Fic: Heart with No Companion - Chapters 16 - 17
Sorry for lack of updates - we had a house full of company this weekend (my hubby's 40th birthday - surprise party!) and, once again, I am sick as a dog. I don't think I ever fully got over my strep throat the week my daughter was sick, because I am ill, ill, ill. My whole body aches and my back is so sore from all the coughing...*whines and moans piteously*
Anyways, if I don't sleep all day tomorrow I will try to finish the next bit of Little Things - I'm just in the revamp / clean-it-up mode. In the meantime, for those of you follow this pre-written story, here are chapters 16 - 17.
Chapter Sixteen: NETTIE
I can never remember to call Professor Snape, Severus. He has been Professor Snape in my mind for so long now that I find it nearly impossible to see him as anything else. Although, I have to admit, that with each passing day here at Hogwarts he has become less and less like the Professor Snape I had first encountered almost two years ago at St. Mungo’s.
It’s not just his demeanor that has changed - because, honestly, I’m pretty sure that other than Miss Granger, I am the only one privy to his softer side. I do see him every day, after all. His hard edges seem to disappear the moment he enters Miss Granger’s and my rooms; his shoulders loosen, and the tight lines around his face relax. Even his eyes, so obsidian and black, seem to take on a warmer cast - like dark shadows in a candle lit room. I’m sure that sounds silly, but it’s true.
When he enters our suite the first thing he normally does is loosen the top few buttons of his frock coat, as if that small gesture is the way he gives the rest of his body permission to unwind.
Even though we have become, dare I say, friends, he still doesn’t talk to me that much. We’ll exchange the normal pleasantries, he’ll inquire as to my day and how Miss Granger has been, and then he’ll spend the rest of the evening with her. It’s only when he is with Miss Granger that I truly see the Severus in him; that the persona of Professor Snape he adheres to so rigidly dissipates completely.
I have taken to calling him Professor Severus, which seems to amuse him.
The first time I greeted him as such, he cocked an eyebrow at me and, it seemed, bit back a slight grin that was tugging at his mouth.
‘You can drop the Professor, Nettie.’
I sighed when he said this, before shaking my head at him emphatically. ‘I can’t, sir - Professor Severus, sir. You only seem like a Severus when you’re with Miss Granger. At the same time, I find it impossible to see you as Professor Snape anymore, because I believe we are friends now and you no longer scare me. Professor Severus is honestly the best I can do.’
Lately, though, his physical presence seems to be diminishing. I can’t explain it really - I mean, the man has lost weight of course. I know for a fact he often forgets to eat; and from what he’s let slip, I believe he is sharing meals with Hermione when he visits her. The problem is that he seems to forget that the food he shares with her is imaginary.
Since I first met him, he’s always been spare. Even the black frock coats, vests and shirts he prefers to wear do not hide the sharp angles of his frame. And since he’s practically stopped eating, those angles have become more noticeable. Where once his face was thin and aristocratic, it now seems gaunt. His cheekbones are like blades over the hollows of his jaw, and his eyes are seeming deeper within the pronounced sockets of his face.
Not only has he lost weight he can ill-afford to lose, but his once impeccable grooming is no longer as evident. It seems he has always had rather greasy hair, but lately it has become worse. The black strands are lank and dull, and hang lifeless against his neck. Some days it seems as if he hasn’t even brushed it. And his clothes - once the deepest of blacks, without even the slightest hint of lint on them, and crisp as a fresh sheet of parchment - are more often then not wrinkled and stained. The white cotton ruff of his linen shirt is starchless and gray. Over the last few days I’ve questioned if he’s even changed his clothes at all. When he stopped by for an early morning visit to Hermione and I to remind us of his visit to Azkaban, the man hadn’t even bothered to shave. The starkness of his dark whiskers against his lean and pallid cheeks presented quite a contrast. After he left, I turned to Miss Granger.
‘You must remind Professor Severus to eat, dear. He’s loosing too much weight, and it doesn’t look good on him. It is not my place, I know, but I am worried about him, Miss Granger. The Severus I met last year would never step outside in clothes as rumpled and stained as he was wearing today.’
I really began to notice the changes in him the day after he first kissed Miss Granger, and it had me worried. I could not, for the life of me, figure out why his physical condition seemed to be deteriorating so rapidly. If I was not able to converse with the man and observe his actions as often as I did, I might have even questioned whether or not he was slipping into some sort of dementia.
Miss Granger, of course, never looked better. Being here at Hogwarts really agreed with her - or, more likely, it was being here with Professor Severus that made her hair and skin glow. As quickly as the Professor seemed to be deteriorating, with her it was just the opposite - for a young witch who had been so close to death less than two full weeks ago, she really looked quite remarkable!
‘So, Miss Granger - what shall we do today?’ I asked her, as I sat down in the chair beside her bed with my tea. ‘I have a feeling we won’t be seeing Professor Severus again until much later this evening. Perhaps, a nice bath in the big tub and a massage? I have a new charm I thought we could try on your hair - I’ve been told it will make curls into ringlets! I bet your hair would look even lovelier than it does now.’
I had just settled Miss Granger into her chair and was preparing to read to her when I heard a sharp knock on the door. Our day had gotten off to a slow start, but I was surprised to see that it was Minerva McGonagall who decided to stop by unexpectedly not long after the Professor had left.
‘May I come in?’ she requested, when I opened the door at her knock.
I was genuinely surprised to see the older witch. Although she was visiting Miss Granger with more regularity now that she was back at Hogwarts, she had just been here not two evenings ago, when Professor Severus had dragged that odd-looking Trelawney into the rooms. I smiled at her politely, ‘Professor McGonagall, Hermione is still in her room. Would you like a cup of tea?’
The older woman smiled, ‘Please, Madam Pomfrey. I find it very chilly down here.’
‘You get used to it, dear,’ I replied. ‘Go on in, I’m sure she’ll be happy to see you.’
She nodded at this, before asking, ‘Would you have a tea with me while I visit with Hermione?’
Her request caught me off guard. I was sure she was going to question me about the Professor, and I had no interest in easing her mind in any way, or providing any more fodder for the gossip mills. I was about to decline, when she smiled at me suddenly. ‘I heard about your dressing down of Poppy. She does admit - grudgingly - that she probably deserved it.’
I bit back a grin at that, ‘I won’t talk with you about Professor Snape, you realize.’
Her smile grew wider at this, ‘I’d heard you were championing him. It’s just tea, Madam Pomfrey.’
The ensuing visit was actually quite nice. Within the first 30 minutes, Minerva and I were laughing like old friends. I was especially pleased that she included Miss Granger in the conversation.
‘He was so upset your first year here, Hermione,’ she chuckled, patting the younger girl’s hand. ‘He couldn’t believe you had figured out his riddle so quickly, and it was quite fun to tease him in the staff room about it. He was sure you had cheated, somehow. It took him ages to admit that you were, in fact, as intelligent as everyone kept saying you were!’
‘I can see how that might have bothered him,’ I agreed.
‘He is rather prickly, Madam Pomfrey, as I’m sure you noticed.’
‘I’ve noticed, all right. And please, call me Nettie.’
The older woman looked pleased at this, ‘And you must call me Minerva, then. I have to ask, Nettie - what is your name short for?’
I laughed, ‘My name has a curious tale behind it. You see, my father was bound and determined to have a son. My mother, bless her, was equally determined that I would be the last baby. You would understand this if you had ever been around my sisters when they were little - hellions, the lot of them! When I turned out to be another girl, my father was more than a little disappointed. When it came time for him to name me, instead of going with Daisy - which is what my mother wanted - he chose Nettle, because I had stung his heart.’
Poor Minerva didn’t know what to say to that, which made me laugh even harder. ‘Oh, don’t feel badly for me, Minerva. He got over his disappointment - he really was a wonderful man. And Nettle quite suits me - can you honestly picture me as a Daisy? Gods forbid!’
All in all, it was a lovely visit. Minerva didn’t leave until just after lunch, her smile warm as she wished a good day to Hermione before turning to me. ‘You are doing a wonderful job here, Nettie. I’m glad we had this opportunity to talk - I’m sorry it took so long in coming.’
‘Better late than never,’ I replied as I walked her to the door.
‘True.’ She paused just inside the hallway then, looking at me, ‘What you said to Poppy - about the way we treat Severus...you were right, you know. We have been horrible to him. I wonder why we didn’t see it?’
‘It’s hard to see what’s become habit, Minerva,’ I replied gently, watching her nod to herself as she slowly left the dungeons.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was just getting Hermione settled comfortably in her big chair when the door sounded again. It was much later in the afternoon - I had read to her for a while after Minerva’s departure, before finally giving her the bath I had promised earlier in the morning.
I had a large fire blazing in the fireplace, as her hair was still wet. She had on a beautiful thick terry robe Professor Severus had bought for her when she first arrived, and I was looking forward to brushing and charming her hair as it slowly dried by the fire.
‘Who can that be now?’ I muttered to myself. ‘Professor Severus would have just walked in, so it’s not him.’
It was Harry Potter.
I have to admit I wasn’t thrilled to see him. While I didn’t dislike the boy, I wasn’t a fan either - it was hard for me to believe that this young hothead was the savior of the Wizarding world.
‘Mr. Potter - what a pleasant surprise,’ I said, even though my heart wasn’t in it. ‘Hermione’s just had a bath - she’s sitting in front of the fireplace.’
Potter shifted uncomfortably, before looking at me and declaring, ‘I’ve actually come to visit with you, Madam Pomfrey.’
Oh, bother.
Sighing, I stepped back, ‘I need to brush Miss Granger’s hair. Come on through - you can tell me why you’re here as I do that.’ I didn’t offer him a cup of tea.
‘Hullo, Hermione,’ he said quietly as he slipped into the room behind me. I rolled my eyes at her and grabbed the hair brush before turning back to face him.
‘What can I help you with, Mr. Potter?’
The younger man looked slightly uncomfortable, ‘I’m just here to see what’s going on with Snape and Hermione. I’d heard ... about this aura thing....’ he grimaced as he said this. ‘And it’s worried me somewhat.’
I sighed. ‘What, exactly, is bothering you about it?’ I tried to, but couldn’t quite hide, the impatience in my voice.
‘I’m just wondering...you’re here with them all the time, right? You never leave Snape alone with Hermione, do you?’
He flinched at the look I shot him. ‘Mr. Potter - must you come by every few days to ask me the same questions? I’m getting rather tired of it.’
‘I can’t help it if I don’t trust him,’ he retorted sullenly. ‘You wouldn’t either, if you knew him like I do.’
‘I know him better than you do, Mr. Potter,’ I retorted angrily. ‘Honestly! What makes you think you know him at all? Just because he was your professor for a few years?’
‘He’s always been a miserable git! He’s never liked anyone - he’s never liked me!’
‘He liked you well enough to save your life!’ I snapped back. ‘Or have you forgotten that?’
Potter flushed, ‘I haven’t forgotten. But Hermione... she’s like this because of him.’
‘You hate the Professor because of a choice Miss Granger made?’ My voice was incredulous. ‘He didn’t ask for any of this you know. None of it. Yet it seems to me, for a man who doesn’t like anyone, he’s pulled the wool over a lot of people’s eyes. Professor Dumbledore seems to like him, and he strikes me as an intelligent man. Minerva likes him; I like him. I’m betting that your Hermione here loves him.’
‘Don’t say that!’ he shouted suddenly. ‘She doesn’t love him.’
‘She does, Potter.’ I had stopped brushing Miss Granger’s hair as we spoke, and found myself now looking intently at the boy. ‘Look at her - she looks like a woman in love.’
‘She looks like a woman in a coma,’ Harry retorted bitterly.
‘That too,’ I agreed. ‘She is in a coma of sorts, but that doesn’t mean she’s not there. That doesn’t mean she’s not allowed to have feelings, or dreams, or anything else you seem to think being in a coma implies.’ My voice was gentle now. I stepped towards him and crouched down, tentatively reaching out and touching his hands which were clasped tightly on his knees.
‘Remember that day you came to visit her, and I told you she was dying? Remember how badly she looked? Her hair was brittle, her skin - gray and lax... you yourself said she looked like a cadaver. Remember?’
The young man nodded miserably.
‘It was Snape that gave her back her health. I believe she looked like that because she thought he had left her; she was dying without him.’
‘How do you know it wasn’t a trick?’ Harry offered hesitantly, ‘Maybe Snape charmed her to look like that, so we would think she would die without him. Maybe it was a ruse to get her back to Hogwarts and under his thumb.’
