fic- "Cadman's Choice" (SGA, NC-17, Complete) Part 1 of 2
Title: Cadman's Choice
Author: CJ aka WritinginCT
Fandom: SGA
Pairing: Sheppard/Cadman
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Corporal punishment, Dub-con
Categories: Kink (corporal punishment), Alternate Reality (but set in Atlantis)
Disclaimer: I don't own the recognizable characters I'm just inspired by them.
Note: Written for the sga_kinkmeme prompt: John/Laura, spanking/caning
Summary: He knew he had to break her completely down to build her back up...
Status: Complete 10/23/10 6383 words.
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"Cadman, get to the damn gate, NOW" Lorne bellowed over the sounds of the mortars that she had set exploding.
Her breath was ragged and her arms were covered in blood.
Sergeant Felix had taken shots in the leg and neck, their enemy apparently wise to avoid the Kevlar vests. He was dead when Laura had reached him, his blood pooling under him and soaking the grass, but she had done her best to tourniquet his leg and put a pressure bandage on his neck. Major Lorne had ordered her twice to the gate but she had ignored him to care for Felix.
Sensing that she was about to disobey him for the third time, Lorne dove for her position literally grabbed her by the scruff of her jacket and manhandled her back to the gate.
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John put the data pad down on the desk and went to the window. The mission had been a clusterfuck from beginning to end. They lost four men, four good men. And now this on top of it.
"What's your recommendation, Major?" John ask tiredly.
Lorne was sitting in the chair opposite the desk and let out a big sigh. "Once I could write off as her not hearing me, but not all three times, Colonel. That being said, it was fucked up situation and she was trying to save Felix. I can't fault her for that. And I don't think she deserves a black mark in her service jacket over this."
John turned to face Lorne. "Neither do I, but I don't know if she'll take the other option. Women rarely do."
Lorne cleared his throat in embarrassment. "No, they don't."
John stared at Lorne for a long moment, sensing the other man's discomfort and finally asked, "You don't want to administer it if she chooses it, do you?"
"Honestly, sir, no I don't. I get that you have to break them down to build them back up, and I've done it with men before but never a woman, and I wouldn't want to screw it up."
John nodded, "You're going to have to do it sometime, Major. But I'll handle it this time."
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Laura stood at parade rest in the Colonel's empty office. Her stomach a mass of butterflies, she knew he was going to be angry and disappointed in her.
She didn't hear him approach from behind and she startled slightly as he said quietly from behind her, "We seem to have a situation, Lieutenant Cadman."
She hated how her voice cracked as she replied, "Yes, sir."
He stepped silently past her and went to sit at his desk. He casually flipped open a folder and perused it while she stood there, her nervousness growing.
He finally closed the folder and folded his hands on top of it then met her eyes. "You disobeyed a direct order not once but three times, Lieutenant."
"Yes, sir," she answered simply, knowing attempting to lie or stammer out excuses wouldn't win her any points with the Colonel.
"You've put me in a bad spot, Cadman. Now I have two options, I can put a formal reprimand in your file which will effectively fuck up any future promotions you might go up for, or you can agree to corporal punishment and counseling."
"Sir?" she asked in confusion.
"Seventy-five lashes, Lieutenant, twenty-five for each disobeyed order, along with three hundred hours of counseling."
Laura paled. "All the lashes at once, sir?"
"Of course not, putting you in the infirmary is not the goal."
She nodded slightly and asked, "What does the counseling entail, sir?"
John stood and walked over to stand in front of Laura. He leveled an intense gaze on Laura. "No one ever explained that to you?"
She resisted the urge to tremble under his scrutiny. There was something in his eyes, a predatory hunger that she had never seen before. He frightened her.
"No, sir." All she had ever heard about corporal counseling was from male teammates that just brushed it off as having to be their CO's lackey.
"It depends on the infraction. For things like fighting and drunk and disorderly, it means PT every day until you puke. For disobeying a direct order, it means that you are going to learn to obey orders whether you like them or not. You'll learn to obey your CO even if it goes against everything your brain is screaming at you."
Laura swallowed hard. "How exactly, sir?" She had a sneaking suspicion she knew already but had to ask, had to get confirmation from him.
"You're going to give your body over to me, Lieutenant, to do with what I will. You will take your lashes in reasonable doses, and you will obey every single order I give you during our counseling time," he stepped closer into her personal space, so close she could feel his body heat, and continued, "Just to be clear, Lieutenant, some of my orders will be simple, cleaning my quarters, shining my boots, things like that. But others won't be so simple, and if you have a problem with my dick being in any part of your body you should just take the black mark and stalled career option instead. Do you understand?"
