The Second Hand Unwinds (Part 11/?) - Once Upon A Time - Regina/Emma
Title: The Second Hand Unwinds (Part 11/?)
Fandom: Once Upon A Time
Rating: Hard R for the entire story
Pairings/Characters: Emma/Regina (eventually), Henry, Mary Margaret, all of Storybrooke
Summary: What if when Sidney cut Emma's brakes, the accident hadn't been so minor? And how will one little incident cause everything to unravel?
Spoilers: Up to 1x11, then goes decidedly AU
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Please don't sue.
Author's Note: And now, we arrive at what is (so far) my favorite chapter. I've been planning and tweaking and working on this chapter for quite a while. And I know that all of it is going to be Jossed on Sunday, but as I said, this is an AU story and this is my backstory so... I hope you guys enjoy it. Please let me know what you think. It may be a few days before another chapter goes up, but hopefully the length of this one will make that okay.
Regina ran a hand over her face, trying to focus on the paperwork - the same damn paperwork and now it was really getting on her nerves - in front of her and pushing away the thoughts of the dreams she'd had the night before.
Once again, Emma Swan had invaded her subconscious, only this time, she hadn't died. Instead, Regina had watched, almost as though in an out of body experience, as the two times she had reached out to Emma and asked for help seemed to juxtapose themselves over each other into one vulnerable moment. She saw herself reach out and grab Emma's arm and then lean in so close that her breath mingled with Emma's.
"Help me." She'd murmured, staring into Emma's eyes.
And then, the woman had leaned closer, pressing her lips against Regina's. That was when the out of body experience had ended, and instead she'd felt everything about the kiss, until she'd woken up, gasping. When she'd tried to go back to sleep, the dream had repeated but gone on longer, to the point after the kiss when Emma simply embraced Regina and Henry, the three of them hugging and holding onto each other as though they were a family. That dream had stuck with her even more, so much so that she had pulled Henry against her before sending him off to school, hoping that feeling his arms around her would release the feelings that were bottled up inside. But he had squirmed in her embrace, his arms hanging limply at his sides and then pulled away quickly, only worsening the ache inside her.
She'd tried to push the thoughts away, but they continued to run through her head. It was as though she had actually kissed Emma - the feelings the dream had created in her were so strong. And she still found herself longing for the woman's embrace.
Pushing away from the desk, she stalked out of the office and headed for her home. Henry looked up surprised as she stormed into the house, heading straight for her study. She grabbed a large bag from the study and then came back out, her eyes catching on Henry.
"Henry, get your things. I'm taking you to David and Kathryn's." She told him.
"What? Why? What's going on?"
"I have something I need to do tonight. It may take a while. I don't want to leave you alone, so you can stay with David and Kathryn."
Henry looked at her with suspicion, his eyes on the bag at her side, as though he was expecting her to be going on a killing spree with whatever it was that she had inside it. If only he knew what she was really doing. Regina shook her head. "Henry, I don't have time to argue with you. Get your things, now."
With a deep sigh and large frown, Henry did as he was told.
**
Kathryn had been surprised when she opened the door to Regina and Henry, but also pleased to be able to help her friend.
"Kathryn, I -"
Kathryn waved her words away. "Regina, we're happy to have Henry for a while. I know David will love having him around. We'll have dinner, make sure he does his homework for the weekend, the boys can play. It's no trouble."
"I don't know how long I'll be." Regina admitted, looking past Kathryn to where David and Henry were already settled at the kitchen table, leaning over Henry's math homework. A large part of Regina balked at the idea of leaving Henry with the man. She wanted nothing more than to pull Henry away from David, drag him back to the house, and lock them both away until these damnable thoughts and feelings went away. But Regina knew that they weren't going away. Not until she got Emma Swan back in Storybrooke.
And as much as she may have hated James in her previous life, in this one David was perfectly pliable and of no harm to her.
"Regina, go. We'll be fine." Kathryn assured. "If it gets to be too late, Henry can stay in the guest room. Please, stop worrying and go do what you need to do."
With a nod, Regina left. She didn't bother saying goodbye to Henry, not wanting to see the indifference in his eyes yet again.
**
She stood outside the door, her hand poised to knock for a good five minutes before she finally forced herself into action. She had never been timid in her old life, always moving forward even when the task was unpleasant - to say the least - and she would not allow herself to become weak now, even if that's exactly how she was beginning to feel.
Twenty-eight years in Storybrooke had chipped her armor and left her out of practice and vulnerable to attack. Emma Swan had swooped in and found her weaknesses, even if she hadn't known what she was doing. And now, she was at the blonde's mercy, even from thousands of miles away.
The door swung open and Mary Margaret stood inside, staring at Regina as though the woman was a horse head she'd found in her bed - full of fear and perhaps the tiniest bit of disgust. "Madam Mayor! What are you doing here?"
Regina swallowed, trying to force her throat to work. "May I come in?"
"Oh. Of course!" The teacher moved quickly to the side, allowing Regina to enter into the space that she had never before set foot in.
As soon as she was inside, Regina regretted her decision. She shouldn't have come here. This was the very definition of insanity - the whole thing. Everything that had happened since Emma's accident was. And to come here of all places - if she was really going to do this, she should've made Mary Margaret come to the house.
But the door closed under Mary Margaret's hand with a quiet click, and all chance of escape seemed to go with it. She wondered, idly, if this was how Rumpel had felt when he'd been locked in the dungeon - caged and restless and ready to lash out at any moment.
"Regina?" Her name was so full of questions - what was she doing there? Why had she sought out Mary Margaret? Could the teacher even refer to her by her first name?
She turned at the sound, her eyes catching a framed photo on a side table. Without acknowledging Mary Margaret, she moved over and picked up the photo, staring at it. It was of Emma and Mary Margaret, wearing matching smiles, their arms around each other. She couldn't seem to take her eyes off of Emma's face.
"Regina?" Mary Margaret asked again, moving closer to the mayor.
Regina finally pulled her eyes away from the picture, meeting Mary Margaret's gaze. She turned the photo toward the woman. "You miss her."
Mary Margaret frowned. "Of course I miss her. Regina, what -"
"Strangely enough," Regina sighed, "I find myself missing her, too." It was the easiest of the things she needed to confess, so she allowed it to slip out first. Practice for what was to come.
Mary Margaret continued to look at her strangely, still confused as to what the mayor was doing in her home.
"She's in California, you know."
"What?" It was the first that Mary Margaret had heard that.
"She decided to trade one life for another. I can't say I blame her for that." Regina set the photo down with a finality, moving away from it and towards the small, worn couch in the living room. She imagined Emma lying sprawled on it. It was almost as though she could still see her there - a ghost of a memory, continuing to haunt her.
"Regina, why - I mean - "
"She disconnected her phone, as you well know, but I have her address. I know where she lives. But I can't go and get her. I can't bring her back here."
"You want to bring her back?" Mary Margaret moved even closer. "But I thought you wanted her gone?"
Regina laughed. "I thought so, too. It's only now that I'm realizing what it is that has been lost - now that it's so far out of my reach."
