Doggy-Diss
Doggy-Dissed
Pairing: Amir and Jake
Summary: Amir loves Jake's new puppy. Taking said puppy out for a walk wields unexpected results.
Rating: T?
Warning: Fluff? Slash? Angst? YayzomgAmirandJake? Yes.
00-00-00-00-00
I really should’ve known. If it involved Amir, it was bound to go awry…
Did I really need to rescue him? Really? I smiled down at the little thing; it was adorable after all…but still! It growled, and yapped, and bit my toe once! I was ready to give it back to the animal shelter-despite my wariness to do so. I let out a low sigh and stared down at it. In a couple of years, it’ll be too big to stay in my apartment, and I’ll have to move…
Away.
Maybe this was a good thing!
But I still wanted to give it back…or away…either would do. I watched it warily from my computer desk, waiting for its evilness to come out of its innocent shell-it reminded me somewhat of my annoyingly quirky colleague.
“Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake,”
Speak of the devil…
“What?” I kept my eyes trained on the dog.
“What is that?” I heard Amir breathe from close behind.
I tensed but sniffed out, “My new puppy-and I love him-he’s so adorable,” I forcefully made myself pick up the runt, cuddling him to my chest.
Amir’s smile was blinding. “Can I hold him?” he asked excitedly. I narrowed my eyes at him. He had to have an ulterior motive…like since I’m showing the thing affection, he has to get rid of it…or something.
“Sure…” I warily held out Scrunt-Scrappy Runt, get it? Er… “His name is Scrunt-,”
“As in Scrappy Runt?” Amir asked with a grin.
I raised an eyebrow but refused to admit he was right. “Right…uh, he bites new people and-,”
“Aw, you’re just adorable, aren’t you?!” Amir cooed, holding the puppy up and nuzzling noses with him. “I so love this thing!” he ran his hands through the fur, cuddling him to his chest and even going as far as kissing the cold, wet nose.
I crinkled my nose. “Uh, Amir-,”
“I love you, Scrunt!” he cooed as he sat on his knees, playing with a chew toy, trying to teach the thing to roll over.
“It’s not going to work, I tried,” my voice was cold and I was getting annoyed. That damned thing was like putty in Amir’s hands…
“Oh, really?” Amir smirked, twirled a finger in Scrunt’s face, and watched in glee as the damned dog did the trick.
“H…how did…argh, get out!” I kicked Amir out, taking Scrunt before slamming the door.
“I was playing!” I heard Amir whine before the lock jiggled and clicked open.
“You have a key?!” I yelped, jumping out of the way as he slammed the door open, pulling Scrunt from my grasp again.
“Of course, Bro!” he grinned cheesily and made baby sounds to Scrunt. “He’s so cute!” they began playing and I relaxed-at least for now, neither of these demons in idiots’ clothing could harm, scare, or annoy me. I went to make dinner.
“What’s for ze meal?” Amir asked, coming up behind me.
“I’m making minestrone,” I said in a clipped tone.
“Wassat?”
“Sausage soup,” I said simple.
“Blech.”
“You’ve never had it!” I turned around and scowled at him. “Take him out of here,” I snapped.
Amir jerked back out of surprise. “Uh…Jake…?” he whispered.
“Just go away, Amir,” I replied shortly as I turned back to my soup. He doesn’t have to have any of my soup-it’s his loss, anyway… I toyed with the idea of going out for nuggets just to come back and torturously slowly eat them in front of him.
Knowing him, he’d probably jump over the table, straddle my waist, and eat them like he hasn’t eaten in weeks…
I don’t think I’d mind-wait…no, I would mind if he did that. He’d crush me! I closed my eyes, stirred the soup, and then took it off the stove. I like my soup…
“Jake?” his voice was small as he peered around the corner with Scrunt.
“What?” I looked up from my bowl, glaring daggers at the dog before looking up at Amir’s face. He looked scared, and hurt, and sad…it broke my heart. “What?” I asked more softly.
“Sorrow I dissed your soup,” he apologized.
Sighing, I shrugged. “It’s okay.” I held up my spoon. “Want some?” I questioned.
