Thee Has Seduced Me Into Feeling
Title: Thee Has Seduced Me Into Feeling
Author: Sara Ellison
Fandom: Supernatural
Characters: Castiel, Anna
Pairing: Dean/Anna, suggested Dean/Cas
Rating: R
Spoilers: 4x16 "On the Head of a Pin." Takes place just before the last scene of the episode.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of them.
Warnings: Rebellious angels?
Summary: Anna points out that she and Castiel have more in common than Cas likes to admit.
Author's notes: Heavenly politics give me a headache. I fudged a lot of it. Also, wow, did I really just write non-porny Cas fic? The title is shamelessly stolen from "Shelter," despite its grammatical issues.
Anna sat cross-legged on the floor, polishing the point of the dagger on a scrap of cloth. It had been part of the clothing Uriel's vessel had worn; it seemed somehow fitting to Castiel that it should be used to clean his blood from the blade that killed him. It wasn't strictly necessary, of course, that she physically clean the dagger; a thought from either of them would wipe it clean, but Anna was sentimentally attached to the trappings of human life. This body, of course, was one of those; cleaning things by hand seemed to be another.
Castiel had no such compunctions. He flicked his fingers as he healed, erasing the blood that had leaked from his own flesh, the bruises that marked his skin, raised by his brother's hands. A sigh escaped his lips.
Anna glanced up at him, frowning slightly. "What's on your mind, Cas?"
He shook his head. "I don't understand how he could turn against us," he said. "I wish we hadn't had to kill him."
"He would have killed you," Anna pointed out.
"I am grateful," Castiel hastened to reassure her. "I just...regret the necessity."
Her lips curved in a brief smile before she lowered her eyes, attention back on the knife. "So you are beginning to feel," she said mildly.
His eyes narrowed in anger. "Tread carefully, sister. I am not--"
"--Anything like me, I know," she cut him off. "Thou dost protest too much, methinks."
"What do you mean, protest too much?"
She rolled her eyes. "It's a misquote from Shakespeare. Hamlet. You should read it some time, it's good. Cas, why do you think I came back for you?"
He blinked at the abrupt shift in topic. "To stop Uriel," he said. Wasn't that it? "To...save me?" The more he thought about it, the less sense it made. She was his sister, certainly, but she had rebelled; killing Uriel to save Castiel did not seem to serve the motives he had thought she possessed. "For which I'm grateful," he added belatedly.
"You said that already." Anna dropped the bloodstained cloth, wiped her hands on her jeans, and stood. "I came back because I have hope for you, Cas." She offered the dagger to him, hilt first.
He took it and tucked it away. "Hope for what? That I will disobey?"
She shook her head, smiling. "You're not just upset with me for my disobedience. There's something else that angers you, when it comes to me. Let's talk about Dean Winchester."
Castiel crossed his arms over his chest. "What about him?" he demanded, his voice half a growl.
Anna laughed. "Look at yourself, Cas," she said, not unkindly, "really look, and tell me what you see. All I did was say his name."
Castiel looked. He was tense, his posture defensive, jaw clenched, on the cusp of fight-or-flight. He forced his body to unknot, though his facial muscles would not release their scowl. "I don't like you saying his name," he heard himself say.
"Why?" she asked.
That was not a question he was willing to consider. "What does Dean have to do with your preposterous accusations?"
"You're avoiding the question," she pointed out, "and not very gracefully, I might add. No pun intended."
His eyes narrowed. "I should hope not."
Anna sighed, running a hand through her hair to pull it back from her face. "You need to lighten up, Cas. Let's talk about this. But not here." She grabbed him by the elbow, and a moment later they were sitting on a bench in some suburban park.
It was dark, still, but Castiel recognised the park. He recognised the bench. It was the park where he had found Dean after the raising of Samhain. It was the bench where Castiel had confessed his doubts. How had Anna known about that?
She glanced at their surroundings. "Good choice," she said. "Man-made, yet not overbuilt. I can see why you like it, Cas."