Mary Margaret studied Regina, trying to gauge what was going on with the woman. It was clear that she was upset, as she had been the night before. "Well, maybe you can't go get her - which I understand, I mean, you're the mayor, you have so many things to do here in Storybrooke - but there's nothing that's stopping me. If you give me her address, I could go and -"
Regina laughed again. It was humorless and dark. "No, you couldn't. You couldn't go anymore than I could. Don't you see, Miss Blanchard? Henry was right. You can't leave. No one can leave but Emma herself."
Mary Margaret reached out and touched Regina's arm. "Regina, have you been drinking?"
Regina pulled away from the brunette, laughing again, almost hysterical this time. "You think I'm drunk? Of course you do. God, I wish I were. But no, Miss Blanchard, I haven't been drinking. I assure you that I'm perfectly sober."
"Regina, you aren't making any sense. I think that you're tired and -"
"Yes." Regina nodded suddenly. "Yes. I am. I am tired."
"Okay. Well, why don't you -"
"I am tired of these lies and I am tired of these dreams and I am tired of my son looking at me with nothing but hate and indifference."
"Regina, I'm sorry, but I -"
Regina laughed again. "You don't know how often I wished that you would say that. Two little words. I'm sorry. That's all I really wanted, you know. Just for you to be sorry. But you weren't. You weren't sorry and I realized that if you weren't sorry, weren't even the least bit remorseful, then it meant that you'd never truly cared. So you see, they got it all wrong. It wasn't me who was pretending, it was you."
Mary Margaret moved slowly toward the phone, her eyes on Regina as though she was a trapped, wounded animal that could lash out at any time. It was a strange look to see on her face - so frightened. One thing Snow had never been was frightened of her. She'd always been defiant and so damn stubborn. "Regina, I'm just going to call Dr. Hopper. I think that maybe -"
"No." Regina's voice stopped Mary Margaret right in her tracks. It was cruel and calculating. "I am not crazy. And neither is my son."
She reached into the bag hanging at her side and pulled out the book, opening it to the page that showed The Queen casting the curse - her in the center as the world swirled around her.
"What are you talking about?" Mary Margaret whispered, staring at the picture that Regina was thrusting in front of her.
"You can't leave. I can't leave. No one can leave Storybrooke. We're all trapped here because of me. Because of the curse."
Mary Margaret's eyes flew up to Regina's, wide with fear. "Regina, what -"
"My son is far smarter than he should be. But then, I guess I have you to thank for helping him to figure it out. You're the one who gave him the book, after all. It seems that everything comes back to you," Regina stared at her, dark eyes swirling with far too many emotions for Mary Margaret to have been able to comprehend them on a good day, let alone now, "Snow."
At the name, Mary Margaret stepped back as though Regina had physically struck her. "What are you saying? Regina, listen to yourself. You - I think that you - you're - confused or - or upset or - "
Regina shook her head. "I should've known that you wouldn't listen." She turned her back on the teacher, facing the door. "You said you didn't believe it was the only story. You said you were here if I needed to talk. I guess they were just more lies."
Mary Margaret watched her walk to the door. She almost let Regina leave, but saw the way the older woman's hands shook as she reached for the door knob.
"Regina, wait. Don't leave." She moved closer. "I just - this is a lot for me to take in. What you're saying - Regina, what you're implying - "
Regina turned back, her eyes still dark. "I'm not implying anything, Miss Blanchard. I'm saying it plainly. For the first time, I am admitting it."
"That you're actually The Evil Queen? And that you cursed everyone in Fairy Tale Land and sent us all here?" Mary Margaret watched as Regina nodded. She held up one finger to the other woman and took a deep breath. "Okay, you're just going to have to give me one second here."
Then she turned quickly and headed for the kitchen. Regina could hear her rummaging around through cupboards, muttering to herself as she did. A few moments later she heard a triumphant "Ah ha!" and watched as the brunette came back into the room carrying a bottle and two glasses.
Regina blinked in surprise. "Jack Daniels?"
"It was Emma's." Mary Margaret explained as she put the glasses down and poured a healthy amount of the alcohol into both glasses. She handed one to Regina. "If you're not drunk right now, then I think I need to be."
Regina watched in something akin to shock as Mary Margaret tossed the drink back. Mary Margaret coughed just a bit, then looked up at Regina, blinking. She reached for the bottle, but Regina's hand closed over hers.
"I think one drink is enough for you right now. While you may want to be drunk for this, I'd like you to be sober."
Mary Margaret nodded. "Okay. Okay, so… " she looked at Regina, "go ahead."
Regina studied her for a few moments before she tossed back her own drink. After the alcohol had burned its way down her throat, she cleared it slightly and then began to speak. "I don't even know where to begin."
"How about somewhere easy? Henry believes that the book is true and that everyone here in town is a fairy tale character. You're saying that's true?"
Regina nodded.
"So you really are The Evil Queen?"
Regina laughed bitterly. "My name was Regina there as well. But the book has regulated me to simply The Evil Queen. Far easier to hate me if I have no name."
"Right." Mary Margaret murmured. "So you're - Regina, The Queen - and I'm…"
"Snow White."
"Snow White." Mary Margaret tried the name out on her tongue. It shouldn't have been such a surprise - Henry had been telling her she was Snow White for a while now - but it still felt foreign and not at all real. "Like poisoned apple, glass coffin Snow White?"
"Enchanted apple." Regina replied quickly with a brief roll of her eyes. "And as for the coffin, you can blame that on those dwarves you insisted on cavorting with. I certainly wouldn't have put you in one. I'd have had you in a pine box, six feet under."
"No, you wouldn't have." Mary Margaret replied shaking her head, as though it was the truest thing she'd ever known.
"You think you know me now?" Regina's voice was bitter.
Mary Margaret shook her head again softly, but she kept her eyes on Regina. "You were the one who made it a point to say that the apple was enchanted, not poisoned." She pointed out. "And if you really had wanted me dead why not kill me here in Storybrooke? Or are you somehow prohibited from killing me?"
Regina moved closer suddenly, her fingers wrapped around Mary Margaret's neck, squeezing tightly. Mary Margaret could feel Regina's fingernails biting into her skin and she tried to gasp in air, but her wind pipe was effectively closed off.
"Does it seem like I'm prohibited from killing you?" Regina asked as she finally let go and allowed the teacher to draw breath.
"No." Mary Margaret said when she could breathe again. "At least not by magic. But there's something else there. Something that's stopping you."
"You know nothing." Regina spat.
"You're right. I don't. I don't know anything about our former life - if there was one - because I can't remember it. Because you cursed us all. But I know that there's more to the story than you being evil and hating me because I was pretty. So what is the real story, Regina?"
Regina said nothing, just continued to look at Mary Margaret. The teacher moved forward and picked up the book from where it had fallen on the floor. She flipped through the pages, stopping when she reached the picture she had seen at the diner. She held it up for Regina to see, but the older woman looked away.
"I was right, wasn't I? At the diner. It wasn't pretend. You did care about her - me."
Regina turned back to look at her and Mary Margaret saw the sheen of tears. "No. I didn't care about her." She glanced at the picture, Snow on her lap. "I loved her."
The words were so quiet, Mary Margaret thought that perhaps she had imagined them. But the single tear that slipped down Regina's cheek was enough to tell her that she hadn't.
