3 U-Kiss Drabbles
Here, I wrote three drabbles in lapslock. I hope you enjoy them. They are all about U-Kiss; the first is Eli-focused and has hints of Elvin and Kemaru, the second is Kevin-focused and also has hints of Elvin and the third is Soohyun-focused. All titles are from songs.
{this silver leaves me burning for gold}
eli hates this feeling, this feeling of not being able to do anything. he's spent too long watching the people he loved get hurt and not being able to do anything about it. so long, in fact, that he swore he'd never let himself feel like this again. yet, here he is, sitting back and wanting to scream as he watches the tears fall and the questions pile up. why? he never asked himself this question much, it never got him anywhere, but lately it's been unavoidable. the how and the when and the what and the where, and especially the who, are all perfectly clear to him. but the why has remained just out of his grasp; reaching, stretching, screaming.
honestly, it's not the fact that they're gone that hurts, it's the aftermath. it's waking up every morning not knowing what he'll face: anger or sadness or nothing at all. it's holding him close, the one boy that has ever meant anything to him, and watching him cry and yell over something he can't fix. no, it's not the fact that they're gone, but the fact that they're never really gone from their minds. the fact that even when they're not around, specifically one of them, eli still ends up second, third, fourth place. he tries so hard to be everything he isn't, to fill in the gaps, but it's not enough, he's not enough and he lags behind.
eli hates this feeling, this hopelessness; but it's all he really has left.
{there were sounds in my head, little voices whispering}
if there's one thing kevin prided himself on, it was his ability to be humble and rational. sure, he acts silly and over-confident for the cameras; but at the end of the day, he knew who he was and what his flaws were. that being said, he never thought of jealousy as being one of his flaws. the other members always had things they were better at, but he was never envious, just respectful and awed. jealousy wasn't something he ever really dealt with.
but on the day of their album jacket photoshoot, he finds his stomach turning and a headache forming right behind his eyes. kiseop clings to his side when they're not shooting, having picked up on his bad mood and wanting to fix it, in that special-in other words, clingy and affectionate-kiseop way of his. kevin watches hoon and aj with the other boys, specifically aj and eli being touchy-feely, and grits his teeth.
kiseop looks at him confusedly, but can't say anything because they're all called over to do group shots. kevin sends glances at the end of their line a few times, but gives up when he receives no attention and only starts tearing up instead. it's ridiculous, he knows, and he thinks maybe all that pent-up emotion from the recent happenings is finally seeping out. kevin feels childish and immature, but watching the other six boys together feels remarkably like his sister stealing his favorite toy when he was a child.
{can you carry a song, as strong as your arms can bare, that you keep from harm?}
soohyun never wanted much in life. he didn't need fancy cars or expensive things or international fame; he just wanted to sing. he knew he was so lucky to even get past the audition, and was ready to accept his fate if they ended up rejecting him. but to his surprise, they took him in and put him in a group full of other fresh-faced boys with similar dreams. soohyun wasn't religious, but after his first meeting with the others, he went home and thanked god for everything he was given.
his life from then on seemed more like a fairy tale story than anything real. no one man could be so lucky, he thought as he performed showcases for hundreds of fans, as they reached one year and then two years, as they won that award in china, and each and every time they had a fanmeeting. there were times he'd hide under his blankets, like he was five years old again, and wonder to himself when it would end, since nothing this good could last.
he'd like to say he was surprised when everything fell through, but he wasn't. a little angry maybe, and upset-at the company or the boys, he's still not sure¬-but mostly resigned. he tried his hardest to keep everything together as much as he could, to protect them, especially the younger ones, but his abilities only stretched so far. there were times when he couldn't sleep-when he'd see dongho's twitter follower count dropping by the thousands, when he'd see angry messages on kiseop's cyworld, when he'd see the things that were said about their company and about them-and those were the times he'd already be mentally packing his bags. his patience was waning more and more each day and he was so, so lost. u-kiss was all he had.
but then the company gave them aj and hoon, and it should've made it hurt more, should've felt like a slap in the face, but it didn't. soohyun was relieved to have them around, even as just a distraction. he trained with them night and day, he taught them about the other members' quirks and habits, he hugged them and told them, "you're part of the family now". he welcomed them with open arms because that's all he could do, and it wasn't their fault, and he's not a child anymore.
after about a week of training with the new boys, the company sat him down and that fear from before came back with new vigor. yet when he came back to the other boys in a daze, it wasn't because they were taking him out too, but because he was to be the leader. he saw the other boys smiling and hugging him but couldn't feel it, too lost and confused. why him? he's not suited for this, he's not strong enough, he's not a good enough hyung. he could barely hold them together a couple weeks ago, what makes them think he can hold them together for the indefinite future?
everything was suddenly poured in his hands and all at once, soohyun reconsidered all of his life choices up until this point. before he ever got the chance to give up, to actually pack his bags instead of just imagining it, the other boys accosted him with snacks and party hats. an impromptu party, they said, because you're our new leader now. soohyun blinked at them and slowly smiled. 'leader' still sounded foreign and unfitting in his head; but 'our'? yeah, that has a nice ring to it.