Laura paled again and felt lightheaded and the trembling she had tried to contain started up in force.
"Breathe, Cadman. Just breathe," John said gently.
Laura forced herself to do just that and after a minute or so when her cheeks had pinked back up a little, John said, "I want you to take tonight to think about your decision. You'll report back here at 0800 tomorrow and give me your answer."
Laura wished he would step back, move out of her space so she could think, but he didn't and she suspected it was all part of it.
She whispered, "Yes, sir, 0800."
John ticked his head to the side a little and narrowed his eyes. He could see her trying to think, trying to figure out what to do, and not being successful. He stepped back and put his hands on his hips.
"Dismissed."
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After a long and sleepless night, Laura was again standing at parade rest in Sheppard's office.
She had gotten there a few minutes early and was waiting. 0800 came and went, as did 0810, 0815, and 0820, and with each tick of the clock on the wall she grew more nervous and apprehensive.
John was watching her from the corridor, he wondered what her decision was going to be. He allowed himself to assess her body, she was definitely built like a brick shit house and he knew that most of the men on Atlantis, military and civilian alike, would give just about anything to fuck her. If she made the decision he was pretty certain she made, he was going to be fucking her for nearly the next six months, both physically and mentally.
He hadn't told Lorne, but he had never personally administered corporal punishment and counseling for a woman before either, a slew of men under his direct command, yes, but never a woman. And he had never administered counseling for such an extended period of time. He had heard rumors of unexpected attachments growing between CO's and the people they were punishing in cases like this. He wondered where his own head was going to be when this was all over. Would he really be able to give her up? Would she want him to?
He pushed off the wall he was leaning on and headed for his office, none of those questions mattered until he knew for certain what her decision was.
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From behind Laura, John again startled her by sneaking up on her and speaking. "Sleep well, Lieutenant?"
She swallowed nervously, and answered honestly, "No, sir."
John moved in front of her, again into her personal space. "I didn't think you would. So have you made your decision?"
He saw her open her mouth just a fraction, her lips quivering just the slightest bit as she hesitated to answer. He wondered how those lips were going to feel on his dick later that night, because with that hint of hesitation, she had unconsciously given him her answer.
Her throat was dry and her voice cracked a bit as she finally answered softly, "I will take the corporal punishment, sir, I'd like to keep my service record clean."
"And so it will be, Lieutenant," John said clinically before stepping away so quickly it again had Laura off balance. He picked up a folder from his desk and held it out to her. "This is your new schedule. You're being pulled off missions until I decide you're fit to return to going offworld. You'll have assigned duties here on the city during the day with scheduled meals and PT. Once those are done for the day, you will return to your quarters to shower and change into a fresh uniform then report to my quarters for discipline and counseling. Just so we're clear, you will be spending two or three hours every night in my quarters. On the nights you're scheduled to have discipline, one hour will be taking care of a portion of your earned lashes. The other two will be filled with what ever duties I decided to order you to do, some will be menial, some will be humiliating, and a good majority are going to involve me fucking you in whatever way tickles my fancy. Do you understand, Lieutenant? If you have questions, now is the time to ask."
Her hesitation was back but she answered, "I understand. Can I ask, sir, am I getting the same type of counseling a man would receive?"
He nodded. "Yes. Although I doubt any of your male comrades have ever owned up to getting fucked up the ass by their CO during counseling."
Laura swallowed hard. "No, sir."
"There is a release packet in that folder. I want you to read it thoroughly today and sign it and bring it with you to my quarters when you report at 1800 hours."
"Yes, sir."
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Laura had read the release packet forwards and backwards, twice, and with a shaking hand had signed it. Colonel Sheppard wasn't allowed to physically hurt her outside of the lashes she had earned, and he was also barred from making permanent or semi-permanent changes to her personage, things like tattoos and piercings or shaving her head. He also couldn't impregnate her. She was barred from having any other lovers during her counseling and by signing the release, she also agreed that for every order she refused to obey during her counseling sessions with the Colonel that she would earn an extra hour of counseling.
She arrived promptly at 1800 with the packet in hand. She had followed the new schedule he had assigned her to the letter.
The door to his quarters opened and she entered quietly. It closed behind her and she stood there waiting. The lights in the room were all on and the window blinds were closed. Sheppard was standing casually in the middle of the room, himself freshly showered and in a clean black t-shirt and bdu's and unlaced boots..
