(no subject)
Actually felt semi happy this week twice!! crazy right? I was supposed to go to LA with my sister, patrick , and teege on Thursday, but noone was really up for it, so we had a sleep over at patrick's house, and I was happy. The people and their friends in that house, although kinda weird at times, are really fucking chill, and they are always really nice to me. I feel happy when I am there, and I know they( patrick and teege and my sister, and a few others) all have my best interest in mind at all times. And that makes me feel good. The next morning however, i was not so happy, and I am still trying to catch up on sleep. it's really hard because I need like triple the hours to feel even with my sleepy clock.
The second time I actually felt happy was last night. I had to work 7-2. It was the WORST fucking shift ever. SLOW AND EMPTY all night. I think I made a total of 48$ in tips, and for a saturday night at big shots...that is HORRIBLE. However, the early server left at midnight, and the kitchen closes at 11pm...so with no customers I didn't have much to do other then pretend to clean and fuck around with the other employees. There is a new bouncer, and I think he is quite the interesting character. Plus the bartender Joe and the other bouncer Jose. When I used to work there, I never really got to know any of the people that worked there very well. I usually kept my distance because I didn't want to upset Billy, and whenever I was invited anywhere I made up an excuse and said no. So last night, we all decided during closing that we were hungry. First time, in a long time, that I have randomly gone to Denny's at 4 am. Maya, one of the other servers who was out dancing with Brookies, had brookie drop her off with us instead of taking her home. It was actually really fun, and I left smiling even though I was afraid of my parents, because I had the car out past work hours. i don't know what it is about this kid, the new bouncer, but i wouldn't mind if he talked to me for 10 hours. I find it all very interesting.
Other then that my week has been pretty fucking boring. I went shopping at Target for a bunch of unneeded clothes. I actually had all of the shirts that i bought, i just thought it would be easier to have more so I would have to do less laundry. I wear the same thing EVERY day now..so the more the better.
School starts on Tuesday. I need to buy my books still. Oops. The new schedule has not been posted at work, and somehow we have about 4 too many girls working..so hours are skim. i have been able to pick up a bunch of hours the last two weeks, and I wasn't even on the schedule yet..so I am not really worried..but sort of worried that I wont make the money that I am used to spending. I like spending.
and lastly, this friday will be a big step for me if I actually go thru with it. My super good friend Michelle, we have been best friends since we were 15, recently moved to Arizona after her engagement was broken off. it was a new start for her, and I haven't heard or seen her this happy in a long time. We have been joking around about my visiting her for a long time, but again, I never made plans or counted on going because I didn't want to upset Billy. So..i have reserved a rental car for Friday- Monday on my credit card. wtf. I felt so adult. I have the confirmation number and everything. Here is the tricky part though...I am really really co dependent and needy and I can't stand not being able to just randomly go see anyone i want right now. It sucks..but it's like I want to be able to drive the 6 hours on my own and feel content...but I keep trying to think of who I can bring with me. Really, i don't need to bring anyone. I know how to drive, its an easy drive, and michelle will be waiting on the other end. But for some reason I am feeling really sad about going alone. I think it is one of those things thought that when I start driving, and seeing the sites along the way, and playing my music, I will be happy. i hope.
So that is that. Long freekin post. I guess I talk to alot less people now a days so this works for me as far as feeling like I have vented and gotten things off my chest.
Hopefully I will feel ok soon. The way I have been feeling is just funky. I wonder if I almost bring it on myself. I might enjoy being un happy. its alot easier and there is alot less risk involved.
oh well.
xo
The second time I actually felt happy was last night. I had to work 7-2. It was the WORST fucking shift ever. SLOW AND EMPTY all night. I think I made a total of 48$ in tips, and for a saturday night at big shots...that is HORRIBLE. However, the early server left at midnight, and the kitchen closes at 11pm...so with no customers I didn't have much to do other then pretend to clean and fuck around with the other employees. There is a new bouncer, and I think he is quite the interesting character. Plus the bartender Joe and the other bouncer Jose. When I used to work there, I never really got to know any of the people that worked there very well. I usually kept my distance because I didn't want to upset Billy, and whenever I was invited anywhere I made up an excuse and said no. So last night, we all decided during closing that we were hungry. First time, in a long time, that I have randomly gone to Denny's at 4 am. Maya, one of the other servers who was out dancing with Brookies, had brookie drop her off with us instead of taking her home. It was actually really fun, and I left smiling even though I was afraid of my parents, because I had the car out past work hours. i don't know what it is about this kid, the new bouncer, but i wouldn't mind if he talked to me for 10 hours. I find it all very interesting.
Other then that my week has been pretty fucking boring. I went shopping at Target for a bunch of unneeded clothes. I actually had all of the shirts that i bought, i just thought it would be easier to have more so I would have to do less laundry. I wear the same thing EVERY day now..so the more the better.
School starts on Tuesday. I need to buy my books still. Oops. The new schedule has not been posted at work, and somehow we have about 4 too many girls working..so hours are skim. i have been able to pick up a bunch of hours the last two weeks, and I wasn't even on the schedule yet..so I am not really worried..but sort of worried that I wont make the money that I am used to spending. I like spending.
and lastly, this friday will be a big step for me if I actually go thru with it. My super good friend Michelle, we have been best friends since we were 15, recently moved to Arizona after her engagement was broken off. it was a new start for her, and I haven't heard or seen her this happy in a long time. We have been joking around about my visiting her for a long time, but again, I never made plans or counted on going because I didn't want to upset Billy. So..i have reserved a rental car for Friday- Monday on my credit card. wtf. I felt so adult. I have the confirmation number and everything. Here is the tricky part though...I am really really co dependent and needy and I can't stand not being able to just randomly go see anyone i want right now. It sucks..but it's like I want to be able to drive the 6 hours on my own and feel content...but I keep trying to think of who I can bring with me. Really, i don't need to bring anyone. I know how to drive, its an easy drive, and michelle will be waiting on the other end. But for some reason I am feeling really sad about going alone. I think it is one of those things thought that when I start driving, and seeing the sites along the way, and playing my music, I will be happy. i hope.
So that is that. Long freekin post. I guess I talk to alot less people now a days so this works for me as far as feeling like I have vented and gotten things off my chest.
Hopefully I will feel ok soon. The way I have been feeling is just funky. I wonder if I almost bring it on myself. I might enjoy being un happy. its alot easier and there is alot less risk involved.
oh well.
xo