{this silver leaves me burning for gold}
eli hates this feeling, this feeling of not being able to do anything. he's spent too long watching the people he loved get hurt and not being able to do anything about it. so long, in fact, that he swore he'd never let himself feel like this again. yet, here he is, sitting back and wanting to scream as he watches the tears fall and the questions pile up. why? he never asked himself this question much, it never got him anywhere, but lately it's been unavoidable. the how and the when and the what and the where, and especially the who, are all perfectly clear to him. but the why has remained just out of his grasp; reaching, stretching, screaming.
honestly, it's not the fact that they're gone that hurts, it's the aftermath. it's waking up every morning not knowing what he'll face: anger or sadness or nothing at all. it's holding him close, the one boy that has ever meant anything to him, and watching him cry and yell over something he can't fix. no, it's not the fact that they're gone, but the fact that they're never really gone from their minds. the fact that even when they're not around, specifically one of them, eli still ends up second, third, fourth place. he tries so hard to be everything he isn't, to fill in the gaps, but it's not enough, he's not enough and he lags behind.
eli hates this feeling, this hopelessness; but it's all he really has left.
{there were sounds in my head, little voices whispering}
if there's one thing kevin prided himself on, it was his ability to be humble and rational. sure, he acts silly and over-confident for the cameras; but at the end of the day, he knew who he was and what his flaws were. that being said, he never thought of jealousy as being one of his flaws. the other members always had things they were better at, but he was never envious, just respectful and awed. jealousy wasn't something he ever really dealt with.
but on the day of their album jacket photoshoot, he finds his stomach turning and a headache forming right behind his eyes. kiseop clings to his side when they're not shooting, having picked up on his bad mood and wanting to fix it, in that special-in other words, clingy and affectionate-kiseop way of his. kevin watches hoon and aj with the other boys, specifically aj and eli being touchy-feely, and grits his teeth.
kiseop looks at him confusedly, but can't say anything because they're all called over to do group shots. kevin sends glances at the end of their line a few times, but gives up when he receives no attention and only starts tearing up instead. it's ridiculous, he knows, and he thinks maybe all that pent-up emotion from the recent happenings is finally seeping out. kevin feels childish and immature, but watching the other six boys together feels remarkably like his sister stealing his favorite toy when he was a child.
{can you carry a song, as strong as your arms can bare, that you keep from harm?}
soohyun never wanted much in life. he didn't need fancy cars or expensive things or international fame; he just wanted to sing. he knew he was so lucky to even get past the audition, and was ready to accept his fate if they ended up rejecting him. but to his surprise, they took him in and put him in a group full of other fresh-faced boys with similar dreams. soohyun wasn't religious, but after his first meeting with the others, he went home and thanked god for everything he was given.
his life from then on seemed more like a fairy tale story than anything real. no one man could be so lucky, he thought as he performed showcases for hundreds of fans, as they reached one year and then two years, as they won that award in china, and each and every time they had a fanmeeting. there were times he'd hide under his blankets, like he was five years old again, and wonder to himself when it would end, since nothing this good could last.
he'd like to say he was surprised when everything fell through, but he wasn't. a little angry maybe, and upset-at the company or the boys, he's still not sure¬-but mostly resigned. he tried his hardest to keep everything together as much as he could, to protect them, especially the younger ones, but his abilities only stretched so far. there were times when he couldn't sleep-when he'd see dongho's twitter follower count dropping by the thousands, when he'd see angry messages on kiseop's cyworld, when he'd see the things that were said about their company and about them-and those were the times he'd already be mentally packing his bags. his patience was waning more and more each day and he was so, so lost. u-kiss was all he had.
but then the company gave them aj and hoon, and it should've made it hurt more, should've felt like a slap in the face, but it didn't. soohyun was relieved to have them around, even as just a distraction. he trained with them night and day, he taught them about the other members' quirks and habits, he hugged them and told them, "you're part of the family now". he welcomed them with open arms because that's all he could do, and it wasn't their fault, and he's not a child anymore.
after about a week of training with the new boys, the company sat him down and that fear from before came back with new vigor. yet when he came back to the other boys in a daze, it wasn't because they were taking him out too, but because he was to be the leader. he saw the other boys smiling and hugging him but couldn't feel it, too lost and confused. why him? he's not suited for this, he's not strong enough, he's not a good enough hyung. he could barely hold them together a couple weeks ago, what makes them think he can hold them together for the indefinite future?
everything was suddenly poured in his hands and all at once, soohyun reconsidered all of his life choices up until this point. before he ever got the chance to give up, to actually pack his bags instead of just imagining it, the other boys accosted him with snacks and party hats. an impromptu party, they said, because you're our new leader now. soohyun blinked at them and slowly smiled. 'leader' still sounded foreign and unfitting in his head; but 'our'? yeah, that has a nice ring to it.