"You're on time. That's a good start, Lieutenant."
"Yes, sir," she held out the release packet, "I signed it, sir."
John took it from her and flicked his eyes down to her signature. "So you did, Lieutenant, so you did."
He walked over and dropped it on his desk. He then dragged chair from his dining area over in front of a full-length mirror attached to a bare strip of wall. Laura noticed that written in red dry-erase marker in the top corner of the mirror was a "75", she swallowed hard at the implication.
He sat down in the chair and crooked a finger at her, "Let's get started, shall we?"
Her feet didn't want to move. She just couldn't move.
His eyebrow raised and he said sternly, "Lieutenant."
She fisted her hands and forced herself to step over to where he was sitting. He pointed to the numbers written on the mirror. "That's your lash count. It will be your responsibility to keep a running tally after each spanking. If you forget I won't care and you don't get to fix it the next day and it will be like those lashes never happened. We're going to start out slow today, I'm going to use my hand. Now drop your pants and underwear and lie across my lap. You're getting ten tonight."
Laura took a breath and her hands undid her pants and she pushed them down. She discovered that trying to lie across his lap was a little difficult but found his strong hands there making sure she didn't fall. Laura tried to keep her breathing calm and just wanted to close her eyes and have this all be over. The Colonel however, had other ideas.
John saw her almost stumble and he helped her get settled across his lap, there was a difference between being defiant and being uncoordinated in a stressful situation. He could see the skin of her exposed ass was pebbled with goosebumps, he was partly to blame for that as he had lowered the temperature in the room on purpose. He wanted her skin cool and hypersensitive to his touch.
With a gentle, but firm hand, John turned her head so she was looking towards the mirror. "You're going to watch and you're going to count and thank me for every lash, Lieutenant."
"Yes, sir," she whispered.
"What was that, Lieutenant?" John asked in his command voice.
"Yes, sir." she replied automatically in a strong clear voice.
"Better. Let's go," he said as he raised his hand for the first stinging slap.
It took all Laura's self-control not to jump off his lap, but his arm was firmly across her back with his fingers curled under her waist. Her eyes flashed to his and she saw that same hungry predatory look in them as she had the day before. She knew in that moment that fighting him would be a mistake. She said in what she hoped sounded like a clear voice, "One, sir, thank you, sir."
He nodded at her once in the mirror and raised his hand again to deliver an even more forceful blow.
"Two, sir, thank you sir."
John glanced down at her ass. He decided right then and there that she would be getting all seventy-five lashes by his hand alone. The pair of red hand prints standing out against her pale skin intrigued him and he wanted more.
He met her eyes in the mirror again and raised his hand for the third lash.
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By the time he had delivered all ten, she was crying and he was hard enough to drive nails. He helped her off his lap and said clinically. "You can pull your pants up."
She did that and he handed her a washcloth for her face and a bottle of water. "Wash your face, and drink all of this."
Laura nodded, she felt numb, like this was all some sort of surreal dream. She washed her face with the washcloth and turned to straighten her hair in the mirror. Her eyes caught the numbers and she hastily grabbed the dry erase marker perched on top the mirror and subtracted out her ten lashes.
"Good." John said from behind her. He looked at the clock on his nightstand. "You have fifteen minutes to relax and pull yourself together."
He turned off the majority of the lights and took a folded towel and laid it on the floor in between the couch and the coffee table. "At 1900 I expect you to be wearing nothing but your dog tags and kneeling on this towel. Understand?"
Laura shivered in the cool room, she wondered what his plans for their remaining time tonight was. She had felt his enormous erection grow beneath her as he spanked her. She didn't think she was getting out of being fucked tonight and part of her wanted to run for the door.
She forced herself to find her voice, "Yes, sir."
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At exactly 1900 she was kneeling on the towel. Her ass was throbbing and the room was cold making her nipples uncomfortably hard.
John got up from where he was sitting at the desk, he had been feigning ignoring her for the past fifteen minutes, but in fact he was completely focused on her. He saw her inner struggle and he thought for just a moment that she might bolt, but she was apparently made of sterner stuff than that because she had finally taken off her clothing and knelt on the towel.
He sat on the couch in front of her and took her chin in his hand. "Your counseling session begins now, Lieutenant. Any order you refuse to obey in the next two hours gets another hour of counseling tacked on. When I ask you a question I want an honest answer, no matter how private or embarrassing you might think something is. You're here to relearn how to obey orders. This isn't some play bondage sex slave fantasy, you don't have a safe word, and you don't get to refuse without paying the consequences. I'm telling you right now that this isn't going to be easy for you. Are you ready for your first order?"
