.
“Ok, how you doing Jo?”
“I’m fi...fuuuuccckkkkk!” she grabbed her stomach as another contraction stole her breath away.
“Ok Jo, remember to breathe through the contraction, we’ve done this run and know how far it is to the hospital.” Julie said as she noticed that Jo was tensing up instead of breathing through the contraction. She pushed the speed up a little more, and timed the contraction.
“Oh god,” Jo breathed out as the contraction eased. She leaned her head back against the headrest and closed her eyes for a moment. “I must be insane, why else would I do this.”
Julie laughed, “You’ll be fine Jo, and your not insane, your very brave.”
Jo chuckled as well and looked over at her friend. “Thanks, just keep reminding me of that will you?”
Julie reached over and gently squeezed Jo’s shoulder. “No problem.”
It only took them just over another 5 minutes for them to reach the hospital, and they pulled up in the emergency entrance just as another contraction hit. Julie stayed with her and talked her through the contraction. Glad for both her medical training and also the lemaze classes that she had attended with Jo. She’d be amazed when Jo had asked her to be her birthing partner. When it passed she went inside to get a wheel chair and let them know that they had arrived.
It didn’t take them long to book Jo in and get her to maternity. The contractions were coming closer together and were getting stronger in intensity, Julie was worried about her friend, and had taken a moment to talk to her doctor. She had told Jo that she was going to get them something to drink from the machine down the hallway.
“Is Jo going to be all right?”
“Everything seems to be moving along well. Why?” Dr. Hannah asked.
Julie shook her head. “I don’t know, I’ve seen a lot of women give birth, but something just seems different with Jo. I’m worried about her.”
Dr. Hannah grinned and gave her an encouraging hug, “Maybe because you’re closer to Jo than you were to those others Jules,” he chuckled. “You should know me well enough by now, if I thought something was wrong I’d be with her all the way, and I’d be moving her to another room. Relax, she’ll be fine.”
Julie nodded and went back into the room, taking a moment to hide the concern from her friend. She held up the drink that she had grabbed and offered it to Jo. “So what did he have to say?” Jo smiled as she saw Julie cringe, and try to hide it. “Hey come on, I know you.”
“Ok!” She put the juice on the table. “He said you’re doing fine.”
“Oh goooOOOODDDDD!” Jo screamed, she grabbed hold of the bed with one hand and Julie with the other.
“Come on Jo, breathe through it, that’s it, breathe.” Julie coached as the contraction progressed. She gently wiped the sweat from Jo’s forehead, and continued to talk her through the contraction. “That’s it, it’s nearly over, your doing so well Jo, just a little more.”
“Oh god...” Jo said as she collapsed back against Julie. She had never felt pain like this before, it was like her body was trying to tear itself apart. Her doctor had been in a few minutes before and had said that it wouldn’t be long now. But at the moment she didn’t believe anything that he said. No one should have to go through this amount of pain for 6 and a half hours, it was just inhuman.
She was so tired, she looked around the room, Julie was still with her and Dr. Hannah said that he’d be back in a few minutes. He said that her baby was almost ready to arrive. She felt a sense of peace settle over her again, similar to the one that had settled on her when she had finished writing her letters the night before. It was as if she was waiting for this one last task to be completed before she could rest. God how she wanted to rest.
Her contractions were very close now and they were stronger than ever. The pain relief that they had tried had had no effect and she could see that both Dr. Hannah and Julie were becoming concerned. This last part of her labour had been hard, and was taking longer than they had expected it to take.
The next contraction came on faster than the last, and was the strongest one yet. She screamed through the pain. She heard Julie talking her through the pain, and Dr. Hannah telling her how good she was doing. She could feel Julie rubbing her back, trying to ease the pain a little. Then the contraction was over and she collapsed back against Julie again.
She took a deep breath, glad that one was over, and tried to fortify herself for the next one.
“OK Jo,” Dr. Hannah said, “we’re in the home stretch now, Your babies head is crowning. I want you to push when I tell you to.”
Jo nodded tiredly.
“You’re almost done Jo, soon you’ll get to meet your beautiful baby and all this will just be a memory.” Julie said.
Jo felt a wave of sadness hit her. She grabbed Julie's hand before the next contraction hit.
“Ok Jo, breath through it,” Julie started.
She shook her head, “No, I need you to promise me something Julie.”
“It’s all right Jo, whatever it is it can wait till later.”
Jo shook her head, panic started to spread through her now, she had to make her friend understand. “No. It can’t, ooohhhhhh ggggoooOOOOODDDDDDD!”
“OK Jo, I need you to push! PUSH! Keep pushing Jo, keep going Jo and stop. That’s it, take a moment to rest.” Dr. Hannah said. He looked up at Jo and then glanced at Julie. Medically everything seemed to be going well, but he was concerned. He had spoken to Julie again about her friend, and he felt it as well now. Something wasn’t right, but for the life of him he couldn’t find what it was. And by god had he checked.
“Julie,” Jo panted, “Please I need you to promise me something.”
Julie looked at Jo and then at Dr. Hannah. She saw the concern in his eyes, and knew that whatever Jo wanted she’d do.
“OK Jo, what is it?”
Before she could ask her favour, contraction hit.
“OK Jo, push till I reach 10, push 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 and stop. “ Dr. Hannah said, “Good, that’s the way, I can see the head now, next push should get the shoulders.”
Jo felt exhausted. “I need you tell PJ for me.” She panted, “If something happens I need you to find him. She’s going to need her daddy.”
“Sshhh Jo, your going to be fine,” Julie said as she wiped the tears from Jo’s face. “You can tell him yourself and you can raise her together.”
Jo shook her head, she knew now why she’d had to do everything now. She knew why she wrote the letters, why she’d kept track of PJ and the others, why she’d never really set her house up as a home, it was never meant to be her home. For the first time she could see what the future held, and it made her incredibly happy and sad at the same time.
