I think I'm alone now.
This just in:
I made her leave even though I can't go a day without thinking of her.
fuck.
She sent me this last week I think to open my eyes to what I am pushing away. I made her keep almost everything so that I can't reread, reminisce, relive and miss her all over again. I wish I could start over but this looks like a lesson that's going to change me.
Time to move on :(
May 12, 2008 Le Sigh
Current mood: blissful
Ask and ye shall receive. A few blogs back I posted something about not knowing if love
and respect were possible together...well, my question has been answered. I know it's
been a short while and the relationship is still very new but I can't even begin to explain
how different this feels compared to past relationships. I don't feel guilty, or used, I
don't feel neglected, lied to, hell I don't even feel like I'm being "too much too soon".
It's all been warm fuzzies. I keep pinching myself to see if I'll wake up from what seems
like a dream. I don't want to jinx it but I'm really happy. I mean, I found someone that
seems to actually feel the same way about me as I do them. That's never happened to me
before. All I can say is that no matter how complicated and stressful my life can be right
now there's that one person that I can go to that can always make me smile.
Jun 7, 2008 Jelly Bean
Current mood: nostalgic
So I've been feeling the baby move around for a while now and just today someone
else finally felt her/him move! Kym and I were lying around having a lazy Saturday
afternoon when I felt the little jelly bean wiggle around. Kym felt it too! It was one of
those moments that belong in a Hallmark card or in an after school tv special. Suffice it
to say, it was awesome.
Oct 16, 2008 Thea Update
Current mood: blank
Well, besides me having no patience and wanting to constantly backhand D'Artagnan,
things are fine. 5 weeks to go, unless this little shit breaks out. He's been trying but so
far he's not going anywhere. I've got mostly everything I need baby wise, except a few
things here and there. I know some people that didn't make it to the shower told me to
tell them what I needed so they could get it for me but I don't remember who they were!
*shrugs* Anybody that knows shit about pregnant women know that our minds are a
little off right now. Only sleeping for, at the most, 3 hours at a time kinda affects the
brain function.
For those of you who made it to the shower, thank you. For those of you who did not,
eh. I know life happens, trust me! And it wasn't about getting presents, I just wanted the
love and support from my friends cuz believe it or not I'm having a tough time right now.
My health is so-so, though baby seems to be perfectly fine. D'Artagnan is going through
what I assume to be the typical pre-baby emotions. At times he's such an asshole and
other's he's actually pretty sweet. Kym is ridiculously amazing. I can't even begin to
explain how much she's helped me. Physically, emotionally...she's just been there,
whether to rub my back, paint my toe nails (cuz I can't reach that shit!), take D'Ar to
the park when I'm ready to kill him, or just hold me while I cry over how hard we're
struggling to make ends meet right now. I'm so tired, emotional and grumpy and yet
she's still here day after day looking me in the eyes and telling me she loves me. How
did I get so lucky?
Nov 28, 2008
Baby, baby, baby...
Current mood: high
So around 8:30am on the 13th of November at WalMart of all places, I started having
contractions. I thought nothing of it since I've been having contractions for months now.
I went home to take care of Kym since she had had her tonsils removed the day before.
The contractions started increasing in both discomfort and time. Kym kept asking me if
I wanted to go to the hospital and I kept saying no. Eventually it got to the point where I
was ready to go just to be on the safe side.
Malachi Nathaniel Sanderson-Jones was born on November 13th at 2:24pm at the Verde
Valley Medical Center. He weighed 7lbs 12.6oz and was 20 1/2 inches long. He had a
full head of black hair and had a loud, squawk of a cry. 10 finger and 10 toes...seems to
be perfect.
I'm tired, of course. I'm also kinda sick. I have an infection so I'm really out of it and I
have to go back to work this weekend. Life is rough but sometimes you've got to do what
must be done. I just keep telling myself that Kym endured the whole birth and newborn
thing while trying to recuperate from her tonsillectomy so I can endure this. Besides, a
few Percocet kinda helps take the edge off. I just go cross eyes and drool on myself!
We're struggling, just like everyone else right now. But we have each other and are
amazingly happy. I have my family; a family that I never thought would be complete.
