Ian Isn't Bored
Title: Ian isn’t Bored
Summary: Damned Ian Is Bored ‘sexy-face competition’!
Warning: Slash ;D
Pairing: Anthony/Ian
Rating: T?
Disclaimer: Don't own Smosh, anything related to smosh, etc, etc...
Argh! I got stuck on the first bit of ‘slash’ and was like “How do I get passed this part?!” Then it clicked xD so, enjoy!
So, I’m writing this Smosh slash (my first one-awesome, eh? xD) and I am…super…nervous. Seriously…! I hate writing for ‘real life’ people because there’s always this…expectation to be a profiler when you write about them xDI
’ll probably make a mistake or two, and I’m apologizing in advance lol *Hugs!*
And probably OOC-cause I’s a n00b
-0-0-0-0-0-
Butterflies settled into my stomach as Ian glanced at me with a sly grin. “Hello,” he said coyly.
I scoffed, rolling my eyes at his obvious attempt at a sarcastic come-on. “Hello,” I was even more sarcastic before standing from our spot on the grass. “Well, when we going to film?” I turned to find Ian on his back, strip of skin showing and looking relaxed.
“Let’s just relax…” he murmured.
“You’re getting fat,” I pointed out.
He glanced at the part of belly showing before snorting with laughter. “Asshole,” he grumbled but pulled the shirt down.
I let out a low sigh. He has no idea how much I wanted to see if it would tickle if I lightly brushed my fingers across the expanse of skin.
The dreams had started around puberty…I attributed them to hormones, but they continued. And even though I looked like I was fine filming these much more gayer scenes as of late, I couldn’t help but think ‘What would happen if I just kissed him?’
First of all, probably a black eye; secondly, much more fanfiction than there already was and-dare I say it, more materials for me to get through those nights… I sighed happily, as I remembered the shower story…that was a hot, cute one. All the right elements for me to…er…ahem.
Yeah.
“Douche…puncher!” Ian was awkward as he tried thinking of an insult.
I bit my lip to stop from laughing, but failed miserably. “Haven’t you made that mistake already?” I teased.
“Oh, shut up,” he pouted.
I smiled, placating him, and patted his head. “Okay…so…what should our next scene-,”
“We’re relaxing,” he reminded in an annoyed tone. I sighed.
Once he was lazy, he was lazy…I fell onto the grass next to him and waited. I started nodding off by the time he finally had enough of relaxing and wanted to do something else. “I’ve got so much energy!” he bragged.
Bragged because he knew he just woke me up from a stupor. I gave him a long look. “Go to hell.”
“Aw…did I wake up my Anthony?” he teased as he pulled me up.
I felt those damned butterflies flutter psychotically as I stared down into his eyes. He was the first to break the locked gazed with an awkward cough. “Yes, well…let’s get to work,” he smiled his big, crooked smile and picked up the few props we had scattered around.
That’s one of the things I love about him. I could be in a car with him for a long time and usually I don’t feel like strangling him. And he called me ‘his’ Anthony. My lips quirked up. We were doing another Ian is Bored, now. “So, Anthony,” he looked at me sharply with the camera while I drove, “If that is your real name!”
“What are you talking about?” I asked with a bemused smile.
“It has come to my attention that someone, who is not the Ant Padilla I know, claims he has the same name!”
“From?”
“Twitter!”
I snorted in laughter as he showed me the tweet, which read.
TheREALAnthonyPadilla @SmoshAnthony from @Smosh stole my identity! #Giveitback
“You realize that that is ridiculous,” but I feigned a furtive glance away, before turning back to the camera with a crazed look. “It. Is. Ridiculous.”
The camera shook slightly from Ian’s controlled snickering…yeah, right. I looked at the road and sighed as we came to a crawl. “Wave at some people!” I exclaimed excitedly.
“We did that already!” Ian whined.
I pouted. “Fine…oh, I know!” I excitedly grinned at the camera. “Make your sexiest face you can manage,” I took the camera and pointed it to the side of his face. “On three, give me sexy,” I grinned at him.
He grinned and cleared his throat, “Okay, on three…” we counted down before I swiveled the camera to face him, where he exaggeratedly pushed out his lips, showing off his teeth and a ‘double chin’ while his eyes went from straight to cross-eyed with a tiny bit of drool showing.