I shook my head gently. ‘The only reason he came back was because of you, Mr. Potter. You were the one that went to him when you realized she was dying. For that matter, you went to him when I told you we had to keep her hair short - remember? Why would you do that - tell him these things - if you hate him as much as you claim? What did you expect him to do about it?’
Potter looked confused, ‘I don’t know. I don’t know! All I know is that - I miss her. If Snape... if he hadn’t been helping me... she wouldn’t be here at all. She would never have had to throw herself in front of Malfoy’s curse.’
‘So you blame Professor Snape because you feel guilty,’ I pointed out, gently. ‘That’s not very fair of you.’
‘I can’t help the way I feel!’ His green eyes were swimming with tears. For the first time in a long while, I felt sorry for the boy.
‘Of course you can’t, Mr. Potter. None of us can - but think about this for a moment: what if he does manage to free her? What are you going to do when she tells you herself she loves him? Are you going to hold onto your anger towards Severus; make Miss Granger choose between you? Because I have to tell you - from where I’m sitting, she would choose him. You don’t even believe she’s really there, inside her mind. It’s been Professor Snape who has visited her every day, who’s struggling to find a cure for her - despite the obstacles you seem to be trying to put in his way.’
Potter looked like he was going to interrupt, but I didn’t let him. ‘Don’t you think Miss Granger might ask you why you weren’t more willing to listen to Professor Snape? To help him? I’d always heard you were a powerful young wizard... yet you haven’t lifted a finger to contribute in any way to breaking this curse.’
The younger man looked down at his hands, ‘He won’t take my help.’
‘You mean, he won’t ask you for it,’ I corrected. ‘He does have his pride, you know, just as you do. I think if you offered it, he might surprise you. Promise me you’ll think about what I’ve said.’
He didn’t reply, instead choosing to wipe his eyes with his sleeve. I was about to offer him tea when I heard Professor Dumbledore’s voice coming from the fireplace, ‘Nettie dear, are you there? Can I come through?’
Rising from my crouched position, I turned towards the fireplace, ‘Of course, Professor Dumbledore - please come in!’
I looked at Hermione, smiling, ‘I think we should ask Professor Severus about getting a sign that reads Platform 9 3/4 to hang on the wall over there, dear. It’s been excessively busy today.’
Dumbledore, who was brushing pieces of ash from his beard, smiled at me when I said this. ‘Who else has been by?’
‘Minerva, for one, and Mr. Potter - he’s still here, as a matter of fact.’
The older man peered at the young lad over the top of his half-moon spectacles.
‘Hullo Albus,’ Potter greeted quietly.
‘Harry, my dear boy. I suspected you would have left by now.’
Potter shrugged, ‘Not quite yet. Where’s Snape?’
‘I imagine he’s in his quarters, straightening up. He was waiting for a book from Durmstrang and wanted to see if it had arrived before he came to see Hermione. Which leads me to you, Nettie,’ he said, turning to me. ‘Severus said he was coming to have dinner with Miss Granger this evening, and I wanted to ask you...’ He paused, the twinkle in his eyes fading as he leaned closer to me and lowered his voice.
‘I’m worried about him, Nettie. He doesn’t look good, and I just wanted to make sure he was eating. I’ve only seen him in the Great Hall once in the last two days - the night he dragged Sybil down here - and he didn’t eat more than half a bowl of soup.’
Potter was listening in unabashedly. I suppressed the urge to scowl at him before replying, ‘I do make sandwiches and the like for him, sir, but more often then not they are left uneaten. He does drink lots of tea though. I’m... I’ve been worried about him myself.’
‘He’s lost a bit of weight,’ Potter inserted, ‘big deal. Everyone does.’
‘Not like this, Harry,’ Dumbledore’s voice held a bit of a bite to it. ‘It’s not just the weight - didn’t you notice how - rumpled - he looked when you saw him earlier? He hasn’t bothered to shave yet today, and I don’t think he’s washed his hair in a week.’
Before Potter could respond at that, I snapped at him, ‘If you say ‘How can you tell?’ I shall smack you, Mr. Potter.’
The boy shut his mouth.
I bit my lip as I turned back to the Headmaster, ‘What do you want me to do, Albus? He’s a grown man, I can’t force him to eat and I don’t think he’d appreciate it if I tried.’
‘No, of course not, of course not,’ Dumbledore responded, ‘I’m just concerned - he hasn’t looked this bad since the final battle, and he didn’t have any skin then.’
We stood silently for a moment, thinking. Even Potter looked like he was considering something. I must admit, we all jumped a little when the very man we had been discussing swept into the room without announcing himself.
‘Nettie. Albus... Potter...’ he greeted civilly, although he growled Potter’s name slightly. He was in shirtsleeves and black britches, his vest and frock coat obviously forgotten when he had left his rooms. Under his arm he carried a large, leather bound book.
‘I must say, I’m surprised to see so many people here. I was only expecting Nettie and Hermione.’ He stepped towards her as he said her name, and I could see his free hand reaching out as if to touch her, before falling back to his side. Instead, he placed the book on the table next to her chair and turned to look at the three of us.
‘Is there a problem?’
‘None, Professor Severus, sir,’ I replied. ‘Mr. Potter just came by for a visit and Albus came to tell me you’d be arriving soon.’
‘I see your book arrived, Severus,’ Dumbledore stated calmly. ‘Does it contain what you’d hoped?’
‘It contains something I can modify, at the very least,’ the Professor nodded.
‘I hope your trip to Azkaban was beneficial, sir,’ I remarked.
‘Azkaban! What did you go to Azkaban for?’ Potter had jumped to his feet and was looking at Snape searchingly. I sighed. Snape cocked an eyebrow.
‘Hermione keeps telling me you’re intelligent, Potter, so put that brain of yours to use. Why do you think I went there?’
‘Draco...’ Potter breathed suddenly. ‘I suppose Albus pulled some strings to get you in, did he?’ He tilted his head at Dumbledore, before adding, ‘Why didn’t anyone tell me you were going there?’
‘Whatever for?’ Snape retorted icily. ‘What difference could it make to you?’
I watched with interest as Potter bit back the retort I knew he wanted to make, before he asked, relatively calmly, ‘Did you get any information from him?’
Professor Severus cocked his eyebrow at him skeptically, and I could tell he was a little surprised at the boy’s relative politeness. He looked at Potter as if considering something, before turning to me, ‘Had a little talk with Potter here, did you, Nettie?’ I flushed, and hoped it was dark humor I was hearing in his voice, and not irritation.
‘You look tired, sir. Can I get you some tea?’
He actually smiled when I asked this, ‘Someone must have told you a tea cures all ills, the way you bandy it about woman. Yes, a tea would not be remiss.’ He turned to Albus and Potter again, ‘I needed to talk to you both, anyway. Would you mind staying here for a bit? I just need to talk to Hermione - and then I want to try something.’
Both men nodded their assent, Potter watching with great interest as Snape moved into Miss Granger’s line of vision and leaned forward to look into her eyes. In the sudden silence of the room, I quickly conjured the tea service and prepared tea for all of us, handing a hot cup to Professor Severus the moment he straightened up.
‘Thank you, Nettie,’ he said, absently taking it from me as he studied Hermione. ‘Hermione tells me you finished 'Wuthering Heights' today?’
‘Yes, indeed,’ I replied, smiling. ‘I told her tomorrow we would start 'Sense and Sensibility', if that was okay with her.’
‘She loves Jane Austen,’ he remarked, reaching out a finger and absently pushing a curl from her face, being careful not to touch her skin. From the corner of my eye, I saw Potter stiffen slightly, before forcing himself to relax a bit.
‘Are you going to tell us why we’re still here, Snape,’ he managed to grit out. His knuckles were so tight around the dainty handle of his teacup I was surprised the thing hadn’t shattered. Professor Severus turned to look at him, nodding.
‘Of course, Potter.’ His voice was not as cold as it could have been, but it was not exactly friendly either. ‘First, I want to see if I can find Hermione just through touch alone. It occurred to me today - something Draco said - that perhaps I do not need to be looking into her eyes to enter her mind.’
‘You’ve touched her before, haven’t you?’ Potter’s voice was genuinely curious. ‘Wouldn’t you have noticed if that were the case?’
Snape shifted uncomfortably, ‘Perhaps. Perhaps not. It’s not something I’ve been looking for, so I might not have noticed it. And, I have reason to believe my reaction to her has become stronger since...Saturday.’
‘What happened Saturday?’ Potter was instantly suspicious.
‘Hermione had a theory she wanted me to test,’ Severus replied curtly. ‘She wanted to rule out that a... kiss... could be a possible cure. So, we - I - did.’
‘You kissed her?’ Potter’s voice rose slightly, ‘Did you know about this, Albus?’
‘Severus told me about it today, Harry,’ the older man replied gently. ‘It was a valid theory. A kiss did save the princesses Snow White and Aurora, after all.’
Potter and Snape both snorted at this. The younger man turned back to Snape, his eyes glittering angrily, and demanded, ‘So - what happened to make you think you can touch her now without looking at her eyes?’
Snape sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘She pulled me in, even when I wasn’t looking at her,’ he hesitated momentarily, carefully considering his words. ‘At least, something pulled me in. I think it might have been the curse.’
‘You are insane!’ Potter shouted. ‘Are you telling me you think the curse is still - is somehow alive in Hermione?’
The professor shrugged, ‘I believe so - yes.’ A shocked silence reigned for a few moments, before he looked at Hermione, eyes inscrutable, and reached out and grabbed her hand. I knew immediately that he had been right - the minute he touched her, he was with her. They were breathing in tandem and that strange peaceful look that always stole over his features when they were talking was evident on his face.
‘My Gods!’ I whispered.
‘Merlin’s balls!’ Albus echoed.
‘As I thought’ Snape said. ‘I won’t let go of your hand, Hermione. I know you want to be part of this conversation. Albus, Potter, Nettie... we need to talk.’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
‘So - what you’re telling us is that the curse is still active?’ Potter sounded slightly dubious, but at least he was still listening.
‘It makes sense,’ Professor Snape replied. ‘We’ve hypothesized the reason I can visit Hermione is because some of the curse hit me - but what if it’s more than that? What if the curse is keyed to me? What if it recognized me and let me in?’
Dumbledore was frowning, the normal twinkle in his eyes replaced with worry. ‘Severus...’
‘Albus,’ he cut the older man off, ‘I’ve got it under control.’
‘So, you’re a target, then. You think it’s still trying to get you?’ Potter was sitting now, his eyes darting from Hermione to Professor Severus and back again.
Snape shrugged, ‘I’m willing to concede it’s a strong possibility. The very fact that it gets easier and easier for me to visit Hermione seems to indicate that - something - is letting me in. Hermione wants me to add that she feels it too... she can feel the pull. It’s not her doing it, either.’
‘But you think you can break the curse, right? You’re not going to stop trying, are you?’ Potter suddenly sounded panicked, and I looked at him oddly. Severus quirked an eyebrow at him.
‘I thought you wanted me to stop trying, Potter. Isn’t that what you were discussing with Albus earlier today?’ He sneered at the younger man, but his heart wasn’t in it. Potter had the grace to flush, but he didn’t confirm what Snape had said. His guilty expression said it all for him, anyway.
‘I do believe I can free Hermione,’ Snape continued. ‘Sybill’s help in discovering Hermione’s aura led me to collecting information on potions that are meant for restoring or balancing one’s set of colors in their aura.’ He tapped the book on the table for emphasis. ‘If we can obtain the proper ingredients of the appropriate color - items with some significance to either Hermione or the curse - I believe it will lead me to developing a modified version of the potion that will allow the proper balance of colors to be restored to Hermione.
‘It will require at least two drinkers to perform the necessary charms that will activate the potion in her system. If we can balance out her aura and keep mine stable while I’m in her mind, I believe I shall be able to push her free of the curse so that the new aura can take hold.’
‘You can’t do it by yourself, Severus.’ Dumbledore said tiredly. His voice suddenly sounded old. ‘If the curse is as you think, it’s strong. Stronger, perhaps, then you yourself are.’
The room was silent at that pronouncement. Professor Severus stepped towards the older man, keeping his grip on Hermione’s hand firm as he said gently, ‘I cannot leave her there, Albus, when I could free her. Don’t ask it of me.’
‘What if I drank the potion, too?’ Potter asked suddenly. ‘You said I might have a link as well, if I absorbed some of the curse when it hit you and Hermione. At the very least, I can transfer my magic to you...’
Snape looked at Potter, considering his offer. ‘That might work,’ he conceded. ‘The potion is a binding potion, and the colors should protect your aura from any tampering by the curse.’
‘Is there anyway you can put something in it to make it possible to see the curse?’ Potter added. ‘If it’s visible it should be easier to defeat - or to avoid, if you can.’