“Listen, bro, I said I was-wait, what?” he cut himself off, looking confused.
“I said, ‘do you want some’?” I gave him an annoyed look.
“It’s alright-I’m playing with Scrunt-just thought I’d come say sorrow,” he waved cheerily and disappeared again.
For that dog…
It had to go.
I held it up later that night, after Amir left, and stared it straight in the face. “What does Amir see in you?” I growled.
The thing yapped and bit my nose. Can you say ouch? I jerked away, flicked its nose with a stern. “NO.”
I really don’t like this thing…
The next morning, Amir was at my house, bright and early.
Something I was chagrined with, considering it was Saturday, our day off, and my sleep-in day. I blearily looked at him. “What?”
“I came to give Scrunt this!” he said gleefully.
“What?” I blinked at the blue collar. Generic, but badass. I scowled at it. “He already has one.”
“Yeah, but it sucks,” he rolled his eyes, “Der?” he moved around me, making kissing sounds. “C’mere, Scrunt!” he cooed as the dog strolled over, as if he owned the damned apartment.
I sighed, moved away from Amir and the dog before heading back to my room. I was definitely going back to sleep-I can’t stand seeing that thing with Amir…
“Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake-,”
“What?!” I snapped, turning to glare daggers at Amir.
He jumped in surprise. “Uh…” he scratched his head, looking confused for a second before seemingly remembering why he woke me up. “I’m going to take Scrunt for a walk, kay?” he chirped happily.
“Ugh, whatever, go ahead!” I buried my head under my pillow, throwing the blankets over me as well.
I woke up two hours later to the ringing of my phone. “Ugh…’lo?” I mumbled, rubbing the sleep from my eye.
The voice on the other line proclaimed, quite clearly, “We have your dog and boyfriend, bring us the money, and you’ll get them back.”
“Boyfriend…?” I asked dumbly.
“That Jew!”
“Ah.” I felt my blood boil in the way he said it. “Money?” I asked again.
“Fifty thousand,”
I let out an audible gulp, but murmured an, “Okay…where?”
“Oh, don’t worry…we’ll find you…” then the line went dead.
Instinctively, I pressed nine, but froze when I realized something. “They’re watching me…”
I closed my eyes, reset the phone, and dialed Ricky’s number. No answer. Fuck! I dialed everyone’s number, but not one of them could give me any money.
Fuck to the power of fuck… I toyed with the idea of going to rescue him, and Amir. …Okay, Amir and the dog. It turned out all the same-Amir and I dying. I let out a low sigh. How did Amir even get into these situations?!
-0-
Okay, so I didn’t get the money…not fully at least…I got a thousand, all wrapped over monopoly money. So sue me, not the most original plan…
I walked along the road, my eyes closed and then it happened…I was knocked unconscious from behind, and woke up in this old, musty storage warehouse. Squinting against the dark, I had to clear my throat. “Uh…hello?”
“Jake?” Amir’s scared voice whispered.
“Amir?” my voice caught. “Shit, where are you?” I started trying to get up from my sitting position, despite the ropes cutting into my wrists.
“I don’t know…” I couldn’t blame him-I couldn’t even see anything.
“Just don’t move, I’ll find you-where’s Scrunt?”
“They took him…” he let out a choked sob.
“It’ll be okay, it’ll be okay,” I whispered soothingly. Why I was being so nice? Easy, as much as I don’t admit it, I was his best friend. After a few seconds, I found him curled into a ball on the floor. I fell to my knees, nudged him with my elbow, and waited. His arms wrapped around me and he held on with little to no chance of letting go.
“Why is this happening?”
His walls of idiocy were crumbling, leaving the scared, emotionally challenged person to stay. “I don’t know…it will be alright-I need you to untie me, though, okay?” I shook him off, turned around, and waited.
His fingers fumbled, burned against my skin, but finally found purchase and undid the poorly tied knot. “Jake?”
“Yeah, buddy?” I said quietly.
“…Are we going to die?”
I shook my head, realizing that this was rational Amir, the Amir that was bearable, and the Amir that actually could be considered my best friend. “Of course not, don’t be silly,” I laughed unsurely.