Laura shivered and said, "Yes, sir."
"Good. I want you to turn around and lay yourself across the coffee table."
She did as she was told. The metal and glass table was cold against her skin and she felt exposed and vulnerable to whatever the Colonel wanted to do to her from behind.
John leaned back on the couch admiring the view. He was trying to gauge just how harsh to be on her tonight. He suspected that she really didn't know what she had agreed to and he decided to take a middle ground approach.
Casually he asked, "Why are you here, Lieutenant?"
Her voice was low and she sounded a little confused as she replied, "I'm here for corporal punishment and counseling, sir."
"Let me clarify. Why did you choose corporal punishment and counseling over a formal reprimand?"
He heard her hesitate a little before she answered, "My career is important to me, sir. I didn't think I deserved to get a black mark for trying to save a man's life, sir."
"No one faults your intentions, Lieutenant, but in trying to save Felix who, by your own account, didn't have a pulse, you put not only yourself in jeopardy, but also Major Lorne who you distracted from the enemy and had to break position force you to obey his direct orders. You're lucky that neither of you died, Lieutenant."
"Yes, sir."
She sounded so resigned he decided to shake her up a bit. He reached out and ghosted his fingers over the curve of her ass cheek, carefully avoiding the hand prints. She startled, just as he expected her to, and he asked, "How many sexual partners have you had, Lieutenant?"
He heard her swallow hard before answering, "Nine, sir."
He dragged his fingertips up her spine making her squirm against the glass table. "Soon to be ten, Lieutenant. How do you feel about that?"
Her voice was tight as she forced herself to reply honestly, "Apprehensive, sir."
He laid his hand flat on her back, and stroked gently, calming her like one would calm a nervous horse. "Why apprehensive? Do you think I'm going to hurt you? That I'm going to order you to do unnatural things?"
"I just... I just don't know you very well, Colonel. And I never realized that this was part of counseling."
He leaned back and stroked his chin with his hand, thinking and deciding his next move. He broke the quiet and gave her some orders. "Lieutenant, I want you to go into the bathroom. On the shelf in there is a small wash basin. Fill it with warm, soapy water and bring it, a washcloth, and a dry towel back here."
Laura was confused by his yet again abrupt change of topic, but replied, "Yes, sir," as she stood and walked to the bathroom.
When she had left the room he shoved the coffee table out of the way and moved over sit in the center of the couch. She returned with the necessary items and looked at him hesitantly, awaiting further instructions.
"I showered before you got here, Lieutenant, but as you can see, I put my boots back on. I want you to kneel in front of me and take off my boots and socks and wash and dry my feet."
"Yes, sir," she replied without hesitation.
She obeyed his orders thoroughly and bathed each foot and drying them both carefully. When she was done she kept her eyes downcast, naive she knew, but she was half praying that that was all he required from her for the evening.
Sheppard leaned forward and his nimble fingers found the pins holding her hair in its now messy, but regulation bun. He fluffed it gently and pulled some of it forward over her shoulders to fall teasingly around her breasts. He decided he liked the look on her. "From now on, as soon as you enter my quarters I want your hair down like this, Lieutenant.
"Yes, Colonel."
His fingers trailed along her check and lightly across her lips. He dallied there for a moment before moving them under her chin and raising her eyes to his. "How do you feel about oral sex, Lieutenant?"
His thumb found her lip again and she stammered out around it, "It's never been my favorite, Colonel."
"Giving or receiving, Lieutenant?"
"Re... receiving, sir."
"And giving?"
"I... do it but I've never let anyone come in my mouth, sir."
The predatory look was back in his eyes and he said flatly, "After tonight you won't be able to say that again."
Laura paled and he could see her flight response kicking in. He leaned back and settled himself down on the cushions. His hands were resting flat on the cushions on either side of him. He licked his lips and said, "Go dump that basin and come back here."
"Yes, sir," she said and complied.
She returned and he crooked a finger at her. "Come and straddle my lap, Lieutenant."
She did as he ordered and hissed a little as her sore ass came in contact with the rough fabric of his bdu's.
"Sore?"
"A little, sir."
"That's going to get worse before it gets better. That's why you've only got discipline scheduled every four days."