I burst out laughing. We were both in fits of laughter as I moved a foot forward. “Okay, okay,” he panted out, “Your turn!” he said happily.
I looked at him, seen the mirth in those cerulean eyes and felt my chest tighten. …Now or never, right? I took a deep breath to try calm my hammering heart down and nodded. “Okay, I’m ready,” I said dramatically.
He snorted, “Diva.” I grinned. “One…” What was I going to do…? “Two…” Oh, shit…didn’t plan it out this far… “Three!” he turned the camera and I just looked straight at him, my latest dream had surfaced and I could feel my face flush from the memory, the feel of his lips against mine, the friction our jeans created… I bit my lip and kept watching him before he burst out laughing.
It was forced-I’ve known him for too long to let him get away with that… “Wow…I think I know who the winner is,” he said with a cocky smile. “Obviously me,” he added to the camera as he pointed it back to himself, and away from me.
I closed my eyes and sighed. So this is what rejection was like…I thought it’d have been more dramatic…possibly being smacked or punched, tears streaming out one, or both, of our eyes as he stormed away out of disgust…after we got to a specific stop-because we were currently stuck in traffic-but that’s beside the point.
Not this forced laugh and discreet closing of the camera. “That…was weird.”
I snorted, “I know, right,” I tried not to show that my world was crumbling.
“How did you even get the look…?”
“I…remembered something,” I evasively glanced at him and pressed the gas, sending us another couple of feet.
“Would it be about a certain girl?” he asked.
“What girl?”
“I dunno…just thought you’d have a girl…I mean, it is you,”
“And what’s that supposed to mean?” I turned to look at him, finding him blushing, and shrugging. “I’m single, not ready to mingle, and even though you’re very close to the girl theory, not interested.”
“Not interested…” he tapped his chin. “Tis a boy, is it not?” he seemed like the idea had struck him. I shrugged in a non-committal way. “So, do I know this lucky guy?”
“Not telling a thing.” My face was heating up and if he did the right thing, unsure as to what that thing was at the moment, I’d probably stop this car from moving at all and jump him…
“So I do know him…” he tapped his chin. I sighed dramatically.
“Can you just drop it?” I questioned softly. “I-I’ll tell you…some…time soon…” I chewed my lip.
“Fine, but you better tell me soon, not soon,” he stressed.
“Aren’t those-,”
“You know what I mean.”
We got home not too long later and he jumped me. Like, freaking jumped me! “What the fuck!?” I nearly fell over, but caught myself at the last second.
He had his legs wrapped around me, from behind, with his arm wrapped around my neck. “Tell me who you love!” he demanded.
“What-why?!” I yelped as I fell over. He climbed off easily, pacing in front of my sitting form.
“It has come to my notice that-,”
“I basically told you I had someone I was-,”
“I know!” he glared at me. I sighed. “I want to know who and you said you’d tell me soon-,”
“I didn’t think you meant this soon!” I exclaimed.
“Soon-shmoon, tell me!” he whined.
I raised an eyebrow and ran a hand through my hair. “Why do you want to know so badly?”
“So I can tell the butt munch that if he hurts you, he’ll have to answer to me…then possibly smack him around!” Ian said heatedly.
I snorted and flicked my hair out of my eyes. “Ian, all I’ve got to say is, ‘are you a masochist?’,”
Confusion written clearly across his face, he turned his head to the side, looking…well, confused. I sighed and waited, crossing my arms patiently.
Now, I just have to wait for either the forced laugh, or disgusted look…anytime now, please…
He was confused, adorably so, and then his face scrunched up in bewilderment. “Me?” he pointed to himself, raising an eyebrow. “Seriously, Ant?”
“What’s wrong with it being you?” I bristled at his words.
“Me.” he repeated as if it made all the sense in the world. “You can probably have any person in the world if you tried and you pick me?” he clarified.
I jerked back in surprise. “What?”
“I’m me, Anthony,” he rolled his eyes. “I mean, c’mon…I’m not the hot one in the duo, and I’m definitely more messed up-if this were the reverse and I wanted you, then it’d make more sense, but for you to want me?” he deadpanned.
I face-palmed, took the two strides up to him, and kissed him. Hot and needy. “I don’t want you, I need you,” I growled into the kiss. I was slightly surprised when he leaned into it, moving his lips against mine, and gripping my shirt like a lifeline.