Because who was I to say yes or no to that? I licked my lips nervously, looking around the dark room. This was dangerous-if they were going to kill us, all they had to do was wait here, close enough to strike but far enough not to be noticed.
“Jake?”
“Yeah?”
“We’re going to die, aren’t we?” he whispered.
I gulped, “O-Of course…nay…” I finished off uneasily, looking around. “Why?”
“Cause…I’m sorry…”
“Sorrow,” I mumbled.
“What?”
“Amir?”
“Yeah?”
“Be stupid.”
“Whaty-what?”
I felt a small smile tug at my lips. “You heard me…”
“I nay understand ya, bro, speaken up?” he had scooted closer, nervousness rolling off him in waves.
“Amir?”
“Yessir?”
“I…” I was unsure of what to say next. ‘I love you’? ‘You really are my best friend’? ‘Kiss me so we don’t die alone’?
All very good candidates…
I heard a scuffle from the left to us and froze. I felt Amir tense up beside me. I wrapped my arms around him protectively. “Who’s there?”
No answer. I cursed. Probably just a rat or something…I hate rats…not as much as crabs, but still...
“Jake?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
I tensed, I felt his head hang. “What…?” I choked out.
“I love you.” he repeated a bit louder, tears probably choking him up.
I closed my eyes. “I love you, too…” I groped in the dark, feeling for his face before finding it and giving him a soft kiss. It didn’t fill me with butterflies, make me dizzy, or even excite me in a sexual way. I just felt…better. I still knew we were probably going to die in this situation, I also knew that Scrunt was probably either already dead, or on his way to being killed because he was that damned annoying.
I also felt regret. Why didn’t I realize this sooner? At least before the whole confessions and kidnapping? I felt bad for myself, bad for Amir…I even felt bad for that damned dog. The kiss stayed a bit longer and I closed my eyes. “If we do, I’ll see you in hell…”
“Why?”
I smiled a crooked smile, pulled him into another kiss, and left him breathless. “That’s why…”
“But-,”
“Just shut up,” I trailed kisses along his jaw, over his mouth, and settled on nipping at his neck. He maneuvered his head accordingly, allowing me better access.
I had him on my lap when the lights had turned on. We both froze, staring at the group of people around us. “Fuck.”
Sarah smiled, looking smugly at Pat. “Hand over the money, Pat,” she held out her hand.
He looked peeved, handed over a hundred. Streeter had to hand his money to Sam, who handed money to Dave, who handed money off to Ricky.
“What the fuck?!” I was finally able to get over the shock.
“Sorry,” Sam quickly apologized.
“What’s going on, homies?” Amir’s voice cracked, but they ignored him.
My eyebrow twitched. “What. Is. Going. On?” I scowled.
Ricky clasped his hands together. “First of all, congratulations on coming out and not dying,” he said placating me.
Not working…
“Secondly, congratulations Amir, for confessing to Jake-it takes a real man to-!” Amir had lunged forward, knocking the people surrounding Ricky, and Ricky himself, over. Instead of a complete beat down, I thought he’d try; he merely smacked all of them.
I blinked from the floor. “Gee, Jake, how far would’ve you gone if we didn’t turn on the lights?” Sarah asked teasingly.
I ignored her, watching Amir shake Ricky like a doll. “Where’s my dog?”
“Oh,” she looked thoughtful, going behind a bunch of boxes and taking out a small kennel. “Here you go,” handing it to me; I walked towards Amir and put a hand on his shoulder.
He tensed. “Let’s go…” I whispered.
He stood obediently, taking Scrunt from the kennel and then leaving with me.
So, the dog was truly evil-it got us in this situation, where we could have been in real danger for all we knew… I let out a low sigh. I guess it’s got some use-it got us in this situation, thus forcing myself to realize something.
I was completely in love with Amir. Threading our fingers together, I led him from the warehouse, calling a taxi as we did and when we finally reached my apartment, I had to do it…I did. I pulled Amir to my room, leaving Scrunt in the living room, and…well, you can guess what we did.