He ground his hips upward a little, making her hiss more and pressing his erection against her. "Feel that, Lieutenant? Most of the women, and at least half the men on this expedition would do just about anything to be where you are, to have me this hard for them. Are you happy I'm hard for you, Lieutenant?"
"Not really, sir, I'm sorry."
Quick as lightning he sat up straight, his face in hers, his fingers curling into the soft flesh of her hips. His voice was low and deadly as he replied, "But the time your counseling is done, Lieutenant, you'll be begging for my cock. I promise you that."
This time her flight response really did kick in and she scrambled off his lap and ran towards her pile of clothes.
His clinical tone was back. "Lieutenant, you were not dismissed from my lap. You just earned yourself another hour of counseling."
Laura was keeping her eyes on him as her hands struggled to find her pants. She froze in place as he stood and deliberately turned towards her and peeled off his t-shirt. His pants soon followed and he sat back down on the couch, his cock hard and looking impossibly large.
"Lieutenant, you have five seconds to get back over here and kneel or it's another hour."
Laura wanted to be sick, she knew what was coming and in that split second she tried to decide if her career was truly worth it or not. She hated herself for walking back over and kneeling between his spread knees.
"Suck me." His order was direct and to the point.
She leaned forward and took him in her mouth. Her motions weren't very fluid and she didn't take him very far in her mouth. He placed a hand on the back of her head and applied gentle resistance. "Take it all, Lieutenant, all the way in, I won't choke you."
He was true to his word and though he was enjoying fucking her mouth all the way to her tonsils, he was careful about letting her breath. He could feel his balls pulling up tightly and the first flickers of an orgasm building. Faster and faster he pumped into her mouth and his hands found their way back to her head and he whispered hoarsely, "I'm coming, Lieutenant."
When the first spurt hit her mouth, Laura wanted to gag and wanted to pull away, but his hands on her head prevented her. More and more filled her mouth and it escaped the corners of her mouth even as he kept slipping in and out through his release.
"Swallow, Lieutenant," he ordered as he pulled most of the way out of her mouth, leaving just the head of his cock between her lips.
She didn't want to, and she shook her head slightly.
"You want another hour added on, Lieutenant?"
She shook her head and he repeated, "Swallow."
Willing herself not to vomit, she complied.
Sheppard nodded and slipped his spent cock all the way out of her mouth.
He looked at her for a moment and reached over and caught the dribble of spit and come that was trailing down her chin. He brought it to her lips and raised an eyebrow. Without a word she opened her mouth and let him wipe his finger on her tongue.
She wondered if this was what being a whore felt like.
His next order was simple and edged with a hint of compassion. "Go back to the bathroom and wet a clean washcloth to clean me. You can rinse your mouth out with some water and wipe off your face while you're in there."
She nodded her compliance, not trusting herself to speak.
In the bathroom she did as she was told and then returned to the living area with a warm wet cloth.
"Clean me," he said, and she did.
"Go get rid of that," he said, and she did. This time, however, on her way back from the bathroom she glanced at the clock on the nightstand and to her horror she realized she still had an hour and ten minutes left with him.
He had slid down to one end of the couch and he patted the empty cushion next to him. "Come and lay down with your head on my thigh."
Laura did as he ordered and he amused himself by playing with her hair. His voice was oddly gentle, more like the Sheppard she was used to dealing with every day, as he spoke, "You're doing very well for your first time, Lieutenant. I'm pleased."
Whether it was his gentle hands soothing her or the praise itself she couldn't be sure, but like a dam letting go, her tears started.
"Shhh," he whispered, one hand stroking her hair, while the other rubbed little circles on her back.
He let her cry for a few minutes and heard her emotional storm taper off. He asked, "Who was Felix to you?"
She sniffed hard and answered hoarsely, "My best friend. I've known him since ROTC."
The compassionate Colonel was back, "I'm sorry. It's not easy loosing a friend like that."
"I couldn't save him, sir."
"No one could, Lieutenant. What happened to him is not your fault."
John let her have a couple minutes of quiet before asking, "Are you seeing anyone on the city?"
"No, sir. I... I don't date much really, most men find out I play with bombs and run the other way."
"Good. So there won't be a pissed off boyfriend that's not getting any for the next few months."
"No, sir."
"So tell me this, Lieutenant, if you had had a boyfriend, would you still have chosen the punishment over the black mark?"
"Yes, I would have. My career is important to me and anyone I would call a boyfriend would have known that, sir."
"Hmpf," was his only reply.
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tbc in Part 2