Dec 11, 2008
I Disappoint Myself
Current mood: depressed
I wish that my friends and family knew and felt my love for them. I wish I'd take more
time to keep in contact with everyone and less time sleeping. I wish I was a better
provider for my family and could spoil them the way they deserve to be spoiled. I wish
I could feel closer to my sons and spend more time with them. I wish that my soul
mate and I could communicate more easily and that she would know that even though
times may get rough, I'm never giving up on us. I wish that I could be a better mother,
girlfriend, friend, sister, daughter, aunt, and person. I love you all. I'm sorry for letting
you down.
Sep 26, 2009
DNA DOES NOT MAKE A PARENT
Unfortunately there are a lot of ignorant, close minded people out there and because of
that I must say this. Kym is more than just my girlfriend and partner, she is the mother
of my children. She was the only one there for me through my pregnancy and the only
one in the delivery room. She's helped raise these boys financially, emotionally and
in every other sense. She loved Malachi when I had post partum depression so badly I
couldn't even love myself. If she were a man then you'd all consider her the father despite
the DNA. But because of her gender and the anti-gay laws in this state she is neither
genetically nor legally related. I would hope that people, especially those that were raised
by people not your mother or father, would understand & accept this. I consider a lot of
you family despite the shared DNA or legal document· She loves those boys more than
anyone knows. I need & demand respect for her as their mother. If any of you are not ok
or accepting of this then consider us no longer friends or family.
Oct 8, 2009
A Little Piece of Paper
A lot of my friends & loved ones are getting married this year & I'm happy for all of
them. Marriage is tough & though my first one failed miserably I think that it's something
that should be taken seriously. I do get bummed out watching everyone around me
getting married though. You see, gay marriage isn't legal in this country. We can have a
commitment ceremony but it's just not the same. What if someone had told you to have
a commitment ceremony rather than a wedding? It's pretty lame. I don't think it's fair to
be told I can't marry the person I love because we're the same gender. Gee, it's like being
told you can't own land because of the color of your skin or that you can't vote because
of your gender. At least we're not owned by other people or tattooed & put in camps
because of our beliefs. Thank god for some progress. I pray that my children see the day
that their mommies can get married
Page 1 of 3
May 12, 2008 Le Sigh
Current mood: blissful
Ask and ye shall receive. A few blogs back I posted something about not knowing if love
and respect were possible together...well, my question has been answered. I know it's
been a short while and the relationship is still very new but I can't even begin to explain
how different this feels compared to past relationships. I don't feel guilty, or used, I
don't feel neglected, lied to, hell I don't even feel like I'm being "too much too soon".
It's all been warm fuzzies. I keep pinching myself to see if I'll wake up from what seems
like a dream. I don't want to jinx it but I'm really happy. I mean, I found someone that
seems to actually feel the same way about me as I do them. That's never happened to me
before. All I can say is that no matter how complicated and stressful my life can be right
now there's that one person that I can go to that can always make me smile.
Jun 7, 2008 Jelly Bean
Current mood: nostalgic
So I've been feeling the baby move around for a while now and just today someone
else finally felt her/him move! Kym and I were lying around having a lazy Saturday
afternoon when I felt the little jelly bean wiggle around. Kym felt it too! It was one of
those moments that belong in a Hallmark card or in an after school tv special. Suffice it
to say, it was awesome.
Oct 16, 2008 Thea Update
Current mood: blank
Well, besides me having no patience and wanting to constantly backhand D'Artagnan,
things are fine. 5 weeks to go, unless this little shit breaks out. He's been trying but so
far he's not going anywhere. I've got mostly everything I need baby wise, except a few
things here and there. I know some people that didn't make it to the shower told me to
tell them what I needed so they could get it for me but I don't remember who they were!
*shrugs* Anybody that knows shit about pregnant women know that our minds are a
little off right now. Only sleeping for, at the most, 3 hours at a time kinda affects the
brain function.
For those of you who made it to the shower, thank you. For those of you who did not,
eh. I know life happens, trust me! And it wasn't about getting presents, I just wanted the
love and support from my friends cuz believe it or not I'm having a tough time right now.
