5 groups Eeteuk was never leader of (+1 he might have been)
Title: 5 groups Eeteuk was never leader of (+1 he might have been)
A.K.A: 5 AUs I'm too lazy to write more on
Pairing: bandfic, various ninja pairings
Genre: humour, general
Rating: PG
A/N: Happy Birthday, Donghae!
1. The Fellowship of the Ring
“Teukie-hyung, are we there yet?” Donghae whines, and the wizard massages his temple in annoyance, trying to remember why he loves hobbits so much.
“No, Donghae. I’ve just got to figure this map out…” He turns the parchment upside-down to decide on the best route to Mount Doom without getting killed.
“I say we go through the mines.” Shindong says. “My cousin would welcome us, offer us safe passage through, and most importantly, give us lots of food!” His eyes brighten at the thought as he strokes his beard.
“That reminds me - time for second breakfast!” Eunhyuk cheerfully announces, taking full advantage of the break, and tosses Donghae a hunk of bread. The other hobbit promptly forgets his impatience and starts eating.
Sungmin observes the bearer of the Ring. “Are you feeling alright, Wookie?”
Ryeowook snaps to attention and smiles. “I’m okay, hyung! Just a little tired, that’s all.” He fingers the ring on a chain around his neck.
“That’s because you haven’t had your second breakfast yet.” Sungmin says wisely, and digs into his pocket for some bread when he realizes Eunhyuk has stolen it for Donghae and himself.
Siwon sits down on a rock, polishing his sword. “Kyuhyun-ah.”
The elf looks up, boredom etched on his pale features. “What?”
“I think Yesung-ssi is up to something. He keeps staring at the Ring-bearer.”
Kyuhyun tilts his head to see the aforementioned man looking at Ryeowook offering to cook something easy when Eunhyuk complains that he’s still hungry. Sungmin smacks Eunhyuk for being so oblivious to their friend’s fragile state, and the elf quirks a small smile as the hobbit threatens to use some sort of martial arts.
“I think he wants the Ring. I can see it in his face.” Siwon broods, sounding every inch the Ranger he is. Kyuhyun vaguely wonders when Siwon last bathed, if the grease in his hair is any indication.
“I think he’s perving on Ryeowook-ssi.” Kyuhyun offers, and Siwon’s eyebrows go above his hairline. “Isn’t that right, Yesung-ssi?” He smirks, knowing full well that the man heard his comments.
Yesung goes red and starts sputtering. “What…what nonsense!” He backs away and shifts closer to Eeteuk. “Can’t we go by Rohan instead? I’m sure Prince Kangin would be sympathetic to our cause.”
Eeteuk flushes slightly and shakes his head. “Uh, I don’t think that’s a good idea. It’s…it’s too close to Isengard. Yes, that’s it. Too close, I’m afraid.” He scrutinizes his map once more. “Okay, we’re going by the mountain pass here, and if that fails we’ll go by the mines as Shindong suggests.”
“Can we stop by Lothlorien on the way?” Siwon requests politely. “Heechul-hyung said that if we didn’t make time to visit him and Hankyung-hyung, he’d personally throw me into the fires of Mount Doom.”
Kyuhyun stands up. “I agree. We can’t afford to lose our king of Gondor over here.”
“You just want to go because Zhoumi’s there.” Eeteuk replies dryly, and the elf shrugs. “I’ll see if we have time to stop by there. Right, let’s make a move. And the next person who asks whether we’re there yet,” He gives Donghae the evil eye, “will be given to the Balrog for dinner.”
2. An extraction team
Eeteuk neatly throws each of them a file. “And here’s the information on the mark, courtesy of Kyuhyunnie.” The young point man inclines his head slightly.
“Aw, come on, hyung, why do we have to do it?” Donghae complains, his head descending onto his arms resting on the table.
“You said we’d get a break after the last job.” Sungmin reminds the older man. “Which was just two days ago, if you recall.”
“Yes, well, things change.” Eeteuk shrugs elegantly, even though that’s hardly an explanation at all. “As you can see, this job is from the government, so you can understand how necessary it is to succeed.”
“Let’s hope it’s not too difficult, then.” Eunhyuk mutters, barely suppressing a yawn. “We really need the rest.”
Kyuhyun takes over, directing their attention to the screen. “The mark is Kim Kibum, acting CEO of Samsung Electronics.”
“Why are we investigating a company that makes cellphones?” Donghae asks, flipping through the file. “Surely the government doesn’t need to steal information technology ideas from a businessman.”
“Because the company also happens to have an underground subsidiary that manufactures weapons for foreign buyers.” Kyuhyun answers smoothly. “The Ministry of National Defense needs us to get as much information as we can about his clients and transactions.”
Then Eeteuk holds up a hand, looking a little perturbed. “One more thing is that the MND wants one of their officers to join the team for the extraction.”
“Well, then you should tell them that this isn’t a vacation.” Sungmin retorts pleasantly.
