My story - Auryn, the golden land (part 1)
Hi!
This is my first post here and I would like to get some feedback on my story called "Auryn - The golden land". This is my first original story kind of. This story was originally written in Swedish, but I have translated it to English for people whom read it here on LJ. I'll post the first four parts of the description of the landscape, faith and so forth. I'm pretty bad at translating, so bare with me!
This part contains all the four parts I've posted on my livejournal at the moment. I've also posted the original in Swedish in some of the posts for those who'd like to read that. I put the story behind a cut to shorten it on the front page. And also, it's posted in fictionwriters too if someone sees it over there.
Some lovely comments are welcome!
I'm anxious to hear what you have to say!
--------
Title: Auryn - The golden land
Author: vargenj
Genre: Fantasy
Summary: A short description of the landscape, a bit of the faith but mostly the landscape in Auryn.
Part 1 ( http://vargenj.livejournal.com/2000.html#cutid1 )
Do you see it? Do you see the golden land? The land which consists of miles of deep forests. So deep and wild that no living soul could live there. But believe it or not, there are someone living there in this deep, wild forest. With lakes so deep and mountains so high you couldn't believe there is something else. This land is called Auryn, the golden land.
The land with the miles wide, deep forests and the silver glistening lakes. Trapped behind the three sister mountains Bryn Cath and Delwen. Bryn, which lays in the south, was the smallest of them three. She was so low that she looked like a hill. Cath, laying in north, was the biggest and the most fiercesome to climb. And Delwen, which layed in the west, shut the people away from the great waters in the west.
Part 2 ( http://vargenj.livejournal.com/2141.html#cutid1 )
The forest had no name, in daily speech she was called just The Forest. She was so big and so deep that no one could certainly put a name on her. Many believed that the soul of the Forest took the shape of the wood nymph, a very beautiful but treacherous woman.
The wood nymph tricked the men of the people into corruption, if one wasn't a friend of hers. Sometimes she showed herself as a white moose who distorted the sight of the one who dared shoot at it. If one wanted good fortune when hunting or just simply wanted to pass through the forest, you could enter a covenant with the wood nymph.
You couldn't break the covenant with her when one wanted. Often the covenant lasted only one year, but a few people choosed to prolong it. Which could become a great disadvantage for one. The wood nymph then used it to get as she wanted, in other words no hunting in her part of the forest.
Part 3 ( http://vargenj.livejournal.com/2316.html#cutid2 )
The forest had a sister, the Great Stream. She ran through the landscape like a big river. Calm and collected, but she broke forth as in rage on certain places. She even ran out in four bigger lakes. These four were her daughters Cerian, Geneth, Jenna and Maire. The many creeks and streams were in reaturn the daugthers of the four great lakes. Most of them had no names because they were so many. A lot of them had gotten new names, and many had names before but now they were forgotten.
There are many small clearings in the Forest, but only the big ones are known among the people.
The biggest one is called Meghan, which meant little Margret in the local language. The glade was called that because a small girl named Margret disappeared right there. There was five more small clearings. They were called Nainsidh, Oisin, Righ, Saidear and Tairneach.
The glade of Nainsidh was called that way after a woman whom had lived alone in the clearing. It has since then had her name.
The deers used to stay in the clearing of Oisin during the summer and just because of them the glade was called Oisin which meant fawn or deer.
The glade of Righ was called so because of the story of a king dissappearing in front of his soldiers and never coming back. They say a soldier lost his track in the forest and ended up in the glade of Saidear. Now his restless soul wanders around in the clearing in pure belief that he will find his way out.
The thunder swooped down in an large oak which split on the middle and all the evil critters of the world came out of it. That way the glade got its name after the thunder. The name of the thunder was Tairneach.
Part 4 ( http://vargenj.livejournal.com/2581.html#cutid2 )
The land consisted of four districts which was the North, the South, the West and East district.
In North, or the River Valley as it is called, different people such as humans and night men lived. Their king were King Jeeves whom had ruled in the country for five hundred years. The River Valley is the richest of them four.
In South, which is called the Lake Valley because of the close distance to the Great Lake, lived elves, humans and dwarves together. Their king was King Cecíl Eldon whom had ruled over the Lake Walley for two hundred and thirty years. Their richest never seemed to dry up, not even during years of malformed growth or during years of war.
In the West, or the Border Valley as it is called, lived all kinds of thievish people such as orchs, humans, night men and many more. Their king was King Farkas whom had ruled in the country for eight hundred and seventy years. The Border Valley is a penuriouslu land with very few natural resources. The very few who became rich was big scoundrels and squires who tricked their way to other peoples hard earned money.
In the East, which is called the Forest Valley because of the mile wide forest where it was set. The inhabitants was humans, elves, night men and dwarves whom all lived together. their king was King Phelan whom had ruled for two hundred and seventy years. The Forest Valley was immensely rich with forest which didn't seemed to end. There was allways new trees but no one did know where they came from.
