Then What, if I loose you.
Ville didn’t really need to smoke a ciggerette it was more a want he thought to himself as he stepped out on the balcolny as requested. He lit the ciggerette and was barley done exhaling the smoke from his lungs when he felt his cell phone vibrate against his thigh. He slowly pulled his phone out and flipped it open with out even looking to see who it was.
“Hello Bammie,” He said softly.
“You didn’t call,” Bam’s voice filtered through sounding scared and frightened.
“I’m sorry Bammie Seppo’s had me running around like a chicken with its head cut off sense I landed.” He responded taking another drag.
“Oh,” Bam said softly. “Did I catch you at a bad time?” He asked sounding uncertain.
“Just taking a ciggerette break.” He said gently. “Besides any time you call is a good time,” He said reassuringly.
Bam laughed softly. “So what was so important that you had to fly back to Finland during your vacation?” He asked.
“Seppo wants us to tour with this band,” He said slowly.
“Which band?” Bam asked instantly.
“Well,” Ville said slowly turning and placing his back against the balcolny to watch the woman in the hotel room as she talked to Seppo and another man who he assumed was the woman’s manager.
“Who is it Ville?” Bam’s voice broke through his thoughts.
“Evanescence,” He said finally.
“Wow,” Bam said then laughed. “What an opportunity,”
Ville heard it even if Bam hadn’t meant him to. The dead flat tone replaced everything in Bam’s voice. Leaving him sounding empty and dead. “Bammie whose there with you?” He asked.
“No one, Ape will be by later to bring over dinner but currently its just me, mischief and trouble.” He said calmly.
Ville bit his lip, he hated that Bam had pushed everyone away after what had happened. It had taken him nearly a year to convince Bam that he wasn’t going to hurt him. Another year to convince the younger man that he did love him and there was still times where the insecurities would rear there ugly head and start attacking everything they could. He sighed then nodded. “Alright, do you mind if I call you tonight?” He asked.
“If you want,” Bam said his tone indifferent.
“No, Bam I want to know if you want me to call,” Ville pushed trying to make Bam make the decision.
Silence came over the phone and for a second Ville thought that maybe Bam had hung up the phone. Then finally a soft sigh. “Yeah, give me a call when you get the chance,”
Ville smiled softly. “I love you Bammie,” He said gently.
“Yeah, I know.” Bam said his voice shaky sounding.
“Do you now?” Ville asked. “Do you know that I would take the moon and the stars for you?”
Bam sighed softly. “I know,” He whispered. “I gotta go, someone’s here.” He said and before Ville could ask who the phone went dead.
He sighed pulling the phone away from his ear he glanced at it. He sighed and flipped the phone closed and placed it into his pocket again. He rubbed his face with one hand and took a final drag from his ciggerette and flicked the butt away from him. He watched it for a minute as it spiraled away towards the ground below then slowly pushed away from the railing and stepped back inside.
“Ah, there he is,” Seppo said grinning. “Ms. Lee loves your music Ville,”
“Our Music,” He corrected Seppo with out thinking. “It’s the band’s music not just mine.” He said.
Seppo nodded. “Yes, of course it is Ville,” He smiled brightly. “Why don’t you two go out to dinner and iron out the plans yes?” He asked.
Ville wanted to groan and close his eyes. He wanted to tell Seppo he wanted to go back to his hotel and call Bam and crash for the night. There was so much he wanted to say but didn’t. Instead he nodded his head. “Sounds like a good idea,” He said looking to Amy. “How about it?”
She nodded. “Alright, I’m up for that, if you gentlemen don’t mind though I’d like to change first.”
“Of course its not a problem at all me and Ville will wait outside.” Seppo said leading ville away.
Ville leaned against the wall sighing softly he looked at Seppo. “What?”
“Don’t mess this up,” he said nodding. “Don’t sit there and talk non stop about your American.” He said calmly.
Ville blinked and shook his head. “Seppo Bam and mine’s relationship has nothing to do with the band,” He said calmly.
Seppo nodded and patted his arm. “Don’t’ get your feather’s all ruffled Ville just not everyone wants to know you are gay yes?” He said calmly.
Ville sighed and shook his head. “I’ll keep that on the down low okay Seppo, now I’m an adult I think I can handle Dinner with a girl.”
