[TEAM ONE] Out of Touch
This is not really beta read, so if you see any typos, do point them out!
His knees are about to give in, his heart is beating too fast and his hands are shaking as he opens the door to the café he last bought coffee in over four years ago, when he was still in college. Chanyeol thinks that Jongin choosing this place for their meet up is almost unfair.
It's where their first date happened. It's where their last one happened too, right before Chanyeol graduated and left for army and broke up with Jongin because Jongin's parents had still hoped for him to fall in love with a girl, marry and have their grandchildren. They were still hoping he'd give them at least that, now that it was clear he'd never take over their business, that he would rather work tables or be a construction worker or anything that involved moving and did not require any sitting at the desk for long periods of time. Jongin was a dance major back then. It was pretty clear that Jongin would always be a dancer. A great one, one that could make a living out of his passion. But Jongin's parents had their dreams and hopes for their son, and it had been too hard to give them all up. Chanyeol was an eyesore. One that would be out of sight completely though, for the upcoming two years of his military service, and Jongin's parents had been pretty clear about how they hoped the situation would pan out. And Chanyeol ... Chanyeol had been so in love with Jongin, and he couldn't take watching Jongin arguing with his parents all the time, couldn't take his sad eyes and bitten lips and angry outbursts, and he had taken himself out of the equation. Jongin had liked girls before. He had a choice in this, and Chanyeol ... he would live, somehow, even without Jongin.
So really, Jongin probably has a right to be just a little cruel now, four years later, when Sehun called them both, making Jongin his best man and Chanyeol his assistant because "Jongin won't even remember a date of my wedding let alone be able to organize things so you have to be there to save the day with your overdone charts and perfectionism. Tao will kill me if anything goes wrong."
Sehun has been so adamant, and Chanyeol didn't really want to point out it wasn't even a real wedding.
So here he is, four years later, single, working in an audit company, making nice money and never spending it, coming home to an empty apartment, strumming his guitar during the nights, and collecting pamphlets from all of Jongin's dance performances and never going to any. He refuses to call it an obsession yet, but only because Jongin hasn't done that many of them so far. There were some while Chanyeol did his service, and Chanyeol always had someone different go and get him one pamphlet so he could safely put them away when he was on a short vacation. And then Chanyeol got out, and Jongin graduated and went to the army too. Chanyeol knows he's been out just long enough for his hair to grow out again. In his newest showcase pamphlet, it falls into his eyes, soft and reflecting the light of invisible reflectors as he stares up right into Chanyeol's heart.
The café is loud, full of students, and Chanyeol sits at the last free table, in the corner, and waits. Jongin's late, and Chanyeol wonders if maybe 9 am on a Saturday is too soon for him. He should have suggested later time of the day --Jongin loves to sleep in. But Chanyeol knew he himself wouldn't sleep before the meeting, knew he needed it to be sooner than later so he could watch as Jongin nails the last nail to the coffin full of all the feelings Chanyeol still harbors and buries it so that Chanyeol can't do anything but bring flowers of his dreams to the grave of them as he reminds himself of Jongin moving on. He realizes how morbid that all sounds, now that he thinks of it, and promises himself to schedule another planning meeting for the afternoon. He should stop being melodramatic. He'll ask Jongin how he is, he'll receive the news of a long term girlfriend with grace and composure, and he'll focus on planning the best bachelor party ever for Sehun.
Jongin comes in fifteen minutes late, his cheeks pink from the wind and probably the run here, and his eyes a little wide. He looks around, confused, and only after he scans the coffee shop twice, his eyes land on Chanyeol. Chanyeol knows his mouth is open and he's staring as he's hit with the wave of nostalgia and regret. Jongin hunches on himself, and through the haze of longing, Chanyeol realizes picking this place wasn't a form of torture, it was a form or reassurance, for Jongin, who probably wanted the familiarity of a place where good things happened and where they have had countless of easy conversation in between them.
"Hi," Jongin says, and he's so handsome, shoulders wider now, maybe he's even a bit taller, hair slightly messy and falling over his eyes and ears, lips looking so soft, arms and legs moving with so much grace as he pulls the chair back and slumps down on it.
"Hi," Chanyeol says. It comes out high pitched and all wrong, and Jongin, who's started to study the menu immediately, looks up startled. He says nothing though, and it's awkward silence until they order. It stretches beyond that, until Jongin has a warm cup of coffee in his hands and Chanyeol's are still trembling too much to pick up his own.