Especially from the noises Amir was making…
Pairing: Amir and Jake
Summary: Amir loves Jake's new puppy. Taking said puppy out for a walk wields unexpected results.
Rating: T?
Warning: Fluff? Slash? Angst? YayzomgAmirandJake? Yes.
00-00-00-00-00
I really should’ve known. If it involved Amir, it was bound to go awry…
Did I really need to rescue him? Really? I smiled down at the little thing; it was adorable after all…but still! It growled, and yapped, and bit my toe once! I was ready to give it back to the animal shelter-despite my wariness to do so. I let out a low sigh and stared down at it. In a couple of years, it’ll be too big to stay in my apartment, and I’ll have to move…
Away.
Maybe this was a good thing!
But I still wanted to give it back…or away…either would do. I watched it warily from my computer desk, waiting for its evilness to come out of its innocent shell-it reminded me somewhat of my annoyingly quirky colleague.
“Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake,”
Speak of the devil…
“What?” I kept my eyes trained on the dog.
“What is that?” I heard Amir breathe from close behind.
I tensed but sniffed out, “My new puppy-and I love him-he’s so adorable,” I forcefully made myself pick up the runt, cuddling him to my chest.
Amir’s smile was blinding. “Can I hold him?” he asked excitedly. I narrowed my eyes at him. He had to have an ulterior motive…like since I’m showing the thing affection, he has to get rid of it…or something.
“Sure…” I warily held out Scrunt-Scrappy Runt, get it? Er… “His name is Scrunt-,”
“As in Scrappy Runt?” Amir asked with a grin.
I raised an eyebrow but refused to admit he was right. “Right…uh, he bites new people and-,”
“Aw, you’re just adorable, aren’t you?!” Amir cooed, holding the puppy up and nuzzling noses with him. “I so love this thing!” he ran his hands through the fur, cuddling him to his chest and even going as far as kissing the cold, wet nose.
I crinkled my nose. “Uh, Amir-,”
“I love you, Scrunt!” he cooed as he sat on his knees, playing with a chew toy, trying to teach the thing to roll over.
“It’s not going to work, I tried,” my voice was cold and I was getting annoyed. That damned thing was like putty in Amir’s hands…
“Oh, really?” Amir smirked, twirled a finger in Scrunt’s face, and watched in glee as the damned dog did the trick.
“H…how did…argh, get out!” I kicked Amir out, taking Scrunt before slamming the door.
“I was playing!” I heard Amir whine before the lock jiggled and clicked open.
“You have a key?!” I yelped, jumping out of the way as he slammed the door open, pulling Scrunt from my grasp again.
“Of course, Bro!” he grinned cheesily and made baby sounds to Scrunt. “He’s so cute!” they began playing and I relaxed-at least for now, neither of these demons in idiots’ clothing could harm, scare, or annoy me. I went to make dinner.
“What’s for ze meal?” Amir asked, coming up behind me.
“I’m making minestrone,” I said in a clipped tone.
“Wassat?”
“Sausage soup,” I said simple.
“Blech.”
“You’ve never had it!” I turned around and scowled at him. “Take him out of here,” I snapped.
Amir jerked back out of surprise. “Uh…Jake…?” he whispered.
“Just go away, Amir,” I replied shortly as I turned back to my soup. He doesn’t have to have any of my soup-it’s his loss, anyway… I toyed with the idea of going out for nuggets just to come back and torturously slowly eat them in front of him.
Knowing him, he’d probably jump over the table, straddle my waist, and eat them like he hasn’t eaten in weeks…
I don’t think I’d mind-wait…no, I would mind if he did that. He’d crush me! I closed my eyes, stirred the soup, and then took it off the stove. I like my soup…
“Jake?” his voice was small as he peered around the corner with Scrunt.
“What?” I looked up from my bowl, glaring daggers at the dog before looking up at Amir’s face. He looked scared, and hurt, and sad…it broke my heart. “What?” I asked more softly.
“Sorrow I dissed your soup,” he apologized.
Sighing, I shrugged. “It’s okay.” I held up my spoon. “Want some?” I questioned.
