Trust Chapters 10-11
Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS, nor am I in any way involved with the production or distribution of it.
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Chapter 10: Lust
Two weeks later, it had become apparent that the only useful information they gathered from the stakeout was that the sprinkler systems in the neighborhood were set to go off at 11:15 pm.
In the fourteen days since then-and more important, her second near-breakdown-Ziva had managed to say no more than 100 words to Kate. That was 250 less than the goal she had set for herself, though keeping track of everything she said was getting tiresome.
Ziva finished making note of their most recent exchange on pieces of scrap paper stapled together, writing down and counting every word said by either of them, and adding their number to a tally at the bottom of the page. She looked over the records once more, the faintest satisfied smile on her face, and pushed them aside.
Kate was focused intently on the computer screen, furrowing her eyebrows. The Israeli felt her eyes glaze over, Kate was perfect. Ziva…wasn’t. She had proven it too, somewhere under the amassing stack of paperwork on her desk was a sheet of paper where she had written down everything bad about herself and everything good about Kate and she couldn’t stand to look at it because she believed that it was completely true.
Several minutes of staring had passed-had it been several minutes? She had no idea and didn’t really care-when Kate accidentally knocked the mug off of her table, spilling coffee all over the floor and her blouse. Someone let out a girlish giggle.
Her eyes widened and she looked down, trying to avoid any attention from Kate. Was she the one who giggled? Ziva David never giggled. But they were the only ones in the bullpen, and the other woman was glaring at her. Not a good sign.
An exasperated look on her face, Kate strode over to Ziva’s desk and planted her palms on it, leaning in close to her. She had to stop herself from closing her eyes and smiling at the feel of Kate’s breath on her cheek.
“What? You’ve been staring at me for the past fifteen minutes. Are you going to say anything or are you just going to laugh at me?”
She tried to think of some kind of rebuttal, but Ziva found herself unable to do anything but give her a stupid look.
Kate’s eyes drifted toward the scrap paper next to Ziva, her voice grew soft and confused. “What is…Officer David, you’ve been recording and…counting? Our conversations.”
Ziva grabbed the paper, shoved it in a desk drawer, and decided that the best option was to give Kate a nasty glare. “I would have written it in Hebrew, but there would be a different number of words.”
“What the hell? Did you want me to see this just to irritate me?”
Of all the ideas Ziva had come up with to push Kate away, that wasn’t one of them. “Yes.”
Infuriated, Kate hit the Israeli’s desk with her hand and looked away from her.
“This is my desk, control your anger.”
Kate laughed cynically. “Oh, of course you’re one to talk Officer…,” her voice trailed off as she glanced at a notepad on the desk, then looked up at Ziva again, giving her a stare so frightening that she almost broke the act she was trying to pull off. “Did you do this to piss me off, too?” She grabbed the notepad and shoved it in the Mossad Officer’s face. The sketch of Kate sitting at her desk couldn’t catch how cute she looked-Ziva had drawn the picture without even realizing it. She was losing her mind.
“I did not do that.”
“The pencil is still in your hand, Officer David. I swear to god, if we weren’t coworkers-and I use that term lightly-I would slap you.”
A suggestive smile spread across Ziva’s face as she stood up, her lips inches away from Kate’s ear, her voice lowered to a whisper. “I do not know, I think I might enjoy that.”
Kate spoke through clenched teeth. “I can’t believe you. I really can’t.”
The Israeli sat down and chuckled, twirling the pencil between her fingers.
“So do you two have confrontations at this desk for fun now? This is like, the fifth time.” As usual, Tony felt the need to make his entrance known as soon as possible.
“It is the sixth time. Kate has started them all.”
“No, Officer David, you’ve started them all.”
Ziva took the opportunity to smirk at the other woman.
“It’s good to know that you two keep track.”
The glare Kate gave Tony was enough to make him shut up and walk back over to his desk. She turned toward the Israeli, weariness lining her voice. “I don’t want to hear anything from, or talk to you for the rest of the day.”
“I am okay with that.”
The two locked eyes for a brief moment, and Kate turned away.
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Even though the work day ended three hours before, Ziva stayed at NCIS to catch up on paperwork. The unfortunate (and fortunate) part was that Kate had the same idea.
Kate also had the idea to leave at exactly the same time as Ziva.
The Mossad Officer walked into the elevator and sighed, she was tired, she wanted to get back to her apartment; she couldn’t get out of the building fast enough. It surprised her when Kate stopped the doors from closing. “I did not think you wanted to talk to me.” The other woman said nothing and entered the elevator. Ziva shifted and took a deep breath. “I was correct then.”
Kate’s hand slammed against the stop button and she turned toward Ziva, eyes blazing with an intensity that the other woman hadn’t seen-or expected to see-from her.
“So, you are angry with me.”
“How oblivious can you possibly get?” Kate’s voice lowered to a whisper. “I want a yes or no answer, Ziva.” The steel handrail pressed against her back and Ziva wondered when she let the other woman pin her into a corner.