Had he brought them here? He had barely noticed Anna ceding control to him, in the fraction of a moment between there and here, but she was right--it had been Castiel's choice. He frowned. "You were talking about Dean," he reminded her.
She grinned. "He's something, isn't he?"
He bristled. "What do you mean by that?"
"I mean he's gorgeous." She elbowed him lightly in the ribs. "I know you've noticed. Have you ever seen such beautiful green eyes? And his mouth...you've got to kiss him some time, Cas, he's an amazing kisser."
Castiel felt an inexplicable urge to hit his sister. He clenched his hands into fists, instead, and shifted away from her on the bench so she could not nudge him again. "I don't think so," he said coldly.
"Cas," Anna said softly, all teasing mirth gone. She reached up a hand to cup his cheek, and he flinched away. "I'm sorry. It was never my intention to take him away from you. I didn't even know he was yours until I saw your mark on his shoulder."
"You mean when you rode him like an animal?" he snarled. "When you seduced him with your soft skin and pretty eyes and joined with him in filthy human lust?" His voice had risen in pitch and volume, harsh to his own ears.
"Voyeurism, Cas?" She chuckled. "I suppose you would be the type."
"I don't see what's funny," he bit out. He didn't feel like laughing, not now, and certainly not when he'd first come face-to-face with her, when he could smell Dean all over her.
"No," she agreed, sobering, "you're right, it's not funny. It's sad. You can't see what's right in front of you, my brother. Jealousy isn't a pretty emotion, but it's a start."
"Jealousy?" Castiel repeated. "What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about me and Dean fucking like rabbits in the backseat of the Impala," Anna told him. "You saw us, and you're furious. And I'm asking you to consider why. He was hardly my first; it's not defence of your sister's honour that's got you riled up. It's him. Don't you see? Dean Winchester has made you feel."
"What is it that you think makes me jealous? I know Dean. I hardly expected him to stay celibate after I pulled him from the pit. That mark on his shoulder is no brand of ownership, Anna."
"You're jealous because I'm an angel," she told him. "You think it was my pretty eyes and soft skin that he wanted? You've got pretty eyes too, my brother. If Dean was going to make love with an angel, why not you? After all, it was you who saved him from Hell. It could have been you in the back of his car, driving him to ecstasy in your arms. You condemn us for, what was it? Filthy human lust? That has always been a part of Dean, though, an element of who he is, and you have always known that. You love him for it, just as you love every other part of him."
Love? He mouthed the word, finding himself unable to give it voice.
"Yes, love. That is why you're jealous. And that is why I have hope for you, Cas. Love is the most powerful emotion there is. There is no turning back now."
He shook his head without conviction. "No. What are you saying? That Dean will be my downfall?" He could not accept that. He would not.
"No, I'm saying that your love for him will be our salvation. Castiel, Dean needs you." Anna reached for him again and caught him by the shoulder. "And we all need Dean. I know you want to run, to save yourself from falling. But you can't. Believe me, Cas, if you abandon Dean now, we are all doomed. You have already fallen for him, surely you must see that. Your only hope is to be there for him. Our only hope, Cas."
Her words were bouncing around inside Castiel's head, ricocheting through his mind. Fallen for him. Dean needs you. We are all doomed. If Castiel continued to associate with Dean, to let the mortal work his way into Castiel's heart, Castiel would surely fall...but if he left Dean, Lucifer would undoubtedly rise. His mouth was dry; it took him several tries to be able to speak. "I don't know what to do."
"Go to him," Anna urged, giving Castiel's shoulder a shake. "Be there for him. You need it as much as he does. He needs you to help him heal, and I don't just mean physically."
He looked into her eyes and saw only sincerity and conviction. "Okay," he said, speaking before he had time to think. He felt the urge to pause and consider, to over-analyse, and overrode the impulse. "Yes. Okay," he reiterated, "I'll go."