‘Excellent suggestion, Harry!’ Dumbledore smiled at the younger man, seeming to have perked up at his offer. ‘And if you are anchoring Snape, it would be easier to bring them both out.’
Professor Severus frowned, ‘It is a good idea, Potter. May I ask why you’re suddenly so helpful?’
The younger man grinned at him, his look open and honest and devoid of the dislike that was usually there whenever he spoke to Severus. ‘We’re both working towards the same goal,’ he replied. ‘I want Hermione back just as much as you do.’
‘I doubt that,’ the older man growled. I noticed that his fingers were gripping Hermione’s tightly, the knuckles white against his pale skin. ‘However, I won’t say no to any help you are prepared to offer.’
‘How long until you can have to potion ready, Severus?’ Dumbledore asked.
‘Saturday, I believe. Less then a week.’
Here, There and Everywhere by the Beatles
To lead a better life I need my love to be here...
Here, making each day of the year
Changing my life with a wave of her hand
Nobody can deny that there's something there
There, running my hands through her hair
Both of us thinking how good it can be
Someone is speaking but she doesn't know he's there
I want her everywhere and if she's beside me
I know I need never care
But to love her is to need her everywhere
Knowing that love is to share
Each one believing that love never dies
Watching her eyes and hoping I'm always there
I want her everywhere and if she's beside me
I know I need never care
But to love her is to need her everywhere
Knowing that love is to share
Each one believing that love never dies
Watching her eyes and hoping I'm always there
To be there and everywhere
Here, there and everywhere
Chapter Seventeen: HERMIONE
Severus was irritated. Hermione watched him in amusement as he spoke with Sybill Trelawney, doing his best to remain calm in the face of her vacuous replies to his questions. Inside her head, he was cuttingly sarcastic.
‘Really, Sybill - I just need to confirm the colors we should try to incorporate into this potion.’
‘All the colors of the rainbow,’ Trelawney replied, dreamily.
‘As if I have the time to look at rainbows,’ he snarked at Hermione. She tried not to laugh.
‘Specifically, Sybill - I just need the standards.’
Trelawney beamed at him, blinking absurdly behind her glasses before she started humming.
Snape stared at her, aghast. ‘What on earth are you doing, woman?’ he growled as she began to sing horribly off-key.
Inside her mind, Hermione joined in, laughing, ‘Red and yellow and pink and green, Purple and orange and blue, I can sing a rainbow, Sing a rainbow, Sing a rainbow too!’
‘Oh gods,’ Snape muttered, the look on his face priceless. Trelawney was still singing, but Hermione had petered out and was now standing with her arms wrapped around his waist, trying to stifle her laughter against his chest.
‘Sing with me, Severus!’ Trelawney demanded as she took up a new verse. ‘Listen to your heart, Listen to your soul, and sing everything you feel, When you can sing a rainbow, sing a rainbow, You’ll know love is real. Red and yellow and pink and green....’
‘Yes, yes,’ Severus interrupted, snidely, ‘I have it, thank you. Are there specific colors we should focus on - something there should be more or less of?’
‘Do not introduce any more gray to her system, of course,’ Trelawney was beaming at him. ‘But you must add black for balance, white for purity and something clear for clarity. Do you suppose, once this is done and you’ve brought Hermione back, we could work together on a paper extolling the virtue of potions in regards to the healing of auras? It would be very well received in the Divination field, I assure you. Quite groundbreaking!’
‘I’m not sure I’ll have the time to do that Sybill,’ Severus responded tightly. He was gritting his teeth so strongly, Hermione was surprised his jaw didn’t shatter. All this pleasant treatment towards Trelawney was killing him.
Hermione grinned at him, ‘I don’t think your reputation would survive a co-authorship with her. No one would take you seriously again.’
‘No one seems to take me seriously now,’ Severus retorted. ‘They all think I’ve lost my mind.’
‘Is there anything else - anything at all - I should be aware of Sybill?’
The divination professor smiled at him, ‘Not that I can think of, but again - aura’s are not really my specialty. Severus....’ she paused, dropping the dingbat persona and weighing her words carefully, ‘when you are ready to attempt to adjust Miss Granger’s aura, I hope you will consider letting me attend. At the very least, I’ll be able to tell you what is happening to her and you - I might be able to be of some assistance.’
Hermione looked at Snape in shock, ‘She sounded almost reasonable there.’
‘It’s a good idea, too,’ Severus sighed, reluctantly. ‘She really has been quite useful.’
‘I will be sure to let you know when we are ready, Sybill,’ he replied, ‘We appreciate the offer.’
Trelawney was beaming. ‘Thank you, Severus. I think it behooves us all to help you break this curse. You’re much more biddable when you’re happy.’
~~~~~~~
It was a strange turn of events for Hermione, least of all because Harry seemed to be making an honest effort to be helpful for a change, instead of challenging Severus at every turn. It seemed the talking to Nettie had given him had helped, and Hermione couldn’t be happier.
She couldn’t be more excited either. She was confident that by the end of the week she would be free again - free to talk to her friends, to laugh, to prove to Severus that she still loved him, even when she was no longer trapped in her mind.
She knew Albus was worried, however. It would have been hard to miss his concern when Severus had finally explained to everyone what he believed was going on. The notion that the curse was active and alive and in her was not a pleasant thought. However, she refused to entertain the idea that it might somehow capture Severus, ensnaring them both.
The one time she had mentioned it to him, he had looked at her intently. ‘I’m confident I can free you, Hermione. Have I ever lied to you?’
Of course, he never had - not even when she had been his student and had disliked him. He was true to his word, even if the recipient did not like what they heard.
‘Are you sure the curse isn’t hurting you?’ she had asked then, ‘I know Nettie’s very concerned - she says you’re not eating.’
‘I’ve been distracted lately,’ he had practically purred this last part, his eyes glittering darkly at her. ‘I’m also busy with this potion. Do I look sick to you?’
Hermione had studied him closely, admiring the blue-black of his hair, tied neatly back from his face with a thin piece of leather. He was in shirt sleeves again, the cuffs undone and rolled up, revealing pale, sinewy forearms. His skin had lost that ghostly pallor she had so long associated with him - while he was still pale, he seemed to glow with a healthy vitality. He was still not handsome, but he looked good - strong and clean and healthy.
‘You’re the very picture of health,’ she’d replied honestly. ‘I don’t know what everyone else is talking about.’
~~~~~~~
‘I can’t get used to a solicitous Potter,’ Severus grumbled when he stepped into the library two days after the visit to Azkaban. ‘It’s not natural and it’s giving me indigestion.’
Hermione hid her laugh behind the book she was reading. She reached up and absently patting the hand he had placed on her shoulder as he moved to stand behind her. ‘What’s he done now?’ she inquired.
‘He’s brought me some red anemone wildflowers from Holly Meadows, along with some purple cranesbill and white ransoms - he thought we could use them in the potion.’
‘And this is a problem because?’
‘I’m not used to Potter using his brain and I find it distracting,’ Severus replied snidely. ‘However, it was a good idea to collect flowers from the scene of the final battle; the curse was cast there and the area has meaning to all three of us. You do realize, though, that cranesbill can become quite bitter when mixed with the oil of ransoms? This potion will not be palatable.’
‘Since when has that ever stopped you from brewing anything?’ Hermione retorted, sighing as she shut the book and leaned her head against the lower part of his chest. ‘Your potions always taste horrendous. I could never understand why you wouldn’t add peppermint to improve the taste.’
‘Waste my peppermint to make things taste better for obnoxious children who should never have been doing something that would require them to take a potion in the first place?’ Severus scowled mockingly. ‘Really, Hermione.’
She smirked at him. ‘I knew there was a reason. Evil git.’
Snape chuckled softly. ‘Have you had time to work on the list?’
‘Since you left,’ Hermione replied. ‘I think for black, a snip of your hair will work to create the connection needed to replace my aura. I also thought it wouldn’t hurt to use finely ground obsidian to open the first chakra, since we’re looking for all possible ways to combat the curse as a living force. Are those alright?’
‘Not a problem. What else?’ Snape was rubbing his fingers along her collarbones and shoulders as they spoke, sending disquieting sparks of energy throughout her system.
‘Red definitely needs to be blood. A few drops from you and I and Harry since all three of us are ingesting the potion. I was thinking it might help to strengthen the mixture to have some of the staff contribute a drop each - people we know love us. Blood magic can be a powerful tool of protection, as you know. Harry’s red anemones will work for that color aspect as well.’
‘Of course,’ Snape agreed sarcastically. ‘Musn’t forget those.’
Hermione ignored him. ‘The blue was easy - tourmaline and bluebells. Professor Sprout always has the most beautiful bluebells in her greenhouses, and perhaps the nectar will lessen the bitterness of the cranesbill.’
‘Don’t count on it,’ Severus grumbled.
‘Stop complaining and sit down,’ Hermione smiled up at him. ‘Don’t forget I have to have some of this potion as well.’
‘Have you actually tasted anything Nettie has fed you since this curse kicked in?’ Snape raised a mocking brow at her. Hermione didn’t reply, instead choosing to slide her notes over to him.
‘Severus, I think you enjoy being exasperating.’
Snape quirked his lips at her, before bending to read her notes, ‘Brown - shredded willow bark. I also think we should add some of your hair.’
‘I never thought of that,’ Hermione admitted. ‘I’m so used to thinking of my hair as unbreakable. Do you have the counterspell for the charm?’
‘There’s no need,’ he replied silkily. ‘I cut a small amount of your hair after I grew it back, in case I would ever have need of it. One of the advantages to being a Potions Master is the excellent foresight that comes with it.’
Hermione ignored him, ‘Yellow - sunflower oil and citrine.’
‘And Draco’s hair. We can’t get anything from Lucius, but the curse may recognize the hair as the progeny of its creator. I believe the Malfoy blood will work as the trigger to make the curse visible once again.’
‘And how do you propose we get this?’
Snape shrugged, ‘Already done. Albus sent the request to Arthur last night, and the Prison Barber paid a visit to Malfoy Jr. this morning. The hair is already sitting in an apothecary jar in my office, waiting to be used.’
‘For pink, I think we should use the natural oils of eucalyptus, and diced rose-hips. The purple - Harry’s cranesbill, and natural oils of the lotus flower and its leaves, shredded. Orange should be ylang-ylang and steeped marigold petals, and green is peridot and emerald oils. I also did a little more research, and I think purified glacial water is the ideal base we should work with. That book you got from Dumstrang suggests using water from the ice flows in Siberia, but while I was still awake I once read that the glaciers north of Japan are a little more pure in quality.’
Severus jumped at that, slightly startled. ‘How were you able to read the book I received from Dumstrang?’
‘It was in your study,’ Hermione replied brightly, ‘Now...’
‘How could you have seen it, Hermione? You’ve never been in my rooms.’ His eyes narrowed suddenly, ‘unless you snuck into my quarters when you were still a student - which would be impossible. There is no way you could have gotten through my private wards.’
‘You took me to your rooms the other day, Severus, honestly...’ Hermione stopped then, biting her bottom lip in sudden realization. Severus probably didn’t even realize he had been the one to create his rooms and a copy of the book. So much had happened in the last three days it had slipped her mind to tell him she suspected he was able to create constructs in her mind that were just as real as the ones she created. ‘Circe’s teeth!’ she exclaimed, ‘I didn’t tell you!’
‘Tell me what, exactly, Hermione?’ Snape was staring at her, eyes narrowed. ‘When did you see my rooms?’
‘Saturday, after you kissed me. Remember? After our walk around the lake, we went back to your rooms and warmed up in front of the fireplace. I don’t think either of us realized it at the time, and in all the excitement recently I completely forgot about it. I’m sorry for forgetting until now, but I think you can create things in my mind just like I do.’
He looked like he was about to deny it, when he paused, face thoughtful. ‘You’re sure we were in my rooms, and that it was the same book?’
Hermione nodded, ‘I’m positive, I had never laid eyes on the book before until yesterday. As for your rooms, when you took us there, I only sat with you in your main living area, but after you left, your entire suite was accessible. I was able to walk into your bedroom. You wear reading glasses - little half moons like Albus sometimes wears. They were sitting on an open book on the end table by your bed. Your armoire was open, and I could see your clothes hanging in it. Your teaching robes were thrown over a dark green velvet sitting chair in the corner. I looked through the books on your book shelf - and even though there were titles there I hadn’t read, I was able to open them up and see the text. I even saw your research notes...’ she blushed suddenly. ‘I saw the picture you drew of me. I never realized you were an artist.’