"So then what happened, Regina? How did you - how did we - go from that," she motioned to the book, to the picture that Regina couldn't escape from, "to this?" She waved her hand between them, searching Regina's face for some kind of an answer. "With a poisoned apple and a curse and god knows what else in between. What happened?"
Regina closed her eyes for a long time before she opened them again, moving over and pouring them each another drink. Then she sank down on the couch, trying not to imagine that she could smell Emma's perfume still lingering on it. "She -" Regina looked at her and stopped. "You were twelve the first time I met you. Dark hair and pale skin, with these big bright eyes that showed every emotion. It was easy to see why everyone loved you. It was easy to love you too. Especially after -"
Regina's throat closed as memories began to bombard her. Memories that she had kept locked away, to save herself from the pain that they caused.
"After what?" Mary Margaret leaned forward and covered Regina's hands with her own, squeezing them gently. This time Regina didn't pull away.
"My mother was a powerful woman. She always got what she wanted. And she wanted her daughter to marry the king. So she did what she had to do to make it happen."
There was something there, in Regina's voice that told Mary Margaret that her mother had done horrible things, but she didn't elaborate on them and Mary Margaret couldn't bring herself to ask. "After your own mother's death, your father's kingdom began to suffer. He was running out of money, there were wars. He needed a miracle. And that's exactly what my mother promised him."
Now Regina did pull her hands away, getting up from the couch and pacing back and forth in front of Mary Margaret. "If the king took me as his wife, I would make sure the kingdom had all the gold it could ever wish for."
"How?" Mary Margaret leaned forward, not wanting to miss a moment of the spell that the older woman was weaving with her words.
"By spinning straw into gold, of course." Regina replied, her fingers coming up to touch the thin gold chain that now hung around her neck. Emma's pendant gleamed against her skin.
Mary Margaret blinked. "Wait. So that makes you -"
"The miller's daughter." Regina mock bowed. "Yes. Of course, I knew nothing of my mother's promises. I was young - in my early twenties - and naïve about just how… evil my mother could be. She dressed me up in a fancy gown and off we went to the palace to see the king. My father kissed me goodbye as though it were any other trip on any other day. I didn't know that I should be afraid."
Regina's eyes went even darker than normal, taking on a far off look. "When I got to the palace, I was presented to your father. He spoke of my mother's promise - the one I knew nothing of - and nodded to the guards and before I knew what was happening, they were pulling me away from my mother and dragging me to a room in the high tower, filled with straw. I begged and screamed for my mother to stop them, to let me go home. I tried to tell them that I couldn't do it, that I didn't have the power. But my mother had made her promise, and I had to either live up to it or die."
"Surely she wouldn't have allowed you to die there?" Mary Margaret asked breathlessly.
Regina's smile was broken. "You don't know my mother."
For long minutes there was silence as Mary Margaret tried to process everything and Regina tried to force the memories back down. She jumped when she felt Mary Margaret's hands on her shoulders.
"You don't have to keep going." Mary Margaret said softly.
It was an out. She could take it, leave this house, and never speak of any of this again. But August's words continued to echo in her head and she knew that if she'd come this far, she needed to finish it. Maybe she'd never find redemption, maybe she'd be eternally cursed, haunted by Emma and her sins, but she had to at least try. "Yes, I do."
Mary Margaret nodded and gently steered Regina back toward the couch. Looking at the woman in front of her, it was almost impossible to believe that she'd ever been The Evil Queen - not when she looked so lost and broken.
"I was scared," her voice was quiet and Mary Margaret had to move closer on the couch to be able to make out all the words, "locked in that tower, knowing that I couldn't spin anything, let alone straw into gold. I sat there and cried and waited for my death. And then -"
She looked at Mary Margaret, her hand reaching out almost of its own accord to touch the younger woman's hair. "The door to the tower opened and in you walked."
"Me?"
"You had charmed the guards into letting you in to see me. You were always mischievous, always getting into something. You brought me bread and cheese and told me that I was beautiful. You gave me hope. And then the guards came and told you it was time to go. And I watched you leave and -" Mary Margaret squeezed her hand. "I knew I was going to die."
"But you didn't," the teacher said softly, "because of Rumpelstiltskin?"
Mary Margaret watched as a dark look passed over Regina's face at the mention of his name. She wondered who in town the man was, if he was even in the town.
"No. I didn't die then." Regina shook her head as though to clear it. "You know the story, of course. I was stupid and naïve and made a deal with him. He kept his end of it and spun the straw into gold all three nights. During the days I was free to roam around the palace. You were supposed to be having your lessons, but you kept sneaking away to see me. You told me all about the palace and how I would love living there. I believed you." Regina closed her eyes tightly. "After the third night, your father held up his end of the bargain and asked me to marry him. My mother was happy, your father was happy, you seemed happy. I told myself that I could be happy too. And so I accepted his proposal."
"You became Queen. But what of your deal with Rumpelstiltskin?"
Regina laughed darkly again. "What of it? I had signed my name without reading the fine print. He'd taken my necklace and my ring. I thought that was all that he really wanted. I pushed him out of my mind. I married your father and spent my days with you. I quickly came to love you, and you me. Or so I thought."
Again the darkness slid over Regina's features. What did I do, Mary Margaret wondered, to destroy everything?
"We shared secrets, told each other everything. You would come into my chambers and climb up on my lap," her hand motioned to the picture in the book that had found its way to the coffee table, "and we would talk for hours. I told you the truth about not being able to spin the gold. You swore you would keep my secret."
"But I didn't?" Mary Margaret frowned.
"Oh no. You kept that secret. Your betrayal came later."
"Regina -"
"Your father was still in love with your mother. I didn't blame him for that. I understood that he had married me to save his kingdom but that in his heart he was still married to her. I cared for him, mostly I think because of the way we both loved you so dearly, but I didn't love him any more than he loved me. And so I slept in my own bed chambers at night and never -"
"You were never intimate with him." Mary Margaret blinked. "It was all just a marriage of convenience. Did I know?"
"Not fully, no. You knew we slept apart - you'd often sneak into my chambers at night and ask me to tell you stories - but you were too young to fully understand. Your father was never cruel to me, in public we appeared happy. Everyone believed the lie, even you."
"You must have been lonely."
The tears were back in Regina's eyes. "I was. My mother left me there and she kept my father from coming for me. She was sent a monthly stipend from the castle and that's all that she really wanted. My father sent an apple tree to remind me of home. We planted it in the courtyard and I spent my time tending it and being with you."
"We planted it?"
"You and I. You were mesmerized by it when it arrived and begged to help me plant and tend it. I wanted to make you happy and so I agreed."
"What happened, Regina?" Mary Margaret's voice was soft and filled with tears. "If you loved me so much, then why -"
"I was lonely. And so I took a lover." Regina's voice was emotionless, but Mary Margaret could see the emotions swirling rapidly through her eyes. "No one knew, not even you. But I loved him and he loved me. Truly. And I knew it was dangerous - it would be treason if we were caught and both of us would be killed - but my love for him encompassed almost everything and it didn't matter to me anymore. I only wanted to be with him as often as I could and as long as I could." Emotion slowly started to creep back in as Regina continued. "He asked me to run away with him. He said that we could go someplace where no one would ever find us. Build a little cottage in the woods and stay there together for the rest of our lives."
