fic- "Make it All Count" (Stargate SG-1/SGA, NC-17, Sheppard/Mitchell, Complete)
Title: Make It All Count
Author: CJ aka WritinginCT
Fandom: Stargate SG-1/Atlantis
Pairing: John Sheppard/Cameron Mitchell
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: None
Notes: Set during "The Return" Earth-side interim. Written for the LJ sga_kinkmeme prompt: John/Cam, SG-1, first time jitters
Categories: Romance, First time, Prompt Response
Disclaimer: I don't own the recognizable characters I'm just inspired by them.
Status: Complete 10/25/10 4912 Words
Summary: Cam goes to a gay bar for the first time to get Sheppard out of his head but he gets a surprise instead.
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Cam swallowed nervously and entered the bar. It was a relatively small bar, just a little neighborhood place that he had seen mentioned a few times in the Denver newspaper's Arts and Leisure section.
He had three days off and decided it was now or never. The forced return of the Atlantis expedition and a certain green-eyed Lieutenant Colonel had been stirring up some thoughts and feelings that Cam had thought he had long put past him. He didn't know exactly what it was about John Sheppard that was pulling at him. It wasn't like Sheppard ever displayed any interest in men, and in fact, according to McKay, there wasn't a piece of hot female tail in the Pegasus galaxy that Sheppard had turned down.
So he blamed his fantasies of seeing Sheppard naked and hard on his own long repressed desires and decided to take the weekend and work them all out of his system. And if he could maybe find a guy that looked a little like Sheppard to do that with, well that would just be all the better.
The bar was really pleasant inside, lots of dark oak and brass and antique bar mirrors. There was some top-forty music playing at a level that still allowed for non-screaming conversations and a couple ball games were playing mutely on the two flat screen televisions mounted above the bar. There were were tables and booths and an antique pool table off to one side. It was cozy and classy and busy and all its patrons were men.
Cam settled himself on an empty bar stool and tried to quell the butterflies in his stomach. There were two people working behind the bar, one an impossibly beautiful blond young man in his early twenties that was flirting with everyone equally as he expertly poured drinks. The other was a man about Cam's age, he was very physically fit and muscular in a healthy, outdoorsy kind of way. His dark hair was short and he had just a touch of grey at the temples and he had the same little lines around his eyes that Cam did. Lines that deepened as he smiled widely as he stepped over to take Cam's order.
"Hi, what can I get for you?"
"Beer, please. Whatever's on tap." Cam asked, surprised his voice didn't squeak.
"Like microbrews? I've got a great new summer ale that's pretty popular."
Cam nodded. "Sounds good."
The butterflies did back flips when the bartender tapped the bar with his open hand and winked at Cam.
Cam tried to focus on the game on television and munched on some pretzels. He didn't see the rest of the bar patrons giving him assessing looks, most of them liking what they saw.
A moment later an amber beer in a frosted mug was deposited on a coaster in front of him.
"Thanks," he said automatically.
The bartender extended his hand, "I'm Mark by the way."
Cam shook his hand and replied, "Cam."
"I haven't seen you in here before, Cam."
Cam let out a slow breath, "No, this is my first time," he quickly realized how that sounded and amended, "Here, I mean."
Mark's eyes flashed with good humor and he teased, "Careful, Dr. Freud, your slip is showing."
Mark walked away, leaving a blushing Cam to his beer.
Cam tried to relax, tried to pretend he was just at any other bar he had ever been to. He focused on his beer and on the game and he let his attention wander to the young blond bartender who was laughing with one of the other men at the bar as he shared a story about some disastrous date he had been on recently. Another man joined the one the bartender was talking to, and the blond didn't hesitate to lean across the bar and give the new man a quick kiss on the lips in greeting.
Embarrassed, Cam refocused on his beer. The older bartender meandered back his way and leaned in to say quietly, "You okay, Cam? You look like you're about to jump out of your skin."
Cam scrubbed his face with his hands and focused on Mark's face and answered honestly, "I think coming here was a mistake."
Mark teased again, "I won't take that as an insult that you don't like my bar."
Cam grinned in spite of himself. "You know what I meant."
"Yeah, I do. Look, I don't know what your story is, or what brought you here tonight, but maybe you're putting too much significance on it. Maybe instead just try having a beer and throwing your name up to shoot some pool. Relax a little, meet some folks. This isn't some sleazy meat-market club with a back room, it's just a friendly place were guys come to chill out."
Cam let out breath. "You're right. Maybe I am over thinking things."
Mark picked up Cam's half-empty beer and said with a grin, "I'll get you another."
