You know it must be love when you're completely miserable.
Current Mood:
/
/
Current Music: Boston & A Little Past Little Rock & The Kill
"I had to leave my life in Dallas, that town will always be you..."
So.
I have to move.
No, I'm serious.
Mike is making me completely miserable. I'm not ridiculous enough to say he makes me feel so wretched that when I'm driving down the road 10 miles over the speed limit and I see a telephone pole I feel like trying to drive right through it, but thoughts like that don't come from nowhere.
I love him so much, and it's killing me. I can't handle it. I can't handle all the pain and the misery, and I'm stupid to keep putting myself through it anyway. I'm young, I have nothing holding me down, I have all the freedom I've ever wanted, and I'm not doing anything with it.
But I am now.
I'm moving to Boston. At least for the summer. Maybe not forever, but I just need some time to try to find myself, and I have to be away from Mike to do that, and I can't get away from him here. My heart is completely broken and I need to pick up the pieces and put it back together. I can't do that when the wound gets reopened every other day.
I told Sami, next I'll tell Mike, because I wanted him to be the first person here to know, just on the off chance that he would turn it into a Movie Moment and stop me. I'm not holding my breath though. After Mike I'll tell Denise, because once I tell her there's no going back. Then I'm finally going to tell my mom, and after that I'll post a blog on my MySpace to let everyone else know. Oh! No, before the blog I have to tell Andy. (See, I'm a really bad girlfriend. I forgot I should probably tell my own boyfriend that I'm moving.)
My mom is definitely not going to like it, but I can't let that stop me. I've done it before, I've wanted to leave and... I didn't. I backed out.
But I'm not backing out this time. I have to do this, no matter who doesn't like it. Only Mike can stop me, and he won't. I've already inquired about one sublet, I'm just waiting for an e-mail from the person for more info, but it looks okay. It's supposed to start in June though. And I'm definitely going to Betty's.
I feel bad, but I have to do this. I have to do this for me.