“OK Jo, get ready for your next contraction, here it comes.” Dr. Hannah looked between Jo and Julie. “Ready, and push, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, ok relax. That’s it, that’s the shoulders Jo, one more push and your baby’ll be here. Just one more push.”
“Promise me Julie, I need to know you’ll take her to PJ, she needs at least one of her parents.” Jo held onto Julie's hand with all the strength she had left. She needed to know that she’d do it. Needed to know her daughter would be safe and with PJ. “Please.”
Julie looked at Hannah, and then back to Jo, she brushed some of Jo’s curly brown hair back from her face. It had grown in the months that Jo had been here, and she’d always been a little jealous of how beautiful her friend was, but she’d also come to value her friendship. Sometimes she found it hard to believe that they’d only met months ago. Since she’d been there Jo had made her smile, and everyone that she had met and worked with had come to love her. But Julie also knew that Jo didn’t realise how much she had come to mean to her new friends, she knew that her work mates had all put in and had got a basket of flowers and baby gifts to be delivered when they heard Jo was in labour. But the look in Jo’s eyes nearly broke Julie’s heart. She could feel her friend slipping away from her right in front of her eyes, and she knew that there was nothing that she could do to stop that.
She could help her friend with this one last thing. She could feel herself crying now, even as she wiped away Jo’s tears. The rest of the room was quiet, the only sounds those of the medical equipment that was tracking Jo’s progress and stats. All of which were still saying that everything was fine. But everyone in the room knew the truth now, and Julie and Hannah both felt their hearts breaking for Jo, her baby, and for the man that had loved Jo, and would love his daughter.
Julie nodded. “I promise Jo. She’ll be with her father, and we’ll all watch out for her.”
Julie saw the thanks in Jo’s eyes even as the next contraction hit. She tried to help her through it, but all the time her heart was breaking. She was hoping for a miracle, hoping that they were all wrong and the medical equipment, that she had place her trust in for so many years, was right.
A loud cry filled the room, as Jo’s baby made it’s way into the world. No one had known what Jo was having, her baby had been very uncooperative during each of the scans that she had had, but somehow Jo had known what her baby was going to be.
Julie eased Jo back against the pillows as they waited, she wiped the sweat from Jo’s face again, and gently held her hand. She looked so exhausted.
“Congratulations Jo, you have a beautiful baby girl.” Hannah said as he wrapped her gently in a blanket and handed her to her mother. “She’s beautiful Jo.”
Jo reached for her daughter and smiled at both Julie and Hannah. When she had her, she pulled the blanket back gently so that she could look at her daughter. She counted her fingers and toes, and checked to see that she was healthy. Her heart swelled with love. Even as she felt her strength fading. She knew her time was short.
“She’s perfect Jo, you did great.” Dr. Hannah said once he had taken care of both mother and daughter. The machines were still saying that Jo was ok, though he could see that she wasn’t, and he hated that there was nothing he could do to change that, no matter how hard he tried.
“Have you got a name picked out?” Julie asked.
Jo shook her head, still a little in awe. “Only her last name, I want her last name to be her fathers, Hasham.” She felt a sob almost choke her, as she spoke to Julie. “She has his eyes, and his nose.”
Julie smiled and reached out to play with her hand. “She has your hair Jo.”
Hannah smiled at the three of them and took a picture.
“You’ll keep your promise Julie?” Her voice was soft now, she was struggling to stay with them a little longer, she didn’t want to leave her daughter.
Julie nodded. “I promise Jo.”
“All you need to find Peej is in the draw, where I put the letters I wrote.” Jo whispered. She looked down at her baby again, she was so beautiful.
“It’s ok Jo. I’ll talk to him soon. He’ll know as soon as possible. I promise.” Julie felt her tears fall. Jo had looked so strong when she had first arrived in their town. Now, though she still looked beautiful, she looked like she might shatter the moment that anyone touched her.
Alarms started sounding, Jo’s breathing became slower, her stats dropping faster than the monitors could keep up with.
“Tell Peej I never stopped loving him, and our baby.” Jo looked Julie in the eye as she said that, and when Julie nodded she smiled and her eyes drifted close.
She breathed in once, then again, and then there was no more. The monitors were going berserk, alarms were going off all over the place. Julie gently took the baby out of Jo’s slack arms and cried as she cuddled her.
Dr. Hannah and the rest of the medical staff worked on Jo for nearly an hour before they admitted defeat. He had known it would be hopeless but he had to try. No matter what his mentors had tried to teach him during his training and the years of practice, there were always cases that crept under his defences. Jo had been a case in point. She had charmed her way into his life the first instant that he had met her, and they had been friends ever since. He now grieved not only for his friend, but also for what they had all lost with her passing.
Hannah joined Julie in Jo’s room. She was watching the baby sleeping. So innocent and trusting. He sat next to her and let her cry as he held her. It was late afternoon now, Julie had been taking care of the baby, feeding her, changing her and holding her when she cried.
“Have you called this PJ person yet?”
Julie shook her head and held up a piece of paper that she had written PJ’s number on. “I’ve been watching her and trying to decide how to tell him about Jo and his daughter.”
”And you’ve decided?”
“I don’t know, I think I’ll call her boss first. She said that he was like a father to all of them. Maybe he could help.” She sighed. “It’s just that isn’t something that anyone should have to hear over the phone.”
Jeff Hannah nodded and handed her his mobile. “Make the call, then I’ll organise everything so that we can take Jo and her daughter home to their family.”
Julie nodded.
The autopsy had been conducted straight away, Jeff had pulled a few strings to rush it through. Apparently Jo’s death was due to a rare blood disorder that was almost impossible to detect. It made the mothers body dependent on the baby, when the baby was born the mothers system would shut down. It could have been treated, if they had known to look for it early in the pregnancy, but as there had been no history of it in her family they had no idea that she was even at risk.