Severus smiled slightly, ‘There are many things you don’t know about me yet.’ He was suddenly deep in thought. ‘The day I found you in the potions classroom, flowers bloomed through the floors. They were red anemone, the same flower Potter brought back today from Holly Meadows.’
‘They were in the bouquet you brought me the first day you came to St. Mungo’s,’ Hermione realized.
‘I think I’ve been subconsciously incorporating my memories, pieces of me, in to your mind. The question is, can I knowingly do it?’ Severus was studying her intently. ‘I wonder.... Hermione, have you ever tried creating familiar places outside of Hogwart’s in your mind - other than your bedroom? Have you ever gone to Hogsmeade, for example.’
‘I’ve never really thought about it,’ she replied. ‘Until you came and took me to the gardens, I never realized I could actually go ‘outside’ in my own head.’
Severus quirked a brow at her, ‘You realize how crazy that sounds?’
‘What’s crazy is that you know exactly what I mean,’ Hermione retorted. ‘That day at the lake, walking along that path - I’d never been there before. Take me some place else, right now, that I haven’t seen. Let’s test this and see what our limitations are.’
Snape reached forward and grabbed her hand, ‘Where do you want to go?’
‘Someplace I’ve never been,’ she replied, smiling at him. ‘Someplace important to you.’
Just along the edges of her peripheral vision, Hermione saw the walls shift, the colors blending and fading as she stared at Snape. Beneath her feet, the floor fell away, causing her to blink in an effort to overcome the sudden feeling of vertigo that was making her stomach heave. When she opened her eyes again, they were standing at the top of a sandstone cliff, the smell of salt water heavy in the air. Below them, waves rolled along stretch of white sand as sandpipers chased the foam up and down the shore line.
‘Where are we?’ Hermione exclaimed, tilting her face up towards the heat of the sun.
‘Greece,’ Severus replied. ‘Merlin’s balls, it’s just like I remember it.’
Hermione smiled, ‘Remember what? Greece doesn’t give me much of a clue.’
Snape disentangled one of his hands from hers, pointing towards a tiny villa she hadn’t even noticed several meters behind them. ‘Albus forced me to come here for vacation once. He said I needed to ‘get away from it all’, if you can imagine.’ He smirked. ‘It was too hot, and I was bored stiff within two hours of my arrival. He had forbidden me to go anywhere, but failed to leave me anything with which to occupy my mind. The library in that little villa is sadly lacking - although, I’m sure Nettie would enjoy it.’
‘If you hated it so much, why did you bring me here?’
‘I thought you might like it,’ he replied, tucking a wayward strand of hair behind her ears.
‘It is beautiful,’ Hermione agreed, looking around her again, before smiling at him coyly. ‘What was Albus thinking about, leaving you here?’
Severus rolled his eyes, ‘I have no idea. You should have seen the hideous swim trunks he left. Black with pink flamingoes.’
Hermione started giggling, ‘Did you wear them?’
‘What do you think, impertinent wench!’ he growled at her, before adding, ‘I prefer to swim in the nude. There are no tan lines that way.’
He smirked wickedly at Hermione when she choked on her tongue at his pronouncement, before he leaned in and kissed her smiling mouth.
They didn’t return to Hogwart’s until much later that day.
~~~~~~~
Over the course of the next few days, they continued to test Severus’ ability to create places in her mind. They found that as long as they had been to the place at least once, they could go there again. When Hermione mentioned she found it disconcerting to wander through Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley with no one else present, Snape had merely cocked an eyebrow at her.
‘Didn’t you tell me once you had re-created me in your mind?’ he queried.
Hermione nodded, ‘Yes, but you didn’t talk. Or, rather, the picture you I created talked, but the construct-you didn’t.’
‘Picture me?’
‘Yes - that first week you didn’t come to visit me at St. Mungo’s, after Creevey’s accident - I found a room in my mind full of pictures. Ron was there...my mom...you. I talked to all of you.’
‘Hmmm... interesting. So, pictures can talk to you but constructs can’t?’
‘Not yet, anyway,’ Hermione agreed.
‘But you can make them?’
‘Yes.’
‘Well then, when we go visiting, let’s inhabit your mind with other people. I’m sure, if we put our minds to it, we could get them to talk.’
‘It would be nice,’ she agreed. ‘Then, when you’re not here I could still have someone to talk to and I wouldn’t feel so lonely.’
On Thursday, when he took her to see the Great Wall of China, a little old man smiled toothlessly at them and bowed when Severus purchased a copy of Chairman Mao’s little red book.
‘Do jeh! Do jeh!’ he exclaimed happily after Snape indicated he could keep the change.
‘Foon ying,’ Severus replied calmly, tucking Hermione’s hand in the crook of his elbow, before turning to walk along the wall for several kilometers.
When Snape came to visit her the next day, he found Hermione in the library, having a very animated conversation with herself. Literally. For a moment, he watched in stunned confusion as the two Hermione’s argued over the slow-simmering potion, before they both looked up and saw him standing there.
Before he could blink, one of the Hermione’s had disappeared with a pop similar to the sound made during an apparation, leaving the other Hermione blushing furiously. ‘You must think I’m terribly odd,’ she began, before he cut her off.
‘I don’t think, I know,’ he replied silkily. ‘Whatever were you arguing with yourself for?’
Hermione shrugged, ‘I still can’t get the construct you to talk, and I wondered if that may be because you can actually come in to my mind already. So I thought I would see if I could create a duplicate of myself - as a test. In theory, my duplicate shouldn’t be able to talk either, but she can. As a matter of fact, once she got going it was hard to shut her up. She was trying to tell me that I was stirring too quickly, if you can believe it!’
‘A fairly accurate construct then,’ Severus replied. ‘Now you know how the rest of us feel.’
She glared at him, but it was easy to see she was trying hard not to smirk, ‘I’m not that bad!’
He merely inclined his head, as if to say ‘Oh yes you are.’ However, since he refrained from saying it out loud, Hermione decided he was conceding her point. He stayed with her the rest of the day.
Later that evening, she watched with some amusement as he paced nervously around the potion’s classroom, checking and rechecking his notes. Off to the side, a duplicate of the potion simmered on a flame just low enough to keep it warm. They had decided to brew the potion in her mind as well as outside of it, so she could participate in the creation of her cure. Severus had admitted more than once that her observations had been helpful, and she was confident that tomorrow she would finally be free.
She had already decided the first thing she was going to do when she had control of her own body again was kiss Severus senseless, and see if kissing him was as wonderful on the outside as it was in her mind.
‘Are you always this apprehensive after brewing a potion?’ she teased, as Snape stalked by her again, still muttering to himself.
‘I want to make sure we haven’t missed anything,’ he retorted. ‘I’m still not convinced that the phoenix tears were a good idea.’
‘They won’t hurt,’ Hermione replied. ‘And Trelawney did tell us specifically to use something in our aura-strengthening potion that was clear.’
‘They’re more iridescent, actually,’ Severus replied, ‘I’m not sure that counts.’
Hermione rolled her eyes, ‘There’s nothing else you can do. You’ve been telling me all week you were sure this would work - have you been misleading me?’
‘No,’ he said, before repeating more strongly, ‘No. It will work.’
‘Then what is the problem? I know it’s going to work. The entire brewing process went just as you described - changing colors when you said it would; everything.’
They both turned to look at the potion together. It was thicker than tea but not as thick as honey, shimmering gently as the color changed from moment to moment, reds bleeding into blues, which turned green before flickering purple. Hermione thought it looked like a liquid rainbow
‘Didn’t Trelawney tell you the changing colors looked just like auras blending from one to the other?’
‘She did; however she was always abysmal at potions. Just because she thinks it’s pretty doesn’t mean it will work.’
‘You’re right,’ Hermione agreed, ‘but you are a Potions Master - and you’ve told me yourself it’s going to work, so why worry? It’s our last night here. There’s no one else around to bother us. I can’t guarantee the same tomorrow - I have a feeling Harry’s going to have a hard time letting me out of his sight when I’m free again. And you know Albus is going to have something special planned.’
Severus snorted, but allowed her to lead him away from the potion and through the side door into his sitting room. ‘True enough,’ he agreed, ‘that’s the one thing I’ll miss about visiting you here. There is no one else around to annoy me.’
‘So take advantage of it then,’ Hermione breathed as she turned into his arms, leaning into him as she stood on her toes, ‘and kiss me.’
Severus left a few hours later, insisting that she get some sleep. She had walked him as far as the large foyer at the front of her mind, which happened to be an exact replica of the Hogwarts main entrance, while rolling her eyes when he told her - again - where to be waiting for him on the morrow.
‘I want you to be waiting for me, Hermione, right near the front. The potion will be strongest right after it’s ingested, so we need to work quickly.’
‘I know, Severus, and I’ll be ready,’ Hermione replied. ‘Imaginary wild horses couldn’t keep me away. Do you think we’ll actually be able to see the curse, if it’s active?’
‘We’ll be finding out tomorrow, won’t we,’ he replied almost cryptically. ‘Just remember, if Draco was telling the truth, it’s not going to want to let you or I go. I hate to admit it, but I’m glad Potter will be participating - I just hope the curse doesn’t go after him as well.’
Hermione bit her lip, looking at him thoughtfully, ‘I know this is going to be dangerous, but is there something you’re not telling me? I mean, we are going to be able to break free, aren’t we?’
‘I promise you, this time tomorrow you’ll be able to tell Albus what to do with his lemon drops, and he’ll be able to hear you,’ Snape smirked.
Hermione grinned at that, ‘And I’ll tell Harry what you said about being glad he came to help.’
Severus scowled at her but didn’t argue. Instead he leaned forward and kissed the top of her head. ‘Just don’t tell Syblil she broke the curse for us, or I’ll never hear the end of it. Now, get to sleep.’
‘You too, get some sleep. I love you, Severus.’
He gave her a small, fleeting smile that just touched his eyes. ‘I love you too, Hermione.’
He left after that, leaving her to wander back to his suite of rooms. She had started sleeping there the day she realized they were actually his rooms. His preference for Egyptian cotton sheets, and the subtle hint of his spice and clove smell which seemed imbedded in the pillows were a comforting safe haven to be wrapped in while she was alone. The weight of his heavy duvet was like being wrapped in his warm embrace, and often times while lying under it at night, she could almost believe she was merely waiting for him to join her in their shared bed.
Entering Severus’ rooms, she smiled a pleased, secretive smile to herself. Soon - very soon - she really would be sleeping in his bed and he would be next to her, holding her. His bedspread would cocoon them both, and if she had anything to say about it, things would remain that way indefinitely.
Murmuring a charm at the fire to lower the blaze, Hermione stretched her arms over her head and yawned as she wandered into his bedroom, humming the rainbow song Sybil had been singing earlier that week. She stepped into the bathroom and quickly washed her face and brushed her teeth, shivering against the chill creeping into the room as she quickly changed into her pajamas. She would have to talk to Severus about doing something to keep the dungeons warmer - perhaps a permanent charm to heat the slate floor, or the addition of a fireplace in the bedroom as well. Maybe a couple of thick throw rugs. They would definitely need to add another armoire for her clothes, and she was still trying to figure out where they would find room on his shelves for all her books. Blinking sleepily, and full of content dreams of her life outside of her mental prison, she slid under his blankets and fell asleep almost immediately.
As it had happened many nights before however, and many times during her waking hours, she didn’t stir when several invisible gray chains wrapped themselves around her curled limbs. Nor did she feel them twine around her neck, sliding through her hair to pass through the skin and into the depths of her mind, where her dreams took a familiar, pleasant turn. Her mind hummed happily as it was filled with thoughts of her and Severus together for the rest of their lives, traveling wherever they pleased, and eternally free of the limits the physical world placed upon them.
________________________________________
** The little old Chinese man tells Snape ‘Thank you!’ in Cantonese, and Snape replies ‘You’re welcome.’
Rose Colored Glasses by Blue Rodeo
She sees the world through rose-coloured glasses
Painted skies and graceful romances
I see a world that's tired and scared
Of living on the edge too long
Where does she get off telling me
That love could save us all, save us all.
She takes my hand and leads me to nowhere town.
No matter where I stand it's always neutral ground,
And in the cool of the evening blue
I feel so tired and alone
Where does she get off telling me
That love could save us all, save us all.
And it's day after day
I keep hanging around can you tell me why
Night after night, yeah I know I should leave
But there's something in those eyes
That keeps me hanging on, I'm hypnotized
It breaks my heart and I don't know why
Tell me why, tell me why
She sees the world through rose-coloured glasses
Painted skies and graceful romances
I see a world that's tired and scared
Of living on the edge too long
Where does she get off telling me
That love could save us all, save us all
And it's day after day
I keep hanging around, can you tell me why
Night after night, yeah I know I should leave
But there's something there, yeah...