"Did you do it?"
"No." Regina stood up and moved away from Mary Margaret, refusing to face her. "I told him that I couldn't do it. Because I couldn't leave you."
"Wh -"
"You'd already lost one mother. I wouldn't put you through losing another. How foolish I was."
"I -" She honestly didn't know what to say to any of this.
"We kept on in secret. And then -" Regina's voice broke.
Mary Margaret moved to her, pulling her into a hug that Regina tried to pull away from, but Mary Margaret held fast. "You can stop. I know that I had to have done something horrible. You don't have to -"
Regina pulled away. "Rumpel made good on the final part of his deal."
Mary Margaret looked confused, until everything suddenly clicked into place. "Oh my god. Regina."
"I hadn't even realized - and I woke up and - the pain and the blood. I thought I could save her but -" Tears finally poured down Regina's cheeks as she recalled the tiny, barely formed body and what had seemed at the time like rivers of blood. "He took her before I ever got to have her."
This time when Mary Margaret embraced her, Regina clutched onto the other woman, crying like she hadn't since that day. When she finally composed herself, Mary Margaret pulled away. She returned with a box of tissues and another glass of alcohol for both of them.
Regina downed the liquid, then set about cleaning herself up with trembling hands. "You snuck into my chamber and found me. You were fifteen then and hadn't come into my rooms at night in months. I don't know why you did that night. Maybe you heard me crying. You didn't understand at first - thought someone had tried to assassinate me. I assured you it wasn't the case, tried to make you go, but you wouldn't leave me. And then you realized."
Her dark eyes were blank now, almost dead, as she spoke and Mary Margaret couldn't stop her own tears from falling. "You helped me clean up. We wrapped - we wrapped her and -" Regina thought of the apple tree, the thing she loved so much, the symbol of her home and her father, the place where she and her lover would often meet under the cover of darkness, the place where she had buried her child.
"I begged you not to tell your father. I made you promise me you wouldn't. I knew he would know that it couldn't have been his child and -" She swallowed and refused to finish the sentence, but Mary Margaret knew how it would end. "You promised. You stayed with me all night. You held me and whispered stories to me and tried to soothe my pain. And I believed you and I loved you all the more. If I had lost my daughter, at least I still had you."
Mary Margaret reached out again, but Regina moved away from her. "In the morning, you left my chamber and went straight to your father. You never returned to my side."
"No." It was a whisper. Regina didn't even hear it.
"He killed my lover in front of me. Tore out his heart and presented it to me in a box, as though it was a gift. I wanted nothing more than for him to kill me, too. I'd already lost everything. My child, the man I loved, you. There was nothing else."
"Regina, surely I didn't mean to hurt you. I - I didn't know about your lover. I thought it was my father's child and he had a right -"
The change was so quick that Mary Margaret couldn't even comprehend it. But in just a second, The Evil Queen was standing in front of her and Mary Margaret knew to her very bones that Regina was telling the truth. "He had no right! You had no right! You promised! And you betrayed me!" She was snarling, hatred in her eyes and voice. Mary Margaret shrunk back.
"I'm sorry." She whispered, as though the words could somehow save her now. "I'm so sorry."
"No, you're not." Regina's voice was softer now, but still cold and cruel. Still, The Evil Queen was gone again and Mary Margaret felt herself breathe again. "You weren't sorry then and you aren't sorry now."
Regina moved away again, back to the bottle and the glasses. She poured the remaining alcohol in her glass and swallowed it, hoping for it to numb her, to send her back to the state of emptiness that she'd been living in for years. But it didn't work this time.
"He didn't kill me, as you can see," she turned almost as though she were a model. "He left me alive to suffer because he still believed I could spin straw into gold and he might need me down the line. I had to stay in that palace, to see you every day and know what you had done, what you had cost me. And you weren't even affected by it. You didn't even care. You wouldn't even look at me anymore. I had loved you as if you were my own and you just looked at me with indifference - as though I'd never meant anything to you at all." Regina looked at Mary Margaret, but it was as though she wasn't even seeing her. "Henry looks at me that way now."
"No. Regina -"
"I thought of ending it myself, but by then the blackness had started to seep in - I really was my mother's daughter - and I realized - why kill myself when it would be so much sweeter to make you suffer, as I had suffered? And so I began to plot. And you know the rest."
After Regina finished her story, silence descended between them. For a long time, Mary Margaret sat, trying to process everything, and Regina stared out the window, willing all the memories to be pushed away again. Finally, with shaky steps, she turned towards the door.
"Regina?" Mary Margaret called out to her. "Where are you going?"
Regina turned back to look at her, a hardened expression on her face. "I have done what I came here to do. Now I need to go get my son and go home."
Mary Margaret was up and across the room before Regina could even blink. "Regina, it's late and you've got to be exhausted. Plus, you've been drinking. I can't let you drive like this, and I certainly won't let you walk."
"And what, pray tell, do you suggest I do?" The walls had all been built back up so quickly, Mary Margaret realized as she looked at the mayor. Vulnerability was not something Regina was in any way comfortable with and now she was fortifying herself even more against any possible attacks from Mary Margaret.
"Stay here." The teacher spoke softly, reaching out and squeezing Regina's arm gently. "I've got a spare room. Spend the night and in the morning we can talk more, if you want."
Regina's eyes narrowed at her, trying to figure out her motive. "What about Henry? Should I just abandon him at the Nolans?"
Mary Margaret blinked for a moment at the revelation of where Henry was, but actually thinking on it, it wasn't that much of a surprise. "Of course not. But I'm sure Kathryn and David wouldn't mind having him overnight. It's not a school night, so there's no need to worry about getting him somewhere in the morning. I'll call Kathryn and ask if Henry can stay, okay? It's not abandoning him. I'm sure he'll think it's an adventure."
Regina looked ready to protest, so Mary Margaret squeezed her arm again. "You came to me, Regina. Please, just - let me do this?"
Regina just stared at her for a while before she finally allowed the exhaustion to show. "Fine."
Mary Margaret offered her a small smile and led her up the stairs to the spare room - Emma's room. Both of them knew what it was, but neither commented.
"The bathroom is shared, but I won't need it again tonight, so feel free to get a shower. Towels and things are in the closet in the bathroom. There should be some extra pajamas in the chest of drawers. If you need anything else, just call me, okay? I'm going to go down and give the Nolans a call, then I'll come back up to check on you."
Regina slumped down on the bed and looked up at the woman in the doorway as though she wanted to say something, but couldn't find the words. Mary Margaret just offered her another smile before gently closing the door behind her.
Once she was finally alone, Regina kicked off her shoes and fell back on the bed. It was soft and smelled of Emma. When she closed her eyes, Regina could almost imagine that the blonde was there with her. It scared her, just how comforting that thought was. The emotions came like a tidal wave, crashing over her and bringing with them the salty sting of tears. Although she had cried during her story, clinging to Mary Margaret for comfort, even then she had done her best to hold back the emotion and fight the tears. But now, lying on Emma Swan's bed, Regina let them take her, and she sobbed against the pillows as she hadn't since that horrible night and day all those years ago.