Page 2 of 3
My health is so-so, though baby seems to be perfectly fine. D'Artagnan is going through
what I assume to be the typical pre-baby emotions. At times he's such an asshole and
other's he's actually pretty sweet. Kym is ridiculously amazing. I can't even begin to
explain how much she's helped me. Physically, emotionally...she's just been there,
whether to rub my back, paint my toe nails (cuz I can't reach that shit!), take D'Ar to
the park when I'm ready to kill him, or just hold me while I cry over how hard we're
struggling to make ends meet right now. I'm so tired, emotional and grumpy and yet
she's still here day after day looking me in the eyes and telling me she loves me. How
did I get so lucky?
Nov 28, 2008
Baby, baby, baby...
Current mood: high
So around 8:30am on the 13th of November at WalMart of all places, I started having
contractions. I thought nothing of it since I've been having contractions for months now.
I went home to take care of Kym since she had had her tonsils removed the day before.
The contractions started increasing in both discomfort and time. Kym kept asking me if
I wanted to go to the hospital and I kept saying no. Eventually it got to the point where I
was ready to go just to be on the safe side.
Malachi Nathaniel Sanderson-Jones was born on November 13th at 2:24pm at the Verde
Valley Medical Center. He weighed 7lbs 12.6oz and was 20 1/2 inches long. He had a
full head of black hair and had a loud, squawk of a cry. 10 finger and 10 toes...seems to
be perfect.
I'm tired, of course. I'm also kinda sick. I have an infection so I'm really out of it and I
have to go back to work this weekend. Life is rough but sometimes you've got to do what
must be done. I just keep telling myself that Kym endured the whole birth and newborn
thing while trying to recuperate from her tonsillectomy so I can endure this. Besides, a
few Percocet kinda helps take the edge off. I just go cross eyes and drool on myself!
We're struggling, just like everyone else right now. But we have each other and are
amazingly happy. I have my family; a family that I never thought would be complete.
Dec 11, 2008
I Disappoint Myself
Current mood: depressed
I wish that my friends and family knew and felt my love for them. I wish I'd take more
time to keep in contact with everyone and less time sleeping. I wish I was a better
provider for my family and could spoil them the way they deserve to be spoiled. I wish
Page 2 of 3
Page 3 of 3
I could feel closer to my sons and spend more time with them. I wish that my soul
mate and I could communicate more easily and that she would know that even though
times may get rough, I'm never giving up on us. I wish that I could be a better mother,
girlfriend, friend, sister, daughter, aunt, and person. I love you all. I'm sorry for letting
you down.
Sep 26, 2009
DNA DOES NOT MAKE A PARENT
Unfortunately there are a lot of ignorant, close minded people out there and because of
that I must say this. Kym is more than just my girlfriend and partner, she is the mother
of my children. She was the only one there for me through my pregnancy and the only
one in the delivery room. She's helped raise these boys financially, emotionally and
in every other sense. She loved Malachi when I had post partum depression so badly I
couldn't even love myself. If she were a man then you'd all consider her the father despite
the DNA. But because of her gender and the anti-gay laws in this state she is neither
genetically nor legally related. I would hope that people, especially those that were raised
by people not your mother or father, would understand & accept this. I consider a lot of
you family despite the shared DNA or legal document· She loves those boys more than
anyone knows. I need & demand respect for her as their mother. If any of you are not ok
or accepting of this then consider us no longer friends or family.
Oct 8, 2009
A Little Piece of Paper
A lot of my friends & loved ones are getting married this year & I'm happy for all of
them. Marriage is tough & though my first one failed miserably I think that it's something
that should be taken seriously. I do get bummed out watching everyone around me
getting married though. You see, gay marriage isn't legal in this country. We can have a
commitment ceremony but it's just not the same. What if someone had told you to have
a commitment ceremony rather than a wedding? It's pretty lame. I don't think it's fair to
be told I can't marry the person I love because we're the same gender. Gee, it's like being
told you can't own land because of the color of your skin or that you can't vote because
of your gender. At least we're not owned by other people or tattooed & put in camps
because of our beliefs. Thank god for some progress. I pray that my children see the day
that their mommies can get married
Page 3 of 3
1 of 3
I made her leave even though I can't go a day without thinking of her.
fuck.