Jeff and Julie pulled up in front of the Imperial in Mt. Thomas. They had booked some rooms before they had left the day before. Julie sat for a few minutes and looked up at the old impressive building in front of them. She thought of the stories that Jo had told her about the people and the town and she smiled. Her friend hadn’t exaggerated at all. She knew now that they were doing the right thing.
Jeff had already got out of the car and was getting Jo’s daughter out of the back seat. She had slept through most of the drive, only waking when she was hungry or needed a change. She was 4 days old and she already had those around her twisted around her little finger. Just like her mother had.
“I’ll carry her if you get the bags.” Julie offered.
Jeff smiled and handed her over. When they got their gear together the headed into the pub so that they could book in. It was nearly 3pm, but they had arranged to meet Tom Croydon at 4.30. Julie rested the baby capsule on a stool at the bar while they waited for someone to notice them. Jeff gently lay his hand across her shoulder in silent support, as they looked at the baby. They didn’t know what to call her, and didn’t feel right about naming her.
“Can I help you?” Julie smiled at the pretty red head that was behind the bar, she knew who she was from Jo’s descriptions. She felt a little strange, she felt as if she knew these people by the descriptions that Jo had given them. It was almost like she was coming home after being away for years.
“Hi, you must be Chris. We rang yesterday and booked a couple of rooms.”
“Right you must be Hannah and Jackson. Your rooms are ready.” Chris smiled at them. “I didn’t know you had a baby, do you need a crib or anything?”
Julie looked a little uncomfortable for a moment. She hadn’t told anyone about Jo’s daughter, and she’d only talked to Tom a couple of times, she had told him about Jo, but not her daughter.
“Ah no, we’re fine actually.” Jeff said.
“Ok,” Chris went into an office and came back out with two keys. “Ah Tom Croydon left a message for you, he wanted you to let him know when you arrived. I can call him while you get settled if you like.”
Jeff smiled as Julie accepted the keys. “Thanks, he said that there’d be a room here that we could talk in. Were would that be?”
Chris looked at them a little closer, she was sure that she’d never seen them before and wondered what their connection to Tom was. “Ah sure, the back parlour is usually free. I keep it for functions.”
“Thanks.”
Chris watched them head upstairs before she went back to phone Tom.
Tom had been distracted all day, and when he had received a call he had told them all that he was taking off a little early as something had come up. PJ had found that a little suspicious, he had finished up what he was doing and then left saying he was going to check out a lead.
He followed Tom to the Imperial and watched him go in. He seemed to be in a hurry. He watched and waited for a while before his curiosity got the better of him. What would have the Boss so distracted all day that he’d take off to the pub as soon as he got a call. After a while he decided to go in and find out. If Tom was in some kind of trouble he’d offer to help. It was the least he could do.
“Thank you bring Jo’s body back, but I don’t understand the need for all this secrecy and what was the other business that you needed to take care of?” Tom asked once they had all greeted each other and he had had a quick look at the sleeping baby.
“Thank you for agreeing to meet us like this.” Julie said, she looked in at the baby before she went on. “Jo and I became really close over the last few months. She said that you were like a father to her. She missed you all so much.”
Tom looked away for a moment. He had tried hard to convince Jo to stay, that she didn’t need to leave. But it hadn’t worked. He’d only heard from her once since she left. She had wanted to let him know that she was ok.
“If she missed us why didn’t she come home?”
Julie sighed. “I often asked her that. She’d just shake her head and change the subject.”
Tom gave a small chuckle. “That’s our Jo all right.”
They all sat in silence for a minute, thinking. It was only broken by the baby waking up. Julie picked her up and gave her a cuddle. “Your baby is beautiful,” Tom said, “boy or girl?”
Julie ducked her head down for a moment, gathering her emotions before she went on.
“She’s a girl, but she’s not mine.”
Tom cocked his eye at this, and shot Jeff a questioning look.
Jeff shook his head. “Actually she’s part of why we came, why we rang before hand. We wanted your advice on something.”
Julie proceeded to tell Jo’s story from when she left. Tom sat and listen to the whole thing.
PJ was at the door listening, Chris had told them where Tom was and he had arrived just as they had started talking about Jo. When he heard them say she had died he couldn’t believe it. He felt his world start to slide away. He had thought that he’d be able to find her, convince her to come back, all it would take was time. But now these people, these strangers were saying she was dead. He’d almost burst into the room to tell them that they were wrong when the female had started talking again. Telling Tom about Jo, and what she’d done when she left. He could tell that she was nearing the end of the story, and it took a few minutes for him to comprehend what he was hearing.
Tom sat back in his seat when Julie finished telling him what had happened. He wanted to cry, scream, deny. But deep down he knew it was true, it was exactly what she would have done. But that didn’t make it any easier to believe.
“Are you sure PJ’s the father?”
Julie nodded and Jeff passed the photo of Jo holding her daughter with Julie.
“When she found out she was pregnant she told me who the father was. She showed me pictures that she had taken with her. And when you look at her you can see it. Jo was right when she said that she has her fathers eyes and nose. But she has her mothers hair and her charm.” Julie stood and moved to hand her over to Tom. “We wanted to find the best way to break it gently to him.”
Tom put the photo down, the photo made the whole thing real. It was Jo and the baby, and she looked beautiful. As he looked at the tiny baby in his arms she woke up, and he could see that Jo was right. She was PJ’s and she was Jo’s as well. He sat and looked as he cuddled the small bundle. He was about to ask more questions, he had so many, but stopped when he saw the door burst open and PJ standing there. He looked shocked and pale, and Tom was concerned for the Detective. He knew how hard PJ had searched for Jo, how much he had loved her, and he knew now that he had heard every word that they had said.