Fandom: Once Upon A Time
Rating: Hard R for the entire story
Pairings/Characters: Emma/Regina (eventually), Henry, Mary Margaret, all of Storybrooke
Summary: What if when Sidney cut Emma's brakes, the accident hadn't been so minor? And how will one little incident cause everything to unravel?
Spoilers: Up to 1x11, then goes decidedly AU
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Please don't sue.
Author's Note: And now, we arrive at what is (so far) my favorite chapter. I've been planning and tweaking and working on this chapter for quite a while. And I know that all of it is going to be Jossed on Sunday, but as I said, this is an AU story and this is my backstory so... I hope you guys enjoy it. Please let me know what you think. It may be a few days before another chapter goes up, but hopefully the length of this one will make that okay.
Regina ran a hand over her face, trying to focus on the paperwork - the same damn paperwork and now it was really getting on her nerves - in front of her and pushing away the thoughts of the dreams she'd had the night before.
Once again, Emma Swan had invaded her subconscious, only this time, she hadn't died. Instead, Regina had watched, almost as though in an out of body experience, as the two times she had reached out to Emma and asked for help seemed to juxtapose themselves over each other into one vulnerable moment. She saw herself reach out and grab Emma's arm and then lean in so close that her breath mingled with Emma's.
"Help me." She'd murmured, staring into Emma's eyes.
And then, the woman had leaned closer, pressing her lips against Regina's. That was when the out of body experience had ended, and instead she'd felt everything about the kiss, until she'd woken up, gasping. When she'd tried to go back to sleep, the dream had repeated but gone on longer, to the point after the kiss when Emma simply embraced Regina and Henry, the three of them hugging and holding onto each other as though they were a family. That dream had stuck with her even more, so much so that she had pulled Henry against her before sending him off to school, hoping that feeling his arms around her would release the feelings that were bottled up inside. But he had squirmed in her embrace, his arms hanging limply at his sides and then pulled away quickly, only worsening the ache inside her.
She'd tried to push the thoughts away, but they continued to run through her head. It was as though she had actually kissed Emma - the feelings the dream had created in her were so strong. And she still found herself longing for the woman's embrace.
Pushing away from the desk, she stalked out of the office and headed for her home. Henry looked up surprised as she stormed into the house, heading straight for her study. She grabbed a large bag from the study and then came back out, her eyes catching on Henry.
"Henry, get your things. I'm taking you to David and Kathryn's." She told him.
"What? Why? What's going on?"
"I have something I need to do tonight. It may take a while. I don't want to leave you alone, so you can stay with David and Kathryn."
Henry looked at her with suspicion, his eyes on the bag at her side, as though he was expecting her to be going on a killing spree with whatever it was that she had inside it. If only he knew what she was really doing. Regina shook her head. "Henry, I don't have time to argue with you. Get your things, now."
With a deep sigh and large frown, Henry did as he was told.
**
Kathryn had been surprised when she opened the door to Regina and Henry, but also pleased to be able to help her friend.
"Kathryn, I -"
Kathryn waved her words away. "Regina, we're happy to have Henry for a while. I know David will love having him around. We'll have dinner, make sure he does his homework for the weekend, the boys can play. It's no trouble."
"I don't know how long I'll be." Regina admitted, looking past Kathryn to where David and Henry were already settled at the kitchen table, leaning over Henry's math homework. A large part of Regina balked at the idea of leaving Henry with the man. She wanted nothing more than to pull Henry away from David, drag him back to the house, and lock them both away until these damnable thoughts and feelings went away. But Regina knew that they weren't going away. Not until she got Emma Swan back in Storybrooke.
And as much as she may have hated James in her previous life, in this one David was perfectly pliable and of no harm to her.
"Regina, go. We'll be fine." Kathryn assured. "If it gets to be too late, Henry can stay in the guest room. Please, stop worrying and go do what you need to do."
With a nod, Regina left. She didn't bother saying goodbye to Henry, not wanting to see the indifference in his eyes yet again.
**
She stood outside the door, her hand poised to knock for a good five minutes before she finally forced herself into action. She had never been timid in her old life, always moving forward even when the task was unpleasant - to say the least - and she would not allow herself to become weak now, even if that's exactly how she was beginning to feel.
Twenty-eight years in Storybrooke had chipped her armor and left her out of practice and vulnerable to attack. Emma Swan had swooped in and found her weaknesses, even if she hadn't known what she was doing. And now, she was at the blonde's mercy, even from thousands of miles away.
The door swung open and Mary Margaret stood inside, staring at Regina as though the woman was a horse head she'd found in her bed - full of fear and perhaps the tiniest bit of disgust. "Madam Mayor! What are you doing here?"
Regina swallowed, trying to force her throat to work. "May I come in?"
"Oh. Of course!" The teacher moved quickly to the side, allowing Regina to enter into the space that she had never before set foot in.
As soon as she was inside, Regina regretted her decision. She shouldn't have come here. This was the very definition of insanity - the whole thing. Everything that had happened since Emma's accident was. And to come here of all places - if she was really going to do this, she should've made Mary Margaret come to the house.
But the door closed under Mary Margaret's hand with a quiet click, and all chance of escape seemed to go with it. She wondered, idly, if this was how Rumpel had felt when he'd been locked in the dungeon - caged and restless and ready to lash out at any moment.
"Regina?" Her name was so full of questions - what was she doing there? Why had she sought out Mary Margaret? Could the teacher even refer to her by her first name?
She turned at the sound, her eyes catching a framed photo on a side table. Without acknowledging Mary Margaret, she moved over and picked up the photo, staring at it. It was of Emma and Mary Margaret, wearing matching smiles, their arms around each other. She couldn't seem to take her eyes off of Emma's face.
"Regina?" Mary Margaret asked again, moving closer to the mayor.
Regina finally pulled her eyes away from the picture, meeting Mary Margaret's gaze. She turned the photo toward the woman. "You miss her."
Mary Margaret frowned. "Of course I miss her. Regina, what -"
"Strangely enough," Regina sighed, "I find myself missing her, too." It was the easiest of the things she needed to confess, so she allowed it to slip out first. Practice for what was to come.
Mary Margaret continued to look at her strangely, still confused as to what the mayor was doing in her home.
"She's in California, you know."
"What?" It was the first that Mary Margaret had heard that.
"She decided to trade one life for another. I can't say I blame her for that." Regina set the photo down with a finality, moving away from it and towards the small, worn couch in the living room. She imagined Emma lying sprawled on it. It was almost as though she could still see her there - a ghost of a memory, continuing to haunt her.
"Regina, why - I mean - "
"She disconnected her phone, as you well know, but I have her address. I know where she lives. But I can't go and get her. I can't bring her back here."
"You want to bring her back?" Mary Margaret moved even closer. "But I thought you wanted her gone?"
Regina laughed. "I thought so, too. It's only now that I'm realizing what it is that has been lost - now that it's so far out of my reach."