Day after day after day after day
And I don't know
Day after day after day after day
And I don't know why
Anyways, if I don't sleep all day tomorrow I will try to finish the next bit of Little Things - I'm just in the revamp / clean-it-up mode. In the meantime, for those of you follow this pre-written story, here are chapters 16 - 17.
Chapter Sixteen: NETTIE
I can never remember to call Professor Snape, Severus. He has been Professor Snape in my mind for so long now that I find it nearly impossible to see him as anything else. Although, I have to admit, that with each passing day here at Hogwarts he has become less and less like the Professor Snape I had first encountered almost two years ago at St. Mungo’s.
It’s not just his demeanor that has changed - because, honestly, I’m pretty sure that other than Miss Granger, I am the only one privy to his softer side. I do see him every day, after all. His hard edges seem to disappear the moment he enters Miss Granger’s and my rooms; his shoulders loosen, and the tight lines around his face relax. Even his eyes, so obsidian and black, seem to take on a warmer cast - like dark shadows in a candle lit room. I’m sure that sounds silly, but it’s true.
When he enters our suite the first thing he normally does is loosen the top few buttons of his frock coat, as if that small gesture is the way he gives the rest of his body permission to unwind.
Even though we have become, dare I say, friends, he still doesn’t talk to me that much. We’ll exchange the normal pleasantries, he’ll inquire as to my day and how Miss Granger has been, and then he’ll spend the rest of the evening with her. It’s only when he is with Miss Granger that I truly see the Severus in him; that the persona of Professor Snape he adheres to so rigidly dissipates completely.
I have taken to calling him Professor Severus, which seems to amuse him.
The first time I greeted him as such, he cocked an eyebrow at me and, it seemed, bit back a slight grin that was tugging at his mouth.
‘You can drop the Professor, Nettie.’
I sighed when he said this, before shaking my head at him emphatically. ‘I can’t, sir - Professor Severus, sir. You only seem like a Severus when you’re with Miss Granger. At the same time, I find it impossible to see you as Professor Snape anymore, because I believe we are friends now and you no longer scare me. Professor Severus is honestly the best I can do.’
Lately, though, his physical presence seems to be diminishing. I can’t explain it really - I mean, the man has lost weight of course. I know for a fact he often forgets to eat; and from what he’s let slip, I believe he is sharing meals with Hermione when he visits her. The problem is that he seems to forget that the food he shares with her is imaginary.
Since I first met him, he’s always been spare. Even the black frock coats, vests and shirts he prefers to wear do not hide the sharp angles of his frame. And since he’s practically stopped eating, those angles have become more noticeable. Where once his face was thin and aristocratic, it now seems gaunt. His cheekbones are like blades over the hollows of his jaw, and his eyes are seeming deeper within the pronounced sockets of his face.
Not only has he lost weight he can ill-afford to lose, but his once impeccable grooming is no longer as evident. It seems he has always had rather greasy hair, but lately it has become worse. The black strands are lank and dull, and hang lifeless against his neck. Some days it seems as if he hasn’t even brushed it. And his clothes - once the deepest of blacks, without even the slightest hint of lint on them, and crisp as a fresh sheet of parchment - are more often then not wrinkled and stained. The white cotton ruff of his linen shirt is starchless and gray. Over the last few days I’ve questioned if he’s even changed his clothes at all. When he stopped by for an early morning visit to Hermione and I to remind us of his visit to Azkaban, the man hadn’t even bothered to shave. The starkness of his dark whiskers against his lean and pallid cheeks presented quite a contrast. After he left, I turned to Miss Granger.
‘You must remind Professor Severus to eat, dear. He’s loosing too much weight, and it doesn’t look good on him. It is not my place, I know, but I am worried about him, Miss Granger. The Severus I met last year would never step outside in clothes as rumpled and stained as he was wearing today.’
I really began to notice the changes in him the day after he first kissed Miss Granger, and it had me worried. I could not, for the life of me, figure out why his physical condition seemed to be deteriorating so rapidly. If I was not able to converse with the man and observe his actions as often as I did, I might have even questioned whether or not he was slipping into some sort of dementia.
Miss Granger, of course, never looked better. Being here at Hogwarts really agreed with her - or, more likely, it was being here with Professor Severus that made her hair and skin glow. As quickly as the Professor seemed to be deteriorating, with her it was just the opposite - for a young witch who had been so close to death less than two full weeks ago, she really looked quite remarkable!
‘So, Miss Granger - what shall we do today?’ I asked her, as I sat down in the chair beside her bed with my tea. ‘I have a feeling we won’t be seeing Professor Severus again until much later this evening. Perhaps, a nice bath in the big tub and a massage? I have a new charm I thought we could try on your hair - I’ve been told it will make curls into ringlets! I bet your hair would look even lovelier than it does now.’
I had just settled Miss Granger into her chair and was preparing to read to her when I heard a sharp knock on the door. Our day had gotten off to a slow start, but I was surprised to see that it was Minerva McGonagall who decided to stop by unexpectedly not long after the Professor had left.
‘May I come in?’ she requested, when I opened the door at her knock.
I was genuinely surprised to see the older witch. Although she was visiting Miss Granger with more regularity now that she was back at Hogwarts, she had just been here not two evenings ago, when Professor Severus had dragged that odd-looking Trelawney into the rooms. I smiled at her politely, ‘Professor McGonagall, Hermione is still in her room. Would you like a cup of tea?’
The older woman smiled, ‘Please, Madam Pomfrey. I find it very chilly down here.’
‘You get used to it, dear,’ I replied. ‘Go on in, I’m sure she’ll be happy to see you.’
She nodded at this, before asking, ‘Would you have a tea with me while I visit with Hermione?’
Her request caught me off guard. I was sure she was going to question me about the Professor, and I had no interest in easing her mind in any way, or providing any more fodder for the gossip mills. I was about to decline, when she smiled at me suddenly. ‘I heard about your dressing down of Poppy. She does admit - grudgingly - that she probably deserved it.’
I bit back a grin at that, ‘I won’t talk with you about Professor Snape, you realize.’
Her smile grew wider at this, ‘I’d heard you were championing him. It’s just tea, Madam Pomfrey.’
The ensuing visit was actually quite nice. Within the first 30 minutes, Minerva and I were laughing like old friends. I was especially pleased that she included Miss Granger in the conversation.
‘He was so upset your first year here, Hermione,’ she chuckled, patting the younger girl’s hand. ‘He couldn’t believe you had figured out his riddle so quickly, and it was quite fun to tease him in the staff room about it. He was sure you had cheated, somehow. It took him ages to admit that you were, in fact, as intelligent as everyone kept saying you were!’
‘I can see how that might have bothered him,’ I agreed.
‘He is rather prickly, Madam Pomfrey, as I’m sure you noticed.’
‘I’ve noticed, all right. And please, call me Nettie.’
The older woman looked pleased at this, ‘And you must call me Minerva, then. I have to ask, Nettie - what is your name short for?’
I laughed, ‘My name has a curious tale behind it. You see, my father was bound and determined to have a son. My mother, bless her, was equally determined that I would be the last baby. You would understand this if you had ever been around my sisters when they were little - hellions, the lot of them! When I turned out to be another girl, my father was more than a little disappointed. When it came time for him to name me, instead of going with Daisy - which is what my mother wanted - he chose Nettle, because I had stung his heart.’
Poor Minerva didn’t know what to say to that, which made me laugh even harder. ‘Oh, don’t feel badly for me, Minerva. He got over his disappointment - he really was a wonderful man. And Nettle quite suits me - can you honestly picture me as a Daisy? Gods forbid!’
All in all, it was a lovely visit. Minerva didn’t leave until just after lunch, her smile warm as she wished a good day to Hermione before turning to me. ‘You are doing a wonderful job here, Nettie. I’m glad we had this opportunity to talk - I’m sorry it took so long in coming.’
‘Better late than never,’ I replied as I walked her to the door.
‘True.’ She paused just inside the hallway then, looking at me, ‘What you said to Poppy - about the way we treat Severus...you were right, you know. We have been horrible to him. I wonder why we didn’t see it?’
‘It’s hard to see what’s become habit, Minerva,’ I replied gently, watching her nod to herself as she slowly left the dungeons.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was just getting Hermione settled comfortably in her big chair when the door sounded again. It was much later in the afternoon - I had read to her for a while after Minerva’s departure, before finally giving her the bath I had promised earlier in the morning.
I had a large fire blazing in the fireplace, as her hair was still wet. She had on a beautiful thick terry robe Professor Severus had bought for her when she first arrived, and I was looking forward to brushing and charming her hair as it slowly dried by the fire.
‘Who can that be now?’ I muttered to myself. ‘Professor Severus would have just walked in, so it’s not him.’
It was Harry Potter.
I have to admit I wasn’t thrilled to see him. While I didn’t dislike the boy, I wasn’t a fan either - it was hard for me to believe that this young hothead was the savior of the Wizarding world.
‘Mr. Potter - what a pleasant surprise,’ I said, even though my heart wasn’t in it. ‘Hermione’s just had a bath - she’s sitting in front of the fireplace.’
Potter shifted uncomfortably, before looking at me and declaring, ‘I’ve actually come to visit with you, Madam Pomfrey.’
Oh, bother.
Sighing, I stepped back, ‘I need to brush Miss Granger’s hair. Come on through - you can tell me why you’re here as I do that.’ I didn’t offer him a cup of tea.
‘Hullo, Hermione,’ he said quietly as he slipped into the room behind me. I rolled my eyes at her and grabbed the hair brush before turning back to face him.
‘What can I help you with, Mr. Potter?’
The younger man looked slightly uncomfortable, ‘I’m just here to see what’s going on with Snape and Hermione. I’d heard ... about this aura thing....’ he grimaced as he said this. ‘And it’s worried me somewhat.’
I sighed. ‘What, exactly, is bothering you about it?’ I tried to, but couldn’t quite hide, the impatience in my voice.
‘I’m just wondering...you’re here with them all the time, right? You never leave Snape alone with Hermione, do you?’
He flinched at the look I shot him. ‘Mr. Potter - must you come by every few days to ask me the same questions? I’m getting rather tired of it.’
‘I can’t help it if I don’t trust him,’ he retorted sullenly. ‘You wouldn’t either, if you knew him like I do.’
‘I know him better than you do, Mr. Potter,’ I retorted angrily. ‘Honestly! What makes you think you know him at all? Just because he was your professor for a few years?’
‘He’s always been a miserable git! He’s never liked anyone - he’s never liked me!’
‘He liked you well enough to save your life!’ I snapped back. ‘Or have you forgotten that?’
Potter flushed, ‘I haven’t forgotten. But Hermione... she’s like this because of him.’
‘You hate the Professor because of a choice Miss Granger made?’ My voice was incredulous. ‘He didn’t ask for any of this you know. None of it. Yet it seems to me, for a man who doesn’t like anyone, he’s pulled the wool over a lot of people’s eyes. Professor Dumbledore seems to like him, and he strikes me as an intelligent man. Minerva likes him; I like him. I’m betting that your Hermione here loves him.’
‘Don’t say that!’ he shouted suddenly. ‘She doesn’t love him.’
‘She does, Potter.’ I had stopped brushing Miss Granger’s hair as we spoke, and found myself now looking intently at the boy. ‘Look at her - she looks like a woman in love.’
‘She looks like a woman in a coma,’ Harry retorted bitterly.
‘That too,’ I agreed. ‘She is in a coma of sorts, but that doesn’t mean she’s not there. That doesn’t mean she’s not allowed to have feelings, or dreams, or anything else you seem to think being in a coma implies.’ My voice was gentle now. I stepped towards him and crouched down, tentatively reaching out and touching his hands which were clasped tightly on his knees.
‘Remember that day you came to visit her, and I told you she was dying? Remember how badly she looked? Her hair was brittle, her skin - gray and lax... you yourself said she looked like a cadaver. Remember?’
The young man nodded miserably.
‘It was Snape that gave her back her health. I believe she looked like that because she thought he had left her; she was dying without him.’
‘How do you know it wasn’t a trick?’ Harry offered hesitantly, ‘Maybe Snape charmed her to look like that, so we would think she would die without him. Maybe it was a ruse to get her back to Hogwarts and under his thumb.’
I shook my head gently. ‘The only reason he came back was because of you, Mr. Potter. You were the one that went to him when you realized she was dying. For that matter, you went to him when I told you we had to keep her hair short - remember? Why would you do that - tell him these things - if you hate him as much as you claim? What did you expect him to do about it?’