As Cam watched Mark take out a new frozen mug and pull a fresh draft from the tap he wondered what Mark was like in bed. Did his good humor stay around? Or was he all business? Cam certainly found himself more attracted to Mark than any of the young twenty-somethings in the bar; they made him almost feel like some sort of pervert at his age.
Mark put the new beer in front of Cam without a word and moved on to other customers. Cam picked up the beer and turned around on his stool so he could see the rest of the bar. As he looked around he relaxed a little. Mark was right it really was just a friendly place, there was a fair amount of casual touching and the occasional kiss being shared, but nothing more than any other local watering hole Cam had ever been in, the only difference here was that it was occurring between men.
The guys shooting pool were a mixed age group, and Cam felt comfortable in heading over to put his name up on the board. The guys playing welcomed him good naturedly, more than one giving him inviting looks.
Cam turned to go back to the bar and his beer and stopped dead in his tracks. Sitting there in a booth that Cam hadn't been able to see from his seat at the bar was Sheppard. John Sheppard.
He had a plate in front of him with some sort of club sandwich and fries and a mug of beer. His attention was focused on working the Sudoku puzzle in the section of the newspaper in front of him.
Cam just stood there staring and he was pretty sure that he stopped breathing when Sheppard looked up and met Cam's eyes.
The shock was evident on both men's faces. John's pen dropped to the table unnoticed.
Cam forced himself to casually walk over to the John's table.
"Cam," John said in the way of greeting, his eyes wary.
"John," Cam returned evenly.
When Sheppard didn't say anything else, Cam swallowed hard and said lightly, "I didn't know they served food here, too."
Sheppard's jaw twitched, and Cam could practically see the wheels spinning in his head, assessing and trying to decide if Cam was for real or some sort of set up. He replied, "Mark, the owner, makes a mean turkey club."
Cam chuckled nervously, "I wish I had known, I'd of skipped that burger I grabbed before I got here."
Sheppard took a long pull off his beer then asked, "So how'd you find out about this place?"
Cam gestured towards the newspaper in front of John. "Saw it in the paper a couple times. Good reviews, so I thought I'd give it shot."
That was how John had found it upon their forced return from Atlantis, but he didn't share that with Mitchell.
John wasn't giving him an inch, or even a half-inch and Cam didn't know how to win his trust and that stung. It was a problem he had never considered.
Cam's name was called from behind him and one of the guys playing pool said, "Cam, you're up."
His eyes found Sheppard's even as he answered, "I'll be right there guys, lemme just go get my beer."
Sheppard asked with a smirk, "So you like to play?"
The innuendo was blatant.
Cam replied with his own smirk, "Depends on the game, Sheppard. Depends on the game."
John nodded and Cam turned and went back to the bar to grab his mug before returning to pool table.
---------------
Cam's earlier assessment that the men playing pool were a friendly bunch was accurate and he found himself enjoying himself. Two of the group had already pressed their phone numbers on him, one just a friendly invitation to go play pickup basketball sometime, the other from a gorgeous twenty-five year old that whispered in Cam's ear that he hadn't bottomed in a very long time but that he would for Cam, anytime. Cam was sure that his face had gone scarlet at the offer.
All the while he was shooting pool, he and Sheppard kept exchanging looks, some humorous, some friendly, but most were intense and tactical even.
Cam watched with interest as the blond bartender bussed a couple of tables and cleared Sheppard's plate. The young man chatted with John for a minute and let his hand linger on John's bicep as he laughed at something John said. Cam saw the bartender nod at John before picking up his bus tote.
The bartender headed over to the pool table area and cleared some empties. He met Cam's eyes for a second before picking up the chalk and in big loopy letters added, "John," to the pool queue.
Cam's eyes flew to find Sheppard's. And the man's most annoying smirk was back as he sat there in the booth with his arms folded across his chest.
---------------
When John's turn rolled around and he approached the pool table area, their was almost a tangible current running between he and Cam. The other men all sensed it and hung back to enjoy the show.
Cam had won the last game and John racked the balls. Cam dusted his cue and broke.
He was looking a the table picking his next shot when John said lightly, "You're pretty good at this game."
Cam leaned down and lined up his shot and said, "Depends on which game you're talking about."
His shot missed and John sank a couple in turn. Cam was bending over the table, cognizant of the fact that Sheppard was behind him. He startled when he felt fingertips skim across the skin of his neck, right over an exposed section of his dog tags' ball chain. A heartbeat later Sheppard's breath was hot in his ear as he whispered, "Piece of advice, you might want to leave those in your car next time."
