I couldn't give a toss
This, I am sure, you will want to know. If there is any 'you' reading this, that is. I have just been on holiday, about which there is nothing much to say, and I had an overlong series of flights home starting late at night, and that evening I went out for my final local meal. My enthusiasm for exploration exhausted, I went to the place opposite where I was staying; it was nice enough and had not many tables. I sat at the corner of a table for six, and in due course the three places in the opposite corner were occupied by a French family. In the corner furthest from me was the little boy, whose name I didn't catch; I am a poor judge but he was perhaps around four or five. Papa was two places to my left and Maman, a smiling and friendly woman, diagonally opposite me. You have the picture?
No doubt apropos of something, Maman started to introduce the boy to the idea of 'heads or tails' (pile ou face?). She had a coin and threw it up unconvincingly a few times, caught it in the usual way, and demonstrated how the question worked. Papa was unsatisfied with her throwing, and felt rightly that it should be flicked with a thumb. So he demonstrated a couple of flicks, but the coin could not really be said to spin; it turned once or twice, perhaps. Your busybody correspondent thus naturally piped up. 'It should spin,' I said. Maman smiled and nodded, and the coin was ceremoniously handed to me. I balanced it on my crooked forefinger, my thumb underneath, and demonstrated the arrangement to le petit. Then --
I should mention, perhaps, in case you should ever need someone to toss coins, that I am an expert. I say this in all humility. Perhaps, for an attraction at a fete, you want a polished performer to stand and toss coins elegantly and accurately all afternoon: I am your man. But the room was dingy and such lights as there were shone in my eyes from the food preparation area behind Maman. I couldn't really see the coin at all, was uncertain of catching it and a bit rattled. Anyway, I flicked it in the usual way and it described a beautiful parabola, up, towards Maman, and straight down her cleavage.
I naturally registered extreme mortification and horror, and the couple, fortunately, were much amused. They were even gracious enough to give me a second chance, and I gingerly demonstrated one or two perfect coin tosses. But perhaps these will not be what I am most remembered for in the family.
No doubt apropos of something, Maman started to introduce the boy to the idea of 'heads or tails' (pile ou face?). She had a coin and threw it up unconvincingly a few times, caught it in the usual way, and demonstrated how the question worked. Papa was unsatisfied with her throwing, and felt rightly that it should be flicked with a thumb. So he demonstrated a couple of flicks, but the coin could not really be said to spin; it turned once or twice, perhaps. Your busybody correspondent thus naturally piped up. 'It should spin,' I said. Maman smiled and nodded, and the coin was ceremoniously handed to me. I balanced it on my crooked forefinger, my thumb underneath, and demonstrated the arrangement to le petit. Then --
I should mention, perhaps, in case you should ever need someone to toss coins, that I am an expert. I say this in all humility. Perhaps, for an attraction at a fete, you want a polished performer to stand and toss coins elegantly and accurately all afternoon: I am your man. But the room was dingy and such lights as there were shone in my eyes from the food preparation area behind Maman. I couldn't really see the coin at all, was uncertain of catching it and a bit rattled. Anyway, I flicked it in the usual way and it described a beautiful parabola, up, towards Maman, and straight down her cleavage.
I naturally registered extreme mortification and horror, and the couple, fortunately, were much amused. They were even gracious enough to give me a second chance, and I gingerly demonstrated one or two perfect coin tosses. But perhaps these will not be what I am most remembered for in the family.