fic- "Time Heals" (NC-17, Complete, SGA, Ties that Bind) Part 6
Time Heals by CJ aka WritinginCT (NC-17)
Fandom: Stargate SGA
Pairing: multiple m/m (primarily OC's), m/f, m/m/f
Warnings: rape/ torture recovery (non graphic descriptions of the assault itself)
Categories: Drama, romance, friendship, family, BDsM.
Disclaimer: I don't own the recognizable characters I'm just inspired by them.
Status: Complete 6/08/2011 53200 words
Summary: Time may have healed their bodies, but for two damaged men assigned to Atlantis, it will take meeting each other to truly become whole again.
Note: Set, with permission, in the alternate SGA universe The Ties That Bind created by keiramarcos , which was inspired by xanthelj 's works Coming Home and General & Dr. Sheppard.
Thanks to singletailwhip for the grammar beta! She's a master comma wrangler and error catcher!
Special thanks to Keira for letting me play in her sandbox and her support and beta. I adore the TTB series and I'm so excited to have permission to be a part of it- thank you, Keira!
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Carmine grabbed lunch for the two of them and went to Joey's quarters. A pretty brunette sub was leaving as he arrived, Carmine remembered seeing her on board the Daedalus but didn't know who she was. The smile she gave Joey as she left was warm and supportive and the one she gave Carmine was appreciative and a little nervous.
Carmine stepped inside and said, "She's pretty."
Joey took the tray from Carmine and put it on the table and gestured towards the couch. "Can we sit and talk for a few minutes?"
"Sure." Carmine was dialing down everything, his emotions, his dynamic, and especially the overwhelming urge to pull Joey into his arms and just hold onto him for dear life.
Joey nervously wiped his palms on his pant legs and took a breath. "That was Dr. Emily Johnson. She's a psychologist that I started seeing when we were on board the Daedalus."
Carmine nodded and allowed Joey to run the conversation.
"You said that you had a pretty good idea that a Dom somewhere along the way had abused my trust. You're right, but there's a lot more to it than that."
"Okay."
"A little over three years ago, Steven was overseeing certain projects at Area 51 and he met an Air Force Major there named Raymond Borden. I had been working at the SGC for a couple of years by that point and Steven introduced us, thinking we might hit it off. We had similar interests and our dynamic mesh worked well for both of us. After about a month, we contracted for a year with the idea that at the end we would either mutually separate or I'd accept Borden's collar."
"Nothing unusual there."
"No, but the problem was that Borden wasn't what he seemed to be. He was actually NID, or more specifically, the part of the NID that became the Trust. He was trying to subvert as many SGC and Area 51 personnel as he could, not to mention his outright theft of classified information. I had absolutely no idea, and he never tried to turn me personally. I guess I was just too low on the totem pole. Anyway, I never learned all the details but from what I put together, General Hammond and then Colonel O'Neill suspected Borden of being a Trust operative. To trap him, bogus information was planted that they could trace back to him. Unfortunately somehow he found out about the sting. He blamed me for exposing him."
The vein in Carmine's temple was pulsing, he could almost predict where this conversation was heading and his rage was starting to simmer in his gut.
Joey swallowed hard and continued, "I didn't know anything was wrong. He picked me up at the gate and told me that he had called in a favor and gotten us both a few days of unscheduled leave and that he had rented us a little cottage to get away for a while, just the two of us. I believed him, I thought it was... romantic, I guess. He had me completely fooled and I had no idea what he was going to do."
Joey wiped his hands on his pant legs again and kept his eyes downcast as he said, "He had me for three days before Colonel O'Neill and his team found us. I... I can't talk about what he did to me, not yet, it's something I'm working on, but I gave Dr. Beckett permission to go over it all with you, he said he would be waiting for you."
Carmine's voice was on the edge of breaking as he said quietly, "He tortured you, didn't he?"
Joey met Carmine's eyes and replied, "I guess that's the simplest word for it." He paused and took a deep breath that he let out slowly before continuing, "I didn't go non-dynamic, my dynamic is still there and still strong, but I haven't been able to let a Dom get close to me since. You need to know that besides all the stuff in my head that's fucked up, I have some medical issues that make getting physical with someone... difficult.