Cam wasn't surprised that he missed his shot, and also wasn't surprised when Sheppard ran the rest of the table and efficiently sank the eight-ball. As Cam put his cue back in the wall rack, for some reason he felt like he had lost more than just the table.
The next guy in line was racking up the balls and Cam headed for the men's room. He had just finished taking a leak and was washing his hands when Sheppard strolled in and leaned up against the closed bathroom door.
There was an edge to John's voice as he asked, "So who put you up to it? The SGC? IOA? Air Force? Who? I at least deserve to know that much if my career is about to crash and burn."
Cam quickly dried his hands and faced Sheppard with a sigh. "No one put me up to anything, Sheppard. You probably aren't going to believe me but I came here on my own tonight. And in fact, if I had known you of all people were going to be here I would've gone someplace else.":
"What do you mean me of all people? What, you think I'm some sort of snitch?"
"No. I don't think you're a snitch. Look, never mind, just forget I said anything."
John took a step towards Cam, his expression more confused than the wary it had been a minute ago.
"Why are you here, Mitchell?"
Cam swallowed and replied softly, "I came here to... You know what? Just forget it."
Cam went to walk past John and out of the bathroom when John's hand wrapped around Cam's bicep.
Softly John asked again, "Why are you here?"
Cam didn't look at John and his voice was low as he answered honestly, "Because of you."
"Me?"
"Yeah. Ever since you all came back, I just... I can't stop thinking about you... being... with you. But I thought you were straight so I came here looking for..."
"For a substitute me?"
"Yeah, I guess that's one way to put it. I needed to know if it was just you or if it was me. You know what I mean?"
John loosened his hold on Cam's arm and moved to face Cam.
"I get it. Have you ever even been with another guy before?"
"No," Cam answered plainly.
John nodded and replied, "I have."
It was Cam's turn to nod, but he didn't know what to say to that, so he said nothing.
John leaned in, his mouth a hair's breath away from Cam's and asked, "Would you rather have the real thing instead of a substitute?"
"God, yeah," Cam breathed out with a grin.
"That can be arranged," John said as he pressed his mouth to Cam's.
Kissing John was not like kissing a woman. Not in the least, and it made Cam's head spin. Although in reality that could've just been from all the blood in Cam's brain rushing south.
John pulled back and gently cleared his throat. "We, uh, can't do this here."
"No, no, we can't," Cam replied with a grin.
"I don't suppose you got a hotel room?" John teased.
"Ah, no. Actually I didn't quite think that far ahead."
John fished in his pocket and pulled out a key card that he pressed into Cam's hand. "Guess it's a good thing I did. The hotel is a couple blocks up, room 307."
"307," Cam repeated, staring at the key card.
"We should get back out there. We'll leave a few minutes apart and I'll meet you at the hotel."
Cam swallowed hard and met John's eyes, "Okay. But, um, there's one other thing."
If possible John smirked even harder. "I've got everything we need," he teased, answering Cam's unasked question.
Cam frowned and dropped his eyes, his voice was low as he said, "I'm really messing this up, aren't I?"
John reached over and brushed Cam's cheek with the back of his fingers. "You're doing fine. C'mon, let's get out of here before Mark sends in search and rescue."
Cam nodded, his expression still a little lost.
They left the bathroom and John headed back to his table to wait for his check and Cam headed back to the bar to sit for a few and order a Coke.
John paid his bill and left without another glance in Cam's direction.
Mark deposited the Coke in front of Cam, a knowing smile on his face. "You two know each other?"
Cam took a slow sip of his Coke. "You could say that."
Mark chuckled. "Ah. John's become sort of a regular here. He's a good guy. We shoot the shit about a lot things, he's one of them that comes in here just to chill out. Never see him leave with anyone though."
Cam played with the the straw wrapper on the bar. "Why are you telling me this?"
"Because I have a feeling you're a good guy, too, and I don't want to see you get hurt. John's pretty twisted up about some guy he works with. He hasn't come right out and said anything but I get the feeling the dude's straight as an arrow and John doesn't think he's got a chance in hell."
"He told you this?"
"In a round about way. I've been a bartender a long time, Cam, and even though John plays things close to the vest, I'm pretty good at reading between the lines, and I feel bad for John, because I'm betting that this Mitchell guy he works with either doesn't have a damn clue or he really is straight."
Cam's head whipped up and he paled. Sheppard was twisted up over him?
Mark studied Cam's face for a long time, seeing the shock and surprise there. He nodded slowly and said gently, "And here I was thinking Mitchell was the guy's first name."