“We don’t have time for a tourist on our hands, especially when the mark might be trained against extraction.” Kyuhyun looks at Eeteuk pointedly.
A sharp knocking on the door causes them all to turn around, and Shindong sticks his head in. “The guy from the MND is here, hyung.”
Eeteuk nods, and Shindong lets the uniformed man in. “I am Lieutenant Choi Siwon.” He bows politely.
“Good afternoon, Lieutenant Choi.” Eeteuk greets him cordially, though the rest of his team doesn’t appear as welcoming. “We understand that you will be joining us on this mission.”
“Yes.” Siwon nods. “I look forward to working with you and your team, Eeteuk-ssi.”
“Thank you. Let me just introduce the team to you.” Eeteuk gestures round the table. “This is Cho Kyuhyun, Lee Sungmin, Eunhyuk and Lee Donghae.” Siwon bows his head slightly to each of them in turn.
“Do you have a lot of experience in dream-sharing?” Donghae gets right to the point, rather rudely, in Eeteuk’s opinion. He makes a mental note to threaten to send the architect back to teaching rookies to design mazes if he keeps up this attitude.
“It’s a major component of our military training.” Siwon explains, showing no sign of offence at Donghae’s abrupt question. “I’ve been trained by officers who were delegated from this company.”
Sungmin raises a brow. “Anyone we might know?”
“Captains Kim Youngwoon and Kim Heechul.” Eeteuk smiles at the reply. Anyone sent with Kangin and Heechul’s approval shouldn’t be a problem having on the team.
3. The Defense Association
“Okay everyone, let’s start on the Shield Charm. We’ll work in pairs to practice - the first person tries to disarm the second, and then switch over.” Eeteuk announces.
They pair off and space out within the Room of Requirement. “P-protego.” Ryeowook says nervously, and Yesung easily overcomes it with a Disarming Charm, the former’s wand flying out of his hand into the Slytherin’s grasp.
“You need to put more conviction behind it, Ryeowook-ah.” Yesung instructs him, and the fourth-year Hufflepuff flushes, appreciating that the sixth-year is kind enough to guide him without being mean like many other Slytherins he could name.
Before he can try again, a spell hits him from behind, and he feels his legs going all wobbly. “My bad, Ryeowook-ah!” Shindong calls out, having missed Kyuhyun entirely and sent the Jelly-legs Jinx beyond him.
Yesung glares at the plump Ravenclaw - who looks altogether too amused to be truly sorry - and wordlessly sends a jinx in his direction. But Shindong quickly dodges and the jinx hits Kangin, whose legs start dancing around uncontrollably. “WHO WAS THAT?” The Gryffindor yells angrily, and manages to turn around with difficulty, his eyes landing on a pair of giggling fifth-years.
“Reducto!” He aims at Eunhyuk, who hastily casts a Shield Charm that manages to deflect the curse away.
“It wasn’t me, hyung!” Eunhyuk protests, while Donghae applauds at his best friend’s successful attempt at the Shield Charm.
“Kangin-ah!” Eeteuk yells, scandalized at the chaos occurring around him. “Stop throwing curses around and resume practicing!” The buff sixth-year grimaces but complies, turning back and casting his Shield Charm obediently.
When all of them seem to have gotten a better grasp of it, Eeteuk finally gives in to Kyuhyun’s pestering and teaches them the Patronus Charm.
“Happy memories eh? Sounds a little like Peter Pan.” Eunhyuk says doubtfully, as his wand only succeeds in producing a few wisps of silver smoke.
“What’s a Peter Pan?” Siwon asks curiously, the Hufflepuff Prefect having never read a Muggle book in his life. He proceeds to whoop in excitement when a silvery horse-like figure whooshes out from his wand.
“Expecto Patronum!” Sungmin looks delighted as a something silver and decidedly rabbit-like erupts from his wand and gambols around in the air.
“Well done, Sungmin-ah!” Eeteuk gives the fifth-year a pat on the back. It may have taken a while, but the Hufflepuff is nothing if not perseverant, and chock-full of good memories.
“Teukie-hyung!” The holler comes from the other side of the room, and the Head Boy rushes over to see Donghae looking terribly upset.
“What’s wrong?” He asks the fifth-year boy.
“Heechul-sunbae’s Patronus is trying to eat mine!” Sure enough, the silver fish is being chased by a large silver cat, and gradually losing its solid form.
“Heechul-ah, I asked you to teach him, not scare his Patronus away.”
The seventh-year Slytherin looks back at him in boredom, having already mastered the Patronus a long time ago. He waves his wand and the silver cat disappears. “I thought Gryffindors were meant to be brave.” He replies sarcastically.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Eunhyuk demands, having overheard the acid remark. “Are you calling us cowards?”
Eeteuk sighs as the jinxes and curses start flying everywhere. Dumbledore owes him big time.
4. A police division responsible for gang cases
“Why exactly are we waiting here, hyung?” Donghae asks in slight boredom, twirling the handcuffs with his fingers. All he knows is that Eeteuk received a mysterious phone call and immediately told him that they were going down to this old-fashioned pub for a lead.