Potter looked confused, ‘I don’t know. I don’t know! All I know is that - I miss her. If Snape... if he hadn’t been helping me... she wouldn’t be here at all. She would never have had to throw herself in front of Malfoy’s curse.’
‘So you blame Professor Snape because you feel guilty,’ I pointed out, gently. ‘That’s not very fair of you.’
‘I can’t help the way I feel!’ His green eyes were swimming with tears. For the first time in a long while, I felt sorry for the boy.
‘Of course you can’t, Mr. Potter. None of us can - but think about this for a moment: what if he does manage to free her? What are you going to do when she tells you herself she loves him? Are you going to hold onto your anger towards Severus; make Miss Granger choose between you? Because I have to tell you - from where I’m sitting, she would choose him. You don’t even believe she’s really there, inside her mind. It’s been Professor Snape who has visited her every day, who’s struggling to find a cure for her - despite the obstacles you seem to be trying to put in his way.’
Potter looked like he was going to interrupt, but I didn’t let him. ‘Don’t you think Miss Granger might ask you why you weren’t more willing to listen to Professor Snape? To help him? I’d always heard you were a powerful young wizard... yet you haven’t lifted a finger to contribute in any way to breaking this curse.’
The younger man looked down at his hands, ‘He won’t take my help.’
‘You mean, he won’t ask you for it,’ I corrected. ‘He does have his pride, you know, just as you do. I think if you offered it, he might surprise you. Promise me you’ll think about what I’ve said.’
He didn’t reply, instead choosing to wipe his eyes with his sleeve. I was about to offer him tea when I heard Professor Dumbledore’s voice coming from the fireplace, ‘Nettie dear, are you there? Can I come through?’
Rising from my crouched position, I turned towards the fireplace, ‘Of course, Professor Dumbledore - please come in!’
I looked at Hermione, smiling, ‘I think we should ask Professor Severus about getting a sign that reads Platform 9 3/4 to hang on the wall over there, dear. It’s been excessively busy today.’
Dumbledore, who was brushing pieces of ash from his beard, smiled at me when I said this. ‘Who else has been by?’
‘Minerva, for one, and Mr. Potter - he’s still here, as a matter of fact.’
The older man peered at the young lad over the top of his half-moon spectacles.
‘Hullo Albus,’ Potter greeted quietly.
‘Harry, my dear boy. I suspected you would have left by now.’
Potter shrugged, ‘Not quite yet. Where’s Snape?’
‘I imagine he’s in his quarters, straightening up. He was waiting for a book from Durmstrang and wanted to see if it had arrived before he came to see Hermione. Which leads me to you, Nettie,’ he said, turning to me. ‘Severus said he was coming to have dinner with Miss Granger this evening, and I wanted to ask you...’ He paused, the twinkle in his eyes fading as he leaned closer to me and lowered his voice.
‘I’m worried about him, Nettie. He doesn’t look good, and I just wanted to make sure he was eating. I’ve only seen him in the Great Hall once in the last two days - the night he dragged Sybil down here - and he didn’t eat more than half a bowl of soup.’
Potter was listening in unabashedly. I suppressed the urge to scowl at him before replying, ‘I do make sandwiches and the like for him, sir, but more often then not they are left uneaten. He does drink lots of tea though. I’m... I’ve been worried about him myself.’
‘He’s lost a bit of weight,’ Potter inserted, ‘big deal. Everyone does.’
‘Not like this, Harry,’ Dumbledore’s voice held a bit of a bite to it. ‘It’s not just the weight - didn’t you notice how - rumpled - he looked when you saw him earlier? He hasn’t bothered to shave yet today, and I don’t think he’s washed his hair in a week.’
Before Potter could respond at that, I snapped at him, ‘If you say ‘How can you tell?’ I shall smack you, Mr. Potter.’
The boy shut his mouth.
I bit my lip as I turned back to the Headmaster, ‘What do you want me to do, Albus? He’s a grown man, I can’t force him to eat and I don’t think he’d appreciate it if I tried.’
‘No, of course not, of course not,’ Dumbledore responded, ‘I’m just concerned - he hasn’t looked this bad since the final battle, and he didn’t have any skin then.’
We stood silently for a moment, thinking. Even Potter looked like he was considering something. I must admit, we all jumped a little when the very man we had been discussing swept into the room without announcing himself.
‘Nettie. Albus... Potter...’ he greeted civilly, although he growled Potter’s name slightly. He was in shirtsleeves and black britches, his vest and frock coat obviously forgotten when he had left his rooms. Under his arm he carried a large, leather bound book.
‘I must say, I’m surprised to see so many people here. I was only expecting Nettie and Hermione.’ He stepped towards her as he said her name, and I could see his free hand reaching out as if to touch her, before falling back to his side. Instead, he placed the book on the table next to her chair and turned to look at the three of us.
‘Is there a problem?’
‘None, Professor Severus, sir,’ I replied. ‘Mr. Potter just came by for a visit and Albus came to tell me you’d be arriving soon.’
‘I see your book arrived, Severus,’ Dumbledore stated calmly. ‘Does it contain what you’d hoped?’
‘It contains something I can modify, at the very least,’ the Professor nodded.
‘I hope your trip to Azkaban was beneficial, sir,’ I remarked.
‘Azkaban! What did you go to Azkaban for?’ Potter had jumped to his feet and was looking at Snape searchingly. I sighed. Snape cocked an eyebrow.
‘Hermione keeps telling me you’re intelligent, Potter, so put that brain of yours to use. Why do you think I went there?’
‘Draco...’ Potter breathed suddenly. ‘I suppose Albus pulled some strings to get you in, did he?’ He tilted his head at Dumbledore, before adding, ‘Why didn’t anyone tell me you were going there?’
‘Whatever for?’ Snape retorted icily. ‘What difference could it make to you?’
I watched with interest as Potter bit back the retort I knew he wanted to make, before he asked, relatively calmly, ‘Did you get any information from him?’
Professor Severus cocked his eyebrow at him skeptically, and I could tell he was a little surprised at the boy’s relative politeness. He looked at Potter as if considering something, before turning to me, ‘Had a little talk with Potter here, did you, Nettie?’ I flushed, and hoped it was dark humor I was hearing in his voice, and not irritation.
‘You look tired, sir. Can I get you some tea?’
He actually smiled when I asked this, ‘Someone must have told you a tea cures all ills, the way you bandy it about woman. Yes, a tea would not be remiss.’ He turned to Albus and Potter again, ‘I needed to talk to you both, anyway. Would you mind staying here for a bit? I just need to talk to Hermione - and then I want to try something.’
Both men nodded their assent, Potter watching with great interest as Snape moved into Miss Granger’s line of vision and leaned forward to look into her eyes. In the sudden silence of the room, I quickly conjured the tea service and prepared tea for all of us, handing a hot cup to Professor Severus the moment he straightened up.
‘Thank you, Nettie,’ he said, absently taking it from me as he studied Hermione. ‘Hermione tells me you finished 'Wuthering Heights' today?’
‘Yes, indeed,’ I replied, smiling. ‘I told her tomorrow we would start 'Sense and Sensibility', if that was okay with her.’
‘She loves Jane Austen,’ he remarked, reaching out a finger and absently pushing a curl from her face, being careful not to touch her skin. From the corner of my eye, I saw Potter stiffen slightly, before forcing himself to relax a bit.
‘Are you going to tell us why we’re still here, Snape,’ he managed to grit out. His knuckles were so tight around the dainty handle of his teacup I was surprised the thing hadn’t shattered. Professor Severus turned to look at him, nodding.
‘Of course, Potter.’ His voice was not as cold as it could have been, but it was not exactly friendly either. ‘First, I want to see if I can find Hermione just through touch alone. It occurred to me today - something Draco said - that perhaps I do not need to be looking into her eyes to enter her mind.’
‘You’ve touched her before, haven’t you?’ Potter’s voice was genuinely curious. ‘Wouldn’t you have noticed if that were the case?’
Snape shifted uncomfortably, ‘Perhaps. Perhaps not. It’s not something I’ve been looking for, so I might not have noticed it. And, I have reason to believe my reaction to her has become stronger since...Saturday.’
‘What happened Saturday?’ Potter was instantly suspicious.
‘Hermione had a theory she wanted me to test,’ Severus replied curtly. ‘She wanted to rule out that a... kiss... could be a possible cure. So, we - I - did.’
‘You kissed her?’ Potter’s voice rose slightly, ‘Did you know about this, Albus?’
‘Severus told me about it today, Harry,’ the older man replied gently. ‘It was a valid theory. A kiss did save the princesses Snow White and Aurora, after all.’
Potter and Snape both snorted at this. The younger man turned back to Snape, his eyes glittering angrily, and demanded, ‘So - what happened to make you think you can touch her now without looking at her eyes?’
Snape sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘She pulled me in, even when I wasn’t looking at her,’ he hesitated momentarily, carefully considering his words. ‘At least, something pulled me in. I think it might have been the curse.’
‘You are insane!’ Potter shouted. ‘Are you telling me you think the curse is still - is somehow alive in Hermione?’
The professor shrugged, ‘I believe so - yes.’ A shocked silence reigned for a few moments, before he looked at Hermione, eyes inscrutable, and reached out and grabbed her hand. I knew immediately that he had been right - the minute he touched her, he was with her. They were breathing in tandem and that strange peaceful look that always stole over his features when they were talking was evident on his face.
‘My Gods!’ I whispered.
‘Merlin’s balls!’ Albus echoed.
‘As I thought’ Snape said. ‘I won’t let go of your hand, Hermione. I know you want to be part of this conversation. Albus, Potter, Nettie... we need to talk.’
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
‘So - what you’re telling us is that the curse is still active?’ Potter sounded slightly dubious, but at least he was still listening.
‘It makes sense,’ Professor Snape replied. ‘We’ve hypothesized the reason I can visit Hermione is because some of the curse hit me - but what if it’s more than that? What if the curse is keyed to me? What if it recognized me and let me in?’
Dumbledore was frowning, the normal twinkle in his eyes replaced with worry. ‘Severus...’
‘Albus,’ he cut the older man off, ‘I’ve got it under control.’
‘So, you’re a target, then. You think it’s still trying to get you?’ Potter was sitting now, his eyes darting from Hermione to Professor Severus and back again.
Snape shrugged, ‘I’m willing to concede it’s a strong possibility. The very fact that it gets easier and easier for me to visit Hermione seems to indicate that - something - is letting me in. Hermione wants me to add that she feels it too... she can feel the pull. It’s not her doing it, either.’
‘But you think you can break the curse, right? You’re not going to stop trying, are you?’ Potter suddenly sounded panicked, and I looked at him oddly. Severus quirked an eyebrow at him.
‘I thought you wanted me to stop trying, Potter. Isn’t that what you were discussing with Albus earlier today?’ He sneered at the younger man, but his heart wasn’t in it. Potter had the grace to flush, but he didn’t confirm what Snape had said. His guilty expression said it all for him, anyway.
‘I do believe I can free Hermione,’ Snape continued. ‘Sybill’s help in discovering Hermione’s aura led me to collecting information on potions that are meant for restoring or balancing one’s set of colors in their aura.’ He tapped the book on the table for emphasis. ‘If we can obtain the proper ingredients of the appropriate color - items with some significance to either Hermione or the curse - I believe it will lead me to developing a modified version of the potion that will allow the proper balance of colors to be restored to Hermione.
‘It will require at least two drinkers to perform the necessary charms that will activate the potion in her system. If we can balance out her aura and keep mine stable while I’m in her mind, I believe I shall be able to push her free of the curse so that the new aura can take hold.’
‘You can’t do it by yourself, Severus.’ Dumbledore said tiredly. His voice suddenly sounded old. ‘If the curse is as you think, it’s strong. Stronger, perhaps, then you yourself are.’
The room was silent at that pronouncement. Professor Severus stepped towards the older man, keeping his grip on Hermione’s hand firm as he said gently, ‘I cannot leave her there, Albus, when I could free her. Don’t ask it of me.’
‘What if I drank the potion, too?’ Potter asked suddenly. ‘You said I might have a link as well, if I absorbed some of the curse when it hit you and Hermione. At the very least, I can transfer my magic to you...’
Snape looked at Potter, considering his offer. ‘That might work,’ he conceded. ‘The potion is a binding potion, and the colors should protect your aura from any tampering by the curse.’
‘Is there anyway you can put something in it to make it possible to see the curse?’ Potter added. ‘If it’s visible it should be easier to defeat - or to avoid, if you can.’
‘Excellent suggestion, Harry!’ Dumbledore smiled at the younger man, seeming to have perked up at his offer. ‘And if you are anchoring Snape, it would be easier to bring them both out.’