Cam didn't say a word, just stood and quickly dropped some money on the bar. He headed for the door and with his hand on the handle, he turned back to look at Mark. "Thanks, man."
Mark smiled and nodded and Cam left the bar.
---------------
Cam's car was safe where it was so he walked to the hotel. He kept playing with the key card in his pocket, trying to figure out how the hell he had missed Sheppard's interest. As he entered the hotel elevator he realized as the doors were closing that just maybe Sheppard hadn't actually dared show any because he thought Cam was straight.
He found room 307 with no problem and took a deep breath before putting the key card in the lock. The little light flashed and he opened the door.
John was sitting in the desk chair, his leg bouncing nervously. He looked up as Cam entered with a look of relief. Cam had never seen Sheppard nervous before, he was normally the most laid back guy he knew.
Cam stepped further into the room and John stood up. "Hey," Cam said quietly.
"Hey back."
"Tell the truth, you didn't think I was going to show up, did you?"
John chuckled, "I wasn't sure, but I was hoping."
Cam reached over and dropped the key card on the nightstand. The king-sized bed was looming in the room and Cam found himself uncharacteristically nervous. He wasn't a blushing virgin by any stretch, but this was a whole different ball game.
He looked over to John and said, "I don't know... I don't know how any of this is supposed to work. I can't play the game if I don't know the rules."
John stepped closer and gently took Cam's face in his hands. "It's not a game, Cam, and there are no rules. It's just you and me here and whatever we decide to do. There's no checklist."
Cam brought his own hands up and rested them on top of Johns, his thumbs gently stroking. "Tell me something? If I hadn't shown up at that bar tonight, would you have ever made a move?"
John's eyes were a little sad, but he answered honestly. "I don't know."
Cam swallowed and whispered, "I wanna touch you."
John grinned, "I'm very okay with that."
The movement towards a kiss was slow but when their mouths met this time it was deep and possessive and full of tongue and teeth and hands pulling each other even closer.
---------------
Cam's brain was threatening to short circuit. John's mouth had moved on to his neck and the erections both of them had were brushing up against each other through their jeans.
Cam would swear later that he just blinked and John had them stripped to their skin, in reality it was a mutual groping and tossing aside of the clothes that were just in their way.
John took Cam's hands and stepped backwards toward the bed, pulling Cam with him. He spread himself out on his back and pulled Cam right down on top of him. Cam felt uncoordinated as all hell, but his cock knew what felt good, and what felt good was being pressed between them alongside John's.
Cam's mouth did some tormenting of its own, working its way down to tease one of Sheppard's nipples. Cam wasn't exactly prepared for the sharp gasp that got out John, or the way he arched up underneath Cam. It took Cam a second to realize that John was reacting in pleasure and once he did, he did it again.
Cam's mouth on John, any part of John, seemed to turn him on more and more. Cam decided to to just go for what he wanted and ignoring his own aching cock, he trailed kisses down John's stomach and moved himself into a position where he was face to face with John's cock and balls. Cam paused a moment, looking his fill. John sat up on his elbows watching Cam.
Cam asked softly, "Do we need a condom?"
"I just ran the infirmary gauntlet yesterday, so there's nothing to worry about, but it's up to you if it'd make you more comfortable."
Cam pressed a kiss the inside of John's thigh. He chuckled and admitted, "I think a condom would do the opposite in this particular instance."
It was John's turn to chuckle. "Yeah, that I get."
Cam's first attempt at a blowjob turned out better than he expected. Cam was all for giving credit where credit was due, and John seemed to be turned on by anything and everything Cam did. So while he might have been a little uncoordinated with the mechanics of a blowjob, he apparently, judging by the steady stream of moans coming from John and the way he had his hands fisted in the bedspread, was doing something right.
Cam found a rhythm and he kept it going as John croaked out, "Oh, god, don't stop, I'm gonna come."
A few more strokes later and Cam heard the bedspread rip and the first salvo of John's release hit. Cam kept up his steady strokes in and out even as his mouth was filled with John's come.
Cam let John's spent cock slip out of his mouth and with only a moment's hesitation, Cam swallowed.
With a dopy, blissed-out look on his face, John sat up and kissed Cam deeply. He pulled back from the kiss and rested his forehead on Cam's. "That was amazing."
Cam chuckled. "Just think how much better I'll get with practice."
"Oh, god," John groaned with a chuckle of his own.
John kissed Cam again before lying back on the bed and letting his legs fall open. His eyes met Cam's and he said, "I want you to fuck me."
Cam's mouth went bone dry and his cock gave a happy lurch at the idea. But there was a nervous part of his brain that made him say, "I don't want to hurt you, I mean, I don't know what I'm doing."