Julie and Jeff jumped when they heard the door crashing open, they saw the man from the photo’s Jo had left them. They also saw Chris coming down the hall to see what the noise was.
Tom stood and approached PJ with the baby.
PJ shook his head. “No, Jo’s not dead, she can’t be.” “I’m sorry PJ...” Tom started, he was glad that Chris had arrived, he had a feeling they would all be needing her soon.
“Tom?”
He nodded. “Chris, PJ, this is Julie Jackson, she was a friend for Jo, and this is Dr. Jeff Hannah, he was her Doctor.” He stepped closer. “And this is your daughter PJ.”
Tom saw the look of shock flash over Chris’s face as she took in all the news. PJ just stood there staring at the baby in his arms, making no move to hold his daughter or leave.
Chris moved around PJ and gave Julie and Jeff a hug.
“Thank you” she stepped back and turned to PJ.
“I’m so sorry, she wanted you to know that she never stopped loving you PJ.” Julie said. “She loved you all.”
“What’s her name?” PJ asked after a moment, he reached out a hand and gently touched her small hand.
Julie let Jeff support her, Jo’s loss was still so hard to accept. Every time that she closed her eyes the morning that she lost Jo came back to swamp her again, the pain never lessening. “The only thing Jo wanted was for her to have your last name. I think she wanted to leave the rest of her name up to her father.”
PJ took his daughter from Tom and found himself lost in her eyes.
“Peej, are you ok?” Chris asked as she placed a warm hand on his back. She also took a moment to get a closer look at his daughter.
PJ nodded and looked at Tom, Chris and then Julie and Jeff. “Your name’s Julie right?”
Julie nodded.
PJ looked down at his daughter again, he couldn’t hold back the emotions that were overwhelming him. He’d lost his Jo, he hadn’t been able to tell her how much he loved her, hadn’t been there with her during her pregnancy, hadn’t even known that she was pregnant, during the birth of their daughter, but now he’d always have a part of her now. And he knew that he’d do whatever he had to to make sure that she was loved and know that she was loved, like he should have done for Jo.
“PJ?” Tom touched his arm, concern clear in his voice.
“I’m ok.” He looked up, making no move to hide the tears that fell freely for what he’d lost and for what he had also gained. “I think I’d like to give her a name.” He took a breath, “I’d like to introduce you to Joanna Julie Hasham.”
“That’s a beautiful name Peej,” Chris said. Julie gasped, she had hoped that he’d name her Jo after her mother, but hadn’t even thought about her own name as part of hers.
“Is that ok with you?” PJ asked. He was moving carefully, afraid that he’d hurt his daughter, that he’d wake up and find that this was all a dream and he wasn’t holding this precious baby.
Julie smiled. “Thank you.”
The End.
Summary: Happiness can come out of tragedgy. When one world ends another begins. Warning: this story contains character death.
TV Show: Blue Heelers
Characters: Joanna Parish, PJ Hasham, Tom Croyden, Chris
Warnings: This story has a major character death, and lots of angst and new life.
Disclaimer: I don't own them, and made nothing from them
Jo looked around her home. It looked so warm and inviting and yet to her it still felt empty. She sighed as she sank back into the lounge and absently rubbed her swollen stomach.
She knew why it seemed so empty, it was the same reason that everything seemed hollow and pale to her.
PJ.
Since she had run from Mt. Thomas seven months ago she had felt the emptiness that was left where PJ used to be.
She had a new home, new friends, and a new job. But still she felt as if she were just marking time, doing what she had to to get through each day. And each day she felt a little more of her fade away. She would have loved to head back to Mt. Thomas, to her friends, to her family, her job, her life. But she knew that if she did the pain of being around PJ and not being able to be with him would be more than she could live with.
He had broken her heart when he was trying to talk that girl down from the balcony. He didn’t know that she had been there, and she had never given him a chance to explain to her. She had left. Left the scene, left her home with PJ, and later that same night after talking with the Boss, she had left Mt. Thomas for good.
She reached up and wiped a tear from her cheek as the memories flooded through her again.
The light was fading outside, as another day ended and the night started to settle in. She reached for another piece of paper to write another letter to her baby. She didn’t know why she had been so driven to start writing these letters, but about a week after she had found out that she was pregnant she had felt herself being pushed to do so, and that same day she had gone into town and spent an afternoon looking around the shops, spending time buying not only stuff for her baby, but the perfect writing paper and a nice pen to write with. She hadn’t known what she was going to write, but she had found herself writing a letter every day, telling her baby about the love that she still felt for the baby’s father, about the good times that they had shared, about her own life, and her hope for her child’s future. The one thing that she never found herself writing about was her own future, and that was something that surprise her and Julie, her neighbour and closest friend.
Julie had been there when she was moving in, and had ended up helping Jo with the move and unpacking. They had quickly become friends, though it had only been after Jo had found out that she was pregnant that she told her new friend what had brought her here in the first place. Much to Jo’s surprise Julie hadn’t judged her or told her that she should go back to Mt. Thomas and confront her past and let them know that she was pregnant. Instead Julie had hugged her and let her cry and had then told her that she would be there for her whenever she needed a friend or someone to lean on.
That had been months ago.
Jo was now the size of a small house, and counting down the days until her baby was due. Julie had moved in with her a month ago so that she could be there, she worried about Jo and didn’t want to leave her friend alone when ever she could help it. Having spent her working life as a nurse, she knew how hard some women had it during pregnancy, and she knew Jo well enough now to know that she wouldn’t bother asking for help, no matter how much she needed it. Jo finished off her letter, she had found herself finishing off her stories about working at Mt. Thomas, the memories had brought a smile to her face as she remembered all the good times, and how close they had all been. She also wrote about how they had tried to find her, and how PJ was still trying to find her. She wrote about how she felt about that, and how she had followed their search through some of her sources. She finished off by saying that she loved her baby and would always love PJ and the rest of her family at Mt. Thomas, that’s the way that she felt about those that she had worked with. They were her family. But as with some families she thought that it was better if they didn’t live together. She sealed the letter with a kiss and lovingly placed it with the others that she had written.
