(no subject)
Blah blah blah.
The Producers is over. It was supposed to run for two more weeks, but sales were really bad so they get to go home instead. That means I don't work again until the 10th (except for the lab or if the othet theaters need more people) which means I won't be making OR spending money, so really, it's all just fine.
Hak is going home today, after his job interview. I'm very excited for him. Even just getting this interview is a HUGE step, and I'm really proud. I watched the Flogging Molly video and it looks pretty fucking awesome, and I really can't stand Flogging Molly. They sound like that Cotton Eyed Joe band, but more Irish and less rave-y. Either way, it's really good and it adds a lot to his reel.
It was good that he was here, even though I didn't expect to see him so much. I really get confused about how we are together. Like, I've never ever been in this kind of situation before. Last night we went for a drink and I talked for literally 15 minutes nonstop, explaining why I felt the way I did (do) and how the distance has affected me and our relationship. I think that I feel sometimes he doesn't really understand, or even understand how weird it is for me to have... become feeling like this.
Anyway, it's just weird because we have been so close for such a long time and he was my boyfriend for such a long time, that it feels natural to hold hands with him or be close, and I have to remind myself not to. Any of you who have ever hung out with me know that I am a very touchy person, and if I like you even in the smallest way, I'll put my arm through yours or kiss you on the cheek and do my friendly European man impression. You know, of course if we're dating I'll do it a little bit differently than if I haven't seen you in a while and I miss you or if we're best friends and you just told a really funny joke, but... um... I don't know what I'm talking about anymore.
And then on top of that, I not only had to make sure Hak was okay and to make sure I was okay, and then to make sure... okay, I'll stop again. There's another factor in this that I don't want to bring up because then I'll open a whole new can of worms, and right now I just need to deal with it on a super personal level. Not that this other stuff isn't super personal, but I've worked it out well enough that now all you lucky readers can once again look directly into this part of my soul.
Maybe it's not wanting to tell people all my personal information, but not wanting to actually work it out in a public forum. I don't know. I'm glad I'm not working this week, because there are a lot of things that I need to figure out in my own head and it's really hard to pay attention at work when I'm in this kind of state of mind.
Whoops.
Last night I tagged along with him to Marc's dinner party, which was interesting. Apparently Marc is famous now because of his whole dinner tour thing. I didn't know that. He's going to be on Conan soon. It was weird being over there because everyone there was an established artist or... something and whenever anyone asked me what I do, I couldn't tell them I'm an actor (because I'm not one yet) and I felt weird saying I'm a student (since I only have one class and I'm graduating in two months) and I didn't want to say I was an usher (because, honestly, it's kind of lame) or a computer lab monitor (also lame, but I actually did tell one lady that, and she thought I meant I was a scientist) so I just said I did a bunch of crap that wasn't worth even discussing and I ended up being not very nice, but not on purpose. I just felt uncomfortable and young, which sucks, because they're such nice people. If they were untalented, annoying conceptual atrists, it would be different. It's like they sit around thinking, "Wouldn't it be cool/funny if..." and the things actually are cool/funny.
Then we went out for a drink and a HUGE talk, and then we went to celebrate Katey's return and birthday. I saw all these people I haven't seen in forever (except for Blake, who doesn't count because I saw him pretty recently) and I met Hannes, who was very nice and spoke German to me. Melanie and I also caught up and compared war stories, and they worked out to be pretty compatable! We're going to hang out again. Eventually. Hoohohohoho. She has a cat now.
All my spam is about buying a used Rolex.
Oh, and Michelle and I went to Santa Cruz and got sushi with Kevin (Kay... van...) and it was fun.
This entry is too long.
The Producers is over. It was supposed to run for two more weeks, but sales were really bad so they get to go home instead. That means I don't work again until the 10th (except for the lab or if the othet theaters need more people) which means I won't be making OR spending money, so really, it's all just fine.
Hak is going home today, after his job interview. I'm very excited for him. Even just getting this interview is a HUGE step, and I'm really proud. I watched the Flogging Molly video and it looks pretty fucking awesome, and I really can't stand Flogging Molly. They sound like that Cotton Eyed Joe band, but more Irish and less rave-y. Either way, it's really good and it adds a lot to his reel.
It was good that he was here, even though I didn't expect to see him so much. I really get confused about how we are together. Like, I've never ever been in this kind of situation before. Last night we went for a drink and I talked for literally 15 minutes nonstop, explaining why I felt the way I did (do) and how the distance has affected me and our relationship. I think that I feel sometimes he doesn't really understand, or even understand how weird it is for me to have... become feeling like this.
Anyway, it's just weird because we have been so close for such a long time and he was my boyfriend for such a long time, that it feels natural to hold hands with him or be close, and I have to remind myself not to. Any of you who have ever hung out with me know that I am a very touchy person, and if I like you even in the smallest way, I'll put my arm through yours or kiss you on the cheek and do my friendly European man impression. You know, of course if we're dating I'll do it a little bit differently than if I haven't seen you in a while and I miss you or if we're best friends and you just told a really funny joke, but... um... I don't know what I'm talking about anymore.
And then on top of that, I not only had to make sure Hak was okay and to make sure I was okay, and then to make sure... okay, I'll stop again. There's another factor in this that I don't want to bring up because then I'll open a whole new can of worms, and right now I just need to deal with it on a super personal level. Not that this other stuff isn't super personal, but I've worked it out well enough that now all you lucky readers can once again look directly into this part of my soul.
Maybe it's not wanting to tell people all my personal information, but not wanting to actually work it out in a public forum. I don't know. I'm glad I'm not working this week, because there are a lot of things that I need to figure out in my own head and it's really hard to pay attention at work when I'm in this kind of state of mind.
Whoops.
Last night I tagged along with him to Marc's dinner party, which was interesting. Apparently Marc is famous now because of his whole dinner tour thing. I didn't know that. He's going to be on Conan soon. It was weird being over there because everyone there was an established artist or... something and whenever anyone asked me what I do, I couldn't tell them I'm an actor (because I'm not one yet) and I felt weird saying I'm a student (since I only have one class and I'm graduating in two months) and I didn't want to say I was an usher (because, honestly, it's kind of lame) or a computer lab monitor (also lame, but I actually did tell one lady that, and she thought I meant I was a scientist) so I just said I did a bunch of crap that wasn't worth even discussing and I ended up being not very nice, but not on purpose. I just felt uncomfortable and young, which sucks, because they're such nice people. If they were untalented, annoying conceptual atrists, it would be different. It's like they sit around thinking, "Wouldn't it be cool/funny if..." and the things actually are cool/funny.
Then we went out for a drink and a HUGE talk, and then we went to celebrate Katey's return and birthday. I saw all these people I haven't seen in forever (except for Blake, who doesn't count because I saw him pretty recently) and I met Hannes, who was very nice and spoke German to me. Melanie and I also caught up and compared war stories, and they worked out to be pretty compatable! We're going to hang out again. Eventually. Hoohohohoho. She has a cat now.
All my spam is about buying a used Rolex.
Oh, and Michelle and I went to Santa Cruz and got sushi with Kevin (Kay... van...) and it was fun.
This entry is too long.