Eeteuk keeps his eye on the entrance of the pub. “We’re waiting for another call.”
“You know, I really want to meet this mysterious informant of yours.” Donghae raises a brow. “It seems like we’re relying an awful lot on whatever he tells you.”
“It always helps to have an inside man, kid.” Eeteuk imparts these words of wisdom to his junior partner. “I don’t doubt they have men planted in our division as well.” Then his phone rings and he quickly answers it, holding the phone between his shoulder and ear as he takes out his notepad and begins scribbling.
“Time to go.” Eeteuk says, and Donghae gets up eagerly but Eeteuk stops him. “Stay in the car until I come out.”
“You’re kidding, right?” Donghae’s expression is filled with incredulity.
“It’s just a transaction going on inside - nothing we can arrest them for.” The older detective explains patiently. “I’m going to see what information we can gather, and maybe follow them afterwards. You get to drive.”
As if that’s supposed to be some kind of consolation, Donghae thinks with a grimace at how unfair the whole situation is. He slides into the seat and watches as Eeteuk goes in, his mind wandering to whom in their division could possibly be an infiltrator.
The young blond man doesn’t acknowledge Eeteuk’s presence except with a slight tilt of his head towards the two men discussing something at one of the tables over some beer. Eeteuk sits down somewhere near them and orders a drink.
After a while, Choi Siwon leans in and lowers his voice. “We appear to have an audience.”
Kim Ryeowook waits a few seconds before languidly turning around and seeing Eeteuk at the table behind him. “So it seems.” His gaze zooms in on the blond chap - Eunhyuk, was it? - heading out to the men’s room. He wonders vaguely if Sungmin suspects that his fellow gang member is a spy for the cops.
“Have you seen the headlines on the newspaper this morning?” Siwon returns to his normal volume, flipping the paper out.
“No, why?” Ryeowook replies, smoothly passing the bound notebook under the table as they continue with inane conversation.
When Eeteuk returns to the car, his expression tells Donghae that there won’t be any exciting car chase today. “Well?”
“I got some info, but they probably realized I was listening in.” Eeteuk sighs as he gets in the passenger seat. “It seems that this is a favoured location of theirs, though. Maybe we’ll be able to get more information in the future.”
Donghae gives his superior an encouraging pat on the shoulder and starts driving back to the station. “I’ve been thinking; if you were to pick anyone from our division to be a mole from the gangs, who would it be?”
“Shouldn’t the obvious answer be you?” Eeteuk chuckles, with no malice in his voice. “No one else has a record of juvenile delinquency.”
“You wound me deep, boss.” Donghae says seriously. “Say whatever you want - my money’s on Shindong-hyung.”
5. A circus troupe
“Has anyone seen my feather boa?” Heechul yells from his caravan.
“Surely it’s in your dressing room somewhere.” Eeteuk replies distractedly. He pauses for a while to stare at Kangin lifting dumbbells without breaking a sweat, and his gaze travels over the strongman’s biceps before he blinks and hurries on.
A mini-explosion resounds throughout the site and he runs over to see a mass of pink fluff. Ryeowook’s head pops out from under the mess. “I’m sorry, hyung! I think we need a new candy floss maker!” Shindong comes over and helpfully pulls Ryeowook out, plucking off bits of pink candy floss and happily eating them.
“Where are we going to get one at this time?” Eeteuk despairs. “We’ll just have to increase the other snacks. Popcorn and that kind of stuff, okay?” Ryeowook sighs and nods. “Shindong-ah, shouldn’t you be getting the elephants ready?”
“Right on it.” The cheerful elephant trainer grins, snatching an armful of candy floss before leaving.
“Heeeeeeeelllllllp!” Eeteuk breaks into a run and enters the big top only to see a terrified-looking Henry standing in front of the giant dartboard, a knife embedded just a few inches away from his left hand.
“What’s going on here?” He eyes the knife-thrower suspiciously.
Sungmin turns around and smiles, his eyes wide and innocent. “I’m practicing for the show.”
“He nearly took my hand off, hyung!” Henry wails. “I make a living with these hands! How else am I supposed to play the violin?”
“Oh, don’t be so dramatic.” Sungmin chuckles, before expertly throwing a second knife, which lands a few inches away from Henry’s head.
“WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME, HYUNG?”
Eeteuk sighs and is about to admonish Sungmin when something in his peripheral vision catches his attention, and he tilts his head up to see Donghae clinging on to a trapeze for dear life. “Lee Donghae, what do you think you’re doing up there?”
Donghae swings back and forth precariously, trying to reach the stand from which he must have jumped onto the trapeze. “It’s just that...Hyukkie makes it look so easy! I just wanted to try it out!” The net hasn’t been put up yet, which means that Donghae can’t just drop down.
“You know what, you’re an acrobat. Figure your own way down from there!” Eeteuk shakes his head in annoyance and starts walking away.
