[team 1] just a shadow passing through
hello everyone, this is my shiritori debut! they sandwiched me between kira and mousie, so here i am. \:D/ this is nothing like what i usually write, haha.
"We’re idols. Not superheroes."
"Yeah, but what if we were?" Miyata asks, eyes wide and innocent as he bounces a little on Tamamori's bed, shaking the latter to the point of irritation. "What would your superpower be, Tama-chan?"
Tamamori's first instinct is to answer with "the power to make people shut up," but then he thinks about how lonely that would be. "Invisibility," he finally says, leaning back against the headboard and stretching out.
"Really?" Miyata asks, looking interested, and Tamamori shrugs.
"It's not that I don't love what we do," he says slowly, frowning as he considers his words. If it were anyone else, he'd probably not even mention it, but since it's Miyata… "It's just sometimes I'd like to not have to worry about what everyone thinks of me all the time. You know? Live life without restriction and all."
"I know what you mean," Miyata says quietly, and Tamamori could smack himself; of course he does.
"I mean," Tamamori quickly backpedals, "I'd like to be able to make a mistake without the entire world seeing, or getting other people in trouble for it."
"A mistake, yeah." Miyata forces a smile and it stings worse than if he'd actually frowned.
"What would your superpower be?" Tamamori rushes to ask, to change the topic, to wipe that expression off of Miyata's face and make the ache in his heart stop.
Miyata looks thoughtful for a while, and Tamamori leaves him to it. He already feels awful for bringing up old hurt feelings, though he hadn't meant to. Sometimes he forgets, because it's been so long, and everything is normal between them now. It's almost like they'd never even dated.
Now he remembers, clearly like it had been yesterday. They had been so young, completely inexperienced and jumping right into something that was far more serious than either one of them were ready for. Well, Tamamori mentally corrects, Miyata was probably ready for it. Miyata may not be the best idol in the agency, but he's got the biggest heart, at least as far as Tamamori is concerned. If Miyata says he loves someone, he means it.
And four years ago he'd told Tamamori he loved him.
"I would pick invisibility, too," Miyata finally says, shaking Tamamori from his memories, "because it's no fun being invisible by yourself."
Tamamori stares at him. "Is that a metaphor? You know I'm bad with that stuff."
Now Miyata laughs, a real smile gracing his face, and Tamamori feels considerably lighter. "No, it's not a metaphor. I just think it would be fun to be invisible together. Nobody could see us. We could be whoever we wanted to be."
"Who do you want to be?" Tamamori asks, slumping a little to lean back on his elbows.
"I'm fine with just being me," Miyata tells him. "Anything is fine as long as I'm with you."
"Miyacchi," Tamamori says, trying to laugh it off, but his breath catches in his throat. "Don't say things like that."
As usual, Miyata ignores him as he lays on his back next to Tamamori. "Do you think it would be different? If we weren't idols."
"If we weren't idols, I probably would have never met you," Tamamori points out. "I definitely prefer it this way."
Miyata doesn't respond for a while, then heaves a long sigh. "So what would you do, if you were invisible?"
"I'm not sure," Tamamori answers honestly. "I haven't really thought this out."
"Just like Tama-chan," Miyata says, and Tamamori looks over to see him staring up at the ceiling the way he always does when he's thinking hard about something.
"What would you do?" Tamamori asks curiously.
"Get back together with you," Miyata answers, then covers his face with his hands. "Sorry. It's just that it wouldn't matter if anyone found out, which was why we ended it, and-"
"It's okay," Tamamori cuts him off. "You went five whole months without bringing it up this time."
"I should go," Miyata tells him, starting to roll off the bed. "I'm making things weird, and-"
Tamamori grabs his wrist, halting him. "Do you even remember when we were together? It was four years ago. I don't remember what I did last week."
"I'll never forget it," Miyata says, legs halfway off the bed and his head still on Tamamori's pillow. "We were so stupid."
"We really were," Tamamori agrees, laughing inappropriately, but Miyata joins in with him. "We had no idea what we were doing."
"Hey, we figured it out eventually," Miyata says defensively. "With some help."