When he pushed me back, face flushed, he gave me that idiotic, cocky smile I loved so much, and trailed butterfly kisses up my jaw. “It’s nice being needed,” he said cutely.
Cutely…butterfly kisses? What was the world coming to?! I ignored the weirdness and pushed him onto the floor, dropping to my knees and…
I freaking woke up.
Closing my eyes, I counted to ten in my head and then opened them again. Still in my room, still in nothing but boxers and still alone. Groaning, I rolled over and tried going back to sleep to continue the dream, but Ian had other ideas as he barged into my room.
“Ant, it is two-thirty, get up!” he whined, jumping onto the bed and nearly crushing me.
“Tired, go ‘way,” I mumbled into my pillow.
“Pillow-biter, get up!” he shoved me. “I wanna do an Ian is Bored!”
I tensed under him as he leaned down and bit my shoulder. “Please?” he whispered.
I let out a shuddering breath. “Go away, please.”
“No, you’ve gotta make an Ian is Bored with me,” he smacked my back, “Sexy face contest, right here, right now!”
He was challenging me to a sexy-face contest?! I sat up, causing him to fall over to his side, and turned to him. “A sexy face contest?” I asked hurriedly.
“Yeah…hey, Ant, why are you staring at me like…that…?” he trailed off as I climbed onto him, straddling his waist. “…Ant…?” his blue eyes were wide as they stared up at me.
I continued staring down at him before leaning forward slowly. “You want a sexy-face contest?” I whispered, careful not to breathe on him with my morning breath.
Slowly nodding, I smiled crookedly, captured his lips with mine and held him still, pulling back only slightly as to bite his lower lip and let my hands start wandering under his shirt. “Are you really sure you want a sexy face contest?” I asked.
Shakily nodding, he pulled at my hair, into another kiss and…
Well shit…
Guess what?! I FREAKING WOKE UP AGAIN!
Why?! I slammed my fist into the pillow a few more times, as I rolled over and stared at the ceiling. Why? That’s all I’m asking, why? The pout I was sporting the entire morning was probably distracting, because our filming was cancelled for ‘a personal day’, to be honest.
I needed one…like, go out and lay in the sun, baking my farmer’s tan and making me look black…
Just saying.
I looked up slowly, staring as blue eyes stared back at me. “What’s up?” he popped the P sound and grinned, waiting.
“Oh, you know,” I closed my eyes and let out a low contented smile.
“Now you’re smiling?” his voice was teasing, “All morning you were pouting, what’s the deal with that?” he asked.
“Meh.” I shrugged and lifted my legs purely out of boredom. “I don’t know,” I lied.
“You know, Ant, if you continue distracting me, I’ll have to kick you out of Smosh,” he said seriously.
I looked up at him, smiled, and rolled my eyes. “Oh, you know Smosh would go downhill!” I grabbed his belt loop and pulled him down.
Falling onto his knees in a rough manner, he let out a low groan. “Ow!” he whined.
“Sorry.”
“No you aren’t,” he pouted.
“Meh, you’re right,” I had a good chance to take a good look at him before he fell onto his back beside me, head to head as we stared at the sky. “That looks like a bunny,”
“That looks like a Buniri, noob,” he replied with a smile.
I snorted and smiled again. “That looks like a Ditto,” I pointed to a blob with two parts sticking out.
“All these look like Ditto,” he replied.
“Nuh-uh…that one looks like a Squirtle!” I poked his face.
“Poker,”
“P-P-P-Poker face,” I grinned when he laughed. This was okay with me for now…just being able to be like this with him… Especially if we continue doing the videos the way we are now…a piggyback ride sounds fun, right?
“Hey Ant…” I opened an eye as he broke the still silence. Complete peace had taken over our little spot of shade in our backyard, and he looked beautiful-in a completely-non-zomgAnthonyisdefinitelyapoof way…
“Yeah?”
“I’m like, in love with you…”
Closing my eyes, I let a slow smile spread onto my face. “I like, love you too,” I said quietly. I was definitely okay with this as well…especially since he had a full on grin on his face. I smiled too, and I swear the dimples on my cheeks hurt…
Oh yeah, definitely okay with this…
“That one looks like a Slowbro!” I had to snort as the subject was changed.
“Looks like a butterfree, to me,”
“Yeah, that’s because you’re cockeyed!”
“And you suck.”
“Only you!” I choked on my spit at that, which prompted him to burst out laughing.