“Teukie-hyung is my favourite hyung! All the girls in the world love him!” Donghae calls out hopefully, and Eeteuk rolls his eyes.
“I’ll ask Eunhyukkie to get you down. Don’t you dare break your neck while you’re up there!” Donghae nods obediently, all traces of fear gone from his now mischievous expression.
He ought to be used to this by now - it was a near accident with the cannon last week, and lacerations due to failed attempts at plate-twirling the week before. (Though Zhoumi wasn’t too devastated - it gave him the opportunity to shop for more crockery to twirl.) Eeteuk doesn’t even want to think about the elephant stampede. He wonders when the young acrobat will give up all these attention-seeking gimmicks.
A niggling suspicion at the back of his mind makes him return to the big top behind an anxious Eunhyuk who starts yelling at Donghae the moment he sees the acrobat hanging onto the trapeze. Donghae only grins back and waits to be rescued by his best friend.
Then Eeteuk’s attention is once again diverted - this time by Sungmin practicing with Kibum, who has to be the most stoic clown Eeteuk has ever worked with in this career.
“Er, hyung?”
He turns around to see Kyuhyun, already dressed in his outfit. He thanks his lucky stars for young, capable performers like Kyuhyun. “Yes?”
“Siwon-hyung said to tell you that the horses are good and ready to go, but…”
“But what?” A feeling of dread settles in Eeteuk’s stomach.
“But that Yesung-hyung might have fed something to the turtles and they might not be ready for the show tonight.”
+1. A 15 member idol group
“Lee Hyukjae, if you don’t get up this instant I swear I will reveal your entire porn stash to the first camera crew that visits the dorm when we’re promoting again.” Jungsu threatens, and Hyukjae’s eyes snap open immediately.
“Can’t you go wake some of the others up first? Why is it always me?” The dancer moans pitifully.
“Stop complaining and get up.” He leaves no room for negotiation and pulls the duvet off; making sure that Hyukjae actually leaves the comfort of his bed before leaving to wake the rest up.
He passes the kitchen and steals a bite of the fried rice, “thanks, Hankyung-ah” before moving to the next room. “Time to get up!”
Kyuhyun glares balefully at him while Sungmin sighs and buries his face into his pillow. “Come on, hyung. We only need to start filming at 10.”
“It’s already 7:30, and need I remind you how long it takes for 15 of us to get our outfits and makeup done? We’re losing daylight here!” He efficiently whips the covers off both beds.
“It’s a pity joining the army isn’t compulsory anymore.” Kyuhyun gripes. “You’d make a great commander there.” He would come up with wittier remarks if he wasn’t dead tired from going through all the songs they need to start recording for their 6th album.
“And you’d be confined to the barracks for insubordination and general cheek.” Jungsu replies offhandedly, leaving the room to make sure that Henry hasn’t fallen asleep in the bathroom again. It’s alarming how often it happens, considering how much the youngest member hates showering.
It takes half an hour to get all of them somewhat presentable, fed and into the two vans heading towards the MV filming location. “How come Siwonnie and Kibummie get to sit in Youngwoon-hyung’s car?” Hyukjae asks, sounding a little whiny.
“Because it reduces the number of vans we need.” Jungsu answers, secretly wishing he was in the car rather than this van. “And because they got up on time, unlike some people.”
“Come on, be thankful you’re not in that second-hand deathtrap of his.” Heechul declares loftily. “One day, he’s going to crash into something and land up in hospital. If we’re lucky, it’ll happen when Jongwoonie’s in it too.”
“Hyung, that’s mean.” Ryeowook eyes him reproachfully. “You know he’s never crashed it before.”
Heechul shrugs. “It’s only a matter of time.”
“Hey,” Hankyung displays the message on his phone. “Zhoumi wants to know what the concept is for today.”
“I thought we were going with the whole James Bond feel.” Ryeowook chips in, vaguely recalling eyeliner and suits in their photoshoot the week before. Then again, it might have been the shoot for Kyochon Chicken. It’s a bit hard to remember.
“Aren’t we just doing the dancing bits today anyway?” Donghae pipes up, moving his arms to the beat of the new title track that’s playing on his iPod.
“As long as we’re not dancing in a box again.” Heechul grimaces. “I hate dancing in a box.”
“At least we’re not lip-synching in front of a wall this time.” Jungsu says cheerfully. “I have it on good authority. Donghee heard it from a stylist who’s dating one of the video directors.”
They reach the filming site unscathed, and get changed into their snazzy outfits. The makeup artists tut over the state of Kyuhyun’s skin and Jongwoon’s panda eyes and a suspicious red mark on Hyukjae’s collarbone that he swears is a mosquito bite, but do their job as quickly as possible.
The fifteen of them gather on set (not a box, thankfully) and bow to the filming crew. “We are Super Junior!” Jungsu beams, his hand held out proudly.
Super Junior’s back.
**
A/N: I really wish this fic was funnier. I can't seem to be able to churn out anything good these days, sigh. Please comment - it would mean a lot to me, whether it's encouragement or criticism!