Carmine got a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, he had heard of submissives being castrated against their will and he didn't know if could stand knowing if that had happened to Joey, but the not knowing was worse. "He didn't cas..." Carmine couldn't even say it.
"No, but he might as well have. Dr. Beckett will explain."
"How did you manage to stay on active duty? I would have thought they would have discharged you."
"The Air Force felt guilty. They knew Borden was dangerous and they knew I wasn't involved, but no one even attempted to get me out of the line of fire. Steven had full-blown conniptions all the way from Area 51 to the SGC. I've heard a rumor that he won't confirm for me that he punched O'Neill in the face and they had a knock-down-drag-out brawl. What happened doesn't affect my work itself so the Air Force lets me be."
"What happened to Borden?" Carmine asked with deadly intent.
"I don't know. I was told afterwards that Colonel O'Neill emptied his Beretta into his chest, but I was incoherent at the time and I don't know for sure."
"So what happened with you last night?"
"You saw the security footage?" At Carmine's nod, he answered, "That civilian looks and sounds exactly like Borden and I... I had a panic attack. I haven't had one like that in over two years."
Carmine scrubbed his face with his hands and let out a controlled breath. He met Joey's eyes and asked, "What... what can I do? What do you need from me to help you move forward? I'll do anything for you, anything."
Joey smiled sadly and admitted, "You've already been doing it. I really want you, and I can't even begin to tell you how much that surprised me at first. I want to be with you in every way, and be with you the way I used to be before Borden, but you need to go see Dr. Beckett and see if I'm still someone you might want after he tells you everything."
The resigned tone in Joey's voice told Carmine that Joey sincerely believed that once Carmine knew everything that he wouldn't want him. Carmine stood and stepped in front of Joey. He reached down and gently cupped Joey's face in his hands and promised, "There is nothing that he could tell me that would make me not want you. Nothing, do you hear me?"
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Carson led the tense SEAL into one of the isolation areas and shut the door behind them. "Commander, though I know what I am about to tell you is going to make you very angry, please try not to break things if you can, myself included."
Carmine's voice was flat and devoid of emotion as he replied, "There's only one person I want to break because of this, Doctor, and it's not you."
"Right then. Okay, I guess starting at the beginning is the best place. According to statements made by Sergeant Olsen, Major Borden picked him up for a surprise getaway, and he had no indication that anything was wrong or what Borden was planning on doing. Olsen stated that everything was okay up to the point that Borden had him in cuffs and bound to the wall, which was normal play for them, but then from Olsen's account, Borden basically went insane and began screaming at him and beating him with a crop. Olsen safeworded but it was obviously ignored."
Carson paused and he could see Carmine gritting his teeth in anger.
"After that we don't know exactly what happened, although we have a basic idea based on Olsen's injuries. He was most likely cropped and caned extensively. He had fractures or cracks on nearly every rib, broken bones in both feet, two broken wrists, a broken tailbone," Carson took a breath and swallowed hard before continuing, "And he had been brutally sodomized repeatedly."
Carmine's voice was low as he asked, "Joey said that he had medical issues that would make it difficult to be physical with someone, did he mean because of that?"
"I don't believe so. All of his broken bones mended just fine, and though there was extensive anal tearing and bruising that took a painfully long time to heal, heal they did and he's perfectly fine in that regard."
"What else then?"
"The very first day that Borden had Olsen, he tied Olsen's penis and testicles in an elaborate chastity type binding with a silk rope. It was on Olsen tightly the entire three days cutting off most circulation."
Carmine visibly paled and muttered, "Oh, christ, that's what he meant..."
"The doctors were able to save his penis and one of his testicles, but there was extreme vascular damage. They were not able to save the other testicle and he currently has a silicone replica in its place. He cannot achieve what you and I consider a proper erection. He can become aroused, but even at his most aroused, his version of an erection is soft and spongy. He'll never be able to penetrate anyone without some sort of mechanical aid."
