What then, if I loose you?
What was I supposed to say, no..no you can’t go with them, no I don’t like that idea, no I don’t want you touring with them of all people. No, I couldn’t say that because that wouldn’t have opened you up to anyone or anything ever. If I had said no you would of hated me. But now look where its gotten us. You left me, I’m alone now because you’ve moved on and now- I’m alone. I guess I should be used to this by now but it still hurts. It still hurts to realize someone like you who meant so much to me was just using me. It hurts to know that your just like the rest of them. I guess I should of expected as much.
Don't cry to me.
If you loved me,
You would be here with me.
You want me,
Come find me.
Make up your mind.
Evanescence-Amy Lee.
~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~
Bam Margera sat silently in the driver’s seat of his Lambo starring out the window intently as he drove ignoring his passenger even when they grabbed reflexively at the roof of the speeding car.
“Dear god Bammie slow down please,” The Finnish man called his voice cracking as the car roared up on the rear end of the car infront of them then zipped into the oncoming traffic and around speeding away quickly.
The country side whipped past in a blur of green’s and browns and occasional other color’s. Bam was just trying to release his anger before he talked to the green eyed man beside him but the excessive speeds weren’t helping. His eyes picked out the red light before his foot did and he slammed on the break and clutch dropping the car out of gear he slid to a stop the nose of the sports car just barley poking over the white cross walk lines. He stared straight ahead for a minute then finally turned his head and looked at the man next to him.
“You just got here,” He said softly.
Ville slowly slumped in the seat releasing his death grip on the ceiling. “I know Bammie but I have to go back, its important, you know Seppo wouldn’t cut short my vacation if it wasn’t important.” He said softly trying to reason with the Skater before the light turned green.
“Sure its important they just don’t want us to spend time together.” He pouted looking up at the signal waiting impatiently for it to change colors.
Ville shook his head. “You know thats not True Bammie, Seppo understands us.” He said gently reaching over to smooth the unruly curls that adorned the Skater’s head.
Bam sighed softly and looked over at Ville. “Its just not fair, we never get to spend time together anymore, if its not one thing its another.” He said putting the car into gear and pulling away from the light. He drove for a few blocks then slowly pulled into a deserted parking lot. He turned the car off and leaned over gently he kissed Ville’s cheek then pulled back and sighed softly.
“Bammie, I love you.” Ville said smiling softly.
Bam smiled back tensely and slowly sat back in his seat and sighed. “I love you to Ville, But I’m scared that I’m going to loose you to.” He said sadly. “That you’ll find someone who will be better for your image.” He whispered.
Ville turned his head gazing at Bam silently. “Bammie, you are perfect for my image, and even if you weren’t I wouldn’t care.” He said softly. “I’m not him, I won’t do that to you.” He said softly.
Bam shrugged and started the car again. “You have a flight to catch.” He whispered.
“You don’t believe me?” He asked.
“I don’t know what to believe Ville, I’ve been broken one to many times, its getting harder and harder to pick up all the pieces in the end.” He responded.
Ville glanced at Bam silently and nodded. “Okay,” he said softly and looked out the window as they pulled out of the parking lot.
“Ville,” Bam started softly then stopped and shook his head. “I-“ He couldn’t finish what he wanted to say. He sighed softly and reached down and turned on the radio not caring what played at the moment just looking for something to block the silence.
At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I?
Should I?
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I?
Should I?
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me
Bam jerked the wheel hard then cursed loudly as the passenger side wheels left the curb and ground up gravel sending it flying behind them. He eased off the gas then slowly pulled back onto the road. He looked over at Ville whose face was tensed and Bam caught it the anger. He knew he’d fucked up again. He sniffed and turned off the radio and let the silence eat away at him. When they finally reached the airport he got out to help Ville with his bags. He bent over yanking the two black bags from with in the trunk he slowly held them out to him trying so hard not to make eye contact.
Maybe that was why he was so shocked when he was shoved hard into the car. This was it now, now Ville would tell him how worthless he was, tell him he was to needy and whiney and how could he have ever loved an irresponsible little boy like him. He gasped with out meaning to when Ville hands wrapped around his face and lifted his chin so he was forced to look into the green eyes of the man he loved. He shook he trembled and he wanted to close his eyes to block out that beautiful face. When Ville’s lips captured him his eyes closed and he found himself kissing the older man back, desperation racing through his veins. His fingers twined in Ville’s jacket and he pulled the older man closer to him never wanting to let him go. He whimpered sadly as the singer broke there kiss and smiled sadly.
“I Love you Bam, I know you have trouble believing that but it’s the truth.” He said softly running a thumb across Bam’s cheek. “Maybe you should really think about what you want out of this relationship and get back to me on it when I come back okay?”
Bam just nodded fighting the tremors running through his body. Fighting the tears burning behind his eyes. “Okay,” He said softly. “I’ll be waiting for your call.”
Ville smiled sadly and kissed his American lover one last time before vanishing into the swirl of people. Bam leaned against his car and sighed softly when a horn honked behind him he flipped the driver off and slammed the trunk closed and climbed into the car peeling out he speed back for home.