(no subject)

[wrong_cow_girl]

what am i doing ... really? destroying everything i love because i can't let go. i want december back. i had everything i ever wanted. and one bad choice led to another and neither of us will take the step away from eachother in the right direction. the love of my life told me he would marry me in a second. heart breaking. i am so fucking lost. i know what i need to do. i know what i want in life. and i can't make the step to go there. usually this is where God steps in and i get arrested or something bad happens. and i am terrified of that too. i lose either way. there is no good outcome in the near future. all because i like to use. what the fuck. really?

i love you mommy and karen