All's Fair in Love and War.
Current Mood:
ready to run... maybe.
Current Music: Barely Breathing & Girlfriend
"I believed in your confusion, you were so completely torn, it must have been that yesterday was the day that I was born. There's not much to examine, there's nothing left to hide, you really can't be serious if you have to ask me why I say goodbye..."
So.
Heavens.
Okay, so, here's my situation.
I've become a resident of Dawson's Creek, apparently.
First, the Andy thing really hasn't come up again-- except for Friday, which I ended up working 4 to close, which meant working with Mike and Andy and no babysitter Denise or Joey. That did not go well. I shouldn't have expected it to, I suppose. I always forget just how terrible it is to work with Jess and Dean--- er, Mike and Andy together. Then I work with them, and I remember that no amount of money is worth that. And I only picked up one hour by doing it. So not worth it.
But Andy was only there until seven. Actually, he ended up leaving about ten minutes early, because Mike made KFC a complete war zone, the front against the back, the crew against the managers, and only Andy and I were managers.
(Mike said later that the back won, but I say victory comes at a price.)
I guess I'll go into that night briefly. First I will say that before this night --I don't know where we stand now-- things with Andy were blessedly lacking any awkwardness. The first time I saw him after our date we managed to bounce back as if nothing had ever happened, and would have done so even better if other people --Trahdale, Denise, etc.-- wouldn't have kept bringing it up. But things with Andy were almost totally normal. It was kind of great.
Well.
I think I knew that wasn't going to work that day. For one, it was Friday --one week after our date-- and the first thing Denise said was, "I hope you and Sam weren't planning to go out tonight, because she's working, she's not going anywhere."
Then Adelio comes in and decides to be fatherly. He tells me all guys are after only one thing, and I need to stay away from them, and then he said, "And if you go out with a guy and he doesn't try anything you think, 'What,are you gay?'" Denise started laughing so hard and looked at me in this telling way, then I blushed and started laughing, and... well. I think Denise might have a slightly wrong impression. I don't know how, either, because she was there when I told everyone I told Mike about that night before I even went. Why would I do that if I was going to be dating someone else?
But whatever.
Anyway, when Denise left and Mike first spoke it was over. He asked, "Is she gone?" and he had that look in his eye, so I assumed he was about to do something bad, and Andy saw the same glimmer of mischief, so of course he said something, telling Mike he has to listen, blah blah blah. I make the mistake of "siding with Andy" and telling Mike if he doesn't do what he's supposed to do I'm the one that's going to get in trouble (thinking this will make him behave better than telling him he would get in trouble) and then he gets defensive, tells me he wasn't even doing anything wrong, he just wanted to make a phone call.
Oh. Well. Darn.
So now he's all, "Oh no, no, you yelled at me now, leave me alone," even though he's "playing." He's very touchy about getting "yelled at." Apparently I "yell at him" all the time. A real fishwife, according to Mike.
Which is funny, considering he's the last person I actually want to yell at. He just accuses me of doing it, and then my voice does raise to defend myself, and then I am yelling, and everyone sees it and I'm a big meanie.
Anyway, I'm spending way too much time on tiny details.
So, remember how I said no now-or-never moments with Mike, because if I have one I might do something crazy like decide to move to Chicago?
I totally skipped a step.
I didn't do the now-or-never moment, but I did decide to start thinking over moving to Chicago. Sami likes the idea, she thinks I need to be away from Mike, I kind of liked the idea, and... I don't know. A fresh start. Who doesn't want one of those? And I'm young and unattached, so I could have one. All I have to do is pick up and go. In maybe a month I could live in a new place --a city-- and be looking for a new job and a new life. What do I really have to lose? After all, if Mike doesn't like me --and I only make him unhappy, like Trahdale says-- then why should I even be here? What's keeping me here? Nothing, that's what.
I don't know the answer to that yet, because I had decided moving to Chicago was a pretty good idea with only a couple downsides --but enough good points to win the debate-- but then I worked with Mike Friday.
Prior to Mike coming in I had completely made up my mind that getting over him was the thing to do, that I needed to do whatever was within my power to do that, and if it took moving to Chicago, it really wasn't that much of a sacrifice. The only thing I'm really giving up is KFC, and since the source of my pain and frustration works there, that was okay.
Well, then Friday happened. Apparently the world had decided to launch a "Keep Samantha in Ohio" campaign. Denise and Adelio were all about teaching me things and basically telling me I have a future with them. Adelio brought up the 401K plan, Denise told him she was training me on inventory and paperwork, and basically I was pretty much gathering that if Joey does decide to get a job closer to his new place, I'm probably next in line to be the assistant manager.
Huh.
This did weigh on me a bit, and I had started to think maybe I could get over with Mike without leaving. (I always forget how much he gets to me until he's around. I forget a lot, don't I?) Especially since our plans for Saturday were cancelled due to the fact that Mike was going to the movies with Sarah. (Trahdale told me this.) So instead of doing that Saturday, I went on another not-date, this time without telling Mike. Why should I check in with him if he's just going to be going to movies with pregnant exes without informing me? I told him when I told him about Andy that I was being courteous and honest with him, so he could have done me the same honor, but he didn't. The only reason I wasn't angrier about this is because Mike didn't know I wanted to hang out with him, he just thought Trahdale did. So he didn't intentionally pick her over me. Plus, this is just a little fight; I'm out to win the war, not a little fight. Rocky Balboa lost to Apollo Creed the first fight, too, but he still emerged victorious in the end.