A.K.A: 5 AUs I'm too lazy to write more on
Pairing: bandfic, various ninja pairings
Genre: humour, general
Rating: PG
A/N: Happy Birthday, Donghae!
1. The Fellowship of the Ring
“Teukie-hyung, are we there yet?” Donghae whines, and the wizard massages his temple in annoyance, trying to remember why he loves hobbits so much.
“No, Donghae. I’ve just got to figure this map out…” He turns the parchment upside-down to decide on the best route to Mount Doom without getting killed.
“I say we go through the mines.” Shindong says. “My cousin would welcome us, offer us safe passage through, and most importantly, give us lots of food!” His eyes brighten at the thought as he strokes his beard.
“That reminds me - time for second breakfast!” Eunhyuk cheerfully announces, taking full advantage of the break, and tosses Donghae a hunk of bread. The other hobbit promptly forgets his impatience and starts eating.
Sungmin observes the bearer of the Ring. “Are you feeling alright, Wookie?”
Ryeowook snaps to attention and smiles. “I’m okay, hyung! Just a little tired, that’s all.” He fingers the ring on a chain around his neck.
“That’s because you haven’t had your second breakfast yet.” Sungmin says wisely, and digs into his pocket for some bread when he realizes Eunhyuk has stolen it for Donghae and himself.
Siwon sits down on a rock, polishing his sword. “Kyuhyun-ah.”
The elf looks up, boredom etched on his pale features. “What?”
“I think Yesung-ssi is up to something. He keeps staring at the Ring-bearer.”
Kyuhyun tilts his head to see the aforementioned man looking at Ryeowook offering to cook something easy when Eunhyuk complains that he’s still hungry. Sungmin smacks Eunhyuk for being so oblivious to their friend’s fragile state, and the elf quirks a small smile as the hobbit threatens to use some sort of martial arts.
“I think he wants the Ring. I can see it in his face.” Siwon broods, sounding every inch the Ranger he is. Kyuhyun vaguely wonders when Siwon last bathed, if the grease in his hair is any indication.
“I think he’s perving on Ryeowook-ssi.” Kyuhyun offers, and Siwon’s eyebrows go above his hairline. “Isn’t that right, Yesung-ssi?” He smirks, knowing full well that the man heard his comments.
Yesung goes red and starts sputtering. “What…what nonsense!” He backs away and shifts closer to Eeteuk. “Can’t we go by Rohan instead? I’m sure Prince Kangin would be sympathetic to our cause.”
Eeteuk flushes slightly and shakes his head. “Uh, I don’t think that’s a good idea. It’s…it’s too close to Isengard. Yes, that’s it. Too close, I’m afraid.” He scrutinizes his map once more. “Okay, we’re going by the mountain pass here, and if that fails we’ll go by the mines as Shindong suggests.”
“Can we stop by Lothlorien on the way?” Siwon requests politely. “Heechul-hyung said that if we didn’t make time to visit him and Hankyung-hyung, he’d personally throw me into the fires of Mount Doom.”
Kyuhyun stands up. “I agree. We can’t afford to lose our king of Gondor over here.”
“You just want to go because Zhoumi’s there.” Eeteuk replies dryly, and the elf shrugs. “I’ll see if we have time to stop by there. Right, let’s make a move. And the next person who asks whether we’re there yet,” He gives Donghae the evil eye, “will be given to the Balrog for dinner.”
2. An extraction team
Eeteuk neatly throws each of them a file. “And here’s the information on the mark, courtesy of Kyuhyunnie.” The young point man inclines his head slightly.
“Aw, come on, hyung, why do we have to do it?” Donghae complains, his head descending onto his arms resting on the table.
“You said we’d get a break after the last job.” Sungmin reminds the older man. “Which was just two days ago, if you recall.”
“Yes, well, things change.” Eeteuk shrugs elegantly, even though that’s hardly an explanation at all. “As you can see, this job is from the government, so you can understand how necessary it is to succeed.”
“Let’s hope it’s not too difficult, then.” Eunhyuk mutters, barely suppressing a yawn. “We really need the rest.”
Kyuhyun takes over, directing their attention to the screen. “The mark is Kim Kibum, acting CEO of Samsung Electronics.”
“Why are we investigating a company that makes cellphones?” Donghae asks, flipping through the file. “Surely the government doesn’t need to steal information technology ideas from a businessman.”
“Because the company also happens to have an underground subsidiary that manufactures weapons for foreign buyers.” Kyuhyun answers smoothly. “The Ministry of National Defense needs us to get as much information as we can about his clients and transactions.”
Then Eeteuk holds up a hand, looking a little perturbed. “One more thing is that the MND wants one of their officers to join the team for the extraction.”
“Well, then you should tell them that this isn’t a vacation.” Sungmin retorts pleasantly.
“We don’t have time for a tourist on our hands, especially when the mark might be trained against extraction.” Kyuhyun looks at Eeteuk pointedly.