Carmine closed his eyes for moment, his fists balled and tight in his lap. When he opened his eyes again, he relaxed his hands and asked calmly, "Is that all or is there more?"
Carson sighed and admitted, "Aye, there's more. When General O'Neill found Olsen he was strapped face down to a bed soaked with his blood. Not content with the brutality he had already inflicted upon Olsen, Borden took a razor blade to Olsen's back. This is what he did." Carson handed him the data pad that he had been holding.
The stark image on the screen was obviously taken in a hospital room and the wound itself was cleaned but gruesome. Borden had carved the word "cunt" across his back with an arrow pointing down to Joey's ass. Carmine's fingers ghosted over the image and he felt physically ill.
Carson swallowed and said quietly, "As you can see in the photo, Borden didn't just cut the lettering into Olsen's back, he actually removed wide strips of skin. There was very little they could do to avoid scarring, and this was before we had the Tollan creme." He reached over and tapped the screen, bringing up another image of Joey's back, healed this time, but with the word showing up clearly in the scar tissue.
Carmine was silent as he stared at the screen. Carson tactfully closed the picture and went on. "General O'Neill has restricted any potential punishments Olsen may receive to be private with either Colonel Sheppard or Major Lorne. He'll never be publicly punished and they are limited to the strap only. He's also exempt from being forced to use communal showers or exhibiting."
Carson paused a moment and let everything he had said sink into Carmine's brain before continuing. "Well, then, that's everything about his physical condition. I know he's been working with Doctor Johnson on some of his ongoing psychological issues, and she reports that it's going well. And the fact that you're here and speaking with me at his behest is a very good sign, it means he trusts you. Now do you have any questions for me, lad?"
Carmine's head was spinning with hurt and rage and an overwhelming sense of frustration. He asked quietly, "You said he's able to be aroused, does he... can he get any pleasure from it? Can he have an orgasm?"
"Yes, to both. But you should know that there are times that he might not get any sort of an erection, even if he's very aroused, and he'll have no control over when and how he orgasms. Physically, he can have a fulfilling sex life with a top that's understanding and patient. It may not be the sex life he used to have, but with the right Dom he can build something that works for both of them. Emotionally, he's a little delicate in regards to his dynamic and sexuality. I'm not quite sure what triggered his panic attack last night, but he hasn't had one that extreme in over two years according to his records."
"The top that was hassling him looked and sounded like Borden," Carmine explained flatly.
"Ah. That explains it then. I sent Doctor McKay and Doctor Weir both a note about the incident, but in order to punish Doctor Kent, they will need Sergeant Olsen to lodge a formal complaint."
Carmine nodded, "He'll do it."
Carmine stood, still lost in his own thoughts, and turned to go. He paused and asked, "Do you know what happened to Borden?"
"No, I'm sorry, Commander, I only have Sergeant Olsen's medical file, I'm not privy to all the details about the entire incident, but perhaps Colonel Sheppard might know."
"Thank you, Doctor."
'Commander, if there's anything I can do, or if either of you have more questions, please let me know."
Carmine nodded and left.
Carson watched the big man leave and hoped that things would work out for the two men. They had both lost so much in their lives, and they both deserved to have someone love them unconditionally.
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Carmine found himself in front of Colonel Sheppard's office door. At the acknowledgment to enter, he did and faced Colonel Sheppard.
Unbeknown to Carmine, Carson had radioed Sheppard with a heads-up that he should probably expect Carmine and why.
"Picone. To what do I owe the pleasure?"
"Major Raymond Borden, sir. Is he dead?"
Sheppard could see the red rage simmering in the SEAL and answered honestly, "We don't know."
Carmine's brow instantly furrowed and Sheppard held up a hand cutting him off. "When the team found Borden and Olsen, Borden was getting ready to leave the cabin. O'Neill himself emptied a clip into Borden's chest, but before they could even check to see if he still had a pulse he was beamed away by other rogue NID operatives in a cloaked ship in orbit. He hasn't been seen since and none of the operatives that we've rounded up since then have seen him either. We're ninety percent sure he's dead."