“Listen, bro, I said I was-wait, what?” he cut himself off, looking confused.
“I said, ‘do you want some’?” I gave him an annoyed look.
“It’s alright-I’m playing with Scrunt-just thought I’d come say sorrow,” he waved cheerily and disappeared again.
For that dog…
It had to go.
I held it up later that night, after Amir left, and stared it straight in the face. “What does Amir see in you?” I growled.
The thing yapped and bit my nose. Can you say ouch? I jerked away, flicked its nose with a stern. “NO.”
I really don’t like this thing…
The next morning, Amir was at my house, bright and early.
Something I was chagrined with, considering it was Saturday, our day off, and my sleep-in day. I blearily looked at him. “What?”
“I came to give Scrunt this!” he said gleefully.
“What?” I blinked at the blue collar. Generic, but badass. I scowled at it. “He already has one.”
“Yeah, but it sucks,” he rolled his eyes, “Der?” he moved around me, making kissing sounds. “C’mere, Scrunt!” he cooed as the dog strolled over, as if he owned the damned apartment.
I sighed, moved away from Amir and the dog before heading back to my room. I was definitely going back to sleep-I can’t stand seeing that thing with Amir…
“Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake, Jake-,”
“What?!” I snapped, turning to glare daggers at Amir.
He jumped in surprise. “Uh…” he scratched his head, looking confused for a second before seemingly remembering why he woke me up. “I’m going to take Scrunt for a walk, kay?” he chirped happily.
“Ugh, whatever, go ahead!” I buried my head under my pillow, throwing the blankets over me as well.
I woke up two hours later to the ringing of my phone. “Ugh…’lo?” I mumbled, rubbing the sleep from my eye.
The voice on the other line proclaimed, quite clearly, “We have your dog and boyfriend, bring us the money, and you’ll get them back.”
“Boyfriend…?” I asked dumbly.
“That Jew!”
“Ah.” I felt my blood boil in the way he said it. “Money?” I asked again.
“Fifty thousand,”
I let out an audible gulp, but murmured an, “Okay…where?”
“Oh, don’t worry…we’ll find you…” then the line went dead.
Instinctively, I pressed nine, but froze when I realized something. “They’re watching me…”
I closed my eyes, reset the phone, and dialed Ricky’s number. No answer. Fuck! I dialed everyone’s number, but not one of them could give me any money.
Fuck to the power of fuck… I toyed with the idea of going to rescue him, and Amir. …Okay, Amir and the dog. It turned out all the same-Amir and I dying. I let out a low sigh. How did Amir even get into these situations?!
-0-
Okay, so I didn’t get the money…not fully at least…I got a thousand, all wrapped over monopoly money. So sue me, not the most original plan…
I walked along the road, my eyes closed and then it happened…I was knocked unconscious from behind, and woke up in this old, musty storage warehouse. Squinting against the dark, I had to clear my throat. “Uh…hello?”
“Jake?” Amir’s scared voice whispered.
“Amir?” my voice caught. “Shit, where are you?” I started trying to get up from my sitting position, despite the ropes cutting into my wrists.
“I don’t know…” I couldn’t blame him-I couldn’t even see anything.
“Just don’t move, I’ll find you-where’s Scrunt?”
“They took him…” he let out a choked sob.
“It’ll be okay, it’ll be okay,” I whispered soothingly. Why I was being so nice? Easy, as much as I don’t admit it, I was his best friend. After a few seconds, I found him curled into a ball on the floor. I fell to my knees, nudged him with my elbow, and waited. His arms wrapped around me and he held on with little to no chance of letting go.
“Why is this happening?”
His walls of idiocy were crumbling, leaving the scared, emotionally challenged person to stay. “I don’t know…it will be alright-I need you to untie me, though, okay?” I shook him off, turned around, and waited.
His fingers fumbled, burned against my skin, but finally found purchase and undid the poorly tied knot. “Jake?”
“Yeah, buddy?” I said quietly.
“…Are we going to die?”
I shook my head, realizing that this was rational Amir, the Amir that was bearable, and the Amir that actually could be considered my best friend. “Of course not, don’t be silly,” I laughed unsurely.