Well, then Mike got there. We got off on the wrong foot, so I had to keep going back and attempting to win him back over for the moment, despite reminding myself that since I wanted to get over him that probably shouldn't be at the top of my priority list.
Well, it didn't work while andy was there. From four to seven it was just awful. Mike started the war, he turned the back against the front, we were all fighting, no one would do anything to help out the other side, and it was all Mike and Andy's fault. We got a bit busy and Andy asked Mike to drop popcorn. Technically this is not the cook's job, but Mike was training and he wasn't busy, and it's not at all strange for the back to help out the front if the front is busy and the back isn't. Mike was going to do it, he was on his way to the little freezer to do it, but then he called up, "Do I get a CHAMPS card if I do it?"
He was just being Mike, he wasn't really serious, and I had already offered him a CHAMPS card, and he said no, because I give them to people for stupid reasons. Kind of offended me. So I said fine, if my CHAMPS cards weren't good enough for him he didn't need one.
Well, Andy immediately and in a nasty tone replied, "No," and told him to do it anyway.
You can't talk to Mike like that and expect him to do it. Andy really did know better than that.
So Mike stops walking toward the freezer and says no, he won't do it.
Andy replies, fine, he'll do it himself in a minute.
So begins the war. Andy did drop the popcorn, but then I went back to drop something else and I asked Mike why he had to do that. Why he had to antagonize Andy. I said, "Mike, I offered you a CHAMPS card before, and you didn't want it."
"I wanted him to give me one."
"Mike, why do you do that? You know why he is that way toward you. Why do you have to make things worse?"
"I don't care if he's mad," Mike replied stubbornly. He says Andy gives people CHAMPS cards for absolutely no reason all the time anyway, so why shouldn't he give him one?
He knows why. But I tried to argue. However, David has to kill my point by saying, "I've gotten CHAMPS cards for doing that before."
I turned around with wide eyes and asked him what was wrong with him. I growled. Or grumbled. Maybe both. Of course Mike was all happy that his point was proven.
Whatever. So then wedges come up and David starts to go for it, and I get there first, and say, "Don't touch it, you might demand a CHAMPS card," or something like that. And it was war. Things would beep, two back people would be standing there with smiles not doing a darn thing and I would have to run back and grab the beep myself. We needed BBQ meat made, and of course David said he would only do it for a CHAMPS card. I told him absolutely not, no one was getting a CHAMPS card that night. He said he wasn't doing it then, and I told him I was doing it myself, no one asked him to.
Andy did ask Mike to do something else while I was making the BBQ meat, and apparently Mike didn't say no, but he didn't say yes, and Andy took it as a no, so Andy did it himself, although his head did look like it might explode. Mike came directly to me and said, "Sam, you can't yell at me for that one, I didn't say no, I was going to do it."
And I also brought up to Mike that I noticed he's always "meanest" to me when Andy's there. I expected him to throw this in my face with a proclamation that he was not and would never be jealous where I'm concerned, but he pleasantly surprised me (again).
Also, it was weighing on my mind about Chicago, and as the night progressed I forgot that I was supposed to get over him. (He makes me forget things, I told you that.)
And even though things got better once Andy left, I couldn't get everyone else's doubts out of my head. I'm starting to understand why Mike had such strong feelings about people keeping their f***ing mouths shut. I had my mom and Trahdale and everyone else who's tried to cast doubt just running around in my head.
So even though I didn't want to have any serious talks before Chicago, I couldn't resist. While Michael (yes, we have a new Mike at work) pulled chicken from the warmers, I hauled Mike to the break room against his wishes.
I told him I had another one of my serious questions to ask him, and once again I needed an absoltuely honest answer, even if it would hurt my feelings.
"Just say, hypothetically, that I were to move. Would you even miss me?" I ask.
He looked kind of alarmed as he's like, "Yes, I'd miss you."
"Really? How much?"
"A lot," he says.
"Really? Because I was kind of thinking you wouldn't."
He sits up a little straighter and says something like, "What are you talking about? You're moving? I don't want you to move."
I tell him no, I didn't say I'm moving, I was just saying if I moved, would he really miss me? And I told him I had been thinking he wouldn't, I had been thinking that he'd probably be a little relieved, because then he could just go back to his life without having to worry about me.
He was quiet for a second, looking quite surprised, and then, very quietly, he said, "Well, that's not very nice."
"No, it's not nice," I agreed. "But that's what I've been thinking."
"Well, you're not very good at thinking."
And he told me, "I certainly don't want you to move."
And he apologized for making me feel that way, and he left me feeling more confused and trapped than ever before, but also a little wiser. I've decided to stop trying to get advice about Mike from other people. That's how I'm getting off track. It's what other people are saying. I have to ignore what other people are saying.
In other boy-news, I finally hung out with Jimmy and Amy and Dennis again, and Jimmy --long story short-- Jimmy thinks I'm perfect. He says I'm gorgeous and so nice and he thinks he's found "her." He thinks I'm The One or something. I don't know. And he said my lips looked so soft that he really wanted to kiss me, but he didn't, because he wants to move slow with me. I did give him a hug though, and he held on to me just a little too long. But they made awesome chicken parmesan, and now I know how to make it. It's very exciting. But he kind of thinks he's half in love with me, which isn't good, because... it just isn't.
But I'm not going to ask other people about Mike anymore, and I'm going to try to stop sharing my concerns. No more asking Trahdale. I already know Trahdale's opinion, and I already know that he obviously does not know how Mike feels. He thinks Mike would rather me not be in his life, but really Mike would miss me a lot.
And, really, only Mike and I can solve this problem, so I don't know why I've been seeking the advice of others anyway.