Asshole.
Summary: Damned Ian Is Bored ‘sexy-face competition’!
Warning: Slash ;D
Pairing: Anthony/Ian
Rating: T?
Disclaimer: Don't own Smosh, anything related to smosh, etc, etc...
Argh! I got stuck on the first bit of ‘slash’ and was like “How do I get passed this part?!” Then it clicked xD so, enjoy!
So, I’m writing this Smosh slash (my first one-awesome, eh? xD) and I am…super…nervous. Seriously…! I hate writing for ‘real life’ people because there’s always this…expectation to be a profiler when you write about them xDI
’ll probably make a mistake or two, and I’m apologizing in advance lol *Hugs!*
And probably OOC-cause I’s a n00b
-0-0-0-0-0-
Butterflies settled into my stomach as Ian glanced at me with a sly grin. “Hello,” he said coyly.
I scoffed, rolling my eyes at his obvious attempt at a sarcastic come-on. “Hello,” I was even more sarcastic before standing from our spot on the grass. “Well, when we going to film?” I turned to find Ian on his back, strip of skin showing and looking relaxed.
“Let’s just relax…” he murmured.
“You’re getting fat,” I pointed out.
He glanced at the part of belly showing before snorting with laughter. “Asshole,” he grumbled but pulled the shirt down.
I let out a low sigh. He has no idea how much I wanted to see if it would tickle if I lightly brushed my fingers across the expanse of skin.
The dreams had started around puberty…I attributed them to hormones, but they continued. And even though I looked like I was fine filming these much more gayer scenes as of late, I couldn’t help but think ‘What would happen if I just kissed him?’
First of all, probably a black eye; secondly, much more fanfiction than there already was and-dare I say it, more materials for me to get through those nights… I sighed happily, as I remembered the shower story…that was a hot, cute one. All the right elements for me to…er…ahem.
Yeah.
“Douche…puncher!” Ian was awkward as he tried thinking of an insult.
I bit my lip to stop from laughing, but failed miserably. “Haven’t you made that mistake already?” I teased.
“Oh, shut up,” he pouted.
I smiled, placating him, and patted his head. “Okay…so…what should our next scene-,”
“We’re relaxing,” he reminded in an annoyed tone. I sighed.
Once he was lazy, he was lazy…I fell onto the grass next to him and waited. I started nodding off by the time he finally had enough of relaxing and wanted to do something else. “I’ve got so much energy!” he bragged.
Bragged because he knew he just woke me up from a stupor. I gave him a long look. “Go to hell.”
“Aw…did I wake up my Anthony?” he teased as he pulled me up.
I felt those damned butterflies flutter psychotically as I stared down into his eyes. He was the first to break the locked gazed with an awkward cough. “Yes, well…let’s get to work,” he smiled his big, crooked smile and picked up the few props we had scattered around.
That’s one of the things I love about him. I could be in a car with him for a long time and usually I don’t feel like strangling him. And he called me ‘his’ Anthony. My lips quirked up. We were doing another Ian is Bored, now. “So, Anthony,” he looked at me sharply with the camera while I drove, “If that is your real name!”
“What are you talking about?” I asked with a bemused smile.
“It has come to my attention that someone, who is not the Ant Padilla I know, claims he has the same name!”
“From?”
“Twitter!”
I snorted in laughter as he showed me the tweet, which read.
TheREALAnthonyPadilla @SmoshAnthony from @Smosh stole my identity! #Giveitback
“You realize that that is ridiculous,” but I feigned a furtive glance away, before turning back to the camera with a crazed look. “It. Is. Ridiculous.”
The camera shook slightly from Ian’s controlled snickering…yeah, right. I looked at the road and sighed as we came to a crawl. “Wave at some people!” I exclaimed excitedly.
“We did that already!” Ian whined.
I pouted. “Fine…oh, I know!” I excitedly grinned at the camera. “Make your sexiest face you can manage,” I took the camera and pointed it to the side of his face. “On three, give me sexy,” I grinned at him.
He grinned and cleared his throat, “Okay, on three…” we counted down before I swiveled the camera to face him, where he exaggeratedly pushed out his lips, showing off his teeth and a ‘double chin’ while his eyes went from straight to cross-eyed with a tiny bit of drool showing.
I burst out laughing. We were both in fits of laughter as I moved a foot forward. “Okay, okay,” he panted out, “Your turn!” he said happily.