A sharp knocking on the door causes them all to turn around, and Shindong sticks his head in. “The guy from the MND is here, hyung.”
Eeteuk nods, and Shindong lets the uniformed man in. “I am Lieutenant Choi Siwon.” He bows politely.
“Good afternoon, Lieutenant Choi.” Eeteuk greets him cordially, though the rest of his team doesn’t appear as welcoming. “We understand that you will be joining us on this mission.”
“Yes.” Siwon nods. “I look forward to working with you and your team, Eeteuk-ssi.”
“Thank you. Let me just introduce the team to you.” Eeteuk gestures round the table. “This is Cho Kyuhyun, Lee Sungmin, Eunhyuk and Lee Donghae.” Siwon bows his head slightly to each of them in turn.
“Do you have a lot of experience in dream-sharing?” Donghae gets right to the point, rather rudely, in Eeteuk’s opinion. He makes a mental note to threaten to send the architect back to teaching rookies to design mazes if he keeps up this attitude.
“It’s a major component of our military training.” Siwon explains, showing no sign of offence at Donghae’s abrupt question. “I’ve been trained by officers who were delegated from this company.”
Sungmin raises a brow. “Anyone we might know?”
“Captains Kim Youngwoon and Kim Heechul.” Eeteuk smiles at the reply. Anyone sent with Kangin and Heechul’s approval shouldn’t be a problem having on the team.
3. The Defense Association
“Okay everyone, let’s start on the Shield Charm. We’ll work in pairs to practice - the first person tries to disarm the second, and then switch over.” Eeteuk announces.
They pair off and space out within the Room of Requirement. “P-protego.” Ryeowook says nervously, and Yesung easily overcomes it with a Disarming Charm, the former’s wand flying out of his hand into the Slytherin’s grasp.
“You need to put more conviction behind it, Ryeowook-ah.” Yesung instructs him, and the fourth-year Hufflepuff flushes, appreciating that the sixth-year is kind enough to guide him without being mean like many other Slytherins he could name.
Before he can try again, a spell hits him from behind, and he feels his legs going all wobbly. “My bad, Ryeowook-ah!” Shindong calls out, having missed Kyuhyun entirely and sent the Jelly-legs Jinx beyond him.
Yesung glares at the plump Ravenclaw - who looks altogether too amused to be truly sorry - and wordlessly sends a jinx in his direction. But Shindong quickly dodges and the jinx hits Kangin, whose legs start dancing around uncontrollably. “WHO WAS THAT?” The Gryffindor yells angrily, and manages to turn around with difficulty, his eyes landing on a pair of giggling fifth-years.
“Reducto!” He aims at Eunhyuk, who hastily casts a Shield Charm that manages to deflect the curse away.
“It wasn’t me, hyung!” Eunhyuk protests, while Donghae applauds at his best friend’s successful attempt at the Shield Charm.
“Kangin-ah!” Eeteuk yells, scandalized at the chaos occurring around him. “Stop throwing curses around and resume practicing!” The buff sixth-year grimaces but complies, turning back and casting his Shield Charm obediently.
When all of them seem to have gotten a better grasp of it, Eeteuk finally gives in to Kyuhyun’s pestering and teaches them the Patronus Charm.
“Happy memories eh? Sounds a little like Peter Pan.” Eunhyuk says doubtfully, as his wand only succeeds in producing a few wisps of silver smoke.
“What’s a Peter Pan?” Siwon asks curiously, the Hufflepuff Prefect having never read a Muggle book in his life. He proceeds to whoop in excitement when a silvery horse-like figure whooshes out from his wand.
“Expecto Patronum!” Sungmin looks delighted as a something silver and decidedly rabbit-like erupts from his wand and gambols around in the air.
“Well done, Sungmin-ah!” Eeteuk gives the fifth-year a pat on the back. It may have taken a while, but the Hufflepuff is nothing if not perseverant, and chock-full of good memories.
“Teukie-hyung!” The holler comes from the other side of the room, and the Head Boy rushes over to see Donghae looking terribly upset.
“What’s wrong?” He asks the fifth-year boy.
“Heechul-sunbae’s Patronus is trying to eat mine!” Sure enough, the silver fish is being chased by a large silver cat, and gradually losing its solid form.
“Heechul-ah, I asked you to teach him, not scare his Patronus away.”
The seventh-year Slytherin looks back at him in boredom, having already mastered the Patronus a long time ago. He waves his wand and the silver cat disappears. “I thought Gryffindors were meant to be brave.” He replies sarcastically.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Eunhyuk demands, having overheard the acid remark. “Are you calling us cowards?”
Eeteuk sighs as the jinxes and curses start flying everywhere. Dumbledore owes him big time.
4. A police division responsible for gang cases
“Why exactly are we waiting here, hyung?” Donghae asks in slight boredom, twirling the handcuffs with his fingers. All he knows is that Eeteuk received a mysterious phone call and immediately told him that they were going down to this old-fashioned pub for a lead.