"You look good," Chanyeol manages at last because the silence is getting too oppressive. "Well. Healthy," he adds quickly so it doesn't come out too ... too something.
"Your ears stick out the same," Jongin says back. "But your hair is so normal," he continues, glancing up quickly.
Another beat of silence passes. Chanyeol grips the table.
"Stop it," Jongin says all of a sudden, and Chanyeol realizes the table shakes along with his entire body. He drops his hands on his knees.
"So Sehun's wedding," Chanyeol begins again, not addressing it.
"Are you seeing someone?" Jongin asks, without much segue, and Chanyeol blanches.
"No. I ... no. Not since--" Chanyeol stops before he makes it even more awkward.
"Me neither," Jongin says then, and Chanyeol looks at him again, his knee knocking into the table from below. Chanyeol's untouched coffee sloshes out, and Jongin shakes his head, pulling out few of the napkins from the stand on the table and clearing the mess. "Still so clumsy, I see," he says, and Chanyeol thinks he hears fondness there, but he can't be sure because his mind is racing.
There is an interview. In the latest showcase pamphlet, there is an interview with Jongin. The showcase's theme is to express different ways that love can wreck us, and so all the artists are asked about love.
I've been in love for so long now that I don't know if I even remember how not to be, Jongin is quoted saying. Maybe if the person I'm in love sees this showcase, they will be able to understand just how much I love them.
So Chanyeol have assumed there was someone. Someone as graceful as Jongin, some very beautiful and kind girl with small hands and soft voice and with knowledge of dance scene and relaxing massage techniques for Jongin's back. Someone who Jongin's mom would be delighted to talk to about knitting. Chanyeol's learned how to knit so he could make a long scarf for Jongin for his January birthday, but Jongin's mom only found it strange and his design lacking.
"What about the girl your dance is for?" Chanyeol blurts out, and Jongin gives him a strange look?
"What?"
"Your showcase," Chanyeol says, Sehun's wedding forgotten. He didn't think seeing Jongin would be like this. He thought four years has numbed him, has dulled his longing and his wanting, has made him immune to Jongin's sleepy eyes and languid motions and to his being vibrating with the energy that Chanyeol always wanted to soak up in.
"Why would that be for a girl?" Jongin asks, and Chanyeol wants to shake him because Jongin must be playing dumb or something. He bites his lip instead, keeps himself from reaching over but watches Jongin cautiously. Jongin's eyes drop to his bitten lip. Chanyeol's stomach hurts so badly right now.
"Sehun doesn't really need his best man to plan his bachelor party or anything else really. Tao hired a legitimate wedding planner. He says that since the wedding can't be legally valid, he wants to make sure it's the best fake wedding ever so that everyone doesn't even think of calling it unreal. He wants it to be perfect, and I could never do perfect. And no offense, but you look like a mess, so I doubt you could be perfect either."
"You're always perfect," Chanyeol blurts out then bangs his knee on the table again, because fuck he should not be saying things like that. Nothing makes sense anymore. "I don't understand." Jongin shouldn't be perfect, perfect for Chanyeol, not after all these years. Chanyeol also doesn't understand why they're sitting here if what Jongin is saying is truth.
"I just wanted to know if you're seeing someone, and Sehun wouldn't tell me," Jongin says. His hands are full of stained napkins, but they're still, placed all the way over on Chanyeol's side of the small table. "So. Since you are single. I need a date for the wedding."
Chanyeol digs his nails into his knees so they don't bounce up in surprise anymore. His eyes must be so comically wide right now, and he can feel his left one twitching.
Jongin gets up, dropping the napkins and digging into the pockets of his hoodie. "Here's a ticket to my showcase. You should go watch it," he says. "Since you seem to have read the pamphlet, you know my part is about pain." Jongin licks his lips and meets Chanyeol's eyes. "It's about pain but also about a hope, maybe, just a little bit. So go watch it for once. And then tell me what you think."
He spins on his heel and leaves, quickly, bumping into a girl that swoons a little at his quick apology and nervous smile. Chanyeol just sits there, realizing he didn't get a chance to ask how Jongin was or anything else at all for that matter. He just sits there, staring at the sole ticket staining brown now, and wondering if all this time while Chanyeol was trying to stash away feelings too large into a box too small, Jongin was dancing, so close, just barely outside his grasp--dancing for him.