Tamamori flings his arm over his eyes as he cringes. "Dammit, I had forgotten about Kitamitsu."
"I try to," Miyata says with a grimace, and Tamamori laughs harder. "But I could never forget you."
The laughter dies out as Tamamori becomes aware of the fact that he's still holding Miyata's wrist. "I don't think I could forget you either. You were my first. At everything."
"Same," Miyata says. "Now you're on, what, thirty-five or something?"
Tamamori shoves at him. "Oh my god, there have not even been half that many."
"Seventeen then," Miyata teases. "Does that count the girls?"
"Stop it," Tamamori hisses, trying half-heartedly to push Miyata the rest of the way off his bed, but Miyata fights back and Tamamori feels sixteen years old again, wrestling with his best friend in the middle of the night and trying to be quiet so that his mother doesn't come scold them.
All of his upper-body training for Dream Boys has him easily pinning Miyata to the bed, which is only a little awkward considering their current topic of conversation. Miyata's long since grown into his face, both literally and figuratively, and it pleases Tamamori to see him so comfortable with himself now.
He ends up folding his hands on Miyata's chest, resting his chin on his fingers as he feels Miyata's calming heartbeat underneath. Four years ago, everything was fast and messy and uncertain. It was over as soon as it began, almost two months of unsuccessfully sneaking around and being overall irresponsible with their unit obligations. Tamamori had been the one to end it for both of their sakes, which Miyata had understood and still does. At that time, there was just no way they could be together.
But Tamamori's not eighteen anymore.
"If we were invisible," he says, his own heartbeat speeding up instead of slowing down, "I think it would be okay."
He feels more than hears Miyata's breath catch in his throat. "What would be okay?"
"Us."
"If only," Miyata scoffs, and Tamamori looks up to see him staring at the ceiling again.
He leans over enough to block Miyata's view. "Do you still love me? Like you did back then?"
"I'll always love you," Miyata says clearly. "If anything, I love you even more after watching you grow up."
The past, present, and future fly behind Tamamori's eyes, and the only thing he sees for all three is Miyata right in front of him.
"Then let's be invisible."
"We’re idols. Not superheroes."
"Yeah, but what if we were?" Miyata asks, eyes wide and innocent as he bounces a little on Tamamori's bed, shaking the latter to the point of irritation. "What would your superpower be, Tama-chan?"
Tamamori's first instinct is to answer with "the power to make people shut up," but then he thinks about how lonely that would be. "Invisibility," he finally says, leaning back against the headboard and stretching out.
"Really?" Miyata asks, looking interested, and Tamamori shrugs.
"It's not that I don't love what we do," he says slowly, frowning as he considers his words. If it were anyone else, he'd probably not even mention it, but since it's Miyata… "It's just sometimes I'd like to not have to worry about what everyone thinks of me all the time. You know? Live life without restriction and all."
"I know what you mean," Miyata says quietly, and Tamamori could smack himself; of course he does.
"I mean," Tamamori quickly backpedals, "I'd like to be able to make a mistake without the entire world seeing, or getting other people in trouble for it."
"A mistake, yeah." Miyata forces a smile and it stings worse than if he'd actually frowned.
"What would your superpower be?" Tamamori rushes to ask, to change the topic, to wipe that expression off of Miyata's face and make the ache in his heart stop.
Miyata looks thoughtful for a while, and Tamamori leaves him to it. He already feels awful for bringing up old hurt feelings, though he hadn't meant to. Sometimes he forgets, because it's been so long, and everything is normal between them now. It's almost like they'd never even dated.
Now he remembers, clearly like it had been yesterday. They had been so young, completely inexperienced and jumping right into something that was far more serious than either one of them were ready for. Well, Tamamori mentally corrects, Miyata was probably ready for it. Miyata may not be the best idol in the agency, but he's got the biggest heart, at least as far as Tamamori is concerned. If Miyata says he loves someone, he means it.
And four years ago he'd told Tamamori he loved him.
"I would pick invisibility, too," Miyata finally says, shaking Tamamori from his memories, "because it's no fun being invisible by yourself."
