Seriously, criticize.
Mountain-dwellers
- Chapter One -
He liked to start off each day with a sigh. It helped him ease the pain that mornings caused him. Of course, for a man of 43, it seems strange to consider 4:18 in the afternoon, 'morning,' but for the purposes of his sanity, Cedric liked to imagine the sun perking up through the endless mountains that surrounded his small home, rather than pretty much the opposite.
He wasn't a businessman. In fact, he rather hated numbers, adding them up, subtracting them, complex division, and small black briefcases filled with crumbled yellow receipts and those key-chain calculators that lawyers give away to their clients at Christmas. He had no interest in becoming a star of any kind. The limelight seemed a bit too ‘citrusy’ for someone who would much rather spend their time waking up at 4:18 in the afternoon, eating a modest bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and once a week re-painting the garage. There was no real reason for this of course, but he always glowed with pride when he finished a coat of fireweed and was finally able to relax. He never seemed to realize that in a few days, he would be standing in his driveway, scratching his chin, wondering if he should have gone with taupe. The colors changed, but for the most part, the days did not.
So life was, and so things were. Cedric would wake up late, make his pilgrimage to the ancient hardware store, and purchase a 5 gallon bucket of latex paint. He'd chat with Roy, his only real contact to humankind, then he'd head back up the hill, with all the intention of unleashing a barrage of color on his unsuspecting garage. Cedric knew little about things outside of his overgrown backyard, which was another odd aspect of his life considering how much time he spent coloring the four walls surrounding his lawn mower and edger. In any case, things were simple. Yes they were. As far as Cedric was concerned, they could have stayed that way too, but an act of God would soon beg to differ.
Tidal waves are not typically an issue in northern Michigan. In fact, they are rarely an issue in any in-land state surrounded mostly by in-land lakes. However, on this Tuesday afternoon, Cedric was wondering why there is a dark, glassy figure looming over the small town at the base of the hill upon which he lives.
"Shit." is all he could seem to mutter, blankly staring down through the trees. Bewildered, he shoveled yet another spoon-full of cereal into his mouth, then trotted back to his small home. On the way in, he tripped on his front step, blaming his lack of concentration on a rather unpleasant racket coming from inside his living room.
The television was spewing some nonsense about a catastrophic emergency of some sort, but at the moment it simply annoyed Cedric. Rather than search for the button on the front of the set, he simply unplugged it, then walked into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him. The figure at the base of the hill was now covering the remains of a rather old hardware store.
Cedric often thought of painting his garage several different colors; one for each side. He fancied the idea, mostly imagining that it would be something ‘unusual,’ but he knew that it might also break up the pleasant monotony of his days. This was something he was not prepared for. This of course, went along with his other point: that paint is far too expensive for any of this multicolor nonsense.
The bedroom door came roaring open, and Cedric stepped out wearing his ‘painting’ overalls and his blue ‘yoopers’ hat (i.e. his ‘painting’ hat). He listened closely to the low hum that seemed to be coming from his windows, which also seem to be vibrating, and made sure that the sound is quiet enough for him to ignore. As he had suspected, it was. He lifted the large bucket of taupe paint, tucked the handle of his paintbrush into his pocket, and reached for his roller. Of course, before he could grab the poly-grip plastic handle, large quantities of murky water had begun to seep through his windows and seemed to prompt a single question in his mind: How the hell am I supposed to paint a wet garage? Though his query was quite reasonable, from a painter‘s perspective, it seemed more important at that point in time that the window panes finally shatter, and Cedric, along with his kitchen table, were pushed against the rear wall of his humble abode, under the immense pressure of thousands of gallons of water.
Now, most find it to be quite distressing when nature decides to stop mucking about, and actually does something with very real and very immediate consequences. For instance, the great fire of Qunam-jimb. It so happened that a small, ape-like creature (who at that time, called himself “Ted”) was the real pioneer of the fire industry. Before any one or any thing could rub two sticks together, Ted had already mastered both fire AND the wheel. Through a simple process involving only a crudely-made container full of water and the presence of sunlight, he had discovered a way to cook meat, as well as keep warm. This invention, that would later be called “fire,” came very much in handy for Ted and his family. It proved to be very effective, until one day when a freak wind blew some burning ash into a nearby tree. In a very short period of time, the forest erupted in a large, burning mass of Ted’s creation, and Ted himself became nothing more than a small, ape-like piece of kindling. From this incident however, many saw the benefits of fire, as well as the importance of fire safety. Ted had once again outdone himself. He had invented the advertisement.
None of this, of course, mattered much to Cedric at the moment, as he was very quickly running out of air.
Alright… so, I’m going to die? That’s just great. And of course it has to be on a Tuesday…
He began to rummage around through the piles of painting supplies submerged beside him.
My six-in-one… no… roller… hmmm… man, I am soaked.
Finally he found a small putty knife. He had never actually unwrapped it, but he’d had it for quite some time. Using the rounded edge like a wedge, he pried a table leg from the wall, and pushed another with all of his might. He managed to pull himself out of the mangled mess of furniture and waded toward a window, periodically falling subject to the immense current that was quite content to whip his body around like a boneless chicken in a tornado. Cedric had of course never seen this occur, but paused for a moment to chuckle to himself about the image that it presented. As he snorted, he reached for the nearest window and noticed something spectacular going on outside his home.