Professor Severus frowned, ‘It is a good idea, Potter. May I ask why you’re suddenly so helpful?’
The younger man grinned at him, his look open and honest and devoid of the dislike that was usually there whenever he spoke to Severus. ‘We’re both working towards the same goal,’ he replied. ‘I want Hermione back just as much as you do.’
‘I doubt that,’ the older man growled. I noticed that his fingers were gripping Hermione’s tightly, the knuckles white against his pale skin. ‘However, I won’t say no to any help you are prepared to offer.’
‘How long until you can have to potion ready, Severus?’ Dumbledore asked.
‘Saturday, I believe. Less then a week.’
Here, There and Everywhere by the Beatles
To lead a better life I need my love to be here...
Here, making each day of the year
Changing my life with a wave of her hand
Nobody can deny that there's something there
There, running my hands through her hair
Both of us thinking how good it can be
Someone is speaking but she doesn't know he's there
I want her everywhere and if she's beside me
I know I need never care
But to love her is to need her everywhere
Knowing that love is to share
Each one believing that love never dies
Watching her eyes and hoping I'm always there
I want her everywhere and if she's beside me
I know I need never care
But to love her is to need her everywhere
Knowing that love is to share
Each one believing that love never dies
Watching her eyes and hoping I'm always there
To be there and everywhere
Here, there and everywhere
Chapter Seventeen: HERMIONE
Severus was irritated. Hermione watched him in amusement as he spoke with Sybill Trelawney, doing his best to remain calm in the face of her vacuous replies to his questions. Inside her head, he was cuttingly sarcastic.
‘Really, Sybill - I just need to confirm the colors we should try to incorporate into this potion.’
‘All the colors of the rainbow,’ Trelawney replied, dreamily.
‘As if I have the time to look at rainbows,’ he snarked at Hermione. She tried not to laugh.
‘Specifically, Sybill - I just need the standards.’
Trelawney beamed at him, blinking absurdly behind her glasses before she started humming.
Snape stared at her, aghast. ‘What on earth are you doing, woman?’ he growled as she began to sing horribly off-key.
Inside her mind, Hermione joined in, laughing, ‘Red and yellow and pink and green, Purple and orange and blue, I can sing a rainbow, Sing a rainbow, Sing a rainbow too!’
‘Oh gods,’ Snape muttered, the look on his face priceless. Trelawney was still singing, but Hermione had petered out and was now standing with her arms wrapped around his waist, trying to stifle her laughter against his chest.
‘Sing with me, Severus!’ Trelawney demanded as she took up a new verse. ‘Listen to your heart, Listen to your soul, and sing everything you feel, When you can sing a rainbow, sing a rainbow, You’ll know love is real. Red and yellow and pink and green....’
‘Yes, yes,’ Severus interrupted, snidely, ‘I have it, thank you. Are there specific colors we should focus on - something there should be more or less of?’
‘Do not introduce any more gray to her system, of course,’ Trelawney was beaming at him. ‘But you must add black for balance, white for purity and something clear for clarity. Do you suppose, once this is done and you’ve brought Hermione back, we could work together on a paper extolling the virtue of potions in regards to the healing of auras? It would be very well received in the Divination field, I assure you. Quite groundbreaking!’
‘I’m not sure I’ll have the time to do that Sybill,’ Severus responded tightly. He was gritting his teeth so strongly, Hermione was surprised his jaw didn’t shatter. All this pleasant treatment towards Trelawney was killing him.
Hermione grinned at him, ‘I don’t think your reputation would survive a co-authorship with her. No one would take you seriously again.’
‘No one seems to take me seriously now,’ Severus retorted. ‘They all think I’ve lost my mind.’
‘Is there anything else - anything at all - I should be aware of Sybill?’
The divination professor smiled at him, ‘Not that I can think of, but again - aura’s are not really my specialty. Severus....’ she paused, dropping the dingbat persona and weighing her words carefully, ‘when you are ready to attempt to adjust Miss Granger’s aura, I hope you will consider letting me attend. At the very least, I’ll be able to tell you what is happening to her and you - I might be able to be of some assistance.’
Hermione looked at Snape in shock, ‘She sounded almost reasonable there.’
‘It’s a good idea, too,’ Severus sighed, reluctantly. ‘She really has been quite useful.’
‘I will be sure to let you know when we are ready, Sybill,’ he replied, ‘We appreciate the offer.’
Trelawney was beaming. ‘Thank you, Severus. I think it behooves us all to help you break this curse. You’re much more biddable when you’re happy.’
~~~~~~~
It was a strange turn of events for Hermione, least of all because Harry seemed to be making an honest effort to be helpful for a change, instead of challenging Severus at every turn. It seemed the talking to Nettie had given him had helped, and Hermione couldn’t be happier.
She couldn’t be more excited either. She was confident that by the end of the week she would be free again - free to talk to her friends, to laugh, to prove to Severus that she still loved him, even when she was no longer trapped in her mind.
She knew Albus was worried, however. It would have been hard to miss his concern when Severus had finally explained to everyone what he believed was going on. The notion that the curse was active and alive and in her was not a pleasant thought. However, she refused to entertain the idea that it might somehow capture Severus, ensnaring them both.
The one time she had mentioned it to him, he had looked at her intently. ‘I’m confident I can free you, Hermione. Have I ever lied to you?’
Of course, he never had - not even when she had been his student and had disliked him. He was true to his word, even if the recipient did not like what they heard.
‘Are you sure the curse isn’t hurting you?’ she had asked then, ‘I know Nettie’s very concerned - she says you’re not eating.’
‘I’ve been distracted lately,’ he had practically purred this last part, his eyes glittering darkly at her. ‘I’m also busy with this potion. Do I look sick to you?’
Hermione had studied him closely, admiring the blue-black of his hair, tied neatly back from his face with a thin piece of leather. He was in shirt sleeves again, the cuffs undone and rolled up, revealing pale, sinewy forearms. His skin had lost that ghostly pallor she had so long associated with him - while he was still pale, he seemed to glow with a healthy vitality. He was still not handsome, but he looked good - strong and clean and healthy.
‘You’re the very picture of health,’ she’d replied honestly. ‘I don’t know what everyone else is talking about.’
~~~~~~~
‘I can’t get used to a solicitous Potter,’ Severus grumbled when he stepped into the library two days after the visit to Azkaban. ‘It’s not natural and it’s giving me indigestion.’
Hermione hid her laugh behind the book she was reading. She reached up and absently patting the hand he had placed on her shoulder as he moved to stand behind her. ‘What’s he done now?’ she inquired.
‘He’s brought me some red anemone wildflowers from Holly Meadows, along with some purple cranesbill and white ransoms - he thought we could use them in the potion.’
‘And this is a problem because?’
‘I’m not used to Potter using his brain and I find it distracting,’ Severus replied snidely. ‘However, it was a good idea to collect flowers from the scene of the final battle; the curse was cast there and the area has meaning to all three of us. You do realize, though, that cranesbill can become quite bitter when mixed with the oil of ransoms? This potion will not be palatable.’
‘Since when has that ever stopped you from brewing anything?’ Hermione retorted, sighing as she shut the book and leaned her head against the lower part of his chest. ‘Your potions always taste horrendous. I could never understand why you wouldn’t add peppermint to improve the taste.’
‘Waste my peppermint to make things taste better for obnoxious children who should never have been doing something that would require them to take a potion in the first place?’ Severus scowled mockingly. ‘Really, Hermione.’
She smirked at him. ‘I knew there was a reason. Evil git.’
Snape chuckled softly. ‘Have you had time to work on the list?’
‘Since you left,’ Hermione replied. ‘I think for black, a snip of your hair will work to create the connection needed to replace my aura. I also thought it wouldn’t hurt to use finely ground obsidian to open the first chakra, since we’re looking for all possible ways to combat the curse as a living force. Are those alright?’
‘Not a problem. What else?’ Snape was rubbing his fingers along her collarbones and shoulders as they spoke, sending disquieting sparks of energy throughout her system.
‘Red definitely needs to be blood. A few drops from you and I and Harry since all three of us are ingesting the potion. I was thinking it might help to strengthen the mixture to have some of the staff contribute a drop each - people we know love us. Blood magic can be a powerful tool of protection, as you know. Harry’s red anemones will work for that color aspect as well.’
‘Of course,’ Snape agreed sarcastically. ‘Musn’t forget those.’
Hermione ignored him. ‘The blue was easy - tourmaline and bluebells. Professor Sprout always has the most beautiful bluebells in her greenhouses, and perhaps the nectar will lessen the bitterness of the cranesbill.’
‘Don’t count on it,’ Severus grumbled.
‘Stop complaining and sit down,’ Hermione smiled up at him. ‘Don’t forget I have to have some of this potion as well.’
‘Have you actually tasted anything Nettie has fed you since this curse kicked in?’ Snape raised a mocking brow at her. Hermione didn’t reply, instead choosing to slide her notes over to him.
‘Severus, I think you enjoy being exasperating.’
Snape quirked his lips at her, before bending to read her notes, ‘Brown - shredded willow bark. I also think we should add some of your hair.’
‘I never thought of that,’ Hermione admitted. ‘I’m so used to thinking of my hair as unbreakable. Do you have the counterspell for the charm?’
‘There’s no need,’ he replied silkily. ‘I cut a small amount of your hair after I grew it back, in case I would ever have need of it. One of the advantages to being a Potions Master is the excellent foresight that comes with it.’
Hermione ignored him, ‘Yellow - sunflower oil and citrine.’
‘And Draco’s hair. We can’t get anything from Lucius, but the curse may recognize the hair as the progeny of its creator. I believe the Malfoy blood will work as the trigger to make the curse visible once again.’
‘And how do you propose we get this?’
Snape shrugged, ‘Already done. Albus sent the request to Arthur last night, and the Prison Barber paid a visit to Malfoy Jr. this morning. The hair is already sitting in an apothecary jar in my office, waiting to be used.’
‘For pink, I think we should use the natural oils of eucalyptus, and diced rose-hips. The purple - Harry’s cranesbill, and natural oils of the lotus flower and its leaves, shredded. Orange should be ylang-ylang and steeped marigold petals, and green is peridot and emerald oils. I also did a little more research, and I think purified glacial water is the ideal base we should work with. That book you got from Dumstrang suggests using water from the ice flows in Siberia, but while I was still awake I once read that the glaciers north of Japan are a little more pure in quality.’
Severus jumped at that, slightly startled. ‘How were you able to read the book I received from Dumstrang?’
‘It was in your study,’ Hermione replied brightly, ‘Now...’
‘How could you have seen it, Hermione? You’ve never been in my rooms.’ His eyes narrowed suddenly, ‘unless you snuck into my quarters when you were still a student - which would be impossible. There is no way you could have gotten through my private wards.’
‘You took me to your rooms the other day, Severus, honestly...’ Hermione stopped then, biting her bottom lip in sudden realization. Severus probably didn’t even realize he had been the one to create his rooms and a copy of the book. So much had happened in the last three days it had slipped her mind to tell him she suspected he was able to create constructs in her mind that were just as real as the ones she created. ‘Circe’s teeth!’ she exclaimed, ‘I didn’t tell you!’
‘Tell me what, exactly, Hermione?’ Snape was staring at her, eyes narrowed. ‘When did you see my rooms?’
‘Saturday, after you kissed me. Remember? After our walk around the lake, we went back to your rooms and warmed up in front of the fireplace. I don’t think either of us realized it at the time, and in all the excitement recently I completely forgot about it. I’m sorry for forgetting until now, but I think you can create things in my mind just like I do.’
He looked like he was about to deny it, when he paused, face thoughtful. ‘You’re sure we were in my rooms, and that it was the same book?’
Hermione nodded, ‘I’m positive, I had never laid eyes on the book before until yesterday. As for your rooms, when you took us there, I only sat with you in your main living area, but after you left, your entire suite was accessible. I was able to walk into your bedroom. You wear reading glasses - little half moons like Albus sometimes wears. They were sitting on an open book on the end table by your bed. Your armoire was open, and I could see your clothes hanging in it. Your teaching robes were thrown over a dark green velvet sitting chair in the corner. I looked through the books on your book shelf - and even though there were titles there I hadn’t read, I was able to open them up and see the text. I even saw your research notes...’ she blushed suddenly. ‘I saw the picture you drew of me. I never realized you were an artist.’
Severus smiled slightly, ‘There are many things you don’t know about me yet.’ He was suddenly deep in thought. ‘The day I found you in the potions classroom, flowers bloomed through the floors. They were red anemone, the same flower Potter brought back today from Holly Meadows.’
