[POTC challenge fic] - "Smoke" - rated R

[writing_samsara]

Challenge: Write a scene for each of the words below using characters from Pirates of the Caribbean.

1)spine
2)song
3)smoke
4)gold
5)box
6)flee
7)snake
8) memories
9)henna
10)eyes

Three down, seven to go. I think I need a beta as I’ve got a feeling I never edit these as ravenously as I could. Anywho, here’s hoping for your enjoyment!

Only wisps

Comments

[erinya]

It's appropriate that your "reply" link should read "exhale," because I think I was holding my breath throughout this. So good, and so painful! The way they tear themselves apart--the kind of passionate connection they would have bears that risk. I really like stories that show Elizabeth striking out on her own, too, and I like to think that in this one, she's off captaining her own ship and being free.

The shadows seem to move. Vaguely, he remembers the tide rises and the Pearl is set to sail at its height. Sifting through a fortnight’s portion of memories, he comes up blank, nothing but isolated flashes of her: Elizabeth supine in a tangle of sheets. Elizabeth ablaze at noon, arguing their course in forced whispers. Elizabeth, pistol in hand, shooting barrels in the water as he reminds her to make bold adjustments on her windage. Elizabeth feeding Parrot biscuits and asking Jack to crack sugar for tea.

The shadows shorten. The street roars, and Jack shakes himself, awake and frantic as the mounting day.

A big block to quote, but I had to quote the whole thing, because it was so powerful: those vivid memories, the movement of the shadows, the roar of the streets, Jack "frantic as the mounting day"--that feeling of time running out, time lost. It's rare that a story leaves me with emotion so strong that it lingers after I've clicked away from it, and this one left me aching.

Honestly, your unbeta'd work is very clean, but I'd be happy to beta for you if you'd like. You can email me at erinya_13ATyahoo.com (@ for the AT, of course) and I'll do my best with a fine-tooth comb.

[writing_samsara]

Thank you so much for you comments - they've made my day. I'm glad you like the "exhale" thing, and I'm very flattered to think that you were holding your breath (that's probably a weird sentiment - "hey, I'm so glad you almost suffocated reading my work" - but I'm just totally touched). I've sort of built all my websites around my online name, Nasmat, which means "Breath of Life" in Arabic.

"It's rare that a story leaves me with emotion so strong that it lingers after I've clicked away from it, and this one left me aching."

I'm really, truly honored by this - just tickled down to my toes. Thank you; thank you; thank you!

"Honestly, your unbeta'd work is very clean, but I'd be happy to beta for you if you'd like. You can email me at erinya_13ATyahoo.com (@ for the AT, of course) and I'll do my best with a fine-tooth comb."

I think I'll take you up on that. Thanks!

[erinya]

Just shoot me an email whenever you want me to look at anything. My response time is generally pretty good.