Feeling a Bit Lonely
Once again, it's been too long since I've posted, and maybe it doesn't really even matter--Im not even sure anyone still reads this. Lately I've been feeling some conflicting emotions, and i'm not sure if I need advice, or if I just need to vent here, where only a few will read it.
Today is Brett and my third anniversary of the day we had our first date, and things have not always been smooth. A year from now we will be getting ready to walk down the isle (wedding date: 7/23/11), and I can honestly say that I'm feeling a little cold-feetish. Our relationship is far from perfect, but I do love him, and I never doubt that for a minute, but I do sometimes wonder if things will get better once we're married, or if that is a big warning sign that I SHOULDN'T get married. Part of my hesitation has to do with the fact that I haven't dated a whole lot. I know it's not a requirement, but what if there is someone better for me out there, and I haven't dated around enough to even know what "better" would be like, if not Brett? What if I am just settling for the first guy who loves me? Maybe these are just normal fears that everyone about to be married has. There is another factor: the romance and passion seem to have left the building already. We don't do things together, he works all the time, our kisses are as chaste as if we were kissing cousins, and I miss flirting for fun. I miss feeling like a sexy woman who deserves to be flirted with. I have a feeling a lot of that has to do with his refreshed faith since we started dating, and his desire to wait until the wedding night to go further with a physical relationship, but there's gotta be a way to still have some passion, isn't there? Anyone? Anyone?
I have also been feeling lonely and realizing just how good I used to have it--On any given night I could call any one of a dozen different people to hang out, and now...I just don't know. I have two people besides Brett I regularly see, and sometimes I just want something different.
And yes, I suppose I just wrote this entry so I could whine about things. Feel free to poke me on MSN or something, I'd be liking to chat.
Today is Brett and my third anniversary of the day we had our first date, and things have not always been smooth. A year from now we will be getting ready to walk down the isle (wedding date: 7/23/11), and I can honestly say that I'm feeling a little cold-feetish. Our relationship is far from perfect, but I do love him, and I never doubt that for a minute, but I do sometimes wonder if things will get better once we're married, or if that is a big warning sign that I SHOULDN'T get married. Part of my hesitation has to do with the fact that I haven't dated a whole lot. I know it's not a requirement, but what if there is someone better for me out there, and I haven't dated around enough to even know what "better" would be like, if not Brett? What if I am just settling for the first guy who loves me? Maybe these are just normal fears that everyone about to be married has. There is another factor: the romance and passion seem to have left the building already. We don't do things together, he works all the time, our kisses are as chaste as if we were kissing cousins, and I miss flirting for fun. I miss feeling like a sexy woman who deserves to be flirted with. I have a feeling a lot of that has to do with his refreshed faith since we started dating, and his desire to wait until the wedding night to go further with a physical relationship, but there's gotta be a way to still have some passion, isn't there? Anyone? Anyone?
I have also been feeling lonely and realizing just how good I used to have it--On any given night I could call any one of a dozen different people to hang out, and now...I just don't know. I have two people besides Brett I regularly see, and sometimes I just want something different.
And yes, I suppose I just wrote this entry so I could whine about things. Feel free to poke me on MSN or something, I'd be liking to chat.