‘They were in the bouquet you brought me the first day you came to St. Mungo’s,’ Hermione realized.
‘I think I’ve been subconsciously incorporating my memories, pieces of me, in to your mind. The question is, can I knowingly do it?’ Severus was studying her intently. ‘I wonder.... Hermione, have you ever tried creating familiar places outside of Hogwart’s in your mind - other than your bedroom? Have you ever gone to Hogsmeade, for example.’
‘I’ve never really thought about it,’ she replied. ‘Until you came and took me to the gardens, I never realized I could actually go ‘outside’ in my own head.’
Severus quirked a brow at her, ‘You realize how crazy that sounds?’
‘What’s crazy is that you know exactly what I mean,’ Hermione retorted. ‘That day at the lake, walking along that path - I’d never been there before. Take me some place else, right now, that I haven’t seen. Let’s test this and see what our limitations are.’
Snape reached forward and grabbed her hand, ‘Where do you want to go?’
‘Someplace I’ve never been,’ she replied, smiling at him. ‘Someplace important to you.’
Just along the edges of her peripheral vision, Hermione saw the walls shift, the colors blending and fading as she stared at Snape. Beneath her feet, the floor fell away, causing her to blink in an effort to overcome the sudden feeling of vertigo that was making her stomach heave. When she opened her eyes again, they were standing at the top of a sandstone cliff, the smell of salt water heavy in the air. Below them, waves rolled along stretch of white sand as sandpipers chased the foam up and down the shore line.
‘Where are we?’ Hermione exclaimed, tilting her face up towards the heat of the sun.
‘Greece,’ Severus replied. ‘Merlin’s balls, it’s just like I remember it.’
Hermione smiled, ‘Remember what? Greece doesn’t give me much of a clue.’
Snape disentangled one of his hands from hers, pointing towards a tiny villa she hadn’t even noticed several meters behind them. ‘Albus forced me to come here for vacation once. He said I needed to ‘get away from it all’, if you can imagine.’ He smirked. ‘It was too hot, and I was bored stiff within two hours of my arrival. He had forbidden me to go anywhere, but failed to leave me anything with which to occupy my mind. The library in that little villa is sadly lacking - although, I’m sure Nettie would enjoy it.’
‘If you hated it so much, why did you bring me here?’
‘I thought you might like it,’ he replied, tucking a wayward strand of hair behind her ears.
‘It is beautiful,’ Hermione agreed, looking around her again, before smiling at him coyly. ‘What was Albus thinking about, leaving you here?’
Severus rolled his eyes, ‘I have no idea. You should have seen the hideous swim trunks he left. Black with pink flamingoes.’
Hermione started giggling, ‘Did you wear them?’
‘What do you think, impertinent wench!’ he growled at her, before adding, ‘I prefer to swim in the nude. There are no tan lines that way.’
He smirked wickedly at Hermione when she choked on her tongue at his pronouncement, before he leaned in and kissed her smiling mouth.
They didn’t return to Hogwart’s until much later that day.
~~~~~~~
Over the course of the next few days, they continued to test Severus’ ability to create places in her mind. They found that as long as they had been to the place at least once, they could go there again. When Hermione mentioned she found it disconcerting to wander through Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley with no one else present, Snape had merely cocked an eyebrow at her.
‘Didn’t you tell me once you had re-created me in your mind?’ he queried.
Hermione nodded, ‘Yes, but you didn’t talk. Or, rather, the picture you I created talked, but the construct-you didn’t.’
‘Picture me?’
‘Yes - that first week you didn’t come to visit me at St. Mungo’s, after Creevey’s accident - I found a room in my mind full of pictures. Ron was there...my mom...you. I talked to all of you.’
‘Hmmm... interesting. So, pictures can talk to you but constructs can’t?’
‘Not yet, anyway,’ Hermione agreed.
‘But you can make them?’
‘Yes.’
‘Well then, when we go visiting, let’s inhabit your mind with other people. I’m sure, if we put our minds to it, we could get them to talk.’
‘It would be nice,’ she agreed. ‘Then, when you’re not here I could still have someone to talk to and I wouldn’t feel so lonely.’
On Thursday, when he took her to see the Great Wall of China, a little old man smiled toothlessly at them and bowed when Severus purchased a copy of Chairman Mao’s little red book.
‘Do jeh! Do jeh!’ he exclaimed happily after Snape indicated he could keep the change.
‘Foon ying,’ Severus replied calmly, tucking Hermione’s hand in the crook of his elbow, before turning to walk along the wall for several kilometers.
When Snape came to visit her the next day, he found Hermione in the library, having a very animated conversation with herself. Literally. For a moment, he watched in stunned confusion as the two Hermione’s argued over the slow-simmering potion, before they both looked up and saw him standing there.
Before he could blink, one of the Hermione’s had disappeared with a pop similar to the sound made during an apparation, leaving the other Hermione blushing furiously. ‘You must think I’m terribly odd,’ she began, before he cut her off.
‘I don’t think, I know,’ he replied silkily. ‘Whatever were you arguing with yourself for?’
Hermione shrugged, ‘I still can’t get the construct you to talk, and I wondered if that may be because you can actually come in to my mind already. So I thought I would see if I could create a duplicate of myself - as a test. In theory, my duplicate shouldn’t be able to talk either, but she can. As a matter of fact, once she got going it was hard to shut her up. She was trying to tell me that I was stirring too quickly, if you can believe it!’
‘A fairly accurate construct then,’ Severus replied. ‘Now you know how the rest of us feel.’
She glared at him, but it was easy to see she was trying hard not to smirk, ‘I’m not that bad!’
He merely inclined his head, as if to say ‘Oh yes you are.’ However, since he refrained from saying it out loud, Hermione decided he was conceding her point. He stayed with her the rest of the day.
Later that evening, she watched with some amusement as he paced nervously around the potion’s classroom, checking and rechecking his notes. Off to the side, a duplicate of the potion simmered on a flame just low enough to keep it warm. They had decided to brew the potion in her mind as well as outside of it, so she could participate in the creation of her cure. Severus had admitted more than once that her observations had been helpful, and she was confident that tomorrow she would finally be free.
She had already decided the first thing she was going to do when she had control of her own body again was kiss Severus senseless, and see if kissing him was as wonderful on the outside as it was in her mind.
‘Are you always this apprehensive after brewing a potion?’ she teased, as Snape stalked by her again, still muttering to himself.
‘I want to make sure we haven’t missed anything,’ he retorted. ‘I’m still not convinced that the phoenix tears were a good idea.’
‘They won’t hurt,’ Hermione replied. ‘And Trelawney did tell us specifically to use something in our aura-strengthening potion that was clear.’
‘They’re more iridescent, actually,’ Severus replied, ‘I’m not sure that counts.’
Hermione rolled her eyes, ‘There’s nothing else you can do. You’ve been telling me all week you were sure this would work - have you been misleading me?’
‘No,’ he said, before repeating more strongly, ‘No. It will work.’
‘Then what is the problem? I know it’s going to work. The entire brewing process went just as you described - changing colors when you said it would; everything.’
They both turned to look at the potion together. It was thicker than tea but not as thick as honey, shimmering gently as the color changed from moment to moment, reds bleeding into blues, which turned green before flickering purple. Hermione thought it looked like a liquid rainbow
‘Didn’t Trelawney tell you the changing colors looked just like auras blending from one to the other?’
‘She did; however she was always abysmal at potions. Just because she thinks it’s pretty doesn’t mean it will work.’
‘You’re right,’ Hermione agreed, ‘but you are a Potions Master - and you’ve told me yourself it’s going to work, so why worry? It’s our last night here. There’s no one else around to bother us. I can’t guarantee the same tomorrow - I have a feeling Harry’s going to have a hard time letting me out of his sight when I’m free again. And you know Albus is going to have something special planned.’
Severus snorted, but allowed her to lead him away from the potion and through the side door into his sitting room. ‘True enough,’ he agreed, ‘that’s the one thing I’ll miss about visiting you here. There is no one else around to annoy me.’
‘So take advantage of it then,’ Hermione breathed as she turned into his arms, leaning into him as she stood on her toes, ‘and kiss me.’
Severus left a few hours later, insisting that she get some sleep. She had walked him as far as the large foyer at the front of her mind, which happened to be an exact replica of the Hogwarts main entrance, while rolling her eyes when he told her - again - where to be waiting for him on the morrow.
‘I want you to be waiting for me, Hermione, right near the front. The potion will be strongest right after it’s ingested, so we need to work quickly.’
‘I know, Severus, and I’ll be ready,’ Hermione replied. ‘Imaginary wild horses couldn’t keep me away. Do you think we’ll actually be able to see the curse, if it’s active?’
‘We’ll be finding out tomorrow, won’t we,’ he replied almost cryptically. ‘Just remember, if Draco was telling the truth, it’s not going to want to let you or I go. I hate to admit it, but I’m glad Potter will be participating - I just hope the curse doesn’t go after him as well.’
Hermione bit her lip, looking at him thoughtfully, ‘I know this is going to be dangerous, but is there something you’re not telling me? I mean, we are going to be able to break free, aren’t we?’
‘I promise you, this time tomorrow you’ll be able to tell Albus what to do with his lemon drops, and he’ll be able to hear you,’ Snape smirked.
Hermione grinned at that, ‘And I’ll tell Harry what you said about being glad he came to help.’
Severus scowled at her but didn’t argue. Instead he leaned forward and kissed the top of her head. ‘Just don’t tell Syblil she broke the curse for us, or I’ll never hear the end of it. Now, get to sleep.’
‘You too, get some sleep. I love you, Severus.’
He gave her a small, fleeting smile that just touched his eyes. ‘I love you too, Hermione.’
He left after that, leaving her to wander back to his suite of rooms. She had started sleeping there the day she realized they were actually his rooms. His preference for Egyptian cotton sheets, and the subtle hint of his spice and clove smell which seemed imbedded in the pillows were a comforting safe haven to be wrapped in while she was alone. The weight of his heavy duvet was like being wrapped in his warm embrace, and often times while lying under it at night, she could almost believe she was merely waiting for him to join her in their shared bed.
Entering Severus’ rooms, she smiled a pleased, secretive smile to herself. Soon - very soon - she really would be sleeping in his bed and he would be next to her, holding her. His bedspread would cocoon them both, and if she had anything to say about it, things would remain that way indefinitely.
Murmuring a charm at the fire to lower the blaze, Hermione stretched her arms over her head and yawned as she wandered into his bedroom, humming the rainbow song Sybil had been singing earlier that week. She stepped into the bathroom and quickly washed her face and brushed her teeth, shivering against the chill creeping into the room as she quickly changed into her pajamas. She would have to talk to Severus about doing something to keep the dungeons warmer - perhaps a permanent charm to heat the slate floor, or the addition of a fireplace in the bedroom as well. Maybe a couple of thick throw rugs. They would definitely need to add another armoire for her clothes, and she was still trying to figure out where they would find room on his shelves for all her books. Blinking sleepily, and full of content dreams of her life outside of her mental prison, she slid under his blankets and fell asleep almost immediately.
As it had happened many nights before however, and many times during her waking hours, she didn’t stir when several invisible gray chains wrapped themselves around her curled limbs. Nor did she feel them twine around her neck, sliding through her hair to pass through the skin and into the depths of her mind, where her dreams took a familiar, pleasant turn. Her mind hummed happily as it was filled with thoughts of her and Severus together for the rest of their lives, traveling wherever they pleased, and eternally free of the limits the physical world placed upon them.
________________________________________
** The little old Chinese man tells Snape ‘Thank you!’ in Cantonese, and Snape replies ‘You’re welcome.’
Rose Colored Glasses by Blue Rodeo
She sees the world through rose-coloured glasses
Painted skies and graceful romances
I see a world that's tired and scared
Of living on the edge too long
Where does she get off telling me
That love could save us all, save us all.
She takes my hand and leads me to nowhere town.
No matter where I stand it's always neutral ground,
And in the cool of the evening blue
I feel so tired and alone
Where does she get off telling me
That love could save us all, save us all.
And it's day after day
I keep hanging around can you tell me why
Night after night, yeah I know I should leave
But there's something in those eyes
That keeps me hanging on, I'm hypnotized
It breaks my heart and I don't know why
Tell me why, tell me why
She sees the world through rose-coloured glasses
Painted skies and graceful romances
I see a world that's tired and scared
Of living on the edge too long
Where does she get off telling me
That love could save us all, save us all
And it's day after day
I keep hanging around, can you tell me why
Night after night, yeah I know I should leave
But there's something there, yeah...
Day after day after day after day
And I don't know
Day after day after day after day
And I don't know why