(no subject)
It hits me in such quiet moments. Just now I'm sitting here planning Christmas - shopping online for the people I need to get gifts for - and I start thinking about Christmas day. My brain immediately sees Darren, Mom, Dad and me playing cards together and laughing. We would usually play Spades - a favorite of my parents that they taught Darren. We would laugh and tease and get fiercely competitive. But that's not going to happen anymore. Christmas will be quieter - smaller.
It just hits. Suddenly and all at once, but slowly at the same time. The build up as yet another thing slowly dies in my mind - another part of the grief process.
I miss my dad. So many things I wanted to tell him that now I will never have the chance. I don't regret things, but I also don't fully feel pleased with how things left.
He's gone. It's over and I'm sitting here trying to come up with how to continue life without my dad. IT's always been mom, dad and me. For everything. Then Darren came into my life and I brought him into my parents lives and it was the four of us for every holiday and many weekends. Now it's no more. There's a big, gaping hole in all of our lives and it won't ever be filled.
How do you get past that? How do you get over that or through that or even come to any kind of resolution?
It just hits. Suddenly and all at once, but slowly at the same time. The build up as yet another thing slowly dies in my mind - another part of the grief process.
I miss my dad. So many things I wanted to tell him that now I will never have the chance. I don't regret things, but I also don't fully feel pleased with how things left.
He's gone. It's over and I'm sitting here trying to come up with how to continue life without my dad. IT's always been mom, dad and me. For everything. Then Darren came into my life and I brought him into my parents lives and it was the four of us for every holiday and many weekends. Now it's no more. There's a big, gaping hole in all of our lives and it won't ever be filled.
How do you get past that? How do you get over that or through that or even come to any kind of resolution?