"Ninety?"
"O'Neill only took body shots, and if he were wearing a vest..."
"Fuck."
"Yeah. That about sums it up." Sheppard stood up and moved around his desk to stand in front of Carmine. He felt for the other man, even if there wasn't anything he could do about it. He hated Samantha Carter with an unrivaled passion for the things she did to Rodney, but wobbly self-esteem aside, Rodney was perfect and whole and John couldn't imagine having the brutality that Olsen survived inflicted on anyone he cared about.
"Look, Picone, I'm not one for sticking my nose into other people's private affairs, but it's pretty obvious to just about everyone that you've got some pretty strong feelings going on for Olsen. And yes, I heard all about your little visit with Doctor Kent, ass that he is, and I watched the video, which did nothing but emphasize exactly just how big of an ass. Putting that aside, you either need to fucking collar Olsen, or put some distance between the two of you. You've got to get a goddamn grip on your actions, Commander, because I can see in your eyes right now that you'll kill for him and it wouldn't matter who it was that you were gutting. And I get it, believe me, I get it. I know what was done to him and I want to gut Borden myself and Olsen's not even mine."
Carmine nodded replied in a somewhat defeated tone, "Yes, sir," Carmine paused, then admitted, "I don't know how to protect him without collaring him, sir, and I don't think he'll ever trust another Dom again. Not to that level. Not after what Borden did to him."
Sheppard blew out a breath and thought hard for a moment. "Have you considered offering him a guardianship collar? It would give you the rights you need and give him the same level of protection as any other collared submissive, but it takes sex and a physical relationship out of the equation."
"I've never done that before."
"Neither have I, honestly. But it might be something to think about and talk over with Olsen."
"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir."
"Fix this, all right? I don't want to end up strapping your ass to a cross because of this."
"Yes, sir."
"But speaking of asses on crosses, is Olsen going to lodge a formal complaint against Kent? I'm really hoping he will because that asshole needs a lesson in basic manners."
"I'll make sure he does, sir."
"Good. Go on, get out of here then."
Carmine turned to go and as he reached the door Sheppard added, "Oh, and by the way, Picone, just so you know, us Jarheads would be proud to call you one of our own."
That got a wan little half-grin out of Carmine and he nodded in acknowledgment before continuing on his way.
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Carmine needed to think and clear his head before seeing Joey again so he went for a run out to a far pier. He paced like a trapped panther back and forth at the pier's end as he tried to process everything that he had learned about Borden... and Joey. The more he thought about it, the angrier he got and his fists were balled and he desperately wanted to pound something. In the end he did something that he had last done after had Lisa asked him to remove her collar--he let out a primal scream that echoed and reverberated back towards the city. When he had screamed himself out, he felt a little better. He let the gentle sounds of the sea calm him even further before he turned and headed back to his quarters to shower and change before seeing Joey.
As he showered, Carmine thought about his parents. Carmine had never in his life wished to talk to his Papa like he did right now. His father would know what Carmine should say to Joey, and would give him the right words to soothe Joey's fears. But most important of all, his father would pull him into a bear hug and remind Carmine that it was okay for even the strongest of tops to be sad and to grieve for what was lost, just like he had when Carmine returned home swathed in bandages and carrying around the collar that Lisa had asked him to remove.
Carmine turned the water off and grabbed a towel to dry himself off. He caught a glimpse of himself in the steamy mirror and for just a moment the steam obscured his scars and he looked like he did five years ago. He turned and flexed a bit, and smiled bittersweetly at the mirror, knowing his perfection was all a fleeting illusion. He looked over at the ruined master's marks on his bicep and was again eternally grateful that his Mamma had insisted that he train at her pleasure house. Casa di Bella Nascosta wasn't very big or very popular outside of the Italian-American community and their tenets that held to the idea that there was beauty in everyone weren't just a house philosophy, it was ingrained in every part of their training. No one but his pleasure master would ever know how close to blowing his brains out Carmine was after Lisa left him. Carmine had gone back and secluded himself for a couple of months as soon as his wounds would allow and his pleasure master had set himself to the task of reminding Carmine that he was still beautiful regardless of his appearance.
