Transformers 2.
Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen. Wost. Movie. Ever. I'd be so mad if I had paid to see it. Seriously, I have never seen anything like this. I don't even want to give it one star out of five, I want to give it a big stinking ZERO! It's unwatchable, even if you leave your brain at home. The movie is just 2.5 hours of noise and flying gears and bangs and booms.
This movie sucked on so many levels that it's almost impossible to describe it. I think we need to come up with new adjectives for that, because a load of offensive, racist, pointless, craptastic, shiteous, overly patriotic, military-glorifying PUKE just doesn't cover it. Everything that was bad in the first movie - and in all of Bay's movies - is ten times worse in T2. The guy never learns. He must have an ego the size of Everest. Michael Bay thinks his movies are awesome and perfect just the way they are, no matter what the critics and audiences all over the world say.
I hate Michael Bay with all my heart. I hate him so much that I sometimes fantasize about sending him a fan mail bomb. He is the worst director in the history of Hollywood. He represents everything that's wrong with the movie industry. He is the reigning king of box office and mindless blockbusters. He is CGI, he is explosions, he is mindless action, he is the guy who thinks a script/good story, characters and dialogue are just inconvenient things in the way of all the action and blowing shit up. He is Michael fucking Bay.
The studio kept Bay on a tight leash during the first Transformers movie and that is the only reason it was watchable. And since the movie made lots of money, Bay was let loose. He was given free hands to basically do whatever the hell he wants and oh my god does it show in every freakin' frame of the movie! It's like we're watching an 8-year-old Bay have fun and play with his toys, smashing them together and making loud "booom!" noises with his mouth. Only his games cost 200 million dollars.
There were just two saving graces in T2: Shia LaBeouf and Bumblebee (does it make me weird if I say I have a little crush on a robot?). Okay, and Megan Fox's tits, but everything else is unbelievable shit. Let me just make a list:
-Let's start with the fact that the movie is so full of plot holes that it resembles swiss cheese. Bay tries to cover them up by blowing shit up and probably hopes the audience won't notice because they have become blind and deaf from the amount of explosions and sound effects.
-Remember how Shia busted his hand in a car accident? Well, you can tell the exact moment it happened, because Sam Witwicky suddenly has a cast on his arm, covered (very poorly) with a rag and we never get a scene that explains it.
-Turns out the Transformers can mimic humans, but no one actually gives a shit about it. So what if they can infiltrate our society, big deal.
-Why is Obama president in a Transformer universe?
-Why the hell do we get a shot of John Turturro's ass?! He just pulls his pants down and once gain, there is no explanation.
-The parents show up in Egypt out of thin air. Why?
-The action scenes aren't as unwatchable as they were in the first movie, but I still couldn't tell who's who. The only Transformers I could recognize were Bumblebee and Optimus Prime. The Decepticons were just a blur of grey parts.
-A small, WALL-E look-a-like dry humping Megan Fox's leg? Why would a robot hump a human's leg? A senile old robot farting parachutes? The jokes in this movie were so cheap...
-Robot heaven? Really, Michael Bay? Really?
-Dogs humping each other, stupid sex jokes, sleazy close-ups of Megan Fox's boobs, Megan Fox running in slowmo, giant robot testicles? REALLY?!
-All the Autobots are part of an alien race, so why the hell does Michael Bay turn them into offensive stereotypes? The Twins were probably the most obvious. And according to Bay, France = mimes and snails and misplaced Eiffel Towers.
-Michael Bay has obviously never smoked pot, because the Mom character went berserk after eating some special brownies. I've never seen anyone act like that when they're high. It's like she took some speed instead.
-What is it with Bay and the US military? Is he secretly working for them or what the hell is up with the gun-happy glorifying of the military in each and every one of his movies? All the pointless military shit sucked in the first Transformers and he hasn't gotten rid of it in the sequel. I can just picture him dry humping a gun in his bedroom...
-There's a poster for Bad Boys II in Shia's dorm. It's one of Bay's crappiest movies, but he obviously doesn't have a problem advertising his own shit.
-I don't think I've ever seen as many explosions in a movie before, and I don't think I ever will. It's weird how there isn't a quiet moment on the screen, but the movie is dull as hell. There's non-stop action and the final show down you have to see to believe it. And yet the two biggest scenes you except to be AWESOME are over just like that. I swear I wanted to yell "That was it?! Are you kidding me? LAME!"