Dean needed him, and he needed Dean. They all needed Dean. Castiel went to him.
Author: Sara Ellison
Fandom: Supernatural
Characters: Castiel, Anna
Pairing: Dean/Anna, suggested Dean/Cas
Rating: R
Spoilers: 4x16 "On the Head of a Pin." Takes place just before the last scene of the episode.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of them.
Warnings: Rebellious angels?
Summary: Anna points out that she and Castiel have more in common than Cas likes to admit.
Author's notes: Heavenly politics give me a headache. I fudged a lot of it. Also, wow, did I really just write non-porny Cas fic? The title is shamelessly stolen from "Shelter," despite its grammatical issues.
Anna sat cross-legged on the floor, polishing the point of the dagger on a scrap of cloth. It had been part of the clothing Uriel's vessel had worn; it seemed somehow fitting to Castiel that it should be used to clean his blood from the blade that killed him. It wasn't strictly necessary, of course, that she physically clean the dagger; a thought from either of them would wipe it clean, but Anna was sentimentally attached to the trappings of human life. This body, of course, was one of those; cleaning things by hand seemed to be another.
Castiel had no such compunctions. He flicked his fingers as he healed, erasing the blood that had leaked from his own flesh, the bruises that marked his skin, raised by his brother's hands. A sigh escaped his lips.
Anna glanced up at him, frowning slightly. "What's on your mind, Cas?"
He shook his head. "I don't understand how he could turn against us," he said. "I wish we hadn't had to kill him."
"He would have killed you," Anna pointed out.
"I am grateful," Castiel hastened to reassure her. "I just...regret the necessity."
Her lips curved in a brief smile before she lowered her eyes, attention back on the knife. "So you are beginning to feel," she said mildly.
His eyes narrowed in anger. "Tread carefully, sister. I am not--"
"--Anything like me, I know," she cut him off. "Thou dost protest too much, methinks."
"What do you mean, protest too much?"
She rolled her eyes. "It's a misquote from Shakespeare. Hamlet. You should read it some time, it's good. Cas, why do you think I came back for you?"
He blinked at the abrupt shift in topic. "To stop Uriel," he said. Wasn't that it? "To...save me?" The more he thought about it, the less sense it made. She was his sister, certainly, but she had rebelled; killing Uriel to save Castiel did not seem to serve the motives he had thought she possessed. "For which I'm grateful," he added belatedly.
"You said that already." Anna dropped the bloodstained cloth, wiped her hands on her jeans, and stood. "I came back because I have hope for you, Cas." She offered the dagger to him, hilt first.
He took it and tucked it away. "Hope for what? That I will disobey?"
She shook her head, smiling. "You're not just upset with me for my disobedience. There's something else that angers you, when it comes to me. Let's talk about Dean Winchester."
Castiel crossed his arms over his chest. "What about him?" he demanded, his voice half a growl.
Anna laughed. "Look at yourself, Cas," she said, not unkindly, "really look, and tell me what you see. All I did was say his name."
Castiel looked. He was tense, his posture defensive, jaw clenched, on the cusp of fight-or-flight. He forced his body to unknot, though his facial muscles would not release their scowl. "I don't like you saying his name," he heard himself say.
"Why?" she asked.
That was not a question he was willing to consider. "What does Dean have to do with your preposterous accusations?"
"You're avoiding the question," she pointed out, "and not very gracefully, I might add. No pun intended."
His eyes narrowed. "I should hope not."
Anna sighed, running a hand through her hair to pull it back from her face. "You need to lighten up, Cas. Let's talk about this. But not here." She grabbed him by the elbow, and a moment later they were sitting on a bench in some suburban park.
It was dark, still, but Castiel recognised the park. He recognised the bench. It was the park where he had found Dean after the raising of Samhain. It was the bench where Castiel had confessed his doubts. How had Anna known about that?
She glanced at their surroundings. "Good choice," she said. "Man-made, yet not overbuilt. I can see why you like it, Cas."