Mary Margaret studied Regina, trying to gauge what was going on with the woman. It was clear that she was upset, as she had been the night before. "Well, maybe you can't go get her - which I understand, I mean, you're the mayor, you have so many things to do here in Storybrooke - but there's nothing that's stopping me. If you give me her address, I could go and -"
Regina laughed again. It was humorless and dark. "No, you couldn't. You couldn't go anymore than I could. Don't you see, Miss Blanchard? Henry was right. You can't leave. No one can leave but Emma herself."
Mary Margaret reached out and touched Regina's arm. "Regina, have you been drinking?"
Regina pulled away from the brunette, laughing again, almost hysterical this time. "You think I'm drunk? Of course you do. God, I wish I were. But no, Miss Blanchard, I haven't been drinking. I assure you that I'm perfectly sober."
"Regina, you aren't making any sense. I think that you're tired and -"
"Yes." Regina nodded suddenly. "Yes. I am. I am tired."
"Okay. Well, why don't you -"
"I am tired of these lies and I am tired of these dreams and I am tired of my son looking at me with nothing but hate and indifference."
"Regina, I'm sorry, but I -"
Regina laughed again. "You don't know how often I wished that you would say that. Two little words. I'm sorry. That's all I really wanted, you know. Just for you to be sorry. But you weren't. You weren't sorry and I realized that if you weren't sorry, weren't even the least bit remorseful, then it meant that you'd never truly cared. So you see, they got it all wrong. It wasn't me who was pretending, it was you."
Mary Margaret moved slowly toward the phone, her eyes on Regina as though she was a trapped, wounded animal that could lash out at any time. It was a strange look to see on her face - so frightened. One thing Snow had never been was frightened of her. She'd always been defiant and so damn stubborn. "Regina, I'm just going to call Dr. Hopper. I think that maybe -"
"No." Regina's voice stopped Mary Margaret right in her tracks. It was cruel and calculating. "I am not crazy. And neither is my son."
She reached into the bag hanging at her side and pulled out the book, opening it to the page that showed The Queen casting the curse - her in the center as the world swirled around her.
"What are you talking about?" Mary Margaret whispered, staring at the picture that Regina was thrusting in front of her.
"You can't leave. I can't leave. No one can leave Storybrooke. We're all trapped here because of me. Because of the curse."
Mary Margaret's eyes flew up to Regina's, wide with fear. "Regina, what -"
"My son is far smarter than he should be. But then, I guess I have you to thank for helping him to figure it out. You're the one who gave him the book, after all. It seems that everything comes back to you," Regina stared at her, dark eyes swirling with far too many emotions for Mary Margaret to have been able to comprehend them on a good day, let alone now, "Snow."
At the name, Mary Margaret stepped back as though Regina had physically struck her. "What are you saying? Regina, listen to yourself. You - I think that you - you're - confused or - or upset or - "
Regina shook her head. "I should've known that you wouldn't listen." She turned her back on the teacher, facing the door. "You said you didn't believe it was the only story. You said you were here if I needed to talk. I guess they were just more lies."
Mary Margaret watched her walk to the door. She almost let Regina leave, but saw the way the older woman's hands shook as she reached for the door knob.
"Regina, wait. Don't leave." She moved closer. "I just - this is a lot for me to take in. What you're saying - Regina, what you're implying - "
Regina turned back, her eyes still dark. "I'm not implying anything, Miss Blanchard. I'm saying it plainly. For the first time, I am admitting it."
"That you're actually The Evil Queen? And that you cursed everyone in Fairy Tale Land and sent us all here?" Mary Margaret watched as Regina nodded. She held up one finger to the other woman and took a deep breath. "Okay, you're just going to have to give me one second here."
Then she turned quickly and headed for the kitchen. Regina could hear her rummaging around through cupboards, muttering to herself as she did. A few moments later she heard a triumphant "Ah ha!" and watched as the brunette came back into the room carrying a bottle and two glasses.
Regina blinked in surprise. "Jack Daniels?"
"It was Emma's." Mary Margaret explained as she put the glasses down and poured a healthy amount of the alcohol into both glasses. She handed one to Regina. "If you're not drunk right now, then I think I need to be."
Regina watched in something akin to shock as Mary Margaret tossed the drink back. Mary Margaret coughed just a bit, then looked up at Regina, blinking. She reached for the bottle, but Regina's hand closed over hers.
"I think one drink is enough for you right now. While you may want to be drunk for this, I'd like you to be sober."
Mary Margaret nodded. "Okay. Okay, so… " she looked at Regina, "go ahead."
Regina studied her for a few moments before she tossed back her own drink. After the alcohol had burned its way down her throat, she cleared it slightly and then began to speak. "I don't even know where to begin."
"How about somewhere easy? Henry believes that the book is true and that everyone here in town is a fairy tale character. You're saying that's true?"
Regina nodded.
"So you really are The Evil Queen?"
Regina laughed bitterly. "My name was Regina there as well. But the book has regulated me to simply The Evil Queen. Far easier to hate me if I have no name."
"Right." Mary Margaret murmured. "So you're - Regina, The Queen - and I'm…"
"Snow White."
"Snow White." Mary Margaret tried the name out on her tongue. It shouldn't have been such a surprise - Henry had been telling her she was Snow White for a while now - but it still felt foreign and not at all real. "Like poisoned apple, glass coffin Snow White?"
"Enchanted apple." Regina replied quickly with a brief roll of her eyes. "And as for the coffin, you can blame that on those dwarves you insisted on cavorting with. I certainly wouldn't have put you in one. I'd have had you in a pine box, six feet under."
"No, you wouldn't have." Mary Margaret replied shaking her head, as though it was the truest thing she'd ever known.
"You think you know me now?" Regina's voice was bitter.
Mary Margaret shook her head again softly, but she kept her eyes on Regina. "You were the one who made it a point to say that the apple was enchanted, not poisoned." She pointed out. "And if you really had wanted me dead why not kill me here in Storybrooke? Or are you somehow prohibited from killing me?"
Regina moved closer suddenly, her fingers wrapped around Mary Margaret's neck, squeezing tightly. Mary Margaret could feel Regina's fingernails biting into her skin and she tried to gasp in air, but her wind pipe was effectively closed off.
"Does it seem like I'm prohibited from killing you?" Regina asked as she finally let go and allowed the teacher to draw breath.
"No." Mary Margaret said when she could breathe again. "At least not by magic. But there's something else there. Something that's stopping you."
"You know nothing." Regina spat.
"You're right. I don't. I don't know anything about our former life - if there was one - because I can't remember it. Because you cursed us all. But I know that there's more to the story than you being evil and hating me because I was pretty. So what is the real story, Regina?"
Regina said nothing, just continued to look at Mary Margaret. The teacher moved forward and picked up the book from where it had fallen on the floor. She flipped through the pages, stopping when she reached the picture she had seen at the diner. She held it up for Regina to see, but the older woman looked away.
"I was right, wasn't I? At the diner. It wasn't pretend. You did care about her - me."
Regina turned back to look at her and Mary Margaret saw the sheen of tears. "No. I didn't care about her." She glanced at the picture, Snow on her lap. "I loved her."
The words were so quiet, Mary Margaret thought that perhaps she had imagined them. But the single tear that slipped down Regina's cheek was enough to tell her that she hadn't.