Julie had arrived home from work while she had been busy and had made dinner for them both. They had eaten in the lounge room and watched All Saints while they ate. They laughed at some of the antics and groaned at some of the personal problems that “Terri” and “Jack” were having. After a while Jo had become tired and Julie had suggested that she head to bed.
At first Jo had protested, saying that she wanted to watch TV some more. But when she felt herself yawning she grinned sheepishly and agreed that maybe it was time for her to head to bed. Julie had helped Jo up and watched her friend go. She felt that there was something different about Jo tonight, she seemed to be totally at peace for the first time since she had known her. Maybe it was just a nesting instinct, she had seen it in other mothers before they gave birth, they would become serene and content, others would go on a mad cleaning spree. While others still would decide that they wanted to go away. She made a note to check up on Jo a couple of times during the night, just to be sure she was all right.
Jo had had no trouble falling asleep when she went to bed, she had felt like a weight had been lifted, she wasn’t sure why. The feeling had settled over her when she had finished her letter. She felt that she had finished, and that she was now ready for something. What she wasn’t sure. But something.
Jo was woken by a pain that lanced through her middle. It had been a sharp pain that seemed to spread throughout her body. She tried curling up to relieve some of the pain, but it didn’t help. Then it passed, and she collapsed back on her bed. She gently rubbed her hands over her stomach. She felt the baby kick her, it still felt funny to feel the baby’s foot kicking her up around her ribs, but she knew that it meant that her baby would be here soon. Of that she was glad, this last part of her pregnancy had been hard on her. She had found herself wishing that PJ was there with her, to hold her, or rub her back to ease the pain, or help her up when she needed to move, to just be there for her. She was uncomfortable most of the time, and needed to go to the toilet almost constantly. In short she felt huge and wanted her baby out of her already.
She found herself drifting back to sleep again when she felt the pain lance through her again. This time she rubbed her stomach, trying to soothe her baby, and trying to time how long the pain lasted. She had had some pains over the past couple of days, nothing her doctor hadn’t warned her she might have, but they hadn’t been this bad before She wondered if maybe it was time. As this round of pain eased off she took a deep breath and then released it.
She’d almost convinced herself that she was wrong when she felt her waters break, soaking her bed and making it uncomfortable. She pulled back her doona and struggled to sit up and looked at the clock by her bed.
She heard herself groan. Why couldn’t babies decide to arrive at a decent time. It was 3.14 in the morning. She looked up as she heard her door open.
“Are you all right Jo?”
Jo shook her head and turned on her bedside lamp. “I think we need to go to the hospital.”
Julie came over to her friend and looked her over. She noted that the bed was wet, and Jo looked a little flushed.
“OK lets get you changed and get going.”
Jo nodded and was grateful for the help. It only took them ten minutes to get out to the car. Julie helped her into the passenger seat and jumped into the drivers seat of Jo’s car and then started backing out of the drive way.
“Ok, how you doing Jo?”
“I’m fi...fuuuuccckkkkk!” she grabbed her stomach as another contraction stole her breath away.
“Ok Jo, remember to breathe through the contraction, we’ve done this run and know how far it is to the hospital.” Julie said as she noticed that Jo was tensing up instead of breathing through the contraction. She pushed the speed up a little more, and timed the contraction.
“Oh god,” Jo breathed out as the contraction eased. She leaned her head back against the headrest and closed her eyes for a moment. “I must be insane, why else would I do this.”
Julie laughed, “You’ll be fine Jo, and your not insane, your very brave.”
Jo chuckled as well and looked over at her friend. “Thanks, just keep reminding me of that will you?”
Julie reached over and gently squeezed Jo’s shoulder. “No problem.”
It only took them just over another 5 minutes for them to reach the hospital, and they pulled up in the emergency entrance just as another contraction hit. Julie stayed with her and talked her through the contraction. Glad for both her medical training and also the lemaze classes that she had attended with Jo. She’d be amazed when Jo had asked her to be her birthing partner. When it passed she went inside to get a wheel chair and let them know that they had arrived.
It didn’t take them long to book Jo in and get her to maternity. The contractions were coming closer together and were getting stronger in intensity, Julie was worried about her friend, and had taken a moment to talk to her doctor. She had told Jo that she was going to get them something to drink from the machine down the hallway.
“Is Jo going to be all right?”
“Everything seems to be moving along well. Why?” Dr. Hannah asked.
Julie shook her head. “I don’t know, I’ve seen a lot of women give birth, but something just seems different with Jo. I’m worried about her.”
Dr. Hannah grinned and gave her an encouraging hug, “Maybe because you’re closer to Jo than you were to those others Jules,” he chuckled. “You should know me well enough by now, if I thought something was wrong I’d be with her all the way, and I’d be moving her to another room. Relax, she’ll be fine.”
Julie nodded and went back into the room, taking a moment to hide the concern from her friend. She held up the drink that she had grabbed and offered it to Jo. “So what did he have to say?” Jo smiled as she saw Julie cringe, and try to hide it. “Hey come on, I know you.”
“Ok!” She put the juice on the table. “He said you’re doing fine.”
“Oh goooOOOODDDDD!” Jo screamed, she grabbed hold of the bed with one hand and Julie with the other.
“Come on Jo, breathe through it, that’s it, breathe.” Julie coached as the contraction progressed. She gently wiped the sweat from Jo’s forehead, and continued to talk her through the contraction. “That’s it, it’s nearly over, your doing so well Jo, just a little more.”
