holy shit
In the upcoming week I will be auditioning about 18 women, to find voices for a Balkan women's singing group. Tomorrow will be most of them. And all I can think right now is: holy shit.
What the hell am I doing?!
It doesn't help that I put on the Kitka CDs again. Hearing Kitka is like hearing God yelling at me: THIS IS WHAT YOU ARE MEANT TO DO!
I thought it would be too much to pick up and move to the Bay Area to sing with them. It just wasn't the right thing, the right time, I couldn't leave Seattle, I didn't want to start everything all over. Maybe my friends were right. I got scared.
But this is even scarier! I've never taught or directed singing, and now I'm assuming full responsibility for putting together a group. The community is ecstatic and full of expectations. And I know I'll tick off some people by not accepting them. And by taking on some "new" people who may never have done this before. But I know it's not God who is yelling, "WHO THE HELL AM I TO...?"
No, he's just nudging. I can't possibly not do this. I want to sing, I have to make it happen.
It's just... man, I can tell there are a lot of mistakes I'm about to make, how can I not, and I hate knowing that. It's uncomfortable. I'm already paying for mistakes I haven't even made yet. (All you Landmarkites together now: "your past is in your future...!")
And how lucky am I, really, to know for so certain what I love.
What the hell am I doing?!
It doesn't help that I put on the Kitka CDs again. Hearing Kitka is like hearing God yelling at me: THIS IS WHAT YOU ARE MEANT TO DO!
I thought it would be too much to pick up and move to the Bay Area to sing with them. It just wasn't the right thing, the right time, I couldn't leave Seattle, I didn't want to start everything all over. Maybe my friends were right. I got scared.
But this is even scarier! I've never taught or directed singing, and now I'm assuming full responsibility for putting together a group. The community is ecstatic and full of expectations. And I know I'll tick off some people by not accepting them. And by taking on some "new" people who may never have done this before. But I know it's not God who is yelling, "WHO THE HELL AM I TO...?"
No, he's just nudging. I can't possibly not do this. I want to sing, I have to make it happen.
It's just... man, I can tell there are a lot of mistakes I'm about to make, how can I not, and I hate knowing that. It's uncomfortable. I'm already paying for mistakes I haven't even made yet. (All you Landmarkites together now: "your past is in your future...!")
And how lucky am I, really, to know for so certain what I love.