Because who was I to say yes or no to that? I licked my lips nervously, looking around the dark room. This was dangerous-if they were going to kill us, all they had to do was wait here, close enough to strike but far enough not to be noticed.
“Jake?”
“Yeah?”
“We’re going to die, aren’t we?” he whispered.
I gulped, “O-Of course…nay…” I finished off uneasily, looking around. “Why?”
“Cause…I’m sorry…”
“Sorrow,” I mumbled.
“What?”
“Amir?”
“Yeah?”
“Be stupid.”
“Whaty-what?”
I felt a small smile tug at my lips. “You heard me…”
“I nay understand ya, bro, speaken up?” he had scooted closer, nervousness rolling off him in waves.
“Amir?”
“Yessir?”
“I…” I was unsure of what to say next. ‘I love you’? ‘You really are my best friend’? ‘Kiss me so we don’t die alone’?
All very good candidates…
I heard a scuffle from the left to us and froze. I felt Amir tense up beside me. I wrapped my arms around him protectively. “Who’s there?”
No answer. I cursed. Probably just a rat or something…I hate rats…not as much as crabs, but still...
“Jake?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
I tensed, I felt his head hang. “What…?” I choked out.
“I love you.” he repeated a bit louder, tears probably choking him up.
I closed my eyes. “I love you, too…” I groped in the dark, feeling for his face before finding it and giving him a soft kiss. It didn’t fill me with butterflies, make me dizzy, or even excite me in a sexual way. I just felt…better. I still knew we were probably going to die in this situation, I also knew that Scrunt was probably either already dead, or on his way to being killed because he was that damned annoying.
I also felt regret. Why didn’t I realize this sooner? At least before the whole confessions and kidnapping? I felt bad for myself, bad for Amir…I even felt bad for that damned dog. The kiss stayed a bit longer and I closed my eyes. “If we do, I’ll see you in hell…”
“Why?”
I smiled a crooked smile, pulled him into another kiss, and left him breathless. “That’s why…”
“But-,”
“Just shut up,” I trailed kisses along his jaw, over his mouth, and settled on nipping at his neck. He maneuvered his head accordingly, allowing me better access.
I had him on my lap when the lights had turned on. We both froze, staring at the group of people around us. “Fuck.”
Sarah smiled, looking smugly at Pat. “Hand over the money, Pat,” she held out her hand.
He looked peeved, handed over a hundred. Streeter had to hand his money to Sam, who handed money to Dave, who handed money off to Ricky.
“What the fuck?!” I was finally able to get over the shock.
“Sorry,” Sam quickly apologized.
“What’s going on, homies?” Amir’s voice cracked, but they ignored him.
My eyebrow twitched. “What. Is. Going. On?” I scowled.
Ricky clasped his hands together. “First of all, congratulations on coming out and not dying,” he said placating me.
Not working…
“Secondly, congratulations Amir, for confessing to Jake-it takes a real man to-!” Amir had lunged forward, knocking the people surrounding Ricky, and Ricky himself, over. Instead of a complete beat down, I thought he’d try; he merely smacked all of them.
I blinked from the floor. “Gee, Jake, how far would’ve you gone if we didn’t turn on the lights?” Sarah asked teasingly.
I ignored her, watching Amir shake Ricky like a doll. “Where’s my dog?”
“Oh,” she looked thoughtful, going behind a bunch of boxes and taking out a small kennel. “Here you go,” handing it to me; I walked towards Amir and put a hand on his shoulder.
He tensed. “Let’s go…” I whispered.
He stood obediently, taking Scrunt from the kennel and then leaving with me.
So, the dog was truly evil-it got us in this situation, where we could have been in real danger for all we knew… I let out a low sigh. I guess it’s got some use-it got us in this situation, thus forcing myself to realize something.
I was completely in love with Amir. Threading our fingers together, I led him from the warehouse, calling a taxi as we did and when we finally reached my apartment, I had to do it…I did. I pulled Amir to my room, leaving Scrunt in the living room, and…well, you can guess what we did.
Especially from the noises Amir was making…