Just Go to Fucking Sleep Already
Once upon a time there were two people who were not in love but had snuggly funtimes together. Sadly, there was a hole in the loveglove they were using to keep the ladyperson from having a baby, and the ladyperson ended up having one. The daddy was very upset, but ended up marrying the mommy anyway. He regretted it forever.
After a very long, boring, and annoying pregnancy, the two people had a little brat son who threw up on everything and cried all the time no matter how much his daddy yelled at him. Because the brat was so annoying, his mommy got hooked on Valium and painkillers and God knows what else just to escape his whining. The daddy had to work himself to the bone just to support mommy’s drug habit and the whiny brat.
Then one day the daddy took the brat with him on a trip to the store so he could use the better parking for new parents, and they drove past a garage sale where the daddy stopped to get a good bargain on some ties. Stupidly, he took the brat out of the car and put him on the grass, and by the time the daddy had got back from getting his ties the brat had found a stupid teddy bear. When the daddy tried to take it away, the stupid brat son bit him, and the daddy had to spend five whole cents on the stupid bear for the stupid brat.
And that’s how you ended up with your stupid fucking teddy bear. Now shut up and go to sleep or I’ll tell your kindergarten teacher that you’re an antisocial dooky eater. No, I’m not telling you what that means. Look it up. What do you mean you can’t read? Learn!
God. I wish you were never born.
After a very long, boring, and annoying pregnancy, the two people had a little brat son who threw up on everything and cried all the time no matter how much his daddy yelled at him. Because the brat was so annoying, his mommy got hooked on Valium and painkillers and God knows what else just to escape his whining. The daddy had to work himself to the bone just to support mommy’s drug habit and the whiny brat.
Then one day the daddy took the brat with him on a trip to the store so he could use the better parking for new parents, and they drove past a garage sale where the daddy stopped to get a good bargain on some ties. Stupidly, he took the brat out of the car and put him on the grass, and by the time the daddy had got back from getting his ties the brat had found a stupid teddy bear. When the daddy tried to take it away, the stupid brat son bit him, and the daddy had to spend five whole cents on the stupid bear for the stupid brat.
And that’s how you ended up with your stupid fucking teddy bear. Now shut up and go to sleep or I’ll tell your kindergarten teacher that you’re an antisocial dooky eater. No, I’m not telling you what that means. Look it up. What do you mean you can’t read? Learn!
God. I wish you were never born.