Good luck, lovely bluedreaming. ♥
His knees are about to give in, his heart is beating too fast and his hands are shaking as he opens the door to the café he last bought coffee in over four years ago, when he was still in college. Chanyeol thinks that Jongin choosing this place for their meet up is almost unfair.
It's where their first date happened. It's where their last one happened too, right before Chanyeol graduated and left for army and broke up with Jongin because Jongin's parents had still hoped for him to fall in love with a girl, marry and have their grandchildren. They were still hoping he'd give them at least that, now that it was clear he'd never take over their business, that he would rather work tables or be a construction worker or anything that involved moving and did not require any sitting at the desk for long periods of time. Jongin was a dance major back then. It was pretty clear that Jongin would always be a dancer. A great one, one that could make a living out of his passion. But Jongin's parents had their dreams and hopes for their son, and it had been too hard to give them all up. Chanyeol was an eyesore. One that would be out of sight completely though, for the upcoming two years of his military service, and Jongin's parents had been pretty clear about how they hoped the situation would pan out. And Chanyeol ... Chanyeol had been so in love with Jongin, and he couldn't take watching Jongin arguing with his parents all the time, couldn't take his sad eyes and bitten lips and angry outbursts, and he had taken himself out of the equation. Jongin had liked girls before. He had a choice in this, and Chanyeol ... he would live, somehow, even without Jongin.
So really, Jongin probably has a right to be just a little cruel now, four years later, when Sehun called them both, making Jongin his best man and Chanyeol his assistant because "Jongin won't even remember a date of my wedding let alone be able to organize things so you have to be there to save the day with your overdone charts and perfectionism. Tao will kill me if anything goes wrong."
Sehun has been so adamant, and Chanyeol didn't really want to point out it wasn't even a real wedding.
So here he is, four years later, single, working in an audit company, making nice money and never spending it, coming home to an empty apartment, strumming his guitar during the nights, and collecting pamphlets from all of Jongin's dance performances and never going to any. He refuses to call it an obsession yet, but only because Jongin hasn't done that many of them so far. There were some while Chanyeol did his service, and Chanyeol always had someone different go and get him one pamphlet so he could safely put them away when he was on a short vacation. And then Chanyeol got out, and Jongin graduated and went to the army too. Chanyeol knows he's been out just long enough for his hair to grow out again. In his newest showcase pamphlet, it falls into his eyes, soft and reflecting the light of invisible reflectors as he stares up right into Chanyeol's heart.
The café is loud, full of students, and Chanyeol sits at the last free table, in the corner, and waits. Jongin's late, and Chanyeol wonders if maybe 9 am on a Saturday is too soon for him. He should have suggested later time of the day --Jongin loves to sleep in. But Chanyeol knew he himself wouldn't sleep before the meeting, knew he needed it to be sooner than later so he could watch as Jongin nails the last nail to the coffin full of all the feelings Chanyeol still harbors and buries it so that Chanyeol can't do anything but bring flowers of his dreams to the grave of them as he reminds himself of Jongin moving on. He realizes how morbid that all sounds, now that he thinks of it, and promises himself to schedule another planning meeting for the afternoon. He should stop being melodramatic. He'll ask Jongin how he is, he'll receive the news of a long term girlfriend with grace and composure, and he'll focus on planning the best bachelor party ever for Sehun.
Jongin comes in fifteen minutes late, his cheeks pink from the wind and probably the run here, and his eyes a little wide. He looks around, confused, and only after he scans the coffee shop twice, his eyes land on Chanyeol. Chanyeol knows his mouth is open and he's staring as he's hit with the wave of nostalgia and regret. Jongin hunches on himself, and through the haze of longing, Chanyeol realizes picking this place wasn't a form of torture, it was a form or reassurance, for Jongin, who probably wanted the familiarity of a place where good things happened and where they have had countless of easy conversation in between them.
"Hi," Jongin says, and he's so handsome, shoulders wider now, maybe he's even a bit taller, hair slightly messy and falling over his eyes and ears, lips looking so soft, arms and legs moving with so much grace as he pulls the chair back and slumps down on it.
"Hi," Chanyeol says. It comes out high pitched and all wrong, and Jongin, who's started to study the menu immediately, looks up startled. He says nothing though, and it's awkward silence until they order. It stretches beyond that, until Jongin has a warm cup of coffee in his hands and Chanyeol's are still trembling too much to pick up his own.