She sent me this last week I think to open my eyes to what I am pushing away. I made her keep almost everything so that I can't reread, reminisce, relive and miss her all over again. I wish I could start over but this looks like a lesson that's going to change me.
Time to move on :(
May 12, 2008 Le Sigh
Current mood: blissful
Ask and ye shall receive. A few blogs back I posted something about not knowing if love
and respect were possible together...well, my question has been answered. I know it's
been a short while and the relationship is still very new but I can't even begin to explain
how different this feels compared to past relationships. I don't feel guilty, or used, I
don't feel neglected, lied to, hell I don't even feel like I'm being "too much too soon".
It's all been warm fuzzies. I keep pinching myself to see if I'll wake up from what seems
like a dream. I don't want to jinx it but I'm really happy. I mean, I found someone that
seems to actually feel the same way about me as I do them. That's never happened to me
before. All I can say is that no matter how complicated and stressful my life can be right
now there's that one person that I can go to that can always make me smile.
Jun 7, 2008 Jelly Bean
Current mood: nostalgic
So I've been feeling the baby move around for a while now and just today someone
else finally felt her/him move! Kym and I were lying around having a lazy Saturday
afternoon when I felt the little jelly bean wiggle around. Kym felt it too! It was one of
those moments that belong in a Hallmark card or in an after school tv special. Suffice it
to say, it was awesome.
Oct 16, 2008 Thea Update
Current mood: blank
Well, besides me having no patience and wanting to constantly backhand D'Artagnan,
things are fine. 5 weeks to go, unless this little shit breaks out. He's been trying but so
far he's not going anywhere. I've got mostly everything I need baby wise, except a few
things here and there. I know some people that didn't make it to the shower told me to
tell them what I needed so they could get it for me but I don't remember who they were!
*shrugs* Anybody that knows shit about pregnant women know that our minds are a
little off right now. Only sleeping for, at the most, 3 hours at a time kinda affects the
brain function.
For those of you who made it to the shower, thank you. For those of you who did not,
eh. I know life happens, trust me! And it wasn't about getting presents, I just wanted the
love and support from my friends cuz believe it or not I'm having a tough time right now.
My health is so-so, though baby seems to be perfectly fine. D'Artagnan is going through
what I assume to be the typical pre-baby emotions. At times he's such an asshole and
other's he's actually pretty sweet. Kym is ridiculously amazing. I can't even begin to
explain how much she's helped me. Physically, emotionally...she's just been there,
whether to rub my back, paint my toe nails (cuz I can't reach that shit!), take D'Ar to
the park when I'm ready to kill him, or just hold me while I cry over how hard we're
struggling to make ends meet right now. I'm so tired, emotional and grumpy and yet
she's still here day after day looking me in the eyes and telling me she loves me. How
did I get so lucky?
Nov 28, 2008
Baby, baby, baby...
Current mood: high
So around 8:30am on the 13th of November at WalMart of all places, I started having
contractions. I thought nothing of it since I've been having contractions for months now.
I went home to take care of Kym since she had had her tonsils removed the day before.
The contractions started increasing in both discomfort and time. Kym kept asking me if
I wanted to go to the hospital and I kept saying no. Eventually it got to the point where I
was ready to go just to be on the safe side.
Malachi Nathaniel Sanderson-Jones was born on November 13th at 2:24pm at the Verde
Valley Medical Center. He weighed 7lbs 12.6oz and was 20 1/2 inches long. He had a
full head of black hair and had a loud, squawk of a cry. 10 finger and 10 toes...seems to
be perfect.
I'm tired, of course. I'm also kinda sick. I have an infection so I'm really out of it and I
have to go back to work this weekend. Life is rough but sometimes you've got to do what
must be done. I just keep telling myself that Kym endured the whole birth and newborn
thing while trying to recuperate from her tonsillectomy so I can endure this. Besides, a
few Percocet kinda helps take the edge off. I just go cross eyes and drool on myself!
We're struggling, just like everyone else right now. But we have each other and are
amazingly happy. I have my family; a family that I never thought would be complete.