With a towel tied low on his hips Carmine started to pull clean clothes out of the drawer but stopped as a sudden realization dawned on him. Joey was consumed with doubts and fears about his own body, but he had no idea the extent of Carmine's injuries. Joey had only ever seen the scars on Carmine's arm, face, and neck. He just had no idea what the rest of Carmine looked like.
He dropped the clothes back in the drawer and turned and left his quarters.
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Joey was nervously pacing around his quarters. He had heard back from Dr. Beckett that the conversation with Carmine had gone as well as could be expected, but that had almost two hours ago and Carmine hadn't come back to see Joey yet like he promised he would.
His door chimed and he took a deep breath and released it slowly before opening it. He was glad he did because the sight of Carmine standing there in just a towel stole the rest of his breath away.
Carmine didn't enter Joey's quarters, just stood in the doorway as non-threatening as he could be and said, "I talked to Beckett and he told me everything, and showed me... pictures, and like I told you before I talked to him, there was nothing that he told me that in any way made me not want you. Not one fucking thing, Joey. In a way, it made me want to be with you more, to make you forget every fucking thing that bastard did." He paused and let out a breath, refusing to let his anger at Borden show in front of Joey, then he continued, "Anyway, afterward I went for a run to clear my head and then hit up a shower, and I was about to get dressed when I realized that you've been so worried about what I think of you, that we never even talked about me and my injuries. So I want you to see me and see all of me, because it's not pretty and not everyone can handle it."
Before his injuries, Carmine had never had a problem with public nudity, after his injuries, however, he was more discreet, not out of any sort of sense of modesty, but rather to avoid shocking others around him. Today though, as he dropped his towel to the floor, baring his ass to the corridor behind him, he didn't care about anyone but Joey.
Even as that towel fell, Joey's eyes remained locked with Carmine's and he said softly, "I told you that I don't see your scars. They just don't matter to me."
In a low voice for Joey's ears only, Carmine admitted, "But they matter to me, and I need to know that you're really okay with them, all of them."
Joey nodded and trailed his gaze down Carmine's neck, where the familiar ended, and he took in the whole of Carmine's ruined and puckered flesh. The burn scars covered his entire left side, front and back, and ended mid-thigh. There were thick, rubbery areas of skin that almost didn't look real. As Joey's eyes traveled downward, they fell upon Carmine's groin. His large, cut cock was quiescent, and had managed to avoid injury, although there was a patch of scarring mere centimeters away from it. Joey's eyes flicked to Carmine's thigh briefly to see more ropy scar tissue, but they were drawn back to Carmine's cock. Joey could feel the beginnings of his flush starting, but he didn't care, he was imagining hitting his knees and taking that beautiful cock in his mouth right there in the doorway for everyone to see.
The scarlet rush of color staining Joey's cheeks and the little almost-grin around Joey's mouth let Carmine know that things were okay, and as Joey continued to stare at his cock, Carmine could feel the first flickers of arousal and he teased, "If you keep staring at it, we're going to have issues."
Joey dragged his eyes away, his blush deepening. He looked up at Carmine's face and took a tentative step forward and reached up and cupped Carmine's scarred cheek in his hand. He opened his mouth to say something then closed it again. Joey only hesitated another moment before he stepped closer still and closing his eyes, pressed his mouth to Carmine's.
Carmine purposely kept his hands at his sides, and let Joey take the lead as the chaste kiss turned to passionate. They were both breathing heavy when Joey pulled back and Carmine's cock had gone from quiet and flaccid to hard and interested.
Joey whispered honestly, "I've wanted to do that since I first saw you in PT."
Carmine smiled, his ego inflating a little and he teased, "Was it worth the wait?"
Joey grinned back. "Oh, yeah."
Carmine looked around the corridor behind him, there were a few people milling around and trying to be inconspicuous as they watched the two men. He turned back to Joey and said, "As much as I don't really mind people staring at my bare ass, I think we have a lot to talk about and I'd rather do that in private."
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Part 7
Time Heals index