"You look good," Chanyeol manages at last because the silence is getting too oppressive. "Well. Healthy," he adds quickly so it doesn't come out too ... too something.
"Your ears stick out the same," Jongin says back. "But your hair is so normal," he continues, glancing up quickly.
Another beat of silence passes. Chanyeol grips the table.
"Stop it," Jongin says all of a sudden, and Chanyeol realizes the table shakes along with his entire body. He drops his hands on his knees.
"So Sehun's wedding," Chanyeol begins again, not addressing it.
"Are you seeing someone?" Jongin asks, without much segue, and Chanyeol blanches.
"No. I ... no. Not since--" Chanyeol stops before he makes it even more awkward.
"Me neither," Jongin says then, and Chanyeol looks at him again, his knee knocking into the table from below. Chanyeol's untouched coffee sloshes out, and Jongin shakes his head, pulling out few of the napkins from the stand on the table and clearing the mess. "Still so clumsy, I see," he says, and Chanyeol thinks he hears fondness there, but he can't be sure because his mind is racing.
There is an interview. In the latest showcase pamphlet, there is an interview with Jongin. The showcase's theme is to express different ways that love can wreck us, and so all the artists are asked about love.
I've been in love for so long now that I don't know if I even remember how not to be, Jongin is quoted saying. Maybe if the person I'm in love sees this showcase, they will be able to understand just how much I love them.
So Chanyeol have assumed there was someone. Someone as graceful as Jongin, some very beautiful and kind girl with small hands and soft voice and with knowledge of dance scene and relaxing massage techniques for Jongin's back. Someone who Jongin's mom would be delighted to talk to about knitting. Chanyeol's learned how to knit so he could make a long scarf for Jongin for his January birthday, but Jongin's mom only found it strange and his design lacking.
"What about the girl your dance is for?" Chanyeol blurts out, and Jongin gives him a strange look?
"What?"
"Your showcase," Chanyeol says, Sehun's wedding forgotten. He didn't think seeing Jongin would be like this. He thought four years has numbed him, has dulled his longing and his wanting, has made him immune to Jongin's sleepy eyes and languid motions and to his being vibrating with the energy that Chanyeol always wanted to soak up in.
"Why would that be for a girl?" Jongin asks, and Chanyeol wants to shake him because Jongin must be playing dumb or something. He bites his lip instead, keeps himself from reaching over but watches Jongin cautiously. Jongin's eyes drop to his bitten lip. Chanyeol's stomach hurts so badly right now.
"Sehun doesn't really need his best man to plan his bachelor party or anything else really. Tao hired a legitimate wedding planner. He says that since the wedding can't be legally valid, he wants to make sure it's the best fake wedding ever so that everyone doesn't even think of calling it unreal. He wants it to be perfect, and I could never do perfect. And no offense, but you look like a mess, so I doubt you could be perfect either."
"You're always perfect," Chanyeol blurts out then bangs his knee on the table again, because fuck he should not be saying things like that. Nothing makes sense anymore. "I don't understand." Jongin shouldn't be perfect, perfect for Chanyeol, not after all these years. Chanyeol also doesn't understand why they're sitting here if what Jongin is saying is truth.
"I just wanted to know if you're seeing someone, and Sehun wouldn't tell me," Jongin says. His hands are full of stained napkins, but they're still, placed all the way over on Chanyeol's side of the small table. "So. Since you are single. I need a date for the wedding."
Chanyeol digs his nails into his knees so they don't bounce up in surprise anymore. His eyes must be so comically wide right now, and he can feel his left one twitching.
Jongin gets up, dropping the napkins and digging into the pockets of his hoodie. "Here's a ticket to my showcase. You should go watch it," he says. "Since you seem to have read the pamphlet, you know my part is about pain." Jongin licks his lips and meets Chanyeol's eyes. "It's about pain but also about a hope, maybe, just a little bit. So go watch it for once. And then tell me what you think."
He spins on his heel and leaves, quickly, bumping into a girl that swoons a little at his quick apology and nervous smile. Chanyeol just sits there, realizing he didn't get a chance to ask how Jongin was or anything else at all for that matter. He just sits there, staring at the sole ticket staining brown now, and wondering if all this time while Chanyeol was trying to stash away feelings too large into a box too small, Jongin was dancing, so close, just barely outside his grasp--dancing for him.
Good luck, lovely bluedreaming. ♥