"So then what happened, Regina? How did you - how did we - go from that," she motioned to the book, to the picture that Regina couldn't escape from, "to this?" She waved her hand between them, searching Regina's face for some kind of an answer. "With a poisoned apple and a curse and god knows what else in between. What happened?"
Regina closed her eyes for a long time before she opened them again, moving over and pouring them each another drink. Then she sank down on the couch, trying not to imagine that she could smell Emma's perfume still lingering on it. "She -" Regina looked at her and stopped. "You were twelve the first time I met you. Dark hair and pale skin, with these big bright eyes that showed every emotion. It was easy to see why everyone loved you. It was easy to love you too. Especially after -"
Regina's throat closed as memories began to bombard her. Memories that she had kept locked away, to save herself from the pain that they caused.
"After what?" Mary Margaret leaned forward and covered Regina's hands with her own, squeezing them gently. This time Regina didn't pull away.
"My mother was a powerful woman. She always got what she wanted. And she wanted her daughter to marry the king. So she did what she had to do to make it happen."
There was something there, in Regina's voice that told Mary Margaret that her mother had done horrible things, but she didn't elaborate on them and Mary Margaret couldn't bring herself to ask. "After your own mother's death, your father's kingdom began to suffer. He was running out of money, there were wars. He needed a miracle. And that's exactly what my mother promised him."
Now Regina did pull her hands away, getting up from the couch and pacing back and forth in front of Mary Margaret. "If the king took me as his wife, I would make sure the kingdom had all the gold it could ever wish for."
"How?" Mary Margaret leaned forward, not wanting to miss a moment of the spell that the older woman was weaving with her words.
"By spinning straw into gold, of course." Regina replied, her fingers coming up to touch the thin gold chain that now hung around her neck. Emma's pendant gleamed against her skin.
Mary Margaret blinked. "Wait. So that makes you -"
"The miller's daughter." Regina mock bowed. "Yes. Of course, I knew nothing of my mother's promises. I was young - in my early twenties - and naïve about just how… evil my mother could be. She dressed me up in a fancy gown and off we went to the palace to see the king. My father kissed me goodbye as though it were any other trip on any other day. I didn't know that I should be afraid."
Regina's eyes went even darker than normal, taking on a far off look. "When I got to the palace, I was presented to your father. He spoke of my mother's promise - the one I knew nothing of - and nodded to the guards and before I knew what was happening, they were pulling me away from my mother and dragging me to a room in the high tower, filled with straw. I begged and screamed for my mother to stop them, to let me go home. I tried to tell them that I couldn't do it, that I didn't have the power. But my mother had made her promise, and I had to either live up to it or die."
"Surely she wouldn't have allowed you to die there?" Mary Margaret asked breathlessly.
Regina's smile was broken. "You don't know my mother."
For long minutes there was silence as Mary Margaret tried to process everything and Regina tried to force the memories back down. She jumped when she felt Mary Margaret's hands on her shoulders.
"You don't have to keep going." Mary Margaret said softly.
It was an out. She could take it, leave this house, and never speak of any of this again. But August's words continued to echo in her head and she knew that if she'd come this far, she needed to finish it. Maybe she'd never find redemption, maybe she'd be eternally cursed, haunted by Emma and her sins, but she had to at least try. "Yes, I do."
Mary Margaret nodded and gently steered Regina back toward the couch. Looking at the woman in front of her, it was almost impossible to believe that she'd ever been The Evil Queen - not when she looked so lost and broken.
"I was scared," her voice was quiet and Mary Margaret had to move closer on the couch to be able to make out all the words, "locked in that tower, knowing that I couldn't spin anything, let alone straw into gold. I sat there and cried and waited for my death. And then -"
She looked at Mary Margaret, her hand reaching out almost of its own accord to touch the younger woman's hair. "The door to the tower opened and in you walked."
"Me?"
"You had charmed the guards into letting you in to see me. You were always mischievous, always getting into something. You brought me bread and cheese and told me that I was beautiful. You gave me hope. And then the guards came and told you it was time to go. And I watched you leave and -" Mary Margaret squeezed her hand. "I knew I was going to die."
"But you didn't," the teacher said softly, "because of Rumpelstiltskin?"
Mary Margaret watched as a dark look passed over Regina's face at the mention of his name. She wondered who in town the man was, if he was even in the town.
"No. I didn't die then." Regina shook her head as though to clear it. "You know the story, of course. I was stupid and naïve and made a deal with him. He kept his end of it and spun the straw into gold all three nights. During the days I was free to roam around the palace. You were supposed to be having your lessons, but you kept sneaking away to see me. You told me all about the palace and how I would love living there. I believed you." Regina closed her eyes tightly. "After the third night, your father held up his end of the bargain and asked me to marry him. My mother was happy, your father was happy, you seemed happy. I told myself that I could be happy too. And so I accepted his proposal."
"You became Queen. But what of your deal with Rumpelstiltskin?"
Regina laughed darkly again. "What of it? I had signed my name without reading the fine print. He'd taken my necklace and my ring. I thought that was all that he really wanted. I pushed him out of my mind. I married your father and spent my days with you. I quickly came to love you, and you me. Or so I thought."
Again the darkness slid over Regina's features. What did I do, Mary Margaret wondered, to destroy everything?
"We shared secrets, told each other everything. You would come into my chambers and climb up on my lap," her hand motioned to the picture in the book that had found its way to the coffee table, "and we would talk for hours. I told you the truth about not being able to spin the gold. You swore you would keep my secret."
"But I didn't?" Mary Margaret frowned.
"Oh no. You kept that secret. Your betrayal came later."
"Regina -"
"Your father was still in love with your mother. I didn't blame him for that. I understood that he had married me to save his kingdom but that in his heart he was still married to her. I cared for him, mostly I think because of the way we both loved you so dearly, but I didn't love him any more than he loved me. And so I slept in my own bed chambers at night and never -"
"You were never intimate with him." Mary Margaret blinked. "It was all just a marriage of convenience. Did I know?"
"Not fully, no. You knew we slept apart - you'd often sneak into my chambers at night and ask me to tell you stories - but you were too young to fully understand. Your father was never cruel to me, in public we appeared happy. Everyone believed the lie, even you."
"You must have been lonely."
The tears were back in Regina's eyes. "I was. My mother left me there and she kept my father from coming for me. She was sent a monthly stipend from the castle and that's all that she really wanted. My father sent an apple tree to remind me of home. We planted it in the courtyard and I spent my time tending it and being with you."
"We planted it?"
"You and I. You were mesmerized by it when it arrived and begged to help me plant and tend it. I wanted to make you happy and so I agreed."
"What happened, Regina?" Mary Margaret's voice was soft and filled with tears. "If you loved me so much, then why -"
"I was lonely. And so I took a lover." Regina's voice was emotionless, but Mary Margaret could see the emotions swirling rapidly through her eyes. "No one knew, not even you. But I loved him and he loved me. Truly. And I knew it was dangerous - it would be treason if we were caught and both of us would be killed - but my love for him encompassed almost everything and it didn't matter to me anymore. I only wanted to be with him as often as I could and as long as I could." Emotion slowly started to creep back in as Regina continued. "He asked me to run away with him. He said that we could go someplace where no one would ever find us. Build a little cottage in the woods and stay there together for the rest of our lives."