Tamamori stares at him. "Is that a metaphor? You know I'm bad with that stuff."
Now Miyata laughs, a real smile gracing his face, and Tamamori feels considerably lighter. "No, it's not a metaphor. I just think it would be fun to be invisible together. Nobody could see us. We could be whoever we wanted to be."
"Who do you want to be?" Tamamori asks, slumping a little to lean back on his elbows.
"I'm fine with just being me," Miyata tells him. "Anything is fine as long as I'm with you."
"Miyacchi," Tamamori says, trying to laugh it off, but his breath catches in his throat. "Don't say things like that."
As usual, Miyata ignores him as he lays on his back next to Tamamori. "Do you think it would be different? If we weren't idols."
"If we weren't idols, I probably would have never met you," Tamamori points out. "I definitely prefer it this way."
Miyata doesn't respond for a while, then heaves a long sigh. "So what would you do, if you were invisible?"
"I'm not sure," Tamamori answers honestly. "I haven't really thought this out."
"Just like Tama-chan," Miyata says, and Tamamori looks over to see him staring up at the ceiling the way he always does when he's thinking hard about something.
"What would you do?" Tamamori asks curiously.
"Get back together with you," Miyata answers, then covers his face with his hands. "Sorry. It's just that it wouldn't matter if anyone found out, which was why we ended it, and-"
"It's okay," Tamamori cuts him off. "You went five whole months without bringing it up this time."
"I should go," Miyata tells him, starting to roll off the bed. "I'm making things weird, and-"
Tamamori grabs his wrist, halting him. "Do you even remember when we were together? It was four years ago. I don't remember what I did last week."
"I'll never forget it," Miyata says, legs halfway off the bed and his head still on Tamamori's pillow. "We were so stupid."
"We really were," Tamamori agrees, laughing inappropriately, but Miyata joins in with him. "We had no idea what we were doing."
"Hey, we figured it out eventually," Miyata says defensively. "With some help."
Tamamori flings his arm over his eyes as he cringes. "Dammit, I had forgotten about Kitamitsu."
"I try to," Miyata says with a grimace, and Tamamori laughs harder. "But I could never forget you."
The laughter dies out as Tamamori becomes aware of the fact that he's still holding Miyata's wrist. "I don't think I could forget you either. You were my first. At everything."
"Same," Miyata says. "Now you're on, what, thirty-five or something?"
Tamamori shoves at him. "Oh my god, there have not even been half that many."
"Seventeen then," Miyata teases. "Does that count the girls?"
"Stop it," Tamamori hisses, trying half-heartedly to push Miyata the rest of the way off his bed, but Miyata fights back and Tamamori feels sixteen years old again, wrestling with his best friend in the middle of the night and trying to be quiet so that his mother doesn't come scold them.
All of his upper-body training for Dream Boys has him easily pinning Miyata to the bed, which is only a little awkward considering their current topic of conversation. Miyata's long since grown into his face, both literally and figuratively, and it pleases Tamamori to see him so comfortable with himself now.
He ends up folding his hands on Miyata's chest, resting his chin on his fingers as he feels Miyata's calming heartbeat underneath. Four years ago, everything was fast and messy and uncertain. It was over as soon as it began, almost two months of unsuccessfully sneaking around and being overall irresponsible with their unit obligations. Tamamori had been the one to end it for both of their sakes, which Miyata had understood and still does. At that time, there was just no way they could be together.
But Tamamori's not eighteen anymore.
"If we were invisible," he says, his own heartbeat speeding up instead of slowing down, "I think it would be okay."
He feels more than hears Miyata's breath catch in his throat. "What would be okay?"
"Us."
"If only," Miyata scoffs, and Tamamori looks up to see him staring at the ceiling again.
He leans over enough to block Miyata's view. "Do you still love me? Like you did back then?"
"I'll always love you," Miyata says clearly. "If anything, I love you even more after watching you grow up."
The past, present, and future fly behind Tamamori's eyes, and the only thing he sees for all three is Miyata right in front of him.
"Then let's be invisible."