Relationship Dynamics Study 1: codependency (LuBaek)
Study Topic: Relationship Dynamics
Study #: 1
Sub-topic: codependency
Warnings: unhealthy relationship, drug use/abuse
Disclaimer: I'm writing this because I don't understand codependency as much as I would like to and I'm trying to work on characterizing it. I also don't know anything whatsoever about drugs, especially LSD. Constructive criticism is very welcome, but please don't leave comments saying that I'm "romanticizing" an unhealthy relationship, because the point of the exercise is to realistically characterize such a situation. Thanks!
Codependent: a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person's addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.
-----
"Baby, you look so stressed," Luhan says, allowing Baekhyun to drape himself over his shoulders. The younger man hums, though it sounds more like a groan.
"I had this stupid meeting today with the boss that ran for three hours and we still got nothing accomplished." Luhan smiles softly and reaches up to rub Baekhyun's wrist. The younger man is doing everything he can to make partner at the law firm and it's been taking a toll on him lately. Luhan slowly lifts Baekhyun's hands off of him and stands up from the couch.
"I got you something today," he says as he tugs the younger man down the hallway toward their bedroom. Baekhyun follows without argument, knowing that Luhan usually gets him the best things. The Chinese man works from home, like most authors, but always find the coolest items when he goes out. He digs through a bag and pulls out a small box of carved pinewood, which he hands to Baekhyun. The box is filled with small blue pills, which makes Baekhyun look at Luhan incredulously.
"Luhan, I stopped taking these for a reason. They were ruining my life."
"They made you happy," Luhan argues, "just take one, so I don't feel like I searched for nothing." He's pouting and Baekhyun always gives in when he pouts. He carefully lifts a pill from the box and places it on his tongue.
"If I have to take one, then so do you," he says and Luhan takes a pill, almost too eagerly. Baekhyun forces himself to swallow the half dissolved capsule and shuts the box before he drops it. Luhan falls onto the bed, giggling at the way that the younger man's hands are shaking. Baekhyun puts the box back onto the nightstand just before the hallucinations start. He ends up laying on the floor, staring at the dragons playing on the ceiling and laughing at the stripes covering Luhan's face and arms. Flowers erupt around him, beautiful poppies that make him happy and put him to sleep.
When Baekhyun comes to, he's still on the floor. Luhan is passed out on the bed and the Korean man groans. He can't believe that he let his boyfriend talk him into taking the drug. Of course, it had relaxed him, but he now has no idea what time it is, what day it is even, and he has a case to return to for work. He's half tempted to throw out the pills, but Luhan had spent so much on them and he doesn't want to waste that money, especially when it takes the Chinese man so long to earn that much.
Baekhyun takes a shower and finds Luhan just waking up when he emerges. He changes while the older man rolls himself tighter into the covers.
"Don't take any more until I get home, okay?" Luhan nods and leans up to kiss Baekhyun before he leaves.
When Baekhyun does get home, Luhan is at his writing desk, typing while a joint sits in the ashtray. Baekhyun leans over his shoulder and is glad to see that he's finally gotten past his block. Luhan grabs the blunt and takes a drag before holding it up for Baekhyun. The younger man takes his own hit and exhales next to Luhan's ear.
"How much have you written today?" Luhan shrugs, fingers still moving. Baekhyun falls on top of him and he groans.
"Get off," he whines, "you're heavy." Baekhyun frowns and stands up. Luhan's comment stings, but Baekhyun's always been sensitive about his weight.
"I'll be in our room. You keep working, okay?" Luhan nods absently and brings the joint to his mouth again. Baekhyun takes another shower and curls up in bed. His eyes fall to the box on the nightstand and his mouth goes dry. He's tempted to take another, even though he had worked so hard to get off the pills. He could get fired if they decide to do a random drug test tomorrow, he really could, but at the same time, it's almost worth it. The stress goes away and he just gets to live in his own little world for a little while. With a grunt, he rolls over and opens the box. The little blue pill fits perfectly in his palm for just a second before it's in his mouth and gone.
Baekhyun vaguely remembers seeing flames licks up the walls and tripping down the hall away from them. Luhan, covered in spots this time, catches him before he tumbles face first onto the couch.
"See?" he says, "I knew you would enjoy it." Baekhyun giggles and passes out again.
The pills start to become a routine, a bad habit, but every time he worries, Luhan assures him that everything is okay, that it'll all work out fine. Soon, he's taking more than one pill a day, more than one at a time. On the second to last day of the trial, he skips. He doesn't take a single pill and has to go home halfway through the day, unable to finish his closing arguments. Luhan picks him up and gives him two pills before they even get home.
"You're okay, baby, you just need to take the pills. Keep up with the pills," Luhan pushes. Baekhyun nods and succumbs to the fairies and fireworks dancing around his head.
"Take one tomorrow when it starts. You can't drop in court again," Luhan cautions, "you have so much at stake." Baekhyun thinks it's a bad idea to be hallucinating during the decision but he listens to Luhan anyway, because Luhan is usually right. He was the one that convinced Baekhyun to take the pills again in the first place, after all.
Baekhyun gets fired when he asks his boss to let him pet the dragons before the flowers sing him to sleep. He's forcefully removed from the courtroom and sent home once the drug wears off. When he gets there, he finds Luhan curled on the couch, eyes bloodshot.
"It came back," he says hollowly, "the block came back." Baekhyun slumps down next to him.
"They found out about the pills. They fired me." Luhan sits up and goes to his desk. He comes back with the box and holds it out to Baekhyun.
"Just two?" Luhan smiles sadly.
"As many as you'd like. Take them all." Baekhyun took the box and scooped out all that was left. He splits it and gives half to Luhan.
No one finds them until the landlord comes to collect their rent, two weeks late.
Study #: 1
Sub-topic: codependency
Warnings: unhealthy relationship, drug use/abuse
Disclaimer: I'm writing this because I don't understand codependency as much as I would like to and I'm trying to work on characterizing it. I also don't know anything whatsoever about drugs, especially LSD. Constructive criticism is very welcome, but please don't leave comments saying that I'm "romanticizing" an unhealthy relationship, because the point of the exercise is to realistically characterize such a situation. Thanks!
Codependent: a type of dysfunctional helping relationship where one person supports or enables another person's addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.
-----
"Baby, you look so stressed," Luhan says, allowing Baekhyun to drape himself over his shoulders. The younger man hums, though it sounds more like a groan.
"I had this stupid meeting today with the boss that ran for three hours and we still got nothing accomplished." Luhan smiles softly and reaches up to rub Baekhyun's wrist. The younger man is doing everything he can to make partner at the law firm and it's been taking a toll on him lately. Luhan slowly lifts Baekhyun's hands off of him and stands up from the couch.
"I got you something today," he says as he tugs the younger man down the hallway toward their bedroom. Baekhyun follows without argument, knowing that Luhan usually gets him the best things. The Chinese man works from home, like most authors, but always find the coolest items when he goes out. He digs through a bag and pulls out a small box of carved pinewood, which he hands to Baekhyun. The box is filled with small blue pills, which makes Baekhyun look at Luhan incredulously.
"Luhan, I stopped taking these for a reason. They were ruining my life."
"They made you happy," Luhan argues, "just take one, so I don't feel like I searched for nothing." He's pouting and Baekhyun always gives in when he pouts. He carefully lifts a pill from the box and places it on his tongue.
"If I have to take one, then so do you," he says and Luhan takes a pill, almost too eagerly. Baekhyun forces himself to swallow the half dissolved capsule and shuts the box before he drops it. Luhan falls onto the bed, giggling at the way that the younger man's hands are shaking. Baekhyun puts the box back onto the nightstand just before the hallucinations start. He ends up laying on the floor, staring at the dragons playing on the ceiling and laughing at the stripes covering Luhan's face and arms. Flowers erupt around him, beautiful poppies that make him happy and put him to sleep.
When Baekhyun comes to, he's still on the floor. Luhan is passed out on the bed and the Korean man groans. He can't believe that he let his boyfriend talk him into taking the drug. Of course, it had relaxed him, but he now has no idea what time it is, what day it is even, and he has a case to return to for work. He's half tempted to throw out the pills, but Luhan had spent so much on them and he doesn't want to waste that money, especially when it takes the Chinese man so long to earn that much.
Baekhyun takes a shower and finds Luhan just waking up when he emerges. He changes while the older man rolls himself tighter into the covers.
"Don't take any more until I get home, okay?" Luhan nods and leans up to kiss Baekhyun before he leaves.
When Baekhyun does get home, Luhan is at his writing desk, typing while a joint sits in the ashtray. Baekhyun leans over his shoulder and is glad to see that he's finally gotten past his block. Luhan grabs the blunt and takes a drag before holding it up for Baekhyun. The younger man takes his own hit and exhales next to Luhan's ear.
"How much have you written today?" Luhan shrugs, fingers still moving. Baekhyun falls on top of him and he groans.
"Get off," he whines, "you're heavy." Baekhyun frowns and stands up. Luhan's comment stings, but Baekhyun's always been sensitive about his weight.
"I'll be in our room. You keep working, okay?" Luhan nods absently and brings the joint to his mouth again. Baekhyun takes another shower and curls up in bed. His eyes fall to the box on the nightstand and his mouth goes dry. He's tempted to take another, even though he had worked so hard to get off the pills. He could get fired if they decide to do a random drug test tomorrow, he really could, but at the same time, it's almost worth it. The stress goes away and he just gets to live in his own little world for a little while. With a grunt, he rolls over and opens the box. The little blue pill fits perfectly in his palm for just a second before it's in his mouth and gone.
Baekhyun vaguely remembers seeing flames licks up the walls and tripping down the hall away from them. Luhan, covered in spots this time, catches him before he tumbles face first onto the couch.
"See?" he says, "I knew you would enjoy it." Baekhyun giggles and passes out again.
The pills start to become a routine, a bad habit, but every time he worries, Luhan assures him that everything is okay, that it'll all work out fine. Soon, he's taking more than one pill a day, more than one at a time. On the second to last day of the trial, he skips. He doesn't take a single pill and has to go home halfway through the day, unable to finish his closing arguments. Luhan picks him up and gives him two pills before they even get home.
"You're okay, baby, you just need to take the pills. Keep up with the pills," Luhan pushes. Baekhyun nods and succumbs to the fairies and fireworks dancing around his head.
"Take one tomorrow when it starts. You can't drop in court again," Luhan cautions, "you have so much at stake." Baekhyun thinks it's a bad idea to be hallucinating during the decision but he listens to Luhan anyway, because Luhan is usually right. He was the one that convinced Baekhyun to take the pills again in the first place, after all.
Baekhyun gets fired when he asks his boss to let him pet the dragons before the flowers sing him to sleep. He's forcefully removed from the courtroom and sent home once the drug wears off. When he gets there, he finds Luhan curled on the couch, eyes bloodshot.
"It came back," he says hollowly, "the block came back." Baekhyun slumps down next to him.
"They found out about the pills. They fired me." Luhan sits up and goes to his desk. He comes back with the box and holds it out to Baekhyun.
"Just two?" Luhan smiles sadly.
"As many as you'd like. Take them all." Baekhyun took the box and scooped out all that was left. He splits it and gives half to Luhan.
No one finds them until the landlord comes to collect their rent, two weeks late.