A chill ran down her spine, the rhythm of Kate’s breath on her neck sent her into a trance. She was losing control. No, she had already lost control. She lost it three weeks before, when she met Kate. “I…I do not understand.”
“I know you understand.”
Ziva tried to lift her head and regain what little composure she could possibly have at that moment. It was difficult when the only thing she could think about was the look on Kate’s face as she demanded an answer from her. She had no idea what Kate was asking her-that was a lie, she knew what the other woman wanted. And it scared her. Ziva David wasn’t supposed to be afraid, but she was and that scared her too-but the most terrifying thing was the possibility that she would say yes, and mess everything up entirely.
Summoning every amount of emotional strength within her-there wasn’t much of it at all anymore-she spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. “No.” Ziva looked down. “That is my answer.”
“No. Really. You’re telling me no, but you’re stroking my arm.”
She lowered her hand instantly. Missing that major detail finally convinced her that she was crazy. Like the whole incident with the notepad that morning-was it that morning or the day before? Maybe it happened tomorrow. That last part made no sense. It was impossible to think straight-she hadn’t even noticed that she was doing it. “I…you had lint and…”
“I don’t get you, Ziva.”
Ziva’s eyes met Kate’s.
Kate’s lips pressed against hers.
Whatever was left of Ziva’s world fell apart in a flurry of passion.
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Lips locked and an arm wrapped around the other woman’s waist, Kate fumbled for the key in her pocket, jammed it into the lock, and they stumbled into her apartment. She dragged the Israeli by her wrist into the bedroom and pushed her onto the bed. Everything around the woman lying below her seemed to blur. Her thoughts shifted back and forward between Ziva-parted lips, dark eyes, hand gripping Kate’s wrist-and what was going to happen after that moment. Kate still didn’t want to feel whatever it was she was feeling about Ziva, but she did and she couldn't stop. “We can’t let anyone know about this.”
The Israeli nodded and tried to force a nervous smile.
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Kate tried to comfort herself by mentally repeating that her feelings for Officer David were only lust, that there wasn’t anything more than some foolish physical attraction to the gorgeous woman whose arms were wrapped around her body.
But it was so easy to want to stay like that forever.
Ziva mumbled against her lips. The words sounded like something she didn’t want to hear, or deal with, or think about. So she said nothing. But the Israeli pulled away from Kate and gave her a look that told her she expected an answer.
“I don’t know.” Kate reached for Ziva’s hand, but the other woman pulled it away and left the bed.
After Ziva finished getting dressed, she turned to look at Kate. The hurt in her eyes made her cringe.
“Ziva.”
She said nothing, but didn’t leave. Kate couldn’t tell if that was a good sign or not, she continued anyway. “Stay.”
Ziva sat on the edge of the bed, facing away from her, voice unreadable. “Okay.
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Chapter 11: Something
There was no one lying next to Kate.
Ziva was there when she fell asleep. Kate closed her eyes and hit her fist against the pillow. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Why did she always mess things up? What was she going to do? Sleep with Ziva, end it there, and expect everything to be fine at work the next day? Apparently. Sometimes she hated herself.
“Does this mean that we are together?”
“I don’t know.”
It took more than a little willpower to get out of bed. Kate winced as her eyes adjusted to the light.
The light was on. And Kate smelled coffee.
“You are up late.”
Ziva hadn’t left. She was curled up at the end of the couch with one of Kate’s coffee mugs.
“It’s only 4:30. And you’ve made yourself at home.” Kate sat on the other end of the sofa, knees tucked under her chin. Ziva’s eyes told her that she still wanted an answer, an explanation. It was something she couldn’t give her, she didn’t know what the hell she was thinking in the elevator, she didn’t know what the hell she was thinking last night, and she didn’t know if she wanted the woman that she knew almost nothing about, or if she wanted her to leave.
Kate should have made up her mind by now. “I’m surprised you’re still here.”
“I am too.”
“You don’t have to stay, Ziva.”
“I know.” A strand of dark hair fell in Ziva’s face, and Kate resisted the urge to crawl over to the other woman and brush it behind her ear.
Hands clasped against her lips, Kate studied the woman in front of her, and as usual, couldn’t read the expression on her face. “So you want to stay.” Her words sounded more like a question than she would have liked.
“I want to know what we are. Am I supposed to forget about last night, and the bar, and the stakeout; were you just looking for a…single-night…one-time…” A sad smile spread across Kate’s lips as she watched the other woman, brow furrowed over dark eyes looking into the coffee cup, trying to remember the phrase ‘one-night stand’. “…stand-up…” She looked at Kate, and it was impossible for her to break away from Ziva’s lonely stare. The Israeli spoke in a disheartened whisper. “The one where it means nothing.”
Kate moved toward Ziva, took the mug from her hand and placed it on the end table behind her. “It means something.”
Gazing at her through half-shut eyelids, Ziva placed a hand on the back of Kate’s neck and pulled her closer; voice laced with desire. “I want to know what.”
She looked down at Ziva and the heat rose to her cheeks, her breath grew slower, louder, her heart beat faster, and she lost control again.
