(no subject)

Apr 07, 2005 00:29

i've been stuck lately at a loss for words. well not really at a loss for words just for the right words. i sit here time ang time again and write things down get half way done with them and erase them. so gone forever they will always be. i started one the other day with "if i never close my eyes will i never forget" and i liked it but i didn't like the direction it then headed in like it rolled down the hill and went off course but i couldn't correct it. i couldn't think of anything else to put with it. i do that a lot. i have all these one lined great starts that could potentially sound good with next to anything should i ever find that one thing. i used to write them all down and i have a lot of them saved thinking one day i'll go back and put them together for some great poem or something but i never do. half thoughts undeveloped sit littering my desk drawers and notebooks and backpack. they're all over really...i don't know. i got way off topic. i think that if i sit here and type anything for long enough that something has to show up. maybe that's what i'll do. i'll look for some of those papers...hhmmmmm....well i started to write about how i've been stuck lately. lyrically as well as internally. i'm so unbelieveably happy and aside from court and money which at this point coincide like siamese twins everything else is good. for the most part. see this is where i become semi uneasy...there's no contention...no arguments no one hating anyone no one fighting nothing for me to resolve with anyone else. i almost don't know what to do with myself. well nothing pertinent to resolve. it's nice but at the same time almost an empty feeling. which brings me to my next thing...inside my head. i have so many things inside my head i want to "fix" or resolve and i can't. i can't talk to the people i need to talk to i can't make a decision one way or another about my future where i'm going in life and blah blah blah we're not supposed to know and we're not supposed to have control but i don't want control. i want insight. i want a couple answers that no one seems to have. i can't even get a clue. and i'd really like to go into more detail but am unable to at this point. maybe i'll just go to bed. that's usually a good idea when shit like this happens.
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