Dear Christopher
Dear Christopher! My soldier!
Yes, u made a huge mistake. Yes, ur a dog, Yes, ur a liar and a cheater, Yes, ur everything u said u r. Do i still love u...haha, of course i do. Im hurt, im frustrated, angry, depressed....but me constantly sayin ur a bitch, asshole, jerk, son of a bitch isnt going to make this better.
I remember when i called u for the FIRST time, haha, u know how long it took me to actually pick up the phone and dial ur number??? And then to actually realize that once someone answered on the other line i would have to ask for u....haha, i was so scared. So many emotions were running through my head. I wasnt going to call u at all. But....im glad i did. If i never made that call, U and Devonte wouldnt be in my life.
I know u still love me. Deep down inside u do. U made a huge mistake, we can work on it....TOGETHER, but ur gonna want to have to work on it. I think maybe u love me, but ur not in love me with me anymore, and that hurts, but its the truth. I dont wanna live without u. U mean to much to me. We have been together for a long time, and yeah u have hurt me a lot....but i have done some shit to u to. We make mistakes and we learn from them.
I think ur friendship with Lopez has really runined us. And for us to build our marriage again, he needs to go. Look at everything he has done to us. Answer me this....remember that day that u kept comin home and he was in the car, and i got fed up with it, i think i was pms'n that day, but remember i hit u that day??? U left that day and didnt come home till close to midnight. Do u think if u didnt know him at all that u would have done what u did that night, or do u think u would have came home and fought for us??? Cuz i think u would have came home and fought for us. He has seperated us christopher and if u dont see it, then maybe we should seperate.
We are not gettin divorced. U can try, but i will NEVER sign the papers. Its true....yes i wanted one. But i think once u drop Lopez, we will do so much better. I even talked to ur mom and brother {dont ask why} about this, and ur brother was like "thats not christopher." Its true, the way ur acting, and the shit u are doin....its not u....and im willin to sit around and wait for u to come back to me. Why??? Cuz i love u, we have a son together, and no matter how much u try to deny this....we are good together. Look back and think of all the good times we had....dont think of the bad....just the good...thats whats gettin me through this. We belong together, and im not lettin Lopez or Rider or anyone else break us up.
Yeah, ur not helpin much with the bills or Devonte, but all thats gonna change. I believe that after this, u will come to ur senses and realize the bills are here, and Devonte has to eat. When i get back to Texas, im gettin a job. So that way, the bills become my responsibility also. I should have gotten a job a long time ago, and im sorry i never did. Im also going to try and get my GED and do some schoolin, but right now, im just gettin a job.
Christopher...i know we can do this, and im not lettin u go that easy. Ur just gonna have to realize im ur wife, and we have a kid together. Im not leaving....u can try and push me out but im not leaving. I love u to much. U mean everything to me. U and Devonte, and im sorry that i never helped out with anything. I havent been the best wife to u, but u can bet ur ass imma try better. U need to change a few things, and i do to. U need to call more often, and write to us. We are ur family, like it or not. We can do this Christopher. We are strong enough. Its gonna take some time, but i know we can do this. Give it some time, and drop ur friends.
I dont trust u right now, but u can bulid ur trust by callin more, writing...{i havent recieved anything from u}, droppin ur single friends, especially Lopez and Rider, and lettin me in on ur life. U have pushed me out so much, and all i wanna do is be apart of ur life, i wanna be the one u love so much that u cry when we are apart. I wanna be the one u think of before u go to sleep and the first thing on ur mind when u wake up. I wanna be the one u call first when u get a phone call. I wanna be the one u e-mail first when u get on the computer. Paula Deandra has a song called overloved. Heres the lyrics:
I need to find somebody who can't sleep at night
Without holding me without holding me tight
I want someone who sees me all the time in their dreams
And then wakes up thinking just of me
Spent time on my own
Spent time being free
Now I just wanna be
Overloved
Over needed
Over wanted
Over missed when I'm away
Overloved
Over dreamed of
Over cared about
Over everything
I'd give anything to be overloved
I want someone who can't wait to kiss me again
Even though it's been a minute since they last did
Want someone who loves love songs
And dedicates them to me
And two loving arms never out of reach
Been fine all alone
Did fine being free
This time I wanna be
This time I wanna be
Overloved
Over needed
Over wanted
Over missed when I'm away
Overloved
Over dreamed of
Over cared about
Over everything
I'd give anything to be overloved
Want someone to talk to me with talk so sweet
Want someone who's there to share their world with me
I've been too lonely for too many nights
This time I need someone here in my life
This time I want someone holding me tight
Been under kissed, under touched
Now I just wanna be
Overloved
Over needed
Over wanted
Over missed when I'm away
Overloved
Over dreamed of
Over cared about
Over everything
I'd give anything to be overloved
I just wanna be
Overloved
By someone who's over in love with me
Overloved
Over kissed over touched
Oh I just wanna be overloved
Thats all i want from u, and if its to much, then maybe our time is up. I dont wanna think of living without u. It hurts to much. I wanna be there when u come home from work, and dinner is ready. We eat together as a family, after dinner sit on the couch like bums, and watch a movie or something, give u a back rub after u have a long day at work, go to bed TOGETHER. I wanna be the one whos with u at all times....i wanna be ur wife, ur lover, ur best friend, but u have to want me to be there....if u dont....let me go.
Im always here for u. I will never stop loving u, WE will never stop loving u. U hurt me, yes, we can work through it, we have always worked through it....why stop now???
Call me soon....i miss hearing ur voice....!
Love u and be safe!
Missing u every day!
Muah!