The second-Or third, or fourth? Sixteenth, seventeenth, sixty-seventh? The night before was a blur-time their lips met was the first time they kissed. The one in the elevator didn’t matter, or the kisses in the car, the lobby, the hallway, the living room, and the bedroom. Kate thought she felt something last night, but she felt nothing. They were empty; they felt like lust. This…was different. It was lightning, fire, exhilaratingly new and wonderfully familiar at the same time. She wrapped her arms around Ziva, who smiled against her lips as she ran her fingers through Kate’s hair.
This time, she felt something. She felt everything, Ziva’s soft lips, her breath against Kate’s cheek, the feeling in her stomach, arms wrapped around her, and the desperate desire to stay with her on that couch forever.
Kate had no idea what changed since the night before, maybe it was because Ziva stayed with her, maybe it was the pleading look on her face when she wanted an answer, maybe it was the way the Israeli kissed her back. But what she did know was that all she wanted to think about was Ziva, and that she never wanted to stop.
“I want to know-”
“Ziva, it means something. We’re together, I want to stay together. I don’t want to leave for work, we should call in sick. Okay maybe we shouldn’t. We’ll go to work but at the end of the day I want you to stay with me again, and I want to be with you, and-”
“That is good to know, but you made that point a few moments earlier.” Ziva smiled and ran her fingers down Kate’s back. “I wanted to know when you were going to take your shower.”
They were moving way too fast, and Kate loved every second of it.
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To Kate’s relief, no one seemed to be suspicious of the fact that both she and Ziva arrived to work at exactly the same time. In retrospect, they probably should have dried their hair. Or at least planned for one of them to show up five minutes later than the other. Or more preferably, not shown up late to work in the first place. But the only thing Kate was really interested in was being close to her for as long as possible. At the time, having to break apart from her in the elevator seemed like the most difficult thing in the world. She was almost ready to give up and walk out of the elevator with Ziva, head on her shoulder and an arm wrapped around her waist. At least she had enough sense in her not to do that.
They were half an hour late, and Tony didn’t pass up the opportunity to rub it in both of their faces. He had managed to hit Kate with more than a few office supplies. Crumpled paper, pens, and markers came flying toward her head every fifteen minutes or so. Gibbs had yet to notice, but she was too distracted to get angry. He would stop eventually. A pad of sticky notes grazed her cheek as she looked over at Ziva and gave her a subtle smile. She hoped to God that there wouldn’t be a case that day; if she couldn’t stay focused in the bullpen, she would probably die out in the field.
When Tony left for pizza, she leaned back and rubbed her eyes. The sigh she let out must have been loud enough for Ziva to hear.
“You are upset.”
“No, just worn out.”
“It is only 11:30.”
It wasn’t for another few minutes that either of them spoke.
“I can’t wait until the end of the day.”
“I cannot either.”
“So you two are talking to each other.” McGee sat in his chair and began to rearrange the objects on his desk.
Kate resisted the urge to groan. She hadn’t been able to get five minutes alone with Ziva all day, and shouldn’t have hoped to in the first place. “We were talking to each other before, McGee”
“Yes, but you’re not arguing this time. That’s progress.” After spending another few moments shuffling through papers and looking under folders, McGee turned toward Kate with a puzzled look on his face. “Huh. Did Tony steal anything from my desk? I can’t find half of my stuff.”
“Look around my desk. He probably threw them at me. If you weren’t down in the lab with Abby for three hours, you could have stopped him. What takes three hours, anyway? We’re not working a case right now.”
“I…well we’re always kind of working on-Fine, we were slacking off and joking around. But, you both can’t wait until the end of the day. See, you have something in common. You two aren’t so different.” McGee looked to Kate, then to Ziva, and back to Kate again. “Okay, I’m not sure if I’ve seen two women who were more different in my life, but I’m glad you two are talking.”
The Israeli shot McGee an awkward smile. “Yes. I am too.”
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Ziva David was weak. Love was a weak thing to feel. Mossad taught that to her over and over and over and then she messed everything up when she went to America and fell in love with an NCIS Agent. And the part of her, the strong Ziva she always and never wanted to be, that told her love was a useless and foolish emotion, was the reason that staying with Kate would be a disaster. But Ziva David was weak, and she had stopped listening.
They hadn’t even been together for a day when Kate told her that it meant “something”, so Ziva shouldn’t have felt disappointed. But she did, because she was in love with her, and she had no idea what “something” meant.
It was easy to act like she was satisfied with “something”. But they had only been together for a day, and Ziva was going insane. Kate’s kiss and her little smiles from across the bullpen should have been enough but Ziva was going insane and every time she looked at the other woman, every second she thought about her, she wanted more.
She could be satisfied with Kate’s answer. Yes, she was completely fine with “something”. Ziva was happy with Kate, she was happy being with Kate, and looking at Kate, and staying with Kate, and hearing Kate’s voice-and Ziva didn’t need Kate to tell her that she loved her; that was ridiculous, she didn’t need to be loved at all, “something” was enough-and thinking about Kate, and feeling Kate’s lips against hers and…
It had only been a day, and Ziva didn’t know how long she could keep pretending.
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