Romanticism
I was really thinking today about Katie and Alex and how they started dating. I wasn't there but I've been told the story so many times. Eric, Katie, and Liza were all at Katie and Liza's apartment. Katie was obsessing over how much she liked and wanted to date Alex but she wouldn't do anything about it. Finally, Eric got fed up hearing about it (which he does often) and texted Alex telling him about Katie's feelings. Alex never responded to that message. No. Instead he showed up at the apartment and asked Katie out. Is that romantic as all hell or what?
And thinking about this has got me thinking about the handful of people I've been with and how none of them ever did anything like that for me. And I know that's pretty much something out of a fairy tale and that's fine and I understand that it's unrealistic. But it's made me realize I want romanticism. I want flowers and surprise visits and walks in the middle of the night. I want to stay up all night doing nothing but talking and holding hands. I want to be able to see a man's love through his actions -- not only his words.
And this makes me think about the guy I like now. Or, the guy I have liked for a while but haven't had the opportunity to realize it until recently. And how I can't tell if he is interested in me or not. How he does some things that would make it seem like he does and others that completely turn that theory upside down. I don't like going into situations blind. Everyone says I should tell him how I feel because they know me well and they know it's going to eat at me until I burst. But I am afraid. I am so afraid of putting myself out there and getting completely turned down. People keep spouting at me that growth can only come form adversity and challenges. Maybe right now I don't want to grow. Maybe right now I just want to be with someone I have feelings for without pain or drama.
Maybe I am avoiding confrontation. Maybe what I do fear is really just fear itself.
And thinking about this has got me thinking about the handful of people I've been with and how none of them ever did anything like that for me. And I know that's pretty much something out of a fairy tale and that's fine and I understand that it's unrealistic. But it's made me realize I want romanticism. I want flowers and surprise visits and walks in the middle of the night. I want to stay up all night doing nothing but talking and holding hands. I want to be able to see a man's love through his actions -- not only his words.
And this makes me think about the guy I like now. Or, the guy I have liked for a while but haven't had the opportunity to realize it until recently. And how I can't tell if he is interested in me or not. How he does some things that would make it seem like he does and others that completely turn that theory upside down. I don't like going into situations blind. Everyone says I should tell him how I feel because they know me well and they know it's going to eat at me until I burst. But I am afraid. I am so afraid of putting myself out there and getting completely turned down. People keep spouting at me that growth can only come form adversity and challenges. Maybe right now I don't want to grow. Maybe right now I just want to be with someone I have feelings for without pain or drama.
Maybe I am avoiding confrontation. Maybe what I do fear is really just fear itself.