Eeteuk keeps his eye on the entrance of the pub. “We’re waiting for another call.”
“You know, I really want to meet this mysterious informant of yours.” Donghae raises a brow. “It seems like we’re relying an awful lot on whatever he tells you.”
“It always helps to have an inside man, kid.” Eeteuk imparts these words of wisdom to his junior partner. “I don’t doubt they have men planted in our division as well.” Then his phone rings and he quickly answers it, holding the phone between his shoulder and ear as he takes out his notepad and begins scribbling.
“Time to go.” Eeteuk says, and Donghae gets up eagerly but Eeteuk stops him. “Stay in the car until I come out.”
“You’re kidding, right?” Donghae’s expression is filled with incredulity.
“It’s just a transaction going on inside - nothing we can arrest them for.” The older detective explains patiently. “I’m going to see what information we can gather, and maybe follow them afterwards. You get to drive.”
As if that’s supposed to be some kind of consolation, Donghae thinks with a grimace at how unfair the whole situation is. He slides into the seat and watches as Eeteuk goes in, his mind wandering to whom in their division could possibly be an infiltrator.
The young blond man doesn’t acknowledge Eeteuk’s presence except with a slight tilt of his head towards the two men discussing something at one of the tables over some beer. Eeteuk sits down somewhere near them and orders a drink.
After a while, Choi Siwon leans in and lowers his voice. “We appear to have an audience.”
Kim Ryeowook waits a few seconds before languidly turning around and seeing Eeteuk at the table behind him. “So it seems.” His gaze zooms in on the blond chap - Eunhyuk, was it? - heading out to the men’s room. He wonders vaguely if Sungmin suspects that his fellow gang member is a spy for the cops.
“Have you seen the headlines on the newspaper this morning?” Siwon returns to his normal volume, flipping the paper out.
“No, why?” Ryeowook replies, smoothly passing the bound notebook under the table as they continue with inane conversation.
When Eeteuk returns to the car, his expression tells Donghae that there won’t be any exciting car chase today. “Well?”
“I got some info, but they probably realized I was listening in.” Eeteuk sighs as he gets in the passenger seat. “It seems that this is a favoured location of theirs, though. Maybe we’ll be able to get more information in the future.”
Donghae gives his superior an encouraging pat on the shoulder and starts driving back to the station. “I’ve been thinking; if you were to pick anyone from our division to be a mole from the gangs, who would it be?”
“Shouldn’t the obvious answer be you?” Eeteuk chuckles, with no malice in his voice. “No one else has a record of juvenile delinquency.”
“You wound me deep, boss.” Donghae says seriously. “Say whatever you want - my money’s on Shindong-hyung.”
5. A circus troupe
“Has anyone seen my feather boa?” Heechul yells from his caravan.
“Surely it’s in your dressing room somewhere.” Eeteuk replies distractedly. He pauses for a while to stare at Kangin lifting dumbbells without breaking a sweat, and his gaze travels over the strongman’s biceps before he blinks and hurries on.
A mini-explosion resounds throughout the site and he runs over to see a mass of pink fluff. Ryeowook’s head pops out from under the mess. “I’m sorry, hyung! I think we need a new candy floss maker!” Shindong comes over and helpfully pulls Ryeowook out, plucking off bits of pink candy floss and happily eating them.
“Where are we going to get one at this time?” Eeteuk despairs. “We’ll just have to increase the other snacks. Popcorn and that kind of stuff, okay?” Ryeowook sighs and nods. “Shindong-ah, shouldn’t you be getting the elephants ready?”
“Right on it.” The cheerful elephant trainer grins, snatching an armful of candy floss before leaving.
“Heeeeeeeelllllllp!” Eeteuk breaks into a run and enters the big top only to see a terrified-looking Henry standing in front of the giant dartboard, a knife embedded just a few inches away from his left hand.
“What’s going on here?” He eyes the knife-thrower suspiciously.
Sungmin turns around and smiles, his eyes wide and innocent. “I’m practicing for the show.”
“He nearly took my hand off, hyung!” Henry wails. “I make a living with these hands! How else am I supposed to play the violin?”
“Oh, don’t be so dramatic.” Sungmin chuckles, before expertly throwing a second knife, which lands a few inches away from Henry’s head.
“WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME, HYUNG?”
Eeteuk sighs and is about to admonish Sungmin when something in his peripheral vision catches his attention, and he tilts his head up to see Donghae clinging on to a trapeze for dear life. “Lee Donghae, what do you think you’re doing up there?”
Donghae swings back and forth precariously, trying to reach the stand from which he must have jumped onto the trapeze. “It’s just that...Hyukkie makes it look so easy! I just wanted to try it out!” The net hasn’t been put up yet, which means that Donghae can’t just drop down.
“You know what, you’re an acrobat. Figure your own way down from there!” Eeteuk shakes his head in annoyance and starts walking away.
“Teukie-hyung is my favourite hyung! All the girls in the world love him!” Donghae calls out hopefully, and Eeteuk rolls his eyes.