“Oh god...” Jo said as she collapsed back against Julie. She had never felt pain like this before, it was like her body was trying to tear itself apart. Her doctor had been in a few minutes before and had said that it wouldn’t be long now. But at the moment she didn’t believe anything that he said. No one should have to go through this amount of pain for 6 and a half hours, it was just inhuman.
She was so tired, she looked around the room, Julie was still with her and Dr. Hannah said that he’d be back in a few minutes. He said that her baby was almost ready to arrive. She felt a sense of peace settle over her again, similar to the one that had settled on her when she had finished writing her letters the night before. It was as if she was waiting for this one last task to be completed before she could rest. God how she wanted to rest.
Her contractions were very close now and they were stronger than ever. The pain relief that they had tried had had no effect and she could see that both Dr. Hannah and Julie were becoming concerned. This last part of her labour had been hard, and was taking longer than they had expected it to take.
The next contraction came on faster than the last, and was the strongest one yet. She screamed through the pain. She heard Julie talking her through the pain, and Dr. Hannah telling her how good she was doing. She could feel Julie rubbing her back, trying to ease the pain a little. Then the contraction was over and she collapsed back against Julie again.
She took a deep breath, glad that one was over, and tried to fortify herself for the next one.
“OK Jo,” Dr. Hannah said, “we’re in the home stretch now, Your babies head is crowning. I want you to push when I tell you to.”
Jo nodded tiredly.
“You’re almost done Jo, soon you’ll get to meet your beautiful baby and all this will just be a memory.” Julie said.
Jo felt a wave of sadness hit her. She grabbed Julie's hand before the next contraction hit.
“Ok Jo, breath through it,” Julie started.
She shook her head, “No, I need you to promise me something Julie.”
“It’s all right Jo, whatever it is it can wait till later.”
Jo shook her head, panic started to spread through her now, she had to make her friend understand. “No. It can’t, ooohhhhhh ggggoooOOOOODDDDDDD!”
“OK Jo, I need you to push! PUSH! Keep pushing Jo, keep going Jo and stop. That’s it, take a moment to rest.” Dr. Hannah said. He looked up at Jo and then glanced at Julie. Medically everything seemed to be going well, but he was concerned. He had spoken to Julie again about her friend, and he felt it as well now. Something wasn’t right, but for the life of him he couldn’t find what it was. And by god had he checked.
“Julie,” Jo panted, “Please I need you to promise me something.”
Julie looked at Jo and then at Dr. Hannah. She saw the concern in his eyes, and knew that whatever Jo wanted she’d do.
“OK Jo, what is it?”
Before she could ask her favour, contraction hit.
“OK Jo, push till I reach 10, push 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 and stop. “ Dr. Hannah said, “Good, that’s the way, I can see the head now, next push should get the shoulders.”
Jo felt exhausted. “I need you tell PJ for me.” She panted, “If something happens I need you to find him. She’s going to need her daddy.”
“Sshhh Jo, your going to be fine,” Julie said as she wiped the tears from Jo’s face. “You can tell him yourself and you can raise her together.”
Jo shook her head, she knew now why she’d had to do everything now. She knew why she wrote the letters, why she’d kept track of PJ and the others, why she’d never really set her house up as a home, it was never meant to be her home. For the first time she could see what the future held, and it made her incredibly happy and sad at the same time.
“OK Jo, get ready for your next contraction, here it comes.” Dr. Hannah looked between Jo and Julie. “Ready, and push, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, ok relax. That’s it, that’s the shoulders Jo, one more push and your baby’ll be here. Just one more push.”
“Promise me Julie, I need to know you’ll take her to PJ, she needs at least one of her parents.” Jo held onto Julie's hand with all the strength she had left. She needed to know that she’d do it. Needed to know her daughter would be safe and with PJ. “Please.”
Julie looked at Hannah, and then back to Jo, she brushed some of Jo’s curly brown hair back from her face. It had grown in the months that Jo had been here, and she’d always been a little jealous of how beautiful her friend was, but she’d also come to value her friendship. Sometimes she found it hard to believe that they’d only met months ago. Since she’d been there Jo had made her smile, and everyone that she had met and worked with had come to love her. But Julie also knew that Jo didn’t realise how much she had come to mean to her new friends, she knew that her work mates had all put in and had got a basket of flowers and baby gifts to be delivered when they heard Jo was in labour. But the look in Jo’s eyes nearly broke Julie’s heart. She could feel her friend slipping away from her right in front of her eyes, and she knew that there was nothing that she could do to stop that.
She could help her friend with this one last thing. She could feel herself crying now, even as she wiped away Jo’s tears. The rest of the room was quiet, the only sounds those of the medical equipment that was tracking Jo’s progress and stats. All of which were still saying that everything was fine. But everyone in the room knew the truth now, and Julie and Hannah both felt their hearts breaking for Jo, her baby, and for the man that had loved Jo, and would love his daughter.
Julie nodded. “I promise Jo. She’ll be with her father, and we’ll all watch out for her.”
Julie saw the thanks in Jo’s eyes even as the next contraction hit. She tried to help her through it, but all the time her heart was breaking. She was hoping for a miracle, hoping that they were all wrong and the medical equipment, that she had place her trust in for so many years, was right.
A loud cry filled the room, as Jo’s baby made it’s way into the world. No one had known what Jo was having, her baby had been very uncooperative during each of the scans that she had had, but somehow Jo had known what her baby was going to be.
Julie eased Jo back against the pillows as they waited, she wiped the sweat from Jo’s face again, and gently held her hand. She looked so exhausted.
“Congratulations Jo, you have a beautiful baby girl.” Hannah said as he wrapped her gently in a blanket and handed her to her mother. “She’s beautiful Jo.”
Jo reached for her daughter and smiled at both Julie and Hannah. When she had her, she pulled the blanket back gently so that she could look at her daughter. She counted her fingers and toes, and checked to see that she was healthy. Her heart swelled with love. Even as she felt her strength fading. She knew her time was short.