Dec 11, 2008
I Disappoint Myself
Current mood: depressed
I wish that my friends and family knew and felt my love for them. I wish I'd take more
time to keep in contact with everyone and less time sleeping. I wish I was a better
provider for my family and could spoil them the way they deserve to be spoiled. I wish
I could feel closer to my sons and spend more time with them. I wish that my soul
mate and I could communicate more easily and that she would know that even though
times may get rough, I'm never giving up on us. I wish that I could be a better mother,
girlfriend, friend, sister, daughter, aunt, and person. I love you all. I'm sorry for letting
you down.
Sep 26, 2009
DNA DOES NOT MAKE A PARENT
Unfortunately there are a lot of ignorant, close minded people out there and because of
that I must say this. Kym is more than just my girlfriend and partner, she is the mother
of my children. She was the only one there for me through my pregnancy and the only
one in the delivery room. She's helped raise these boys financially, emotionally and
in every other sense. She loved Malachi when I had post partum depression so badly I
couldn't even love myself. If she were a man then you'd all consider her the father despite
the DNA. But because of her gender and the anti-gay laws in this state she is neither
genetically nor legally related. I would hope that people, especially those that were raised
by people not your mother or father, would understand & accept this. I consider a lot of
you family despite the shared DNA or legal document· She loves those boys more than
anyone knows. I need & demand respect for her as their mother. If any of you are not ok
or accepting of this then consider us no longer friends or family.
Oct 8, 2009
A Little Piece of Paper
A lot of my friends & loved ones are getting married this year & I'm happy for all of
them. Marriage is tough & though my first one failed miserably I think that it's something
that should be taken seriously. I do get bummed out watching everyone around me
getting married though. You see, gay marriage isn't legal in this country. We can have a
commitment ceremony but it's just not the same. What if someone had told you to have
a commitment ceremony rather than a wedding? It's pretty lame. I don't think it's fair to
be told I can't marry the person I love because we're the same gender. Gee, it's like being
told you can't own land because of the color of your skin or that you can't vote because
of your gender. At least we're not owned by other people or tattooed & put in camps
because of our beliefs. Thank god for some progress. I pray that my children see the day
that their mommies can get married
Page 1 of 3
May 12, 2008 Le Sigh
Current mood: blissful
Ask and ye shall receive. A few blogs back I posted something about not knowing if love
and respect were possible together...well, my question has been answered. I know it's
been a short while and the relationship is still very new but I can't even begin to explain
how different this feels compared to past relationships. I don't feel guilty, or used, I
don't feel neglected, lied to, hell I don't even feel like I'm being "too much too soon".
It's all been warm fuzzies. I keep pinching myself to see if I'll wake up from what seems
like a dream. I don't want to jinx it but I'm really happy. I mean, I found someone that
seems to actually feel the same way about me as I do them. That's never happened to me
before. All I can say is that no matter how complicated and stressful my life can be right
now there's that one person that I can go to that can always make me smile.
Jun 7, 2008 Jelly Bean
Current mood: nostalgic
So I've been feeling the baby move around for a while now and just today someone
else finally felt her/him move! Kym and I were lying around having a lazy Saturday
afternoon when I felt the little jelly bean wiggle around. Kym felt it too! It was one of
those moments that belong in a Hallmark card or in an after school tv special. Suffice it
to say, it was awesome.
Oct 16, 2008 Thea Update
Current mood: blank
Well, besides me having no patience and wanting to constantly backhand D'Artagnan,
things are fine. 5 weeks to go, unless this little shit breaks out. He's been trying but so
far he's not going anywhere. I've got mostly everything I need baby wise, except a few
things here and there. I know some people that didn't make it to the shower told me to
tell them what I needed so they could get it for me but I don't remember who they were!
*shrugs* Anybody that knows shit about pregnant women know that our minds are a
little off right now. Only sleeping for, at the most, 3 hours at a time kinda affects the
brain function.
For those of you who made it to the shower, thank you. For those of you who did not,
eh. I know life happens, trust me! And it wasn't about getting presents, I just wanted the
love and support from my friends cuz believe it or not I'm having a tough time right now.