"Did you do it?"
"No." Regina stood up and moved away from Mary Margaret, refusing to face her. "I told him that I couldn't do it. Because I couldn't leave you."
"Wh -"
"You'd already lost one mother. I wouldn't put you through losing another. How foolish I was."
"I -" She honestly didn't know what to say to any of this.
"We kept on in secret. And then -" Regina's voice broke.
Mary Margaret moved to her, pulling her into a hug that Regina tried to pull away from, but Mary Margaret held fast. "You can stop. I know that I had to have done something horrible. You don't have to -"
Regina pulled away. "Rumpel made good on the final part of his deal."
Mary Margaret looked confused, until everything suddenly clicked into place. "Oh my god. Regina."
"I hadn't even realized - and I woke up and - the pain and the blood. I thought I could save her but -" Tears finally poured down Regina's cheeks as she recalled the tiny, barely formed body and what had seemed at the time like rivers of blood. "He took her before I ever got to have her."
This time when Mary Margaret embraced her, Regina clutched onto the other woman, crying like she hadn't since that day. When she finally composed herself, Mary Margaret pulled away. She returned with a box of tissues and another glass of alcohol for both of them.
Regina downed the liquid, then set about cleaning herself up with trembling hands. "You snuck into my chamber and found me. You were fifteen then and hadn't come into my rooms at night in months. I don't know why you did that night. Maybe you heard me crying. You didn't understand at first - thought someone had tried to assassinate me. I assured you it wasn't the case, tried to make you go, but you wouldn't leave me. And then you realized."
Her dark eyes were blank now, almost dead, as she spoke and Mary Margaret couldn't stop her own tears from falling. "You helped me clean up. We wrapped - we wrapped her and -" Regina thought of the apple tree, the thing she loved so much, the symbol of her home and her father, the place where she and her lover would often meet under the cover of darkness, the place where she had buried her child.
"I begged you not to tell your father. I made you promise me you wouldn't. I knew he would know that it couldn't have been his child and -" She swallowed and refused to finish the sentence, but Mary Margaret knew how it would end. "You promised. You stayed with me all night. You held me and whispered stories to me and tried to soothe my pain. And I believed you and I loved you all the more. If I had lost my daughter, at least I still had you."
Mary Margaret reached out again, but Regina moved away from her. "In the morning, you left my chamber and went straight to your father. You never returned to my side."
"No." It was a whisper. Regina didn't even hear it.
"He killed my lover in front of me. Tore out his heart and presented it to me in a box, as though it was a gift. I wanted nothing more than for him to kill me, too. I'd already lost everything. My child, the man I loved, you. There was nothing else."
"Regina, surely I didn't mean to hurt you. I - I didn't know about your lover. I thought it was my father's child and he had a right -"
The change was so quick that Mary Margaret couldn't even comprehend it. But in just a second, The Evil Queen was standing in front of her and Mary Margaret knew to her very bones that Regina was telling the truth. "He had no right! You had no right! You promised! And you betrayed me!" She was snarling, hatred in her eyes and voice. Mary Margaret shrunk back.
"I'm sorry." She whispered, as though the words could somehow save her now. "I'm so sorry."
"No, you're not." Regina's voice was softer now, but still cold and cruel. Still, The Evil Queen was gone again and Mary Margaret felt herself breathe again. "You weren't sorry then and you aren't sorry now."
Regina moved away again, back to the bottle and the glasses. She poured the remaining alcohol in her glass and swallowed it, hoping for it to numb her, to send her back to the state of emptiness that she'd been living in for years. But it didn't work this time.
"He didn't kill me, as you can see," she turned almost as though she were a model. "He left me alive to suffer because he still believed I could spin straw into gold and he might need me down the line. I had to stay in that palace, to see you every day and know what you had done, what you had cost me. And you weren't even affected by it. You didn't even care. You wouldn't even look at me anymore. I had loved you as if you were my own and you just looked at me with indifference - as though I'd never meant anything to you at all." Regina looked at Mary Margaret, but it was as though she wasn't even seeing her. "Henry looks at me that way now."
"No. Regina -"
"I thought of ending it myself, but by then the blackness had started to seep in - I really was my mother's daughter - and I realized - why kill myself when it would be so much sweeter to make you suffer, as I had suffered? And so I began to plot. And you know the rest."
After Regina finished her story, silence descended between them. For a long time, Mary Margaret sat, trying to process everything, and Regina stared out the window, willing all the memories to be pushed away again. Finally, with shaky steps, she turned towards the door.
"Regina?" Mary Margaret called out to her. "Where are you going?"
Regina turned back to look at her, a hardened expression on her face. "I have done what I came here to do. Now I need to go get my son and go home."
Mary Margaret was up and across the room before Regina could even blink. "Regina, it's late and you've got to be exhausted. Plus, you've been drinking. I can't let you drive like this, and I certainly won't let you walk."
"And what, pray tell, do you suggest I do?" The walls had all been built back up so quickly, Mary Margaret realized as she looked at the mayor. Vulnerability was not something Regina was in any way comfortable with and now she was fortifying herself even more against any possible attacks from Mary Margaret.
"Stay here." The teacher spoke softly, reaching out and squeezing Regina's arm gently. "I've got a spare room. Spend the night and in the morning we can talk more, if you want."
Regina's eyes narrowed at her, trying to figure out her motive. "What about Henry? Should I just abandon him at the Nolans?"
Mary Margaret blinked for a moment at the revelation of where Henry was, but actually thinking on it, it wasn't that much of a surprise. "Of course not. But I'm sure Kathryn and David wouldn't mind having him overnight. It's not a school night, so there's no need to worry about getting him somewhere in the morning. I'll call Kathryn and ask if Henry can stay, okay? It's not abandoning him. I'm sure he'll think it's an adventure."
Regina looked ready to protest, so Mary Margaret squeezed her arm again. "You came to me, Regina. Please, just - let me do this?"
Regina just stared at her for a while before she finally allowed the exhaustion to show. "Fine."
Mary Margaret offered her a small smile and led her up the stairs to the spare room - Emma's room. Both of them knew what it was, but neither commented.
"The bathroom is shared, but I won't need it again tonight, so feel free to get a shower. Towels and things are in the closet in the bathroom. There should be some extra pajamas in the chest of drawers. If you need anything else, just call me, okay? I'm going to go down and give the Nolans a call, then I'll come back up to check on you."
Regina slumped down on the bed and looked up at the woman in the doorway as though she wanted to say something, but couldn't find the words. Mary Margaret just offered her another smile before gently closing the door behind her.
Once she was finally alone, Regina kicked off her shoes and fell back on the bed. It was soft and smelled of Emma. When she closed her eyes, Regina could almost imagine that the blonde was there with her. It scared her, just how comforting that thought was. The emotions came like a tidal wave, crashing over her and bringing with them the salty sting of tears. Although she had cried during her story, clinging to Mary Margaret for comfort, even then she had done her best to hold back the emotion and fight the tears. But now, lying on Emma Swan's bed, Regina let them take her, and she sobbed against the pillows as she hadn't since that horrible night and day all those years ago.