- Chapter two -
Sandy and Ryan were born in a rather odd way. Of course, they used the conventional routes and standard exits from their mother’s womb, but it was the course of events that prompted this birth that seemed quite strange, not only to their extremely surprised mother, but also to an entire planet full of very confused creatures. It was a lovely night and there seemed to be rather pleasant temperatures everywhere. In the south, it was unseasonably cool, and in the north, it seemed a bit warmer than usual. Everyone was quite pleased with how things were going, weather-wise. Nobody seemed to realize that this was all very wrong, and that the cause of all of it was that God had simply nodded off. Of course, many of Earth’s tenants did not, would not, or simply could not believe in such an absurd explanation, and chose to blame it on something other than an act of ‘you-know-who.’ In any case, mankind had to dip a bit further into their bag of excuses to explain the following:
1. A sudden appearance of storm clouds EVERYWHERE.
2. A large swarm of mosquito’s coming into existence (as well as expiring soon thereafter) in north-eastern Alaska.
3. Two children (a boy and a girl) born to a mother who showed absolutely no sign of pregnancy.
4. A dog in Guam who rescued a rather elderly woman from an old church that had caught on fire. (the line was blurry between what were considered miracles and the other odd occurrences that resulted from God’s nap. It was assumed that if God were asleep, there would be no miracles, therefore the incident involving the dog must have simply been the fourth and final odd event of the evening.)
All the events were given explanations, with the exception of the storm clouds. In regards to that bit of nonsense, Meteorologists had chosen to take the following attitude:
Concerned citizen: “But what about all the storm clouds?”
Meteorologist: “What storm clouds?”
Concerned citizen: “The ones that covered the entire world last night. What about them?”
Meteorologist: “How do you know they were EVERYWHERE in the world? Were you EVERYWHERE last night?”
Concerned citizen: “Well, no, of course not… but…”
Meteorologist: “Well, I can tell you with a very high amount of certainty,” at this point, they would cross their fingers, “that those pesky storm clouds were NOT everywhere in the world.”
Concerned citizen: “Why are your fingers crossed?”
Meteorologist: “How do you know that ALL my fingers are crossed?”
And so it went on. Eventually the phenomenon was forgotten by the masses. Well, by all except a young girl named Sandy, and a boy named Ryan, and when they noticed a large wall of water engulfing their town, they simply shrugged and looked at each other, knowing that it was almost time.
- Chapter One -
He liked to start off each day with a sigh. It helped him ease the pain that mornings caused him. Of course, for a man of 43, it seems strange to consider 4:18 in the afternoon, 'morning,' but for the purposes of his sanity, Cedric liked to imagine the sun perking up through the endless mountains that surrounded his small home, rather than pretty much the opposite.
He wasn't a businessman. In fact, he rather hated numbers, adding them up, subtracting them, complex division, and small black briefcases filled with crumbled yellow receipts and those key-chain calculators that lawyers give away to their clients at Christmas. He had no interest in becoming a star of any kind. The limelight seemed a bit too ‘citrusy’ for someone who would much rather spend their time waking up at 4:18 in the afternoon, eating a modest bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and once a week re-painting the garage. There was no real reason for this of course, but he always glowed with pride when he finished a coat of fireweed and was finally able to relax. He never seemed to realize that in a few days, he would be standing in his driveway, scratching his chin, wondering if he should have gone with taupe. The colors changed, but for the most part, the days did not.
So life was, and so things were. Cedric would wake up late, make his pilgrimage to the ancient hardware store, and purchase a 5 gallon bucket of latex paint. He'd chat with Roy, his only real contact to humankind, then he'd head back up the hill, with all the intention of unleashing a barrage of color on his unsuspecting garage. Cedric knew little about things outside of his overgrown backyard, which was another odd aspect of his life considering how much time he spent coloring the four walls surrounding his lawn mower and edger. In any case, things were simple. Yes they were. As far as Cedric was concerned, they could have stayed that way too, but an act of God would soon beg to differ.
Tidal waves are not typically an issue in northern Michigan. In fact, they are rarely an issue in any in-land state surrounded mostly by in-land lakes. However, on this Tuesday afternoon, Cedric was wondering why there is a dark, glassy figure looming over the small town at the base of the hill upon which he lives.
"Shit." is all he could seem to mutter, blankly staring down through the trees. Bewildered, he shoveled yet another spoon-full of cereal into his mouth, then trotted back to his small home. On the way in, he tripped on his front step, blaming his lack of concentration on a rather unpleasant racket coming from inside his living room.
The television was spewing some nonsense about a catastrophic emergency of some sort, but at the moment it simply annoyed Cedric. Rather than search for the button on the front of the set, he simply unplugged it, then walked into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him. The figure at the base of the hill was now covering the remains of a rather old hardware store.
