(no subject)
i don't know i guess...at this point i can honestly say fuck it. i am who i am and what i am and right now i'm alone. fuck it. no cry for help or please be with me plea am i copping. but it seems i can't seem to find anyone that i want to to care about me and those that do are those that wouldn't or won't be with me for whatever reasons. and even those that care about me that i don't care as much for...they are alone too. but to be with someone just to not be alone? wrong from the very start for more reason than one. but what if you find out that you care later? what if you learn to care about them? what if? what if? i don't know what if. i know i'm tired of settling. i've never settled in this respect before but in every other type shape way form i have settled with and given into the life i am living at some time. i am responsible for a great deal of the turmoil in my life. i have also settled unmercifully been held captive by those forces greater than i and the things out of my control. no more. i am slowly getting better at getting closer to the someone i actually want to be in life and i think he's gonna be an alright kind of guy. with every time that i say no more and try to revamp my entire self i fall back into the same habits saying the same things like now...but with each time at least one sometimes more but at least one thing goes away. the rest is me again in a few months. now i'm rambling. guess i can do that here if i want to eh? it's my journal...as i'm sitting here i'm thinking about who not to offend or who might read this...hahahaha....it's MY journal. and thus far i've been honest with every feeling that's been placed here. so now that i'm actually writing openly about current times i'm going to worry or care?? i think not my friends...i think not. well whatever point i had at the beginning has been lost to the strings of random thought dangling through my mind in hanging wait for consciousness to snap them up and write about them. so maybe someday there will be a revision as to what the point was tonight. it will be placed cleverly in another poem i am sure but maybe one day i will remember...but i doubt it. peas.