So yeah. Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen is so unbelievably bad that "the day will come when "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" will be studied in film classes and shown at cult film festivals. It will be seen, in retrospect, as marking the end of an era." as Roger Ebert said in his blog.
This movie sucked on so many levels that it's almost impossible to describe it. I think we need to come up with new adjectives for that, because a load of offensive, racist, pointless, craptastic, shiteous, overly patriotic, military-glorifying PUKE just doesn't cover it. Everything that was bad in the first movie - and in all of Bay's movies - is ten times worse in T2. The guy never learns. He must have an ego the size of Everest. Michael Bay thinks his movies are awesome and perfect just the way they are, no matter what the critics and audiences all over the world say.
I hate Michael Bay with all my heart. I hate him so much that I sometimes fantasize about sending him a fan mail bomb. He is the worst director in the history of Hollywood. He represents everything that's wrong with the movie industry. He is the reigning king of box office and mindless blockbusters. He is CGI, he is explosions, he is mindless action, he is the guy who thinks a script/good story, characters and dialogue are just inconvenient things in the way of all the action and blowing shit up. He is Michael fucking Bay.
The studio kept Bay on a tight leash during the first Transformers movie and that is the only reason it was watchable. And since the movie made lots of money, Bay was let loose. He was given free hands to basically do whatever the hell he wants and oh my god does it show in every freakin' frame of the movie! It's like we're watching an 8-year-old Bay have fun and play with his toys, smashing them together and making loud "booom!" noises with his mouth. Only his games cost 200 million dollars.
There were just two saving graces in T2: Shia LaBeouf and Bumblebee (does it make me weird if I say I have a little crush on a robot?). Okay, and Megan Fox's tits, but everything else is unbelievable shit. Let me just make a list:
-Let's start with the fact that the movie is so full of plot holes that it resembles swiss cheese. Bay tries to cover them up by blowing shit up and probably hopes the audience won't notice because they have become blind and deaf from the amount of explosions and sound effects.
-Remember how Shia busted his hand in a car accident? Well, you can tell the exact moment it happened, because Sam Witwicky suddenly has a cast on his arm, covered (very poorly) with a rag and we never get a scene that explains it.
-Turns out the Transformers can mimic humans, but no one actually gives a shit about it. So what if they can infiltrate our society, big deal.
-Why is Obama president in a Transformer universe?
-Why the hell do we get a shot of John Turturro's ass?! He just pulls his pants down and once gain, there is no explanation.
-The parents show up in Egypt out of thin air. Why?
-The action scenes aren't as unwatchable as they were in the first movie, but I still couldn't tell who's who. The only Transformers I could recognize were Bumblebee and Optimus Prime. The Decepticons were just a blur of grey parts.
-A small, WALL-E look-a-like dry humping Megan Fox's leg? Why would a robot hump a human's leg? A senile old robot farting parachutes? The jokes in this movie were so cheap...
-Robot heaven? Really, Michael Bay? Really?
-Dogs humping each other, stupid sex jokes, sleazy close-ups of Megan Fox's boobs, Megan Fox running in slowmo, giant robot testicles? REALLY?!
-All the Autobots are part of an alien race, so why the hell does Michael Bay turn them into offensive stereotypes? The Twins were probably the most obvious. And according to Bay, France = mimes and snails and misplaced Eiffel Towers.
-Michael Bay has obviously never smoked pot, because the Mom character went berserk after eating some special brownies. I've never seen anyone act like that when they're high. It's like she took some speed instead.
-What is it with Bay and the US military? Is he secretly working for them or what the hell is up with the gun-happy glorifying of the military in each and every one of his movies? All the pointless military shit sucked in the first Transformers and he hasn't gotten rid of it in the sequel. I can just picture him dry humping a gun in his bedroom...
-There's a poster for Bad Boys II in Shia's dorm. It's one of Bay's crappiest movies, but he obviously doesn't have a problem advertising his own shit.
-I don't think I've ever seen as many explosions in a movie before, and I don't think I ever will. It's weird how there isn't a quiet moment on the screen, but the movie is dull as hell. There's non-stop action and the final show down you have to see to believe it. And yet the two biggest scenes you except to be AWESOME are over just like that. I swear I wanted to yell "That was it?! Are you kidding me? LAME!"
So yeah. Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen is so unbelievably bad that "the day will come when "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" will be studied in film classes and shown at cult film festivals. It will be seen, in retrospect, as marking the end of an era." as Roger Ebert said in his blog.