Page 2 of 3
My health is so-so, though baby seems to be perfectly fine. D'Artagnan is going through
what I assume to be the typical pre-baby emotions. At times he's such an asshole and
other's he's actually pretty sweet. Kym is ridiculously amazing. I can't even begin to
explain how much she's helped me. Physically, emotionally...she's just been there,
whether to rub my back, paint my toe nails (cuz I can't reach that shit!), take D'Ar to
the park when I'm ready to kill him, or just hold me while I cry over how hard we're
struggling to make ends meet right now. I'm so tired, emotional and grumpy and yet
she's still here day after day looking me in the eyes and telling me she loves me. How
did I get so lucky?
Nov 28, 2008
Baby, baby, baby...
Current mood: high
So around 8:30am on the 13th of November at WalMart of all places, I started having
contractions. I thought nothing of it since I've been having contractions for months now.
I went home to take care of Kym since she had had her tonsils removed the day before.
The contractions started increasing in both discomfort and time. Kym kept asking me if
I wanted to go to the hospital and I kept saying no. Eventually it got to the point where I
was ready to go just to be on the safe side.
Malachi Nathaniel Sanderson-Jones was born on November 13th at 2:24pm at the Verde
Valley Medical Center. He weighed 7lbs 12.6oz and was 20 1/2 inches long. He had a
full head of black hair and had a loud, squawk of a cry. 10 finger and 10 toes...seems to
be perfect.
I'm tired, of course. I'm also kinda sick. I have an infection so I'm really out of it and I
have to go back to work this weekend. Life is rough but sometimes you've got to do what
must be done. I just keep telling myself that Kym endured the whole birth and newborn
thing while trying to recuperate from her tonsillectomy so I can endure this. Besides, a
few Percocet kinda helps take the edge off. I just go cross eyes and drool on myself!
We're struggling, just like everyone else right now. But we have each other and are
amazingly happy. I have my family; a family that I never thought would be complete.
Dec 11, 2008
I Disappoint Myself
Current mood: depressed
I wish that my friends and family knew and felt my love for them. I wish I'd take more
time to keep in contact with everyone and less time sleeping. I wish I was a better
provider for my family and could spoil them the way they deserve to be spoiled. I wish
Page 2 of 3
Page 3 of 3
I could feel closer to my sons and spend more time with them. I wish that my soul
mate and I could communicate more easily and that she would know that even though
times may get rough, I'm never giving up on us. I wish that I could be a better mother,
girlfriend, friend, sister, daughter, aunt, and person. I love you all. I'm sorry for letting
you down.
Sep 26, 2009
DNA DOES NOT MAKE A PARENT
Unfortunately there are a lot of ignorant, close minded people out there and because of
that I must say this. Kym is more than just my girlfriend and partner, she is the mother
of my children. She was the only one there for me through my pregnancy and the only
one in the delivery room. She's helped raise these boys financially, emotionally and
in every other sense. She loved Malachi when I had post partum depression so badly I
couldn't even love myself. If she were a man then you'd all consider her the father despite
the DNA. But because of her gender and the anti-gay laws in this state she is neither
genetically nor legally related. I would hope that people, especially those that were raised
by people not your mother or father, would understand & accept this. I consider a lot of
you family despite the shared DNA or legal document· She loves those boys more than
anyone knows. I need & demand respect for her as their mother. If any of you are not ok
or accepting of this then consider us no longer friends or family.
Oct 8, 2009
A Little Piece of Paper
A lot of my friends & loved ones are getting married this year & I'm happy for all of
them. Marriage is tough & though my first one failed miserably I think that it's something
that should be taken seriously. I do get bummed out watching everyone around me
getting married though. You see, gay marriage isn't legal in this country. We can have a
commitment ceremony but it's just not the same. What if someone had told you to have
a commitment ceremony rather than a wedding? It's pretty lame. I don't think it's fair to
be told I can't marry the person I love because we're the same gender. Gee, it's like being
told you can't own land because of the color of your skin or that you can't vote because
of your gender. At least we're not owned by other people or tattooed & put in camps
because of our beliefs. Thank god for some progress. I pray that my children see the day
that their mommies can get married
Page 3 of 3
1 of 3