“She’s perfect Jo, you did great.” Dr. Hannah said once he had taken care of both mother and daughter. The machines were still saying that Jo was ok, though he could see that she wasn’t, and he hated that there was nothing he could do to change that, no matter how hard he tried.
“Have you got a name picked out?” Julie asked.
Jo shook her head, still a little in awe. “Only her last name, I want her last name to be her fathers, Hasham.” She felt a sob almost choke her, as she spoke to Julie. “She has his eyes, and his nose.”
Julie smiled and reached out to play with her hand. “She has your hair Jo.”
Hannah smiled at the three of them and took a picture.
“You’ll keep your promise Julie?” Her voice was soft now, she was struggling to stay with them a little longer, she didn’t want to leave her daughter.
Julie nodded. “I promise Jo.”
“All you need to find Peej is in the draw, where I put the letters I wrote.” Jo whispered. She looked down at her baby again, she was so beautiful.
“It’s ok Jo. I’ll talk to him soon. He’ll know as soon as possible. I promise.” Julie felt her tears fall. Jo had looked so strong when she had first arrived in their town. Now, though she still looked beautiful, she looked like she might shatter the moment that anyone touched her.
Alarms started sounding, Jo’s breathing became slower, her stats dropping faster than the monitors could keep up with.
“Tell Peej I never stopped loving him, and our baby.” Jo looked Julie in the eye as she said that, and when Julie nodded she smiled and her eyes drifted close.
She breathed in once, then again, and then there was no more. The monitors were going berserk, alarms were going off all over the place. Julie gently took the baby out of Jo’s slack arms and cried as she cuddled her.
Dr. Hannah and the rest of the medical staff worked on Jo for nearly an hour before they admitted defeat. He had known it would be hopeless but he had to try. No matter what his mentors had tried to teach him during his training and the years of practice, there were always cases that crept under his defences. Jo had been a case in point. She had charmed her way into his life the first instant that he had met her, and they had been friends ever since. He now grieved not only for his friend, but also for what they had all lost with her passing.
Hannah joined Julie in Jo’s room. She was watching the baby sleeping. So innocent and trusting. He sat next to her and let her cry as he held her. It was late afternoon now, Julie had been taking care of the baby, feeding her, changing her and holding her when she cried.
“Have you called this PJ person yet?”
Julie shook her head and held up a piece of paper that she had written PJ’s number on. “I’ve been watching her and trying to decide how to tell him about Jo and his daughter.”
”And you’ve decided?”
“I don’t know, I think I’ll call her boss first. She said that he was like a father to all of them. Maybe he could help.” She sighed. “It’s just that isn’t something that anyone should have to hear over the phone.”
Jeff Hannah nodded and handed her his mobile. “Make the call, then I’ll organise everything so that we can take Jo and her daughter home to their family.”
Julie nodded.
The autopsy had been conducted straight away, Jeff had pulled a few strings to rush it through. Apparently Jo’s death was due to a rare blood disorder that was almost impossible to detect. It made the mothers body dependent on the baby, when the baby was born the mothers system would shut down. It could have been treated, if they had known to look for it early in the pregnancy, but as there had been no history of it in her family they had no idea that she was even at risk.
Jeff and Julie pulled up in front of the Imperial in Mt. Thomas. They had booked some rooms before they had left the day before. Julie sat for a few minutes and looked up at the old impressive building in front of them. She thought of the stories that Jo had told her about the people and the town and she smiled. Her friend hadn’t exaggerated at all. She knew now that they were doing the right thing.
Jeff had already got out of the car and was getting Jo’s daughter out of the back seat. She had slept through most of the drive, only waking when she was hungry or needed a change. She was 4 days old and she already had those around her twisted around her little finger. Just like her mother had.
“I’ll carry her if you get the bags.” Julie offered.
Jeff smiled and handed her over. When they got their gear together the headed into the pub so that they could book in. It was nearly 3pm, but they had arranged to meet Tom Croydon at 4.30. Julie rested the baby capsule on a stool at the bar while they waited for someone to notice them. Jeff gently lay his hand across her shoulder in silent support, as they looked at the baby. They didn’t know what to call her, and didn’t feel right about naming her.
“Can I help you?” Julie smiled at the pretty red head that was behind the bar, she knew who she was from Jo’s descriptions. She felt a little strange, she felt as if she knew these people by the descriptions that Jo had given them. It was almost like she was coming home after being away for years.
“Hi, you must be Chris. We rang yesterday and booked a couple of rooms.”
“Right you must be Hannah and Jackson. Your rooms are ready.” Chris smiled at them. “I didn’t know you had a baby, do you need a crib or anything?”
Julie looked a little uncomfortable for a moment. She hadn’t told anyone about Jo’s daughter, and she’d only talked to Tom a couple of times, she had told him about Jo, but not her daughter.
“Ah no, we’re fine actually.” Jeff said.
“Ok,” Chris went into an office and came back out with two keys. “Ah Tom Croydon left a message for you, he wanted you to let him know when you arrived. I can call him while you get settled if you like.”
Jeff smiled as Julie accepted the keys. “Thanks, he said that there’d be a room here that we could talk in. Were would that be?”
Chris looked at them a little closer, she was sure that she’d never seen them before and wondered what their connection to Tom was. “Ah sure, the back parlour is usually free. I keep it for functions.”
“Thanks.”
Chris watched them head upstairs before she went back to phone Tom.
Tom had been distracted all day, and when he had received a call he had told them all that he was taking off a little early as something had come up. PJ had found that a little suspicious, he had finished up what he was doing and then left saying he was going to check out a lead.
He followed Tom to the Imperial and watched him go in. He seemed to be in a hurry. He watched and waited for a while before his curiosity got the better of him. What would have the Boss so distracted all day that he’d take off to the pub as soon as he got a call. After a while he decided to go in and find out. If Tom was in some kind of trouble he’d offer to help. It was the least he could do.
