Big decisions
I've decided I won't have any children.
Hi! No, I didn't "just" decide this. This has been brewing for months (ever since I met Rusty, really), and it was an emotional internal debate for quite a while. But now I've felt very good about this for, oh, two months (read: two cycles of PMS), so I think that's it, then. It's settled.
And it's really cool. I've always been in the "not now, but someday" camp. I never felt ready, but I figured eventually I would be. But now I'm turning 38, and I still don't feel ready. And I haven't set myself up economically to support a family.
Somewhere I thought that that just meant I was slow to evolve and mature and behave like an adult, but -- maybe not. Maybe it's fine to have a busy, erratic lifestyle, not make career and money and domesticity my priority. I've been having fun so far. Nothing wrong with that!
I love kids, even (especially?) when they turn into teens, and I know I'm pretty good with them and would be a good mom. But that doesn't mean I have to be one. Now I'm thinking more that I'll be the cool aunt. I can still love kids and teens, and still do all my singing/DJing/sailing with Rusty stuff. (I could do them with kids too. But honestly, really, it's so much easier without!)
And that's what it really comes down to. Not having kids means I don't have to include them in my future plans. I can travel, change careers, live in small apartments, do lots of extracurricular stuff, and have lots of time alone with my man. It feels really really good, to have decided this.
Hi! No, I didn't "just" decide this. This has been brewing for months (ever since I met Rusty, really), and it was an emotional internal debate for quite a while. But now I've felt very good about this for, oh, two months (read: two cycles of PMS), so I think that's it, then. It's settled.
And it's really cool. I've always been in the "not now, but someday" camp. I never felt ready, but I figured eventually I would be. But now I'm turning 38, and I still don't feel ready. And I haven't set myself up economically to support a family.
Somewhere I thought that that just meant I was slow to evolve and mature and behave like an adult, but -- maybe not. Maybe it's fine to have a busy, erratic lifestyle, not make career and money and domesticity my priority. I've been having fun so far. Nothing wrong with that!
I love kids, even (especially?) when they turn into teens, and I know I'm pretty good with them and would be a good mom. But that doesn't mean I have to be one. Now I'm thinking more that I'll be the cool aunt. I can still love kids and teens, and still do all my singing/DJing/sailing with Rusty stuff. (I could do them with kids too. But honestly, really, it's so much easier without!)
And that's what it really comes down to. Not having kids means I don't have to include them in my future plans. I can travel, change careers, live in small apartments, do lots of extracurricular stuff, and have lots of time alone with my man. It feels really really good, to have decided this.