A great example of why I'm a black sheep in my extended family.
In response to an article (http://www.ncregister.com/blog/jennifer-fulwiler/in-the-modern-view-of-marriage-these-five-wedding-traditions-no-longer-make) a cousin of mine posted on facebook. . .
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xxxxxxxxx says nothing about a 4-day-black-and-white-extravaganza
14 hours ago · Like ·
1 person 
Brad Hogg
Alright, I'll bite. 1) The honeymoon can also be looked at as a celebration of both the end of a process (from meeting to dating to engagement to actual marriage) and the beginning of a process (the first stage of actually being legally and personally bound to each other). Yeah, it's lost some of the mystery of "hey, this is what it's like to live and be with this person, away from all of our social circles," but quite bluntly, this is probably not an ideal time to be learning for the first time about serious personality issues your new partner has. 2) If we go by the figure of 60-85%, then the sacrifice started *long* before the bachelor party. If you really want to kill the tradition, have the two parties at the same time in the same room. That'll be a real test of loyalties. 3) Why on earth should we be concerned about commercialism in the context of the 'sanctity of marriage'? Fine, two people are able to provide for themselves and a family, and they waited until they actually knew themselves a bit instead of getting caught up in the whole game of "oh gosh, everyone's getting married!" Guess we don't have to give them anything. 4) Dads and parents can still walk their sons and daughters down the aisle. They can still be heavily involved in the planning and whatnot. The symbolism is that their sons and daughters are moving on and able to support themselves, emotionally and physically. It's about understanding that the training wheels are, finally and forever, off the bike. 5) How often do people get married with the intention of getting divorced? Who gets that involved and entwined in the life of another person and doesn't hope that it goes on forever?
13 hours ago · Like
xxxxxxxx
Number 5 is the reason why marriages fail. People make up their own ideas about marriage because they have no institution by which to direct them in their thoughts and actions. The problem lies in people trying to "redefine marriage". What needs to be redefined? What was wrong with marriage the way God intended it to be? People redefine marriage to make it mean what they want when in reality their theories are totally unfounded. It follows that marriage apart from grace is rarely successful. Just check out the divorce rates.
2 hours ago · Like
xxxxxxxx
Well done, it takes a lot of guts to stand up for traditional marriage. It's not that hard to pontificate from a secular viewpoint and justify why the author misses the mark...perhaps her arguments are whitewash on the less critical aspects but she nails the last point - the key is the promise. I'm no saint so that's why I admire those old boys who arrive at 25 - 50 years of marriage through thick and thin with the same girl. Real men do what's right even when they don't want to. Another thing is, does anybody discuss this anymore? To this level?
2 hours ago · Like
xxxxxxxxx Thanks for posting this. It's an awesome article.
2 hours ago · Like
xxxxxxxxx Brad, here are some thoughts for you my friend.
1. While the honeymoon could be looked at as a "celebration" of the end and beginning of a "process", the traditional view of a honeymoon is to celebrate the beginning of your lives together. This in no way means that the honeymoon is a time to, in your own words, "learn for the first time about serious personality issues your new partner has". The point is, if the couple is living together before the wedding, the only purpose behind the honeymoon is to take an expensive vacation. Part of the problem these days is that people get completely caught up in the vision of a "big white wedding" and not concerned enough with what it takes to have a happy and successful marriage. The meaning of marriage tends to get lost in the commercialism of the actual wedding.
2. The bachelor/bachelorette party has nothing to do with "testing loyalties." The purpose of a bachelor or bachelorette party is for each individual person to enjoy time with their friends before making the lifelong commitment to constantly place thing other person's needs and wants before their own. While there is definitely an element of self-sacrifice before tying the knot, there is technically no true and lifelong commitment until the vows have been exchanged. Although in today's society, vows don't seem to matter much anyway.
3. What's the point in registering for a buch of useless crap that you don't need if you're already living together anyways? The purpose behind a registry is lost if the couple is already living together prior to the wedding.
4. I do agree that many couples' families are heavily involved in their children's lives, but the point is that the tradition of the father walking his daughter down the aisle and symbolically "giving her away" is obsolete if the father and daughter have no real relationship which is common in a society where the focus is taken off families and placed on the individual.
5. Of course no one gets married with the intention of getting divorced. The problem is that people get married "hoping" it will work out instead of COMMITTING to make it work for better or for worse. Marriage isn't supposed to be a walk in the park. With the divorce rates as high as they are, people automatically factor in the possibility of failure, which is where the problem lies. If you even consider the possibility that things "might not work out", your marriage is more likely to fail. It's a vicious cycle which can only be broken by the stability and security of TRUE commitment...."for better or for worse, 'til death do us part."
2 hours ago · Like ·
2 people
Brad Hogg
In reverse!
5. Things happen, and things don't work out. A simple failure to acknowledge this potential in the passion of the moment is an understandable mistake. An actual refusal to acknowledge this is willful ignorance.
If we do choose to look at the marriage as a process (envision a single point, with an arrow pointing out, like this o----->), we can see this in two ways. In the first, by choosing to shut off and not acknowledge the potential of failure, we close our eyes to any event that may happen and change the direction of the arrow. Once may not make much of a difference, but many times will drive the direction of the line completely off-course. On the other hand, if we remain awake, continually engaging in the process, then those events lose power, and we stand a slightly better chance of maintaining a useful direction. One could even see it as continually re-engaging with the creation of the marriage.
4. If "giving the daughter away" has no personal resonance for the father or the daughter or the son, then it probably should simply be left alone. The phrase "anti-family" should be used with caution, though, as it implies a concerted and malicious effort to destroy an actual family's existence, as opposed to what it is currently used to refer to, which is the profound and deeply human wish to have a family of people to belong to and to care for, regardless of whether it conforms to modern conservative judeo-christian standards.
3. Again, commercialism/consumerism really should not be a factor in this discussion. Bridal registries first came into being in 1924, introduced by Marshall Field's in Chicago (wikipedia is great). Not a particularly ancient practice. If the couple are already living and sleeping together, they already have stuff. I have a friend who just got married last week after living with his girlfriend for 21 years. They don't need stuff. If a couple of kids decide to get married straight out of high school, they might need stuff. That's fine. But "protecting the institution of marriage" (more on that in a minute) is probably better achieved by cutting out the manufactured traditions.
I will note, of course, that there is a great and long tradition of families giving the bride and groom a number of gifts to help set them on their journey. My point is to remove the trappings of consumerism.
2. How many bachelor/ette parties have a stripper, or sometimes multiple strippers? Or enormous amounts of alcohol? The bachelor/ette party is exactly that: a test of loyalty. It's the last night where one is (presumably) free to do what he/she wants. If a man sleeps with the stripper at the bachelor party, he's kind of already said his piece about what he thinks about loyalty and vows, hasn't he? Unless there is express permission for him to do *whatever* he wants.
13 minutes ago · Like
Brad Hogg
1. Again, I agree: the honeymoon is a really terrible time to be learning about serious personality issues between people, ones that only come up when we live with each other. But that might be exactly what happens. It might happen even if they've been living with each other for a while. That's not the point of the honeymoon, but it is a fairly important thing to remember about it.
Again, I stress the ending and *beginning* of a process. Yes, the meeting, courtship, and wedding processes are at an end. The next step, now, is to see what the two people can do together. Have some fun to start it off.
4 minutes ago · Like