“Thank you bring Jo’s body back, but I don’t understand the need for all this secrecy and what was the other business that you needed to take care of?” Tom asked once they had all greeted each other and he had had a quick look at the sleeping baby.
“Thank you for agreeing to meet us like this.” Julie said, she looked in at the baby before she went on. “Jo and I became really close over the last few months. She said that you were like a father to her. She missed you all so much.”
Tom looked away for a moment. He had tried hard to convince Jo to stay, that she didn’t need to leave. But it hadn’t worked. He’d only heard from her once since she left. She had wanted to let him know that she was ok.
“If she missed us why didn’t she come home?”
Julie sighed. “I often asked her that. She’d just shake her head and change the subject.”
Tom gave a small chuckle. “That’s our Jo all right.”
They all sat in silence for a minute, thinking. It was only broken by the baby waking up. Julie picked her up and gave her a cuddle. “Your baby is beautiful,” Tom said, “boy or girl?”
Julie ducked her head down for a moment, gathering her emotions before she went on.
“She’s a girl, but she’s not mine.”
Tom cocked his eye at this, and shot Jeff a questioning look.
Jeff shook his head. “Actually she’s part of why we came, why we rang before hand. We wanted your advice on something.”
Julie proceeded to tell Jo’s story from when she left. Tom sat and listen to the whole thing.
PJ was at the door listening, Chris had told them where Tom was and he had arrived just as they had started talking about Jo. When he heard them say she had died he couldn’t believe it. He felt his world start to slide away. He had thought that he’d be able to find her, convince her to come back, all it would take was time. But now these people, these strangers were saying she was dead. He’d almost burst into the room to tell them that they were wrong when the female had started talking again. Telling Tom about Jo, and what she’d done when she left. He could tell that she was nearing the end of the story, and it took a few minutes for him to comprehend what he was hearing.
Tom sat back in his seat when Julie finished telling him what had happened. He wanted to cry, scream, deny. But deep down he knew it was true, it was exactly what she would have done. But that didn’t make it any easier to believe.
“Are you sure PJ’s the father?”
Julie nodded and Jeff passed the photo of Jo holding her daughter with Julie.
“When she found out she was pregnant she told me who the father was. She showed me pictures that she had taken with her. And when you look at her you can see it. Jo was right when she said that she has her fathers eyes and nose. But she has her mothers hair and her charm.” Julie stood and moved to hand her over to Tom. “We wanted to find the best way to break it gently to him.”
Tom put the photo down, the photo made the whole thing real. It was Jo and the baby, and she looked beautiful. As he looked at the tiny baby in his arms she woke up, and he could see that Jo was right. She was PJ’s and she was Jo’s as well. He sat and looked as he cuddled the small bundle. He was about to ask more questions, he had so many, but stopped when he saw the door burst open and PJ standing there. He looked shocked and pale, and Tom was concerned for the Detective. He knew how hard PJ had searched for Jo, how much he had loved her, and he knew now that he had heard every word that they had said.
Julie and Jeff jumped when they heard the door crashing open, they saw the man from the photo’s Jo had left them. They also saw Chris coming down the hall to see what the noise was.
Tom stood and approached PJ with the baby.
PJ shook his head. “No, Jo’s not dead, she can’t be.” “I’m sorry PJ...” Tom started, he was glad that Chris had arrived, he had a feeling they would all be needing her soon.
“Tom?”
He nodded. “Chris, PJ, this is Julie Jackson, she was a friend for Jo, and this is Dr. Jeff Hannah, he was her Doctor.” He stepped closer. “And this is your daughter PJ.”
Tom saw the look of shock flash over Chris’s face as she took in all the news. PJ just stood there staring at the baby in his arms, making no move to hold his daughter or leave.
Chris moved around PJ and gave Julie and Jeff a hug.
“Thank you” she stepped back and turned to PJ.
“I’m so sorry, she wanted you to know that she never stopped loving you PJ.” Julie said. “She loved you all.”
“What’s her name?” PJ asked after a moment, he reached out a hand and gently touched her small hand.
Julie let Jeff support her, Jo’s loss was still so hard to accept. Every time that she closed her eyes the morning that she lost Jo came back to swamp her again, the pain never lessening. “The only thing Jo wanted was for her to have your last name. I think she wanted to leave the rest of her name up to her father.”
PJ took his daughter from Tom and found himself lost in her eyes.
“Peej, are you ok?” Chris asked as she placed a warm hand on his back. She also took a moment to get a closer look at his daughter.
PJ nodded and looked at Tom, Chris and then Julie and Jeff. “Your name’s Julie right?”
Julie nodded.
PJ looked down at his daughter again, he couldn’t hold back the emotions that were overwhelming him. He’d lost his Jo, he hadn’t been able to tell her how much he loved her, hadn’t been there with her during her pregnancy, hadn’t even known that she was pregnant, during the birth of their daughter, but now he’d always have a part of her now. And he knew that he’d do whatever he had to to make sure that she was loved and know that she was loved, like he should have done for Jo.
“PJ?” Tom touched his arm, concern clear in his voice.
“I’m ok.” He looked up, making no move to hide the tears that fell freely for what he’d lost and for what he had also gained. “I think I’d like to give her a name.” He took a breath, “I’d like to introduce you to Joanna Julie Hasham.”
“That’s a beautiful name Peej,” Chris said. Julie gasped, she had hoped that he’d name her Jo after her mother, but hadn’t even thought about her own name as part of hers.
“Is that ok with you?” PJ asked. He was moving carefully, afraid that he’d hurt his daughter, that he’d wake up and find that this was all a dream and he wasn’t holding this precious baby.
Julie smiled. “Thank you.”
The End.