Newlyweds
I have been a wife for a little over a month now. It's kind of hard to wrap my head around that. My thoughts so far?
I'm happy. I'm relieved. I'm...slightly disappointed.
Let me backtrack. Brett is an amazing husband, and after being together for 4 years, he knows my quirks. We had already lived together, so there were no unpleasant surprises or weird habits I didn't already know about. I did have to re-adjust to sleeping in the same bed again (I had gotten quite used to sleeping in a great sprawl, in a nest of pillows on all sides, and the blanket burritoed around me). But Im happy...I love being a domestic wifey. I like cooking, and keeping house. I even like talking about our bills and budget together! I may grow to dislike that aspect, but right now it's nice to feel that while bills will always pile up, and money will always seem to be not enough, at least it's not just ME in this boat now. I have a partner, a constant support. And he's supportive in not just a monetary sense. I spent 3 days in the hospital the week of our wedding, and he was by my side nearly the entire time (unless I was sending him out on some wedding errand that I could not attend to myself). He was there when I was learning what I would have to do to control my diabetes from now on, and he continues to encourage me, and eat the same kind of diet that I have to follow. He makes me feel beautiful each and every day.
I'm relieved that the wedding planning is done with, and I can pack the keepsakes away. I admit, my dress is still hanging on the closet door, and I need to get that cleaned and preserved. I admit, also, that I have put it on a few more times since the wedding. but it's a relief to put things away. Store the keepsakes and mementos, put away the gifts, ebay the stuff I don't need anymore. It's finally time to stop planning ONE DAY, and start planning our life.
And yes, I did mention disappointment. It's such a small aspect, but one that is important to me. I don't know how much of FB knows this, but Brett and I made a decision early on...or rather, Brett made a decision, and I loved him enough to go along with it...that we would abstain from sex until marriage. This was mostly a decision he made after returning to church and his faith, and realizing that he had a lot of empty sexual relationships in the past, and wanted to focus on more important aspects of our relationship. So we waited for 4 years...
and the week of the wedding, I end up having surgery on my vagina.
So needless to say, our wedding night was spent watching a movie together, and then my home nurse got further with me on my wedding night then my new husband.
Now, sometimes life hands you lemons, and unfortunately, the timing of this surgery was less than desirable. Nothing we could have done to help that. But you can't really get that back, that night that was supposed to be so special. We won't have another wedding night. And when we finally did get together, after I was healed, it was less than magical. Awkward is a good word for it. I'll spare everyone the details, but that's where the disappointment comes in.
Like he said...we have the rest of our lives to get it right. I just hope it doesn't take that long!
I'm happy. I'm relieved. I'm...slightly disappointed.
Let me backtrack. Brett is an amazing husband, and after being together for 4 years, he knows my quirks. We had already lived together, so there were no unpleasant surprises or weird habits I didn't already know about. I did have to re-adjust to sleeping in the same bed again (I had gotten quite used to sleeping in a great sprawl, in a nest of pillows on all sides, and the blanket burritoed around me). But Im happy...I love being a domestic wifey. I like cooking, and keeping house. I even like talking about our bills and budget together! I may grow to dislike that aspect, but right now it's nice to feel that while bills will always pile up, and money will always seem to be not enough, at least it's not just ME in this boat now. I have a partner, a constant support. And he's supportive in not just a monetary sense. I spent 3 days in the hospital the week of our wedding, and he was by my side nearly the entire time (unless I was sending him out on some wedding errand that I could not attend to myself). He was there when I was learning what I would have to do to control my diabetes from now on, and he continues to encourage me, and eat the same kind of diet that I have to follow. He makes me feel beautiful each and every day.
I'm relieved that the wedding planning is done with, and I can pack the keepsakes away. I admit, my dress is still hanging on the closet door, and I need to get that cleaned and preserved. I admit, also, that I have put it on a few more times since the wedding. but it's a relief to put things away. Store the keepsakes and mementos, put away the gifts, ebay the stuff I don't need anymore. It's finally time to stop planning ONE DAY, and start planning our life.
And yes, I did mention disappointment. It's such a small aspect, but one that is important to me. I don't know how much of FB knows this, but Brett and I made a decision early on...or rather, Brett made a decision, and I loved him enough to go along with it...that we would abstain from sex until marriage. This was mostly a decision he made after returning to church and his faith, and realizing that he had a lot of empty sexual relationships in the past, and wanted to focus on more important aspects of our relationship. So we waited for 4 years...
and the week of the wedding, I end up having surgery on my vagina.
So needless to say, our wedding night was spent watching a movie together, and then my home nurse got further with me on my wedding night then my new husband.
Now, sometimes life hands you lemons, and unfortunately, the timing of this surgery was less than desirable. Nothing we could have done to help that. But you can't really get that back, that night that was supposed to be so special. We won't have another wedding night. And when we finally did get together, after I was healed, it was less than magical. Awkward is a good word for it. I'll spare everyone the details, but that's where the disappointment comes in.
Like he said...we have the rest of our lives to get it right. I just hope it doesn't take that long!