Cedric often thought of painting his garage several different colors; one for each side. He fancied the idea, mostly imagining that it would be something ‘unusual,’ but he knew that it might also break up the pleasant monotony of his days. This was something he was not prepared for. This of course, went along with his other point: that paint is far too expensive for any of this multicolor nonsense.
The bedroom door came roaring open, and Cedric stepped out wearing his ‘painting’ overalls and his blue ‘yoopers’ hat (i.e. his ‘painting’ hat). He listened closely to the low hum that seemed to be coming from his windows, which also seem to be vibrating, and made sure that the sound is quiet enough for him to ignore. As he had suspected, it was. He lifted the large bucket of taupe paint, tucked the handle of his paintbrush into his pocket, and reached for his roller. Of course, before he could grab the poly-grip plastic handle, large quantities of murky water had begun to seep through his windows and seemed to prompt a single question in his mind: How the hell am I supposed to paint a wet garage? Though his query was quite reasonable, from a painter‘s perspective, it seemed more important at that point in time that the window panes finally shatter, and Cedric, along with his kitchen table, were pushed against the rear wall of his humble abode, under the immense pressure of thousands of gallons of water.
Now, most find it to be quite distressing when nature decides to stop mucking about, and actually does something with very real and very immediate consequences. For instance, the great fire of Qunam-jimb. It so happened that a small, ape-like creature (who at that time, called himself “Ted”) was the real pioneer of the fire industry. Before any one or any thing could rub two sticks together, Ted had already mastered both fire AND the wheel. Through a simple process involving only a crudely-made container full of water and the presence of sunlight, he had discovered a way to cook meat, as well as keep warm. This invention, that would later be called “fire,” came very much in handy for Ted and his family. It proved to be very effective, until one day when a freak wind blew some burning ash into a nearby tree. In a very short period of time, the forest erupted in a large, burning mass of Ted’s creation, and Ted himself became nothing more than a small, ape-like piece of kindling. From this incident however, many saw the benefits of fire, as well as the importance of fire safety. Ted had once again outdone himself. He had invented the advertisement.
None of this, of course, mattered much to Cedric at the moment, as he was very quickly running out of air.
Alright… so, I’m going to die? That’s just great. And of course it has to be on a Tuesday…
He began to rummage around through the piles of painting supplies submerged beside him.
My six-in-one… no… roller… hmmm… man, I am soaked.
Finally he found a small putty knife. He had never actually unwrapped it, but he’d had it for quite some time. Using the rounded edge like a wedge, he pried a table leg from the wall, and pushed another with all of his might. He managed to pull himself out of the mangled mess of furniture and waded toward a window, periodically falling subject to the immense current that was quite content to whip his body around like a boneless chicken in a tornado. Cedric had of course never seen this occur, but paused for a moment to chuckle to himself about the image that it presented. As he snorted, he reached for the nearest window and noticed something spectacular going on outside his home.
- Chapter two -
Sandy and Ryan were born in a rather odd way. Of course, they used the conventional routes and standard exits from their mother’s womb, but it was the course of events that prompted this birth that seemed quite strange, not only to their extremely surprised mother, but also to an entire planet full of very confused creatures. It was a lovely night and there seemed to be rather pleasant temperatures everywhere. In the south, it was unseasonably cool, and in the north, it seemed a bit warmer than usual. Everyone was quite pleased with how things were going, weather-wise. Nobody seemed to realize that this was all very wrong, and that the cause of all of it was that God had simply nodded off. Of course, many of Earth’s tenants did not, would not, or simply could not believe in such an absurd explanation, and chose to blame it on something other than an act of ‘you-know-who.’ In any case, mankind had to dip a bit further into their bag of excuses to explain the following:
1. A sudden appearance of storm clouds EVERYWHERE.
2. A large swarm of mosquito’s coming into existence (as well as expiring soon thereafter) in north-eastern Alaska.
3. Two children (a boy and a girl) born to a mother who showed absolutely no sign of pregnancy.
4. A dog in Guam who rescued a rather elderly woman from an old church that had caught on fire. (the line was blurry between what were considered miracles and the other odd occurrences that resulted from God’s nap. It was assumed that if God were asleep, there would be no miracles, therefore the incident involving the dog must have simply been the fourth and final odd event of the evening.)
All the events were given explanations, with the exception of the storm clouds. In regards to that bit of nonsense, Meteorologists had chosen to take the following attitude:
Concerned citizen: “But what about all the storm clouds?”
Meteorologist: “What storm clouds?”
Concerned citizen: “The ones that covered the entire world last night. What about them?”
Meteorologist: “How do you know they were EVERYWHERE in the world? Were you EVERYWHERE last night?”
Concerned citizen: “Well, no, of course not… but…”
Meteorologist: “Well, I can tell you with a very high amount of certainty,” at this point, they would cross their fingers, “that those pesky storm clouds were NOT everywhere in the world.”
Concerned citizen: “Why are your fingers crossed?”
Meteorologist: “How do you know that ALL my fingers are crossed?”
And so it went on. Eventually the phenomenon was forgotten by the masses. Well, by all except a young girl named Sandy, and a boy named Ryan, and when they noticed a large wall of water engulfing their town, they simply shrugged and looked at each other, knowing that it was almost time.