“Well, if thats what works for you then.” Seppo quipped and headed off down the hallway.
Ville sighed and closed his eyes leaning back against the wall he waited patiently.
“Hello Bammie,” He said softly.
“You didn’t call,” Bam’s voice filtered through sounding scared and frightened.
“I’m sorry Bammie Seppo’s had me running around like a chicken with its head cut off sense I landed.” He responded taking another drag.
“Oh,” Bam said softly. “Did I catch you at a bad time?” He asked sounding uncertain.
“Just taking a ciggerette break.” He said gently. “Besides any time you call is a good time,” He said reassuringly.
Bam laughed softly. “So what was so important that you had to fly back to Finland during your vacation?” He asked.
“Seppo wants us to tour with this band,” He said slowly.
“Which band?” Bam asked instantly.
“Well,” Ville said slowly turning and placing his back against the balcolny to watch the woman in the hotel room as she talked to Seppo and another man who he assumed was the woman’s manager.
“Who is it Ville?” Bam’s voice broke through his thoughts.
“Evanescence,” He said finally.
“Wow,” Bam said then laughed. “What an opportunity,”
Ville heard it even if Bam hadn’t meant him to. The dead flat tone replaced everything in Bam’s voice. Leaving him sounding empty and dead. “Bammie whose there with you?” He asked.
“No one, Ape will be by later to bring over dinner but currently its just me, mischief and trouble.” He said calmly.
Ville bit his lip, he hated that Bam had pushed everyone away after what had happened. It had taken him nearly a year to convince Bam that he wasn’t going to hurt him. Another year to convince the younger man that he did love him and there was still times where the insecurities would rear there ugly head and start attacking everything they could. He sighed then nodded. “Alright, do you mind if I call you tonight?” He asked.
“If you want,” Bam said his tone indifferent.
“No, Bam I want to know if you want me to call,” Ville pushed trying to make Bam make the decision.
Silence came over the phone and for a second Ville thought that maybe Bam had hung up the phone. Then finally a soft sigh. “Yeah, give me a call when you get the chance,”
Ville smiled softly. “I love you Bammie,” He said gently.
“Yeah, I know.” Bam said his voice shaky sounding.
“Do you now?” Ville asked. “Do you know that I would take the moon and the stars for you?”
Bam sighed softly. “I know,” He whispered. “I gotta go, someone’s here.” He said and before Ville could ask who the phone went dead.
He sighed pulling the phone away from his ear he glanced at it. He sighed and flipped the phone closed and placed it into his pocket again. He rubbed his face with one hand and took a final drag from his ciggerette and flicked the butt away from him. He watched it for a minute as it spiraled away towards the ground below then slowly pushed away from the railing and stepped back inside.
“Ah, there he is,” Seppo said grinning. “Ms. Lee loves your music Ville,”
“Our Music,” He corrected Seppo with out thinking. “It’s the band’s music not just mine.” He said.
Seppo nodded. “Yes, of course it is Ville,” He smiled brightly. “Why don’t you two go out to dinner and iron out the plans yes?” He asked.
Ville wanted to groan and close his eyes. He wanted to tell Seppo he wanted to go back to his hotel and call Bam and crash for the night. There was so much he wanted to say but didn’t. Instead he nodded his head. “Sounds like a good idea,” He said looking to Amy. “How about it?”
She nodded. “Alright, I’m up for that, if you gentlemen don’t mind though I’d like to change first.”
“Of course its not a problem at all me and Ville will wait outside.” Seppo said leading ville away.
Ville leaned against the wall sighing softly he looked at Seppo. “What?”
“Don’t mess this up,” he said nodding. “Don’t sit there and talk non stop about your American.” He said calmly.
Ville blinked and shook his head. “Seppo Bam and mine’s relationship has nothing to do with the band,” He said calmly.
Seppo nodded and patted his arm. “Don’t’ get your feather’s all ruffled Ville just not everyone wants to know you are gay yes?” He said calmly.
Ville sighed and shook his head. “I’ll keep that on the down low okay Seppo, now I’m an adult I think I can handle Dinner with a girl.”
“Well, if thats what works for you then.” Seppo quipped and headed off down the hallway.
Ville sighed and closed his eyes leaning back against the wall he waited patiently.