Had he brought them here? He had barely noticed Anna ceding control to him, in the fraction of a moment between there and here, but she was right--it had been Castiel's choice. He frowned. "You were talking about Dean," he reminded her.
She grinned. "He's something, isn't he?"
He bristled. "What do you mean by that?"
"I mean he's gorgeous." She elbowed him lightly in the ribs. "I know you've noticed. Have you ever seen such beautiful green eyes? And his mouth...you've got to kiss him some time, Cas, he's an amazing kisser."
Castiel felt an inexplicable urge to hit his sister. He clenched his hands into fists, instead, and shifted away from her on the bench so she could not nudge him again. "I don't think so," he said coldly.
"Cas," Anna said softly, all teasing mirth gone. She reached up a hand to cup his cheek, and he flinched away. "I'm sorry. It was never my intention to take him away from you. I didn't even know he was yours until I saw your mark on his shoulder."
"You mean when you rode him like an animal?" he snarled. "When you seduced him with your soft skin and pretty eyes and joined with him in filthy human lust?" His voice had risen in pitch and volume, harsh to his own ears.
"Voyeurism, Cas?" She chuckled. "I suppose you would be the type."
"I don't see what's funny," he bit out. He didn't feel like laughing, not now, and certainly not when he'd first come face-to-face with her, when he could smell Dean all over her.
"No," she agreed, sobering, "you're right, it's not funny. It's sad. You can't see what's right in front of you, my brother. Jealousy isn't a pretty emotion, but it's a start."
"Jealousy?" Castiel repeated. "What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about me and Dean fucking like rabbits in the backseat of the Impala," Anna told him. "You saw us, and you're furious. And I'm asking you to consider why. He was hardly my first; it's not defence of your sister's honour that's got you riled up. It's him. Don't you see? Dean Winchester has made you feel."
"What is it that you think makes me jealous? I know Dean. I hardly expected him to stay celibate after I pulled him from the pit. That mark on his shoulder is no brand of ownership, Anna."
"You're jealous because I'm an angel," she told him. "You think it was my pretty eyes and soft skin that he wanted? You've got pretty eyes too, my brother. If Dean was going to make love with an angel, why not you? After all, it was you who saved him from Hell. It could have been you in the back of his car, driving him to ecstasy in your arms. You condemn us for, what was it? Filthy human lust? That has always been a part of Dean, though, an element of who he is, and you have always known that. You love him for it, just as you love every other part of him."
Love? He mouthed the word, finding himself unable to give it voice.
"Yes, love. That is why you're jealous. And that is why I have hope for you, Cas. Love is the most powerful emotion there is. There is no turning back now."
He shook his head without conviction. "No. What are you saying? That Dean will be my downfall?" He could not accept that. He would not.
"No, I'm saying that your love for him will be our salvation. Castiel, Dean needs you." Anna reached for him again and caught him by the shoulder. "And we all need Dean. I know you want to run, to save yourself from falling. But you can't. Believe me, Cas, if you abandon Dean now, we are all doomed. You have already fallen for him, surely you must see that. Your only hope is to be there for him. Our only hope, Cas."
Her words were bouncing around inside Castiel's head, ricocheting through his mind. Fallen for him. Dean needs you. We are all doomed. If Castiel continued to associate with Dean, to let the mortal work his way into Castiel's heart, Castiel would surely fall...but if he left Dean, Lucifer would undoubtedly rise. His mouth was dry; it took him several tries to be able to speak. "I don't know what to do."
"Go to him," Anna urged, giving Castiel's shoulder a shake. "Be there for him. You need it as much as he does. He needs you to help him heal, and I don't just mean physically."
He looked into her eyes and saw only sincerity and conviction. "Okay," he said, speaking before he had time to think. He felt the urge to pause and consider, to over-analyse, and overrode the impulse. "Yes. Okay," he reiterated, "I'll go."
Dean needed him, and he needed Dean. They all needed Dean. Castiel went to him.