“I’ll ask Eunhyukkie to get you down. Don’t you dare break your neck while you’re up there!” Donghae nods obediently, all traces of fear gone from his now mischievous expression.
He ought to be used to this by now - it was a near accident with the cannon last week, and lacerations due to failed attempts at plate-twirling the week before. (Though Zhoumi wasn’t too devastated - it gave him the opportunity to shop for more crockery to twirl.) Eeteuk doesn’t even want to think about the elephant stampede. He wonders when the young acrobat will give up all these attention-seeking gimmicks.
A niggling suspicion at the back of his mind makes him return to the big top behind an anxious Eunhyuk who starts yelling at Donghae the moment he sees the acrobat hanging onto the trapeze. Donghae only grins back and waits to be rescued by his best friend.
Then Eeteuk’s attention is once again diverted - this time by Sungmin practicing with Kibum, who has to be the most stoic clown Eeteuk has ever worked with in this career.
“Er, hyung?”
He turns around to see Kyuhyun, already dressed in his outfit. He thanks his lucky stars for young, capable performers like Kyuhyun. “Yes?”
“Siwon-hyung said to tell you that the horses are good and ready to go, but…”
“But what?” A feeling of dread settles in Eeteuk’s stomach.
“But that Yesung-hyung might have fed something to the turtles and they might not be ready for the show tonight.”
+1. A 15 member idol group
“Lee Hyukjae, if you don’t get up this instant I swear I will reveal your entire porn stash to the first camera crew that visits the dorm when we’re promoting again.” Jungsu threatens, and Hyukjae’s eyes snap open immediately.
“Can’t you go wake some of the others up first? Why is it always me?” The dancer moans pitifully.
“Stop complaining and get up.” He leaves no room for negotiation and pulls the duvet off; making sure that Hyukjae actually leaves the comfort of his bed before leaving to wake the rest up.
He passes the kitchen and steals a bite of the fried rice, “thanks, Hankyung-ah” before moving to the next room. “Time to get up!”
Kyuhyun glares balefully at him while Sungmin sighs and buries his face into his pillow. “Come on, hyung. We only need to start filming at 10.”
“It’s already 7:30, and need I remind you how long it takes for 15 of us to get our outfits and makeup done? We’re losing daylight here!” He efficiently whips the covers off both beds.
“It’s a pity joining the army isn’t compulsory anymore.” Kyuhyun gripes. “You’d make a great commander there.” He would come up with wittier remarks if he wasn’t dead tired from going through all the songs they need to start recording for their 6th album.
“And you’d be confined to the barracks for insubordination and general cheek.” Jungsu replies offhandedly, leaving the room to make sure that Henry hasn’t fallen asleep in the bathroom again. It’s alarming how often it happens, considering how much the youngest member hates showering.
It takes half an hour to get all of them somewhat presentable, fed and into the two vans heading towards the MV filming location. “How come Siwonnie and Kibummie get to sit in Youngwoon-hyung’s car?” Hyukjae asks, sounding a little whiny.
“Because it reduces the number of vans we need.” Jungsu answers, secretly wishing he was in the car rather than this van. “And because they got up on time, unlike some people.”
“Come on, be thankful you’re not in that second-hand deathtrap of his.” Heechul declares loftily. “One day, he’s going to crash into something and land up in hospital. If we’re lucky, it’ll happen when Jongwoonie’s in it too.”
“Hyung, that’s mean.” Ryeowook eyes him reproachfully. “You know he’s never crashed it before.”
Heechul shrugs. “It’s only a matter of time.”
“Hey,” Hankyung displays the message on his phone. “Zhoumi wants to know what the concept is for today.”
“I thought we were going with the whole James Bond feel.” Ryeowook chips in, vaguely recalling eyeliner and suits in their photoshoot the week before. Then again, it might have been the shoot for Kyochon Chicken. It’s a bit hard to remember.
“Aren’t we just doing the dancing bits today anyway?” Donghae pipes up, moving his arms to the beat of the new title track that’s playing on his iPod.
“As long as we’re not dancing in a box again.” Heechul grimaces. “I hate dancing in a box.”
“At least we’re not lip-synching in front of a wall this time.” Jungsu says cheerfully. “I have it on good authority. Donghee heard it from a stylist who’s dating one of the video directors.”
They reach the filming site unscathed, and get changed into their snazzy outfits. The makeup artists tut over the state of Kyuhyun’s skin and Jongwoon’s panda eyes and a suspicious red mark on Hyukjae’s collarbone that he swears is a mosquito bite, but do their job as quickly as possible.
The fifteen of them gather on set (not a box, thankfully) and bow to the filming crew. “We are Super Junior!” Jungsu beams, his hand held out proudly.
Super Junior’s back.
**
A/N: I really wish this fic was funnier. I can't seem to be able to churn out anything good these days, sigh. Please comment - it would mean a lot to me, whether it's encouragement or criticism!