Hard Love by Ellen Wittlinger
"I'm starting to think I'll probably never have a girlfriend, which would be okay too. On those few occasions when a girl has actually flirted with me, tipped her head sideways and laughed at some stupid remark, all it did was make me angry. It seemed like she was playing a game with idiotic rules. First you laugh, then you tell a pretty lie, then you stick your tongue in each other's mouths, then you say something really mean and hurtful to each other, then you go off to find somebody else who wants to play the game. This is an activity for intelligent people? I think not."
Hard love is definitely the case. The boy in this YA novel, John, falls head over heals for a lesbian. But he's never really been in love before, so his reaction to the experience is a little less than suave. I related to John's life a little too much- no relationship with his parents worth speaking of. They're divorced and his mother hasn't touched him in years-- his father just heads for the hills the moment John comes to visit. How do you relate to people when you've lived your life eliminating the need to? Knowing how to enjoy someone's company and begin to trust them can be incredibly tricky. He begins to express his frustration through a zine, inspired by Marsol's zine, Escape Velocity. Though the two eventually meet through this and become friends, John falls for her, and the relationship is cut short as often happens when young people are still discovering themselves. Even Marsol, who describes herself as a lesbian, appears unsure of her feelings for John. This reminds me of many friendships or understandings that come so comfortable that the difference between wanting to be close and wanting to be more than close become confused.
The song below was featured in this book, and was a strong inspiration to the story line:
Hard Love
Words & Music by Bob Franke
I remember growing up like it was only yesterday
Mom & Daddy tried their best to guide me on my way
But the hard times & the liquor drove the easy love away
And the only love I knew about was hard love
It was hard love, every hour of the day
When Christmas to my birthday was a million years away
And the fear that came between them drove the tears into my play
There was love in daddy's house, but it was hard love
And I recall the gentle courtesy you gave me as I tried
To dissemble in politeness all the love I felt inside
And for every song of laughter was another song that cried
This ain't no easy weekend, this is hard love
It was hard love, every step of the way
Hard to be so close to you, so hard to turn away
And when all the stars and sentimental songs dissolved to day
There was nothing left to sing about but hard love
So I loved you for your courage, and your gentle sense of shame
And I loved you for your laughter and your language and your name
And I knew it was impossible, but I loved you just the same
Though' the only love I gave to you was hard love
It was hard love, it was hard on you, I know
When the only love I gave to you was love I couldn't show
You forgave the heart that loved you as your lover turned to go
Leaving nothing but the memory of hard love
So I'm standing in this phone booth with a dollar and a dime
Wondering what to say to you to ease your troubled mind
For the Lord's cross might redeem us, but our own just wastes our time
And to tell the two apart is always hard, love
So I'll tell you that I love you even though I'm far away
And I'll tell you how you change me as I live from day to day
How you help me to accept myself and I won't forget to say
Love is never wasted, even when it's hard love
Yes, it's hard love, but it's love all the same
Not the stuff of fantasy, but more than just a game
And the only kind of miracle that's worthy of the name
For the love that heals our lives is mostly hard love
Ellen Wittlinger's webpage: www.ellenwittlinger.com
Bob Franke's webpage: www.bobfranke.com