John held out his hand. "You wont, cause I'll teach you."
Cam swallowed and took John's extended hand and allowed him to pull him down next him. From under the pillow where he had stashed it, John pulled out a tube of lube and a strip of condoms.
John held Cam's hand out and squirted some lube onto his fingertips. "Just go slow."
Cam's fingers moved to John's ass, while his eyes stayed glued to John's face for any sign of discomfort.
Slowly but surely Cam went from one finger to two to three inside of John. He wasn't entirely certain how his dick was going to fit, but it was definitely interested in trying.
John handed him a condom that he slipped on with shaking hands. He added a little more lube to it and positioned himself between John's spread legs. It took a little shuffling of position, but soon Cam found himself sinking slowly into John. He was glad for the condom because if he had been bareback he would have started coming on that very first inward stroke. He bottomed out and paused with his eyes closed, feeling John's body adjusting to accommodate him.
John's hands stroked Cam's face and he said softly, "You're not going to hurt me, Cam. Now fuck me as hard or as fast as you want."
With a little choking noise, Cam did just that. He fucked John with long, drawn out strokes. And when Cam's mouth latched back onto one of John's nipples, John's own dick sat back up and rejoined the party.
Cam closed his hand around John's cock and with a firm grip, stroked him in a matching rhythm to the one his hips were setting as he pumped in and out of John's ass.
Cam lost track of who was making what noise, and as he rolled his hips and his orgasm hit he swore, "Fuck. I'm coming. I'm in your ass and I'm coming. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."
When Cam's brain reconnected and he was able to breathe he realized that his hand was sticky and that John had joined him in his release. He carefully pulled out and flopped on the bed beside John. Sheppard was breathing just as ragged as he was and they both just enjoyed the quiet afterglow for a few minutes.
John swallowed a couple of times trying to find moisture in his mouth, he lazily raised his arm and wagged his finger in the air. He chuckled and said, "Ferris wheels, college football, anything that goes more than 200 miles an hour, and sex with Mitchell."
Cam chuckled and asked, "What the hell are you babbling about?"
John grinned. "The things I like best in life."
---------------
Cam looked around the room a final time with a grin before putting his hand on the door to leave. They hadn't left the room since Friday night, they had ordered room service and even a pizza, but spent the rest of the time exploring each other.
Cam had fucked John in every position the two of them could come up with. John had a preference for bottoming that surprised Cam. He was a little unsure about bottoming himself, but he would have if John had indicated that he wanted to.
There was also an odd undercurrent of gentleness and vulnerability in Sheppard that Cam was still trying to wrap his head around.
Cam had laid with his head on John's chest last night as they watched a movie, John's hand resting on his head and playing with his hair. John had spent a lot of time giving Cam gentle little caresses and touches in their time together. It was like he almost couldn't help himself.
And it was somewhere in the middle of whatever dumb ass movie they were watching that John had bent his neck and pressed a kiss to the top of Cam's head and whispered, "This is perfect."
"What's perfect?"
"Being here with you," John answered with a little catch of emotion in his voice.
Cam shifted around so he could see Sheppard's face and asked gently, "This is about more than sex isn't it?"
John turned his face away and didn't answer.
Cam reached up and turned John's chin back towards him and said. "Tell me."
John swallowed hard and an old pain filled his eyes. "Falling in love with someone in a war zone never ends well. I know better."
Cam put two and two together and offered softly, "Afghanistan?"
"Yeah."
"I'm sorry."
John shrugged a little. "I just... I haven't let myself close to anyone like that again."
"So back to my original question, this," he gestured between them, "Is about more than sex isn't it?"
"Yeah, but with our jobs... Stolen time like this is all we'll ever have and I'm afraid that won't be enough for you. And what if something happens to one of us on a mission? And what if..."
Cam's pressed his fingertips to John's lips, shushing him. "Nothing in life is certain, Sheppard. Nothing. And all the what-ifs in the world can't change that. If you want to try and make this thing between us work, I'm in, I'm game. One hundred percent, with no reservations, no what-ifs. We'll take what we can, where we can and make it count."
"We'll make it all count." John said as he lowered his head to kiss Cam.
Cam shifted to lie on top of John so he could kiss him properly. He loved how John molded himself to him from below. Their cocks nestled together and were quiescent and Cam was glad in a way, this moment between them wasn't about sex.
John reached up and took Cam's face in his big hands, something Cam had found out that Sheppard did often, and said, "You know I'm going to fall in love with you."
Cam grinned and tossed John's own words back at him, "I'm very okay with that."
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the end.