I looked at him, seen the mirth in those cerulean eyes and felt my chest tighten. …Now or never, right? I took a deep breath to try calm my hammering heart down and nodded. “Okay, I’m ready,” I said dramatically.
He snorted, “Diva.” I grinned. “One…” What was I going to do…? “Two…” Oh, shit…didn’t plan it out this far… “Three!” he turned the camera and I just looked straight at him, my latest dream had surfaced and I could feel my face flush from the memory, the feel of his lips against mine, the friction our jeans created… I bit my lip and kept watching him before he burst out laughing.
It was forced-I’ve known him for too long to let him get away with that… “Wow…I think I know who the winner is,” he said with a cocky smile. “Obviously me,” he added to the camera as he pointed it back to himself, and away from me.
I closed my eyes and sighed. So this is what rejection was like…I thought it’d have been more dramatic…possibly being smacked or punched, tears streaming out one, or both, of our eyes as he stormed away out of disgust…after we got to a specific stop-because we were currently stuck in traffic-but that’s beside the point.
Not this forced laugh and discreet closing of the camera. “That…was weird.”
I snorted, “I know, right,” I tried not to show that my world was crumbling.
“How did you even get the look…?”
“I…remembered something,” I evasively glanced at him and pressed the gas, sending us another couple of feet.
“Would it be about a certain girl?” he asked.
“What girl?”
“I dunno…just thought you’d have a girl…I mean, it is you,”
“And what’s that supposed to mean?” I turned to look at him, finding him blushing, and shrugging. “I’m single, not ready to mingle, and even though you’re very close to the girl theory, not interested.”
“Not interested…” he tapped his chin. “Tis a boy, is it not?” he seemed like the idea had struck him. I shrugged in a non-committal way. “So, do I know this lucky guy?”
“Not telling a thing.” My face was heating up and if he did the right thing, unsure as to what that thing was at the moment, I’d probably stop this car from moving at all and jump him…
“So I do know him…” he tapped his chin. I sighed dramatically.
“Can you just drop it?” I questioned softly. “I-I’ll tell you…some…time soon…” I chewed my lip.
“Fine, but you better tell me soon, not soon,” he stressed.
“Aren’t those-,”
“You know what I mean.”
We got home not too long later and he jumped me. Like, freaking jumped me! “What the fuck!?” I nearly fell over, but caught myself at the last second.
He had his legs wrapped around me, from behind, with his arm wrapped around my neck. “Tell me who you love!” he demanded.
“What-why?!” I yelped as I fell over. He climbed off easily, pacing in front of my sitting form.
“It has come to my notice that-,”
“I basically told you I had someone I was-,”
“I know!” he glared at me. I sighed. “I want to know who and you said you’d tell me soon-,”
“I didn’t think you meant this soon!” I exclaimed.
“Soon-shmoon, tell me!” he whined.
I raised an eyebrow and ran a hand through my hair. “Why do you want to know so badly?”
“So I can tell the butt munch that if he hurts you, he’ll have to answer to me…then possibly smack him around!” Ian said heatedly.
I snorted and flicked my hair out of my eyes. “Ian, all I’ve got to say is, ‘are you a masochist?’,”
Confusion written clearly across his face, he turned his head to the side, looking…well, confused. I sighed and waited, crossing my arms patiently.
Now, I just have to wait for either the forced laugh, or disgusted look…anytime now, please…
He was confused, adorably so, and then his face scrunched up in bewilderment. “Me?” he pointed to himself, raising an eyebrow. “Seriously, Ant?”
“What’s wrong with it being you?” I bristled at his words.
“Me.” he repeated as if it made all the sense in the world. “You can probably have any person in the world if you tried and you pick me?” he clarified.
I jerked back in surprise. “What?”
“I’m me, Anthony,” he rolled his eyes. “I mean, c’mon…I’m not the hot one in the duo, and I’m definitely more messed up-if this were the reverse and I wanted you, then it’d make more sense, but for you to want me?” he deadpanned.
I face-palmed, took the two strides up to him, and kissed him. Hot and needy. “I don’t want you, I need you,” I growled into the kiss. I was slightly surprised when he leaned into it, moving his lips against mine, and gripping my shirt like a lifeline.
When he pushed me back, face flushed, he gave me that idiotic, cocky smile I loved so much, and trailed butterfly kisses up my jaw. “It’s nice being needed,” he said cutely.
Cutely…butterfly kisses? What was the world coming to?! I ignored the weirdness and pushed him onto the floor, dropping to my knees and…
I freaking woke up.
Closing my eyes, I counted to ten in my head and then opened them again. Still in my room, still in nothing but boxers and still alone. Groaning, I rolled over and tried going back to sleep to continue the dream, but Ian had other ideas as he barged into my room.
“Ant, it is two-thirty, get up!” he whined, jumping onto the bed and nearly crushing me.
“Tired, go ‘way,” I mumbled into my pillow.
“Pillow-biter, get up!” he shoved me. “I wanna do an Ian is Bored!”
I tensed under him as he leaned down and bit my shoulder. “Please?” he whispered.
I let out a shuddering breath. “Go away, please.”
“No, you’ve gotta make an Ian is Bored with me,” he smacked my back, “Sexy face contest, right here, right now!”
He was challenging me to a sexy-face contest?! I sat up, causing him to fall over to his side, and turned to him. “A sexy face contest?” I asked hurriedly.
“Yeah…hey, Ant, why are you staring at me like…that…?” he trailed off as I climbed onto him, straddling his waist. “…Ant…?” his blue eyes were wide as they stared up at me.
I continued staring down at him before leaning forward slowly. “You want a sexy-face contest?” I whispered, careful not to breathe on him with my morning breath.
Slowly nodding, I smiled crookedly, captured his lips with mine and held him still, pulling back only slightly as to bite his lower lip and let my hands start wandering under his shirt. “Are you really sure you want a sexy face contest?” I asked.
Shakily nodding, he pulled at my hair, into another kiss and…
Well shit…
Guess what?! I FREAKING WOKE UP AGAIN!
Why?! I slammed my fist into the pillow a few more times, as I rolled over and stared at the ceiling. Why? That’s all I’m asking, why? The pout I was sporting the entire morning was probably distracting, because our filming was cancelled for ‘a personal day’, to be honest.
I needed one…like, go out and lay in the sun, baking my farmer’s tan and making me look black…
Just saying.
I looked up slowly, staring as blue eyes stared back at me. “What’s up?” he popped the P sound and grinned, waiting.
“Oh, you know,” I closed my eyes and let out a low contented smile.
“Now you’re smiling?” his voice was teasing, “All morning you were pouting, what’s the deal with that?” he asked.
“Meh.” I shrugged and lifted my legs purely out of boredom. “I don’t know,” I lied.
“You know, Ant, if you continue distracting me, I’ll have to kick you out of Smosh,” he said seriously.
I looked up at him, smiled, and rolled my eyes. “Oh, you know Smosh would go downhill!” I grabbed his belt loop and pulled him down.
Falling onto his knees in a rough manner, he let out a low groan. “Ow!” he whined.
“Sorry.”
“No you aren’t,” he pouted.
“Meh, you’re right,” I had a good chance to take a good look at him before he fell onto his back beside me, head to head as we stared at the sky. “That looks like a bunny,”
“That looks like a Buniri, noob,” he replied with a smile.
I snorted and smiled again. “That looks like a Ditto,” I pointed to a blob with two parts sticking out.
“All these look like Ditto,” he replied.
“Nuh-uh…that one looks like a Squirtle!” I poked his face.
“Poker,”
“P-P-P-Poker face,” I grinned when he laughed. This was okay with me for now…just being able to be like this with him… Especially if we continue doing the videos the way we are now…a piggyback ride sounds fun, right?
“Hey Ant…” I opened an eye as he broke the still silence. Complete peace had taken over our little spot of shade in our backyard, and he looked beautiful-in a completely-non-zomgAnthonyisdefinitelyapoof way…
“Yeah?”
“I’m like, in love with you…”
Closing my eyes, I let a slow smile spread onto my face. “I like, love you too,” I said quietly. I was definitely okay with this as well…especially since he had a full on grin on his face. I smiled too, and I swear the dimples on my cheeks hurt…
Oh yeah, definitely okay with this…
“That one looks like a Slowbro!” I had to snort as the subject was changed.
“Looks like a butterfree, to me,”
“Yeah, that’s because you’re cockeyed!”
“And you suck.”
“Only you!” I choked on my spit at that, which prompted him to burst out laughing.
Asshole.