This is my first post here and I would like to get some feedback on my story called "Auryn - The golden land". This is my first original story kind of. This story was originally written in Swedish, but I have translated it to English for people whom read it here on LJ. I'll post the first four parts of the description of the landscape, faith and so forth. I'm pretty bad at translating, so bare with me!
This part contains all the four parts I've posted on my livejournal at the moment. I've also posted the original in Swedish in some of the posts for those who'd like to read that. I put the story behind a cut to shorten it on the front page. And also, it's posted in fictionwriters too if someone sees it over there.
Some lovely comments are welcome!
I'm anxious to hear what you have to say!
--------
Title: Auryn - The golden land
Author: vargenj
Genre: Fantasy
Summary: A short description of the landscape, a bit of the faith but mostly the landscape in Auryn.
Part 1 ( http://vargenj.livejournal.com/2000.html#cutid1 )
Do you see it? Do you see the golden land? The land which consists of miles of deep forests. So deep and wild that no living soul could live there. But believe it or not, there are someone living there in this deep, wild forest. With lakes so deep and mountains so high you couldn't believe there is something else. This land is called Auryn, the golden land.
The land with the miles wide, deep forests and the silver glistening lakes. Trapped behind the three sister mountains Bryn Cath and Delwen. Bryn, which lays in the south, was the smallest of them three. She was so low that she looked like a hill. Cath, laying in north, was the biggest and the most fiercesome to climb. And Delwen, which layed in the west, shut the people away from the great waters in the west.
Part 2 ( http://vargenj.livejournal.com/2141.html#cutid1 )
The forest had no name, in daily speech she was called just The Forest. She was so big and so deep that no one could certainly put a name on her. Many believed that the soul of the Forest took the shape of the wood nymph, a very beautiful but treacherous woman.
The wood nymph tricked the men of the people into corruption, if one wasn't a friend of hers. Sometimes she showed herself as a white moose who distorted the sight of the one who dared shoot at it. If one wanted good fortune when hunting or just simply wanted to pass through the forest, you could enter a covenant with the wood nymph.
You couldn't break the covenant with her when one wanted. Often the covenant lasted only one year, but a few people choosed to prolong it. Which could become a great disadvantage for one. The wood nymph then used it to get as she wanted, in other words no hunting in her part of the forest.
Part 3 ( http://vargenj.livejournal.com/2316.html#cutid2 )
The forest had a sister, the Great Stream. She ran through the landscape like a big river. Calm and collected, but she broke forth as in rage on certain places. She even ran out in four bigger lakes. These four were her daughters Cerian, Geneth, Jenna and Maire. The many creeks and streams were in reaturn the daugthers of the four great lakes. Most of them had no names because they were so many. A lot of them had gotten new names, and many had names before but now they were forgotten.
There are many small clearings in the Forest, but only the big ones are known among the people.
The biggest one is called Meghan, which meant little Margret in the local language. The glade was called that because a small girl named Margret disappeared right there. There was five more small clearings. They were called Nainsidh, Oisin, Righ, Saidear and Tairneach.
The glade of Nainsidh was called that way after a woman whom had lived alone in the clearing. It has since then had her name.
The deers used to stay in the clearing of Oisin during the summer and just because of them the glade was called Oisin which meant fawn or deer.
The glade of Righ was called so because of the story of a king dissappearing in front of his soldiers and never coming back. They say a soldier lost his track in the forest and ended up in the glade of Saidear. Now his restless soul wanders around in the clearing in pure belief that he will find his way out.
The thunder swooped down in an large oak which split on the middle and all the evil critters of the world came out of it. That way the glade got its name after the thunder. The name of the thunder was Tairneach.
Part 4 ( http://vargenj.livejournal.com/2581.html#cutid2 )
The land consisted of four districts which was the North, the South, the West and East district.
In North, or the River Valley as it is called, different people such as humans and night men lived. Their king were King Jeeves whom had ruled in the country for five hundred years. The River Valley is the richest of them four.
In South, which is called the Lake Valley because of the close distance to the Great Lake, lived elves, humans and dwarves together. Their king was King Cecíl Eldon whom had ruled over the Lake Walley for two hundred and thirty years. Their richest never seemed to dry up, not even during years of malformed growth or during years of war.
In the West, or the Border Valley as it is called, lived all kinds of thievish people such as orchs, humans, night men and many more. Their king was King Farkas whom had ruled in the country for eight hundred and seventy years. The Border Valley is a penuriouslu land with very few natural resources. The very few who became rich was big scoundrels and squires who tricked their way to other peoples hard earned money.
In the East, which is called the Forest Valley because of the mile wide forest where it was set. The inhabitants was humans, elves, night men and dwarves whom all lived together. their king was King Phelan whom had ruled for two hundred and seventy years. The Forest Valley was immensely rich with forest